Blended (Redemption #1) (33 page)

Her fingers edge along the imaginary line there. “Go lower.”

Her aquamarine eyes find mine as her fingers stray lower, sliding down the edge of my Adonis belt. I breathe in a sharp intake of air when I feel her touch, along with the static that always accompanies it.

“Mmm.”

“What is it?”

“I can feel that.”

“What!” She jumps up into a seated position and runs her hand lower until her hand is splayed on my upper thigh.

I swallow hard and tilt my head to the other side, being sure to look away from her as my breath shallows and I enjoy her touch on my bare skin as if it was the first time.

“Keep going. I can still feel you.”

“Wade?” she asks as she reaches her hand into my hair. I shift my head until I’m able to see her. My shoulders stiffen when her face softens as her eyes meet mine. I’m sure that she is more than able to see the emotion rolling over my face. Her breath hitches as she runs her hand over my rough stubble. She’s searching my soul through my irises.

“It feels surreal.”

She purses her lips as her eyes start to water. “You’re going to get through this.”

“A big part of that is because of you. The thought of not being able to do the simplest of tasks with you has given me the strength to keep pushing.”

“You would have made it this far with or without me.”

I shake my head, disagreeing with her. I believe that I would have given it all a shot, but other than Brass Global and its subsidiaries, I have never had an emotional connection to anyone or anything in my life. I would have fought off the despair that has accompanied this experience, but instead of conquering it, I would have drowned in its murky waters.

“No. I wouldn’t have. I need you to understand . . .”

She places her lips on my temple and lets out a sigh. “You don’t have to prove anything to me.”

“You and I have a connection, Hads. I need you to see just how much you have affected me through all of this. I need to prove to you just how deeply I feel for you.”

“Here’s the thing, Wade, I’ve already fallen in love with you. I’ve met the person that I’m supposed to love without having to settle for a lesser you. You don’t owe me a single thing; you just need to recover.”

It baffles me as to how I’ve been given an opportunity to change her life and watch her change mine. I don’t think that she has realized just how much of an impact she’s had on me, and I don’t believe that I did either until I said goodbye to her before surgery. The thought that it might have been the last time I got to see her almost destroyed me.

“You are worth every single broken rule. Fuck, baby, your touch feels good on me.”

She blushes and runs her hand farther down my leg. “You’re going to have to pry my hands off of you, you know that, right?”

In an unguarded moment, I tell her my truth. “I’ll never want to.”

She clears her throat and lowers her head to mine. I raise my chin until our lips graze against each other’s. “I feel like I can breathe again.”

I close my eyes and rest my head back. “These narcotics are going to take me away from you.”

“Go to sleep, Whiskey.”

I secure my arm around her back, and rest my hand on the curve of her ass. “Don’t disappear on me.”

“I’ve got you.”

A week has passed since my surgery, and I have been able to get around with the aid of a walker and my physical therapist. I’ve been giving it my all in order to recover as cleanly and as quickly as possible.

To say that this experience has shaped me is an understatement. I’ve found myself in these last few weeks. I’ve found the man I was when the addiction had me by the balls. But instead of allowing myself to relapse into the addiction, I’ve beaten it. I’ve simply found myself: the man who has been at the center of my confusion for years. My suffering had provided me with this unforeseen clarity.

For years I denied that the mental illness still existed, but today I’m able to see that I was not free of it when I thought I was. I still took weekends out of my month to immerse myself in my personal world of sex. I went out of my way to find women who were clean, and I was able to pay them off to have them do exactly what I needed to be done.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve thrived on fucking multiple women at once and watching them tongue each other. However, the thought of sharing Hadley with anyone, even another woman, is one that splinters my soul with revulsion.

Through it all, I’ve realized that recovery is not for those people who need it, but rather for those who want it. It’s a powerful thought that I only came to know when she entered my life.

I lost my head at a young age, and I’ve pushed through the tranquility that this invisible illness provided me, searching for the daylight. It was causing an internal war to rage until I was able to conquer it completely. I’ve found my purpose; I’ve found my control as well as my calm. I’ve found it all in Hadley. Nothing binds me now, nothing but her, and if she’s my new compulsion then I’ll welcome every second of it.

I shut my eyes as I think back to last night when Hadley walked out of our bedroom suite to where I was strapped to a heart monitor as I took slow, yet steady steps on a treadmill with my rehabilitation specialist beside me. She walked in front of me and into the kitchen area, and my heart gave out.

She was wearing the shortest pair of shorts that I have seen on her to date. Back home, the fall weather would have hindered my view of her ass, but seeing as we’re about to start summer here in Australia, she’s still wearing thin materials and small scraps of it.

Her voice brings me out of myself when she reaches for my shoulders. “Hi,” she says in my ear as she wraps her arms around my neck from behind. I lean my head back, and I’m greeted with her lips just as her hands splay across my pecs.

“Mmm, good morning, Rye.”

“How did you get out here?”

I managed to get out of bed this morning with Madelyn’s help, but once she left the room, I wandered out onto the deck and managed, with much difficulty, to seat myself on one of the chairs facing Sydney Harbor.

“Madelyn helped me out of the bed, but I got here on my own.”

“Did you now?” she says as she circles my body before taking a seat on my lap where my arms automatically ring around her waist. Before Hadley, I couldn’t stand when women touched me without my permission. In doing so, they took away what little control I had over the addiction. It made me crave more, and it would cause me to go after it, to pursue the one thing that ruined my life. Yet when Hadley touches me, she provides me with resolve instead of igniting an internal battle of wills.

“The weather looked too good not to enjoy it.” Her hands run up and under my shirt to that invisible line around my waist.

“Dr. Heath said that you needed to rest today and not exert yourself. Is there anything that you have wanted to do?”

“I’ve been meaning to get into contact with Liam.”

“Oh, that’s right. Are you up for heading over to his place?”

“Getting out of this hellhole is the best idea that you’ve ever had.”

“I’ll go grab your phone,” she says as she squirms out of my grip and walks back through the sliding glass door to retrieve it.

Liam insisted that I bring Isla with me. I’m sure he believes that this will lead to some sort of sexual healing bullshit. We’re seated on his patio, which leads down to the beach in front of us.

“Who’s the girl? I hadn’t realized that we had nurses that fucking hot in Australia,” he comments as he takes a drink of his beer. He’s been watching her closely ever since we arrived. I haven’t cared to inform him of my relationship with Hadley as of yet. I should not need to justify myself for bringing a woman with me.

Isla and Hadley are walking back up from the beach in their bikinis, and I’m having a difficult time hiding my need for her in these pants.

“She’s not a nurse.”

“Ah, so she’s one of Isla’s bitches?”

“One of her bitches?”

“Yeah, man. Like back in the day when she brought them back to the dorm for us.”

I chuckle as the two of them reach us. “It’s nothing like that.”

He drops it for now as Hadley takes a seat next to me. “You have a gorgeous home, Liam.”

Isla laughs and rests her feet against the arm of my chair. “If he didn’t, then I’d be shocked. His trust kicked in when he was eighteen, and he’s been living the easy life ever since.”

“It sounds like you need a drink, Isla.”

“Possibly. Do you still have the whiskey we left the last time we were here?”

“Sure as shit. I’ll show you where it is,” he tells her as they both get up and head into the house.

“He seems like he can be a lot of fun,” Hadley says with a smile on her face.

“He can go over the top at times,” I tell her as I take off my shirt and hand it to her. As much as I enjoy the view of her semi-naked in front of me, I don’t like Liam eyeing her in plain sight.

She takes it without argument and slides it over her head. “Thank you.”

Liam and Isla walk out holding up two bottles of whiskey and four tumblers as Hadley pulls the fabric over her tanned skin. “It’s a damn good thing that you still have that personal driver, Brass.”

Isla cheers and shakes the bottles in her hands. “Hadley, we’re getting buzzed up.”

Jesus, Isla.

I reach over and place my hand on Hadley’s knee once she readjusts herself in the seat. My eyes are on Liam as he watches my movement. I understand the attraction any man would have toward my naturally platinum blonde beauty, but I’m rather astounded when I catch something dark cross behind his eyes.

She shifts herself closer to me as Isla pours the amber liquid of a Sullivans Cove Tasmanian whiskey into four tumblers before handing them off to each of us. Liam takes the single seat on the other side of Hadley while Isla sits across from us. We all do cheers and then take a drink of the one-of-a-kind whiskey.

“Oh, this is exceptional,” Hadley comments as she watches me take a drink. The doctor said no smoking, but he never mentioned a thing about alcohol, yet I won’t push it.

“I’m glad that you like it,” Liam says to her. “Wade and I bought it the day that it came out, and there were only two bottles ever made. I only crack out this beauty when this motherfucker is present.”

She gives him a radiant smile, and I squeeze her knee as envy courses through me. I’ve become used to her constant attention, and having another man, albeit a good friend of mine, divert any of it away from me starts an internal war.

Isla starts to speak, but my focus is on Hadley as she looks from Liam to me with that smile still in place. She places her hand on top of mine, and I intertwine my fingers with hers, staking my claim.

“Are you okay?”

“Impeccable,” I say, endeavoring to keep the sarcasm out of my voice, but I’m certain that she notices.

My eyes find Liam, and he nods his understanding.
Don’t placate me, you fucker.
I know the kind of power this woman has over a man, and he’s struggling with it. He wants to bend her over and take her from behind while I watch. It wouldn’t be the first time, but it would never happen with Hadley; I wouldn’t allow her to be touched by anyone else.

“Uh, hello? Did anyone hear what I just said?”

We all glance to Isla who is now downing the remainder of her tumbler as if it didn’t cost ten thousand dollars.

“Hadley, let’s hit the waves, and let these assholes catch up.”

I see the indecision in her face at Isla’s demand before she leans back against the cushion and pulls her sunglasses down. “I’m pretty comfortable here. I wouldn’t want to get wet and ruin this plush seat.”

Liam’s brow perks up at her comment, and if I were able to get up and rush over to him, I’d fucking castrate him.

Isla pouts her lips, but pours herself another drink and stands to turn the music up. “I love this song,” she yells out as she starts to dance.

“There are some fine-ass memories associated with this one,” Liam adds.

The song sparks up a conversation about our freshman year in college together before Liam dropped out and moved down here. Hadley is consumed in the stories that the two of them are telling her about our past. Isla is in the middle of telling her about one of the nights I was black-out drunk after being paddled by my fraternity brothers.