Blessed by Sapphires (A Dance with Destiny Book 2) (12 page)

“Yes, my love?”

“What will happen to me?”

“What do you mean, tiny Angel?”

“I mean, when all is revealed. What’s next? What will happen to me?”

“That, my love, I do not know. My talents lie in the past. Only your own heart or a vision from Viatrix can answer for your future.”

“But I’m not dead.”

He chuckled. “No, you are very much alive.”

“So, I won’t be going to the Otherworld.”

“No, you will not. It’s not your time.”

“Then I’ll either return to Vanahirdem or stay here, I suppose.”

“There are many paths that may be open unto you. If you no longer wield your mask, you
may
be able to return to your little rose-covered cottage. Or God may have need of you on a different layer, or many different layers. I don’t believe your future will be set until you know…” He paused.

“Until I know what I’ve missed,” I whispered.

“Yes, until then.”

“Vybius, do you know you’re incredibly precious to me now?”

“Yes, my dear. I am one of three you now treasure within that pure and loving heart. It makes me jealous.” He winked at me, squeezing me just a little tighter.

“Stop it. You knew I loved Varick and—”

“I was not speaking of
them
,” he interrupted.

“Then, wha-who—”

“I was only speaking of the names that bounce around in your head right now.”

“In my head? You can read my mind?”

“Sort of. I can see inside you.” He placed a finger on my chest to indicate what his words now revealed. “Jenevier, you have an unfathomably immense capacity for love. Your heart takes in new friends as easily as a child takes in stray puppies.” He smiled and gave me another little squeeze.

“So, you’re like my stray puppy?”

“No.” He raised one eyebrow, effortlessly displaying that Guardian smirk I was so used to. “Vindicus is like your puppy.”

“Vindicus?” I laughed. “Have you seen the warrior?” A mischievous smile crossed my face. “He is no pup. That giant Angel is—”

Vybius tightened his embrace, cutting off my words with his internal growls and flashing silver eyes.

“Do not finish your words concerning your Guardian, Jenevier. Do not play with me, for I know your heart. Vindicus is like your puppy, yes. And Viatrix is as revered as your dead aunt, in your eyes. But me… you love me as a man.”

My gasp rang in my ears, pierced the silence of the empty hall.

“No… Vybius. You are as my… as my treasured brother. You live within my heart, yes. But it’s not like
that
.”

“It’s
exactly
like that, Jenevier. You knew it the moment you first heard my voice, the moment you first laid eyes upon me. You desired me almost as much as I have long desired you. I am certain if there was no Varick and no Alzeen, you would already be accepting the feelings you’re so desperately trying to hide from.”

I struggled within his arms but he held me firmly in place. Lifting my chin, he looked deep into my terrified eyes.

“Shhh, my love, all is well. I had always hoped it would be so with us.”

“Wha-what are you saying, Vybius?”

“I’m saying I have loved you as a woman for so many years now. You stole my heart the night you danced barefoot at Marlise’s life celebration.”

“But h-how could… How did you see that? Were you there?”

“I couldn’t see it while it was happening. And, no, I was not so blessed as to be able to see it with my own eyes. You appeared in my palm the moment of your exile. But I was blessed with your past all the way back to the day your destiny was fated. Back to the day Merodach marked you. So, I have loved you for many lonely years now, my dearest Jenevier.”

Why is this happening? How can we be as we were? We can’t. Not now. Could this day possibly get any worse
, I thought.

If I had only known then…

Chapter 17

Vanahirdem

(van-nah-HEAR-dem)

After much begging and pleading, Vybius granted my request.

“Very well, Milady. I will return home alone
only
if you promise me now, you will not tarry too long.”

“I promise.”

“Do you also promise to lie within mine arms this night?” he whispered.

“Vybius, I laid within your arms last night, and every night since my arrival. Why do you ask thusly?”

“Now that the words have been spoken, now that you know the truth I had kept hidden in my heart… I wish to say them to you again as I hold you in my arms, upon our bed.”

“Vybius, do not do this thing. Please. I love Varick. This you know.”

“Did I ask you to stop loving him? No, of course not. Only admit you love me as well.”

“I cannot.”

“We shall see. When you walk through our door once more, tiny Princess, we shall see.” He tenderly kissed each cheek and then my forehead before he silently left the chamber hall.

I stood there, alone, for a dreadfully long time. I prayed silently for the world to stop spinning long enough for my mind to catch up. Something bad was coming toward me, hurling through the universe, racing to my side. I felt it swell within my gut, threatening to empty my stomach. I took a deep breath before stepping out into the daylight once more.

I missed the moon. I didn’t realize just how much until this very moment. The moon brought with it a sense of peace, of rest, of closure. The lovely moon was the perfect punctuation mark to end the day. The moon was also what I looked at as I sent out my thoughts, my worries, my wishes, and my prayers. Yes, I desperately missed the moon.

With no conscious intent, I walked to the heavenly temple in the center of the city and placed my hands upon the ornate handles of the incredibly massive doors. I patiently waited for the exact ethereal notes to whistle through the lattice. Instead, I heard a soft voice within my head bid me enter.

With only the slightest amount of pressure, the enormous doors moved freely, like a willow’s branches in the breeze. I entered a cathedral identical to the one in Vanahirdem and once again made my way to the exalted mercy seat.

Pausing momentarily to take in all the glorious statues of mighty warriors and valiant men who had served faithfully throughout the millennia, I tried to imagine the amount of evil God had vanquished through their magnificent hands.

“You are a true and validating credit to your awesome creator,” I whispered.

The reverberating echo of that little whisper came back to me a hundredfold. Yeah, I jumped. What? It was eerie.

Kneeling before the simple looking bench placed within the heart of such vast splendor was completely surreal. The vivid reenactment of my own glorious transformation played through my mind. Yet, in reality, I was lost. I had no idea what lay before me. I was sorrowful for what now lay in my past, and I was utterly terrified of what the unknown present may hold.

Releasing a deep sigh, I collapsed wearily across the exalted seat. And then, I cried. I just cried. I shed tears for my friends back home, all of them. I wept for my brothers and sisters in arms. I mourned for my homeland of Ashgard. But above all else, this time… I cried for myself.

I mourned being cursed when I was yet too young and too dumb to handle it better. I pitied my naïve self for being forced into combat training.
Combat training
. I still can scarce believe it. I went from a sheltered little village mouse to a vicious, bloodthirsty killer in ten short years. Now, four years later, here I sit… a little mouse again. If I could search through the annals of time, I was certain I could never find a woman as pathetic as I had turned out to be.

I was in the middle of one serious downward spiral, spinning out of control, knowing the crash was coming, and coming tomorrow.

“Can you end it now, God? Can you please just grant me rest? I truly cannot fathom how my heart keeps right on beating no matter how many times I will it to stop. And look at me now. In the exact same position I was just four years ago. Nothing has changed… nothing.”

One thing has changed.

There was no voice. I mean, I was speaking out loud to the walls, but no actual voice joined in my miserable oration. The answers were simply placed within my head. It was like, the very moment I spoke a question, the answer was just there, plain as day. And the voice I heard it in was warm and relaxing and lovely. It literally soothed my aching soul. It made the hair at the nape of my neck stand up, and not in a scary way. That voice was the embodiment of peace. Sweet blessed peace.

“One thing? What is it? What one thing has changed, Lord?”

Without being told, I looked down at my hand. There, I saw the indention where Varick’s manacle had lovingly yet briefly resided.

“This?
This
is what you bring to tortured mind?
This
is the change you speak of? That… I’m no longer my beloved’s? Why? Why would you call upon my greatest pain, my worst failure, my most wretched loss, and say that’s how I am changed? Is there no comfort left for me? No hope? Then why let me live? Why spare my life? Take me now, God, please, just take me now. I no longer have purpose if I no longer have hope. End it here and end it now, for I am done. Do you hear me? I am done!”

I was shaking, sobbing uncontrollably. I collapsed, curling into a little ball, crying and begging until I ran completely out of tears. They just dried up, just stopped. I was utterly spent, totally exhausted. Eventually, I slept.

I did not dream, neither did I rest. Yet, I was carried upon the clouds of a vision, floating, hovering above Vandermil. There I witnessed my
new
family searching for me, calling out my name. I drifted until I stood upon the skies over Vanahirdem, my old home, my old family. I closed my eyes, refusing to witness any more pain, my lids tightly shut.

Open your eyes, child. See what you must now see. Let your eyes behold what your heart must soon accept. Remaining ignorant will not change the truth. Open your eyes, shed your ignorance, embrace your future.

I knew without knowing, I would be hidden from their angelic view. I stepped from the clouds and walked, hovering just above the hallowed ground. This was the home of my heart, and simply seeing it within a vision brought me glorious peace. I walked to my own home and ran unheeding through the door. It was empty. I searched each room before I finally returned to the crystal cobbled streets. My city was deserted. I had found my home, yet I was alone.

Does this mean they’ve forgotten me? Is the absence of my family a sign I no longer belong here? Is this no longer my home?

A familiar booming voice wafted to my ears—Valadrog, chief among my people. I gave chase.

“For three long years we were denied entrance to our most Holy of Holies. We were being punished. Punished for disobeying our duty and punished for turning from the summons of God. For three long years did we grieve and for three long years did we repent. Yet God is merciful and forgiving. One year ago today, we were again deemed worthy. One year ago today the song of remittance was heard once more in Vanahirdem.”

As I approached the breathtaking cathedral, I saw the doors stood open as the whole of Vanahirdem was gathered within. Valadrog was standing before the mercy seat as he addressed my brothers and sisters.

I slowed my pace, silently entering the holy courtyard. My heart was racing; it beat wildly in my ears. But Valadrog’s voice drowned out its pounding.

He continued, “For the first time I could remember, I feared. I feared what I might find within these hallowed walls, and I feared what I might not. Would the bones of our beloved little sister be laid out before me, or would her fate be far worse? I knew not.”

I climbed the pristine steps and stood within the open doorway. Vareen sat to the left of her husband. Vareilious and Vinika stood together on the far right side of the podium. There was a stabbing pain in my heart when I saw their hands were clasped—their ethereal eyes, moist. I loved them both. I instantly stamped out the pangs of jealousy I had no right to feel.

“What we found awaiting us inside this holy temple was neither our worst fears nor was it an answer to our questions. For here upon the mercy seat lay my son’s manacle, but no trace of our lovely little sister could be found. Varick’s mourning would not find an end that day. But this is a new day, Brothers and Sisters, and this new day shall be one of rejoicing and song. Sorrow will flee from us now, vanquished. We deny its hold, halt our tears.”

I had already made my way into the midst of my seated family before I noticed the two kneeling figures on the steps at Valadrog’s feet. They were robed in purest white, a delicate golden pattern stitched throughout their elegant raiment.

The identity of this finely arrayed couple slowly began to register in my racing mind. Vareen stood, eyes wide, trembling slightly. It almost seemed as if she were looking at me. Well, more like, looking
through
me.

“This day will be marked on our hearts and recorded within our history as the joyous day I was blessed with the holy, eternal bonding of my glorious son and his—”

Valadrog halted his eloquent words when his ethereal wife’s shaking hand seized his forearm. All eyes went to Vareen. And then, all eyes slowly followed her stricken gaze to where I stood amidst them.

This isn’t happening. This cannot be real. My eyes deceive me. I will destroy the trickster who now toys with my sanity, toys with my soul. I will rip the offender’s heart from their chest and devour it before their very eyes.
My maddening thoughts threatened to claim my consciousness.

My mind may have been racing, yet my invisible body was frozen. I moved not, neither did I breathe. Unable to advance, too terrified to flee, I simply stared, eyes fixed on the kneeling man. I willed his regal cloak to fall, desperate for the revelation I knew would only destroy me.

Then… the golden amber eyes of the hooded man I loved turned his questioning gaze upon my nothingness.

Everything happened so quickly. I will admit to you now, most of it remains a blur within my mind.

What this joyous day truly
was
registered within my destroyed heart in the same instant Vareen moaned out a sorrowful
“Nooo…”
and Vareilious yelled to Varick,
“Brother…”

I screamed with my entire soul.

I felt the pain of a thousand deaths channel through me, hollowing out everything I was until nothing but a fragile shell was left standing in that sacred cathedral. My shrieks seemed without end as they echoed, bouncing off those hallowed walls.

I willed instant and blessed death upon my existence. I willed a halt to my very creation. Only the wind came. I was caught within the torrential storm of my own self-destruction and blown away from the horror to which I had been an unwilling witness.

My screaming didn’t halt when I woke in the temple at Vandermil. I couldn’t control it, couldn’t stop it. My eyes were wide open, lids stretched to the point of tearing, painfully so. My screams refused to cease.

I was being torn completely in two, both physically and mentally. Never have I known such pain. Being tortuously beaten and broken over and over during my training, paled in comparison to this mind-altering, soul-destroying agony now ravaging my body as I lay on the floor of their most Holy of Holies.

I had received the answers to my questions, and in so doing, had annihilated anything that was left of
me
. Any shred of Jenevier, any thread of humanity whatsoever, was completely and utterly obliterated. In short, I was done, period. I was done with love, done with compassion, done with justice… done with
life
.

My beautiful angelic husband’s golden eyes flashed in my mind once again, searing their likeness upon my shattering soul.

“He forgot me… He left me… My Alzeen loves another… I am no longer his Anicee… He lied to me!” My voice rose with each word I spat out.

I could feel that same incredible warming love trying to creep back in and soothe my crumbling heart. I shut it down, refusing it entirely.

Barely standing upon trembling knees, I took a deep breath and marched out of that holy temple, never to look back.

I—as a human, as a woman, as a warrior—was irrecoverably... altered.

Never again could I be who I had been only that very morning. Epic pain and tragic loss marked me a new creature, a darker version of
me
. I hated her, I hated him, hated them, hated
everything
.

If I could not kill myself, then I was hell bent on finding someone else to do the job for me.

Ever since I was eighteen years old, I had lived in fear. I had been tortured, been beaten, fought demons, slaughtered men, been lied to, destroyed, and horribly misled.

I screamed with all my strength, with all my pain. “I am finished! This is enough! For half my life, I have suffered and bled and very nearly died countless times. And one thing, just
one
little thing made it all worth it. And now, that has been taken from me as well. How is this
justice
? I freely offered my own soul to the only human I had ever wronged. I served the innocent and delivered justice upon the unrighteous. This I did on a daily basis, yet I am denied even a sliver for myself. Why take Alzeen? Why give Varick to another? This… this is wrong… I cannot accept this… I won’t allow it… I will
die
first.”