Blessed Fate (4 page)

I shook my head and started heaving again. I seriously had no clue how I was going to make it through our set. Crossing my arms over the seat, I rested my head on them and looked over at Rain. She was staring at the outdated tiles, finding patterns in their random colors and trying to ignore the fact that I was working on getting rid of every bit of food I had eaten in the past week.

"What in the hell are you wearing?" Every word felt like razor blades scraping across my raw vocal cords.
Fuck, how am I going to sing? I can't even fucking talk.
Rain was gorgeous, no matter what she was wearing, but the outfit she had on made it seem as if she was trying too hard to be something she wasn't. Her ruby red hair was set into large curls that hung to the middle of her back with her bangs curled under. That part was just an amped up version of what she normally did for shows. It was everything from the neck down that was out of character for her.

Back home, she had been comfortable wearing ripped tank tops and skinny jeans with chunky boots, saying the focus wasn't on her but on was the music. Tonight, she was dressed in a leather corset, a skirt that I felt sure left her ass exposed as she sat on the floor, fishnet stockings and knee-high boots with heels high enough to be considered lethal weapons.

She shrugged. "Tanya brought a bunch of shit onto the bus earlier, said I needed to look the part unless I'm okay with being the one holding us back. Bullshit if you ask me, but it's what we hired her to do so Jon said to go with it." She tugged the top of the corset, trying to cover herself. "She really has no fucking clue and I told her that. I have no idea how I'm supposed to breathe in this damned thing."

"Did you tell her that?" I whispered, trying to save the little bit of a voice I had for the show.

"Yeah. She said she'll look around and find something suitable." When Rain leaned forward to rub my back, I tried to avoid looking at the ample cleavage directly in front of my face. Between the fact that I am a guy and the fact that my eyes were right at that level, I failed. "Seriously, Colt, are you going to be able to go out there tonight? You sound like shit and you look even worse."

I nodded as much as my body would let me. "I'll be fine. Can you ask Jared to put a garbage can off-stage, just in case? Knowing my luck, I'll go down in history as the punk that puked on stage. Dammit, why did we go to Laredo's last night?"

Rain laughed. "Because someone insisted on burritos at four in the morning. Told you it was a bad idea, but as usual, you didn't listen." Her petite fingers continued gently tracing patterns around my back and my body finally started to relax. "Give me your wrists."

She took a black leather bracelet off her wrist and put it on mine, adjusting it so a round bead sat between the tendons on my wrist. Satisfied with the placement, she repeated it with the other wrist. "Rain, I don't need your jewelry. I need a time machine so I'm not sick."

Either she forgot how short her skirt was or she didn't care because as she stood next to me, she gave me a shot right up to what looked like black satin panties.
Stop it, how many times has she turned you down now? You do
not
get to look at her underwear.

"They're acupressure bracelets. I wear them because being nervous makes me want to hurl. I think that, between the two of us, there's a better chance of you needing them tonight. I'm going to get you some clean clothes and your bag. Be right back."

Watching her walk out the door, I realized I had nothing to fear when it came to her navigating on those unbelievably sexy patent leather boots. Thinking back, I couldn't remember a time I'd seen her wear anything other than flip-flops, Keds or her combat boots, but she'd obviously had more than a little experience in fancier footwear at some point in her life. That didn't make her outfit any more sensible, but at least it meant I didn't have to worry about her hurting herself on stage. Nope, if anyone made an ass out of us, it was going to be me. Wonderful.

Once I was alone, I eased myself up, using the wall for support. I sat there for a minute once I was fully vertical with my cheek pressed against the cold tile walls. Finally feeling confident that I could make my way to the dressing room without incident, I pushed off the wall and started down the hallway.
Two hours. Just hold it together for two hours and then you can die.

I didn't make it to the other end of the hall before I heard the click-click-click of a woman in heels walking up behind me.

"Colton, you don't look so good." I flinched when Tanya placed her hand on my forehead. "Are you coming down with something?" Her voice was saccharine sweet, the voice of a woman who isn't as interested in an honest answer as she is about putting on a good show. "Can I get you anything?"

I shook my head. "I'll be fine. Rain's grabbing my stuff. I have to get ready." I started again on what felt like an epic journey. If I couldn't walk from the bathroom to the dressing room, how in the hell was I supposed to go out on stage and play?

"Are you sure? I have something that will help in my purse." She started rummaging around in her designer bag. She pulled out a baggie with various pills in it and tried to hand me two of something. If they had been in a bottle, I'm not sure I would have accepted anything from her, but I sure as hell wasn't going to take anything that came in a zip-top sandwich bag.

"I said I'll be fine," I growled. I hated people hovering over me when I didn't feel well and I imagined Tanya's bedside manner would be similar to that of Hannibal Lecter. "Don't you have something you need to be doing?" I waved her away, hoping she would take the hint.

She curled her fingers around the back of my neck. "My job is to make sure you four have everything you need and that you are ready to go. So no, I think I'm doing exactly what I need to be doing." I swallowed hard, hating the feel of her cold, bony fingers on my skin.

"I'm pretty sure he told you he doesn't need anything from you, Tanya," Rain sneered. Those two women had never been friends, and I imagined tonight's little wardrobe discussion had done nothing to endear Tanya to Rain.

"This doesn't concern you," Tanya spat. "I'm doing whatever I can to make sure you can perform tonight. It's. My. Job." The way she forced out the last three words made me remind myself that she was a woman and I couldn't slap her into tomorrow. Yes, it was her job, but that didn't mean she needed to talk down to Rain as if she was a petulant child unable of understanding the simple concept. Rain had a point; I had dismissed Tanya and she was unwilling to let me be.

