Blessed by Sapphires (A Dance with Destiny Book 2) (32 page)

“Wh-what did you do to me?”

“I saved you, my love,” Varick whispered. “I must needs make it my full-time job.”

A fit of coughing heaved my body upwards, convulsing my entire form. Varick climbed onto the bed behind me, crossed my arms over my hacking chest, and held them in place with one massive hand while he used the other to gently pat my back.

“Perhaps some of it got in your lungs. Just cough it out. I’ll stay right here. I will not leave you, Jenevier, nor will I let you go away from me again. I must ask you to consent to amending the promise you swore to me. No longer can you just tell me you are leaving, you must now
ask
me.” Varick chuckled into the mass of tangled curls at the back of my head. “It’s too hard to constantly be rescuing you unless I remain forever at your side.”

I tried to choke out words in between coughs. “But you… are… sad… because…”

“Shhh, don’t try to talk. The coughing will soon pass. Then you can proclaim your undying love and gratitude.” He kissed my cheek.

I coughed and gagged until I burst a blood vessel in my eye. My head pulsed and ached. Varick placed a pillow over my chest and told me to squeeze it when I coughed as he continued to drum upon my back. Eventually, black stuff rose up in my throat. I spat it out. This went on for the better part of a whole day.

I was exhausted. In between coughing fits, I lay back against his sculpted chest and slept when I could. Mostly, I just closed my eyes and tried to rest. It was during one such time that Vareen came into the room and spoke with Varick.

“Mother, how was he able to go so deep? How long were you standing there?”

“It all happened so fast. Only seconds had passed from my realization to your appearance. Only seconds, Varick.”

“Only seconds? How?”

“I have no idea. He had to be waiting for her. Somehow, he knew she would be here. He must have seized her the moment she appeared from the clouds. I don’t know how else to explain it.”

“What did he say?”

“I heard him not. If he spoke at all, it was to her alone.”

“Why did she tell me not to love her? Why were those the first words from her lips? Do you think he planted the thought in her mind?”

“No, my son. That sin is mine alone,” Vareen admitted.

“But why, Mother? I could sooner pull the stars down from the heavens. How can you wound me so?”

“Because, dear boy, I am weary of heart.” She released a heavy sigh. “Watching you slowly diminish before my very eyes, I can bear it no longer. I would rather your pain mass into a single moment and be gone, than to watch you be slowly poisoned by it for a millennia.”

“That’s not a decision you get to make, Mother. My heart is mine own. I will give it to whomever I deem worthy. Jenevier is my choice, my
only
choice. I do not regret our love, no matter what shall come of it in time.”

“I am sorry. A mother’s eyes are clouded where her children are concerned. Forgive me.”

“There is nothing to forgive. But know this. If I am not hers… then I am no one’s. I would rather face eternity clinging to a faint glimmer of love than to march headlong into it with only solitude as my companion.”

Words were falling from my lips before I even realized I was speaking. “I will no longer be weak. I will be strong for you, Varick. I will guard not only your back, but your heart as well. From this day forth, I will stand at your side, shoulder to shoulder, blade in hand,” I rasped out the whisper.

His arms around me tightened. “I thought you slept, my love.”

“I rest.” I tried to smile.

“Did you mean it?”

I still couldn’t open my eyes. “With all the tiny little pieces of my heart, yes, I meant it.”

“Then, that’s that.” He squeezed me against him. “Love, marriage, family, or none of them, we will
always
remain together,” he whispered. “Side by side.”

“Always,” I agreed.

“And that’ll do for now.” I could hear his smile, even if I couldn’t see it.

Varick tenderly ran his fingers through my tangled locks. And there we stayed. Lying upon my Guardian Angel’s chest, his arms about me—this was the calm place I had been looking for.

This was
my
normal. This whole messed up scene…
this
was my happiness.

Then, I slept.

Chapter 42

Varick

(VAH-rick)

“This fruit is delicious. What do you call it?”

“Tissamon.”

“Tisa… Tissa… Whatever you name it, it’s now my favorite. I believe I could live off of
it
alone. Or perhaps I’m just famished. I feel as if I’ve lost five pounds.”

“You look as if you’ve lost at least that much. Your cheeks are hollow and shaded.”

Varick’s voice sounded so sad. He wiped some juice from my chin, fingering one of the curls hanging loose in my face.

“Are you saying I’m ugly?” I reached out and ran my fingers through his beautiful hair.

“Far from it. But you do look drained and tired. Are you sure you’re up for this? We don’t have to go right now. It can wait.”

“No, it cannot.” I crinkled up my nose. “I can even smell myself. It’s disgusting.
I
am disgusting. Besides, I want to see the hot springs, you promised.”

“Yes, I promised. But the healing waters would—”

“No.” I cut him off. “We have discussed this already. I will never return to those precious pools again.”

“My love, you do realize that wasn’t a healing pool Apollyon immersed you in, do you not? The primordial ooze in which you bathed with that darkest of Angels could never heal you. Change you, yes. But never heal.”

“I understand, Varick.” I made a clicking noise with my tongue and rolled my eyes. “I do not wish to speak on the subject any further.” I looked back to my bowl of fruit. “And I’m certain he’s not the
darkest
of all Angels,” I mumbled.

“Oh, but he is, my love. It is a true testament to your pureness, the fact that you were able to draw love from a stone heart created void of such emotion.”

“It wasn’t my pureness that changed him.” I glared at the gentle man before me. “It was those forsaken waters, or ooze, or whatever the hell you want to call it. Not me. I’m not good.”

“You are good. And that only goes to prove my point.”

“Which is?”

“That the exchange between you was mutual.” His eyes remained soft as he looked at my filthy face. “Apollyon was not created to
feel
. It’s simply not possible. It’s not his purpose. You could sooner squeeze milk from a ruby. When you blended, or healed, or melted… you not only received
his
gifts, but you shared your own as well. You laced his ebony pinions with light.”

A knot grew in the pit of my stomach. “As he laced mine with dark.”

“…Something like that,” he whispered.

We sat in silence for a long moment, lost in our own thoughts. I pushed the remaining fruit around with my fork, staring at it but only seeing my lost husband’s blue eyes sparkling as he told me over and over how much he loved me.

“Can you hear my thoughts?” I asked.

Varick laughed softly and turned back toward me. “Now where in the world did that come from?”

I met his gaze. “Can you?”

“No, my love, I cannot hear your thoughts. Were I to be granted a wish, I believe that would be the one. Your thoughts are a terrifying mystery to me, tiny Angel. I cannot begin to guess what it is you will do next. Why do you ask?”

“I heard the Mermaid’s thoughts and they heard mine.”

“Yes, but that is true for their kind. It works the same no matter who communes with the Merfolk.”

“So, that man… was he a Mermaid?”

Varick chuckled. “Well if he was, he would be a Mer
man
.” He winked at me then. “Who is it you speak of?”

“I know not. The one who put that wretched black stuff inside me, is he a Merman?”

Varick’s eyes widened. “You spoke with him?”

His instant agitation set my nerves on edge, brought about a sick feeling to accompany the knot in the pit of my stomach. I pushed the bowl of fruit away. I no longer had an appetite.

I swallowed hard. “Yes. He spoke to me. He spoke
inside
me.”

“What did he say?”

“He questioned me on what I was saying to myself… inside my head.” I leaned back in my chair and looked at my Guardian. “I’d been thinking about leaving this place for good, allowing Merodach to use his magic to free me from my gifts, from my rewards. He wanted to know why I would wish for such a thing.”

“You actually considered letting the Prince do that?”

“He’s no longer the Prince. He is now their King.”

Varick only stared at me in disbelief. He shook his head, trying to clear his darkening thoughts. “Is that all?” His voice was colder than it had been.

“No. I felt frozen in place. I couldn’t move. When I determined my course and decided I would return to Merodach, take him up on his offer… I set my mind at ease with the resolution and used Vareilious’s training to center myself, regain use of my body.
That’s
when he first spoke to me. He questioned my reasoning, told me I needed to watch out for Ahriman, and that I should be his celestial Queen. Then he told me not to struggle so much. He said it was futile, said I had a dark gift inside me only
he
could appreciate. He determined to take me, show me how to use it.”

Varick leaned back in his chair, releasing a long breath. The glow that had drained from his face at my recollection, slowly returned.

“Then you are not wholly powerless against him,” he said with a sigh. “That’s a great relief.”

“So, was he a Merman?”

“No, he was not.” Varick rubbed his hands down his regal face. “You should be so lucky. The Merfolk do not claim such power as this.”

He stared blindly at the ceiling, his hands behind his head, lost in painful thought. I was now the one wishing I’d been blessed with the power to read minds.

He let out a long breath. “Where have you been since—”

Varick’s words halted when I gently placed my hand on his knee. He cut his eyes toward me, furrowing his brow. I stayed as I was, continuing to look into his troubled eyes.

“Tell me what you were thinking just now,” I said. “While you were focused on nothing… answer me true.”

The look on his face softened. “Why would you even consider asking King Merodach for help? I am your Guardian and you count me less than nothing.” The pain in his voice caused me to tremble. “Not only am I the last man you would ever think of turning to, you count my feelings worthless as well.”

“But not a single word of that is truth.” I desperately tried to will him to believe and understand my words. “Why would your noble mind run through such madness as that?”

“Did you not just tell me you had determined to leave this place, return to Ashgard, ask the man who cursed you to magically remove your gifts? And all this you would do without consultation or opinion from me?”

His words hit hard, ringing loudly in my selfish ears.

“…Yes.” The word fell out like a choked whisper.

“Then, how is it you say my words are not truth? How do you claim me mad?” An unfamiliar fire rose in his amber eyes. “Had you gone through with your intended plans, you would have destroyed us both. Think about the ramifications for once, Jenevier. Think about someone besides yourself.”

