Bleak Devotion (19 page)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Jessica woke sore and achy. It didn't feel like she could get up and walk, but the searing pain was gone. She racked her brain trying to remember how she got there, to find what had happened to create so much pain, but nothing came. All she could remember was the torture. What had she done to bring that upon herself? Whatever it was, death had come to claim her. Why then was she still here?

Opening her eyes, her heart fluttered. Blade was not two feet from her, sound asleep in a chair. His strong body draped across it in an awkward, gangly position. She wanted to move him into a more comfortable position, but he looked so exhausted and vulnerable that she didn't dare touch him. Not that she'd be able to move him anyway.

Their hands were linked. She rubbed her thumb across the back of his hand, enjoying the warmth of the connection. The small touch of skin on skin. While watching him breathe, she searched for what had brought her here. She remembered the aliens coming, almost being captured by them because of her own stupidity. But he saved her. How grateful she had been when he rescued her. There had been a meeting and then he had pulled her aside afterward.

And oh! He loved her! His lips had been so close to her, warm and inviting when he whispered the words.

The kiss came to mind. A passionate rush of emotions overwhelmed her. The memory of their lips meeting was fresh and perfect. Her finger traced over her lips, wanting to savor the memory, until she got to the end of the kiss, memorizing every second. Until she remember her hand brushing against his cheek, causing the horrid metallic noise.

Acid curdled her stomach. She had brought pain to them both. It was her fault. She squeezed her eyes tight shut. He must hate her for not listening and touching him. She had made him do the very horrid thing he'd been avoiding for so long. There was no way to fix this.

She looked at him, so peaceful in sleep. Always so peaceful on the outside. But he would be raging on the inside. Tears sprang to her eyes. Before they could spill out, she blinked them dry. She would never again do anything to hurt him. Glancing at their joined hands, she carefully forced her hand open and pulled away. Her fingers stung, but she refused to acknowledge it. He didn't even stir, just continued to look as peaceful as ever.

Focusing on the room around her, she realized it was the one she shared with Julie. She didn't know when she had come here. Someone must have carried her. Her exploration stopped on a woman she didn't recognize. When had they picked up a newcomer?

The unfamiliar woman in a giant, dirty sweater and baggy pants stared back. Her dark eyes guarded, a mix of curiosity, apprehension, and something else Jessica couldn't define. Was this what she was like when she first arrived? Though this newcomer was pudgy, something Jessica certainly had not been. At least someone could find a good source of nourishment in this crazed world.

Jessica croaked, “Hi.”

The woman backed up against the wall. Her eyes flickered to Blade and back to Jessica.

“Don't worry, I won't bite. How long have you been here?”

The woman shook her head back and forth. Quick words poured out of her mouth. The words sounded familiar, but Jessica didn't know what any of them meant. Too slithery and clicky-sounding to be any real words.

Comprehension spread a chill over her. Last time someone spoke like that, she had been confined in a tiny cupboard. The chill grew, leaving her frozen to her core as she stared at the woman who wasn't a woman at all. Why had Blade brought another of his kind here? Even if she wasn't one of the more deadly males, she was still dangerous to them. They were all dangerous.

Realizing her nails were in her mouth, she whipped them away. Staring at them, she knew it was time to finally break the habit. And she would do it. Nothing could stay that would give away emotion. Too much had been lost and so much had been gained, she wouldn't risk anything else.

The chair creaked to the side of her. She glanced up to see Blade watching her with his brows drawn together. Shoving her guilty nails under her blanket, she stared back at him, keeping her expression carefully neutral.

Blade's eyes darted everywhere but to Jessica. She inwardly cringed and wondered where would be best to start. Definitely not the kiss. Even more definitely not what came after the kiss.

“Why did you bring her?” So maybe not the best place for her to start, but at least it'd bring some answers.

Blade finally met her gaze. The female spoke, her words flat, unlike when Blade was sleeping. He replied to her, but more animatedly. Finally he said, “She says you need to rest.”

Jessica rolled her eyes. “I'm fine. Don't avoid the question. Why is she here?”

His voice was so quiet, she had to strain to hear what he was saying. “I brought her here to save you after I almost killed you.”