"Tanya, just go," I said, trying to sound authoritative but falling short. "Rain already gave me what I needed and now she has my clothes, so I need to get cleaned up and ready."

"Are you—"

Rain cut her off mid-sentence. "Tanya, I'm not sure if you don't understand English or if you're just dense, but he told you he doesn't need you. Go find someone else to bother. We've got this." I pursed my lips to keep from laughing at the way Rain effectively shut her down as Tanya sat there like a fish trying to breathe on the sand for a minute before stomping away.

Another wave of nausea hit, this time over the fact that I had ever been so desperate for a lay that I had given in to this woman's advances. I was certain her current proximity to Rain and the fact that Rain was the only person I allowed to coddle me when I was sick had a role in my self-loathing as well.

"Thank you," I mouthed to Rain as she draped my arm over her shoulder to help me down the hallway. She simply nodded and steered me to the dressing room.

"If you hurry, you can probably rest for a few minutes." While I changed clothes and tried to clean up as best I could, I heard her on the other side of the shoji screen going through her vocal warm-ups.

I leaned back on the couch for a minute, watching her, before attempting to put on my boots. "Hey, do you have your throat spray?"

She looked down at her outfit, giving herself a quick pat down before laughing. "And which body cavity do you think I'd put that in?" She kneeled in front of me grabbing my boots. Normally, such a gesture would have pissed me off but I was thankful for her help tonight. The sight of her kneeling on the floor for any reason upset me more than it should have.

"Sorry, stupid question. You don't have to—"

"Shut up. You look ready to pass out. I'd rather you save yourself for the fans." She tapped my left leg and I slid my foot into the boot. "When we get on stage, my spray is on your side of Jon's kit. Put it back or I might have to hurt you." When she had been sick last winter, an herbalist friend had given Rain an echinacea and licorice spray to lubricate her vocal cords. We picked on her mercilessly for her addiction to the stuff and for insisting on having it on stage from that day forward, but if it worked the way she swore it did, I would never bring it up again.

"How did I get so lucky to have you in my life?" My head lolled to the side, every bit of energy having left my body back in the bathroom.

"Short straw is my guess." She tapped my other leg and repeated the process of putting on and lacing my boot.

Rain had come a long way since I met her but she still had self-deprecation down to an art form. It didn't matter how many times we fought over her tendency to see only the worst in herself, she still found ways to cut herself down. If I had an ounce of energy left, I would have gotten into it with her. Instead, I wrapped my arm around her shoulder pulling her into my chest.

"Thank God for short straws then." I kissed the top of her head before she stood. "Come and get me when it's time to go?"

"You got it, buddy." She called me that often, almost as if she was trying to remind me that I was so firmly set in the friend-zone that I would never be able to find my way out of it.

When I felt her fingers caressing my cheek, I thought I was dreaming. Well, I knew I was dreaming but I thought the feel of her skin against mine was part of that dream.

"Hey, time to go, rock star," she whispered into my ear. The feel of her breath across my neck made my cock stir in a dangerous way. I hated the fact that no matter how many times I reminded myself of her feelings on the subject, my body couldn't help but feel like we belonged together.

She laughed when I mumbled and rolled over. "Hey, I can't do this without you. I need my right-hand out there." She pulled on my arm. She knew better than to think her size six frame could pull me off the couch but she gave it a good try. "Colton!" Her voice took on an almost scary tone. "Either you get up right now so we can go do a show or I'm getting a bucket of cold water." I opened my eyes and pulled myself up, certain it wasn't an idle threat.

To say my debut on a national tour was less than I dreamed of is a huge understatement. I muddled my way through the set, and being new to the scene, it was unlikely the fans noticed, but it was one of those moments I would never get back. I felt like I was walking through clay, my fingers felt like I had been playing guitar for weeks instead of years and my voice cracked more than once.

Although I was certain Jon and Travis realized how bad off I was, they didn't say anything when we came off stage. We had been friends since junior year of high school and they knew better than to bring it up. Rain handed me the bottle of ginger ale she had tucked under the stairs as we walked down the dark hallway.

"Let's get you back to the bus." Jon and Trav had already ducked into the green room to hang with the rest of the bands on the tour but Rain stayed back with me. "You need to get some rest or you
won't
be able to go on tomorrow night. Keep going; I'll catch up. I'm going to let the guys know we'll be out there so they aren't looking for us."

"Rain, I'm a big boy. You go enjoy the night." It was bad enough that I would forever have the memory of wanting to pass out the first night we'd made it anywhere close to the big leagues; I didn't want hers to be of taking care of my pathetic ass.

She shook her head. "No. I'm not really the party type of girl and I'd rather not have to deck anyone for grabbing me tonight."

"Does that mean I can't grab your ass?" I could be on my deathbed and still flirt with her. It had become almost as natural as breathing.

"You're lucky you're sick. No, you can't grab me." She sauntered down the hall and I had no doubt she put extra sway in her step for my benefit. I enjoyed the view until she entered the room and then started walking down the corridor.

By the time she made it to the bus, she found me undressed and nearly passed out in the back bedroom, the room that was technically hers. We had told her she could have it because she was the only female on the bus and deserved some privacy. I hoped she didn't mind because, once I went to sleep, I didn't want a bunch of drunk assholes waking me up when they got back.

"By all means, help yourself," she said sarcastically when she opened the door. "I suppose you expect me to take your bunk tonight?" She didn't turn on the lights as she tried to find her comfy clothes.

"Well, either that or you're sleeping with me. I feel like shit, so it's not like I could try anything even if I wanted to." Okay, so I
wanted
to try something more than I should, but that was a line I would never think of crossing and I wouldn't have the energy to make a pass at her anyway.