I looked away then, visibly cringing at the truth he now challenged me with. Varick slapped the table and I jumped. A sharp jolt of panic pierced my tightening chest.

“Use your head and not your selfish heart for a change. If you had gone to Merodach, you would have severed me from your life completely. You eventually would have ended up as his plaything, his bed toy.” He grabbed my arm, squeezing hard. “Tell me. How is that future any different from the one you ran away from all those years ago? The result would have been exactly what you sacrificed your entire life to avoid. Yet you would have willingly thrown away everything, absolutely everything. Can you not see that? The utter madness that goes through that damnable head of yours is beyond sane comprehension.” He released me, yet the bruise would remain. “And you wonder why I wish to be able to read your mind. Ugh, I just want to shake you until it finally clicks.”

We sat through a long moment of painful silence as all his passionate words slowly sank into my betraying heart.

My voice sounded tiny in my pounding ears. “Why do you not speak thusly to me, always?”

He sighed. “Because, little Angel. I am constantly afraid of scaring you away.”

“You mean… because when things start to get bad, I run away.”

Varick didn’t answer. He didn’t have to. He was right, mostly, especially where we were concerned. Neither one of us could be accused of making our relationship an easy thing. But I was a volatile child and he knew it.

“Do you feel as if you must walk upon eggshells when you’re near me?”

He looked at me, a smile tugging at one corner of his mouth. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Guardian Angels should never lie.” I squeezed his knee and sat back in my chair. “I do not wish you to have to wonder about my thoughts any longer. I will spill them to you as they pop in my head. Okay? Then you will always know what I’m thinking. But be careful what you wish for, Guardian. It may be more than you can handle.” He snorted and I smiled. “Now then, I know not where I was the moment before those damn clouds brought me home, brought me here. But it was absent all light, absent breathable air, terrifying beyond all reason. I flew out as fast as my wings would carry me.”

He released a heavy sigh. “That’s what I was afraid of. And exactly what I did
not
want to hear. He must have followed you.”

“Who? Who followed me? Who was talking inside my head?”

“Are you finished eating already?”

“I lost my hunger,” I admitted. “And, Varick, I meant what I said before about never leaving your side again. I cannot help my wicked heart. No matter how ridiculous it may seem to sane people, I still love Vindicus and I do not wish to be parted from him. I know I’m horrible for saying such to you, but I cannot deny it either.” I took a deep breath and gathered my courage. “I love him as much as I still love you. It’s the most confusing thing I’ve ever tried to sort out. He is a physical part of me, as are you, and I cannot undo what it is I’m now made of.” I looked at him sheepishly. “Do you continue to wonder about my secret thoughts? Would you see my vile mouth now closed in this regard?”

“Never stop, my love. I will never regret wishing for the open honesty you share with me now.” He reached for my tangled curls. “Don’t try to explain unexplainable things; it will only bring your tears. I do not wish to see your tears ever again. It hurts me. I hate him. But I cannot deny you are the woman you are now
because
of him. Many things play into it, yes. But you are an incredible creature, and he had the biggest part to play in that. Besides, Apollyon cannot come here, and you have sworn never to leave my side again. I will not hold ill toward you concerning the affairs of your heart as long as I am a part of them… a very
large
part.”

Varick pulled me onto his lap and ran the tip of his nose up the side of my neck, sending deliciously painful chills to my breasts and beyond.

He whispered his sweet breath in my ear. “You are so young. Eternity is an exceedingly long time and I am an incredibly patient man. You
will
be my Anicee again one day. You cannot yet fathom forever, but the years lain out before us are endless. I will have you again, all of you. You may no longer be the woman you were. But know this. I am no longer the man
I
was. You have vowed to stand by my side as a warrior. I now vow I will not rest until you are my lover as well.”

I shivered. Varick moaned, and then chuckled devilishly at my involuntary response to his promised words.

“Come. Let us go to the springs. We have much to discuss and I know how you are refreshed by your baths.” He kissed my cheek and helped me stand.

“Hang on. I want to get the fresh potions I made while I was home. Where did you put my bag?”

He pointed to the tattered old tapestry tote sitting next to the doorway. “Did you pack any clothes?”

“…No.” I mentally berated myself for another careless oversight.

“Good.” He beamed.

Oh my dear heavens, he is sooo beautiful.

“Let’s stop by the house on our way,” he said, taking my hand. “I acquired many lovely things to fill your room during your absence. I wanted you to feel welcome and at ease when you returned.”

“But, Varick, I had no intention of returning.”

He smiled. “I always knew you would. Playing around with intention is all well and good, but dancing around with destiny is a whole other matter. Your feet would once again tread our floors whether you willed it or not. I’m thankful it was so much sooner than I thought it would be. What pulled you back into my arms, my love? Was it my handsome face? Or did you just miss me for my hair?”

“No… I mean, yes… Your face is stunning. And you already
know
how I envy your heavenly tresses.”