How could an alien have saved her? Faint memories of when she had been in pain, Blade speaking to a female who responded to him in his tongue. His confession was more pressing though. They both knew it was her fault and pretending otherwise wouldn't help anything. She pulled out her times tables to recite in her head while she attempted to convince him.

“
Don't blame yourself, Blade. It's my fault. I knew better than to touch you when you were so emotionally charged.”

His teeth snapped together. “No! Don't you dare blame yourself. This is all my doing.”

The female gasped, yanking Jessica's attention to her. The female's mouth and eyes were huge, staring straight at Blade. Jessica brushed off the odd reaction, wishing the female would just disappear.

“
It is not. I knew full well what I was getting into. It's amazing you didn't break before then.” Despite the harshness of her words, they sounding pleasingly flat.

“
Amazing that I didn't almost kill you sooner? Have you lost your mind?”

She pulled back at the biting remark, but didn't let the sting reach her face. “Maybe I have.”

He stood up and brushed his hand through his hair, the metal on the back of his arms gleaming as he did so. “We can talk about this after you have had some time to heal.”

No way was she letting it go like that. She struggled to sit up. The female rushed past Blade toward her. She stopped at the bed and pushed Jessica down by the shoulders. The door opened and Zach walked in. His face flared with anger when he saw the female touching Jessica.

“What are you doing to her now? Get your hands off her, you monster!” He hurtled toward them.

The female straightened with her eyes to the ground and a completely resigned look on her face. Before Jessica could protest Zach's behavior, Blade grabbed his shirt in both fists.

“
Don't you dare call her a monster!” Blade's voice seethed as tremors shook him. “She just saved Jessica's life, you idiot. The only monster here is me.”

Zach's eyes were wide. He brought his arms up and shoved them out, breaking Blade's hold. “At least you've finally realized the truth. Too bad it took almost killing Jessica to make you see it.”

Blade twisted to the side, letting Zach pass. Zach walked toward Jessica, but she was watching Blade's nostrils flaring. Quite frankly, she felt like doing the same, but no emotions were getting past her.

“
How are you feeling?”

Before she could reply, Deborah shoved past everyone and rushed toward her. Jessica wanted to shout for joy seeing the tiny woman, but couldn't allow it. “Hi, Deb.”

“We thought we were going to lose you.” Deborah nestled her head against Jessica shoulder. When she spoke again, her voice wavered. “I can't believe you're here. After we found you, I thought I'd lost someone else. I'm so glad you came back to us.”

“
Me, too.” Jessica patted Deborah's back and wondered what to do. Zach shrugged.

Deborah cried on her shoulder another minute, remind Jessica of the fact that she'd lost her daughter to the invasion. A daughter that Jessica reminded her of. She still wouldn't let herself show emotion, but she did hug Deborah just a little tighter. “I'm still here.”

The older woman dabbed her tears. Her eyes dried quickly, but remained fixed on Jessica. The new look made Jessica nervous. It showed a woman who bore trials that she hid from the world, only now they were on display. Jessica had brought back the woman's pain.

“
Sorry,” Deborah said. “I didn't let myself believe you were really going to live until now.”

“
How did I get better anyway? I felt like…” Jessica glanced at Blade and let her words trail off. His face had regained composure, but behind him Zach was glaring.

“
Blade's doing,” Deborah answered, her voice cracking. “He brought Monique back here. Without her, you wouldn't have made it.”

Jessica's nose began to wrinkle, but she quickly stopped it. “Monique? Doesn't sound alien at all. Where'd that name come from?”

“Julie picked it,” Deborah responded, sounding more like herself. “Blade told us her real name, but we couldn't pronounce it right, so Julie chose the name of a woman she used to know.”

“
Huh.” Jessica looked over at Monique. The female was still staring at Blade. “What's so special about her?”

Deborah's eyes watered again. “Why don't you tell her, Blade? I still find it hard to believe myself.”

Jessica turned to Blade and waited expectantly for his answer. Her chest felt painfully hollow looking at him, but she wouldn't allow the feelings, instead spurting out a few times tables in her head.

Blade cleared his throat and stood straighter. “The design of our race is twofold. The male's is obvious except for one fact. Our blades are coated with poison.”

Jessica's jaw dropped. She recovered, pulling her mouth closed. “What type of poison?”

“
I don't know. We haven't ever studied it. In every case, it's lethal unless treated. We were winning the war against those who attacked our planet until they discovered the poison and antidote. Since the loss of this secret we have suffered greatly. I'm sure we would have died had we not left the planet.”

“
Maybe you shouldn't have bothered leaving. We would have all been better off.” Zach's harsh words tore through the silent room.

Jessica wanted to agree. Having her family and Cindy alive meant everything to her. And now she was torturing Blade because of her actions. If he had never come, then none of this would ever had happened. But then he would be dead. She swallowed, not sure what the right answer should be, and pushed them back on topic.

“What's the antidote?”

Blade's frown deepened and he looked at Monique. “That's the second part. As we changed, our females changed too. They carry the antidote and can administer it to any poisoned victim. Most have a small amount of time to live. How long they have depends on their size and how much poison infected them.” His gaze was so intense she had to look away or else break. “You are so small. I didn't think I would make it back here in time.”

Everything in her screamed to coat her words with sincerity, but she forced herself to keep them flat. “But you did.”

“
And we're all so grateful for that,” Julie's voice came from by the door with Ben standing beside her. The older man's face had for once lost its bitter touch. He gave her a grim smile then looked at Julie. The instant Jessica made eye contact with Julie, her roommate rushed over. Deborah moved to the side and Julie took her place, blubbering. “I was so scared, I thought I was going to lose another friend. I'm so glad you came back to us.”

Jessica patted Julie's head with her free hand as the girl soaked the bed linen where Deborah's tears had been. Monique suddenly broke out into a frenzied conversation as Erin, Kimberly, and Vivian crowded in the room. Blade looked at her and rubbed the back of his arm. He replied while his forehead creased.

“What does she want?” Deborah asked.

“
She says she wants to go to her home.”

“
She can't be allowed,” Ben threw in, his normal bitter tone back. “If we let her go, she'll tell the monsters about us and we'll all be doomed.”

“
I know.” Blade sighed and spoke in his tongue. Monique replied, wrapping her arms around her midsection, making the sweater tighten against her rounded stomach. Blade's face paled.

“
What's wrong?” Jessica asked.

“
She's with child. They won't stop searching for her until she's found.”

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Jessica sucked in a sharp breath and held it. No one moved. How could they be housing a pregnant alien who would lead others here? What would happen to Blade when they found him helping humans? There had to be some way to escape their search. If they just let Monique go, she would be sure to tell them what she knew. But if they kept her, the aliens were certain to come looking. The battle was lost no matter what they did.

When she looked at Blade, her heart throbbed, but she wouldn't allow the pain to mar her expression, even as his perfect face twisted into a wounded grimace. He eyed her, the despair multiplying.

“I'm so sorry,” Blade said before he darted through the gathered group, bolting out the door.

Jessica stared after him. Voices popped above each other like a lottery drawing, each with an insistent idea of what to do. She ignored them all. Anger welled up inside her, hot and bubbly, without letting her feelings shine through.

Monique and her unborn baby. The monsters would take everything away. Worst of all, they were sure to hurt Blade. Watching the female, Jessica struggled to keep emotions inside. Monique hunkered in a corner, not meeting anyone's gaze. Strands of black hair covered her blank face, arms wrapped protectively around her middle.

Jessica remembered her own time among the aliens. She had been lonely and afraid, much like Monique looked. Jessica struggled to keep a tight grasp on her anger.

Monique glanced up at her, tears shining in her eyes. Her arms were still wrapped protectively around her midsection. It was pitiful. She was just a mother protecting her child. A child that someday could be like James. Thoughts of her own mother pregnant with little James surfaced to her mind and she felt the anger slipping out between her clenched fists. Maybe he or she could even grow to be like Blade, helping others of their kind to see the way things could be.

Monique's eyes seemed to plead for help, or at least Jessica thought they did. This alien had saved her life. Whether or not she liked it, Jessica was in her debt.

“Would you all mind please clearing the room. I'm feeling a bit tired.” Jessica pulled her blankets up tighter around her to emphasis her point.

The frenzied chatter faded, with concerned looks decorating her friends’ faces.

“
You heard her,” Deborah said as she began herding people out the door. “Out you go.”

“
You get feelin' better soon. Ol' Betsy will be missing you milking her,” Kimberly said as everyone headed out the door.

“
You heard her,” Erin said coming over to her bed. “Get better soon, okay?”

“
I will. Don't you go worrying about me. Everything will be fine.”
Everything
, she thought,
no matter what it takes.

Erin nodded unconvincingly and followed Vivian out the door.

“Out with you,” Ben demanded, pulling Monique's arm with his tight grasp. She followed along without a fuss.

“
Wait, Ben.” The words jumped from Jessica's lips. “I'd feel better if she could stay, just in case something else happens and I need her help.”

Ben hesitated. “I don't like leaving this animal here.”

She struggled not to cringe. “You can stand right outside the door. I'm sure she won't be a problem. Look at her, she's too scared.”

“
I can stand in here to watch her.” Ben's grip loosened until it fell from Monique's arm.

Jessica glanced at Monique. Tears gone, the female gave nothing away in her expression. Jessica wanted to throw a nearby book at her. She was trying to protect Monique and she wasn't the least bit helpful. She really wanted to be left alone so she could try and take care of the problem she had created. If they took the female with them, they could make the decision what to do with her and carry it out. She had to stay.

“I'll be fine. She's too frightened to do anything. Anyway, I don't think I could rest with you in the room. I'll be well enough protected if you wait outside.”

“
She's right,” Deborah interjected. “I'll stay here in case something happens.”

Ben's face eased. “Fine then. I'll make sure either I or someone else is posted at the door in case she causes any problems.”

“She hasn't yet,” Deborah said as she pushed him out the door. Once the room was clear of everyone but Monique, she turned back to Jessica. “What's this about?”

“
I don't know what you mean.”

“
Don't give me that. Why are you so intent on keeping Monique here? And don't go giving me the 'you're worried' nonsense.”

Jessica shrugged her shoulders and looked at Monique, who was eyeing them. “She saved my life. I owe her. Besides, just look at her. She seems so human. And she’s frightened, for her baby more than herself, I think. Can you imagine, if the rules were reversed, how you would feel?”

Deborah glared at Monique. A new bitterness tinted her words. “If it was her kind who had us, we'd already be dead.”

Though Monique couldn't understand what they were saying, she backed up against the wall looking guilty. Jessica turned her attention away from the female, trying to forget she was in the room. “I'm not so sure about that, Deb. And I don't think you truly believe that either. Look at all Blade has done. He could have killed us all long ago, yet he hasn't. In fact he's feeling guilty for hurting me, when it was me who pushed him there. You were the one to believe in him first. Maybe, just maybe, there's more of them out there we can trust. And Monique, she didn't have to save me, did she? Did anyone force her to?”

Deborah sat down beside the bed and shook her head. “No, they didn't actually. I don't know what Blade told her, though. It wasn't much, he was too focused on you. Can't imagine it was anything horrible. He spoke to her some, but not a lot. She didn't do anything at first, she just stood there staring at Blade with a dumb expression on her face. Then out of nowhere, she went to work.”

“
Hmmm.” Jessica grudgingly turned her attention back to the female. “Has she had anything to eat?”

“
No. I'll have them bring you enough food to share with her.”

Deborah bustled over to the door with Monique watching closely. She opened it and said a few things to whoever was standing on guard outside Jessica's line of vision. Deborah came back and sat down as close to Jessica as she could. “They'll have something here in just a minute. I should have thought sooner. You have to be starving.”

“Honestly, I don't feel that hungry,” Jessica responded. “How long have I been here?”

“
You've been asleep for two days.”

Jessica's eyes widened. “Really? How long was I… sick before Blade came back with her?”

“About forty-five minutes.”

Her mouth fell slack. “What? It felt so much longer. I'd no idea we were that close to anything.”

“We aren't normally.” The side of Deborah's mouth pulled back. “Takes over an hour usually. Blade must have been driving like a maniac to get there, steal her, and come back in so little time. I'm not sure how he managed it, especially without being seen.”

Jessica laid her head back on the pillows as worry rolled through her at the thought of Blade being so reckless. He could have killed himself. She shivered. Deborah went to Julie's bed, pulled off one of her blankets, and draped it over the several other blankets that already covered Jessica.

A few minutes later, Julie rushed in with a heaping tray of food. “Here you go, Jessica. If you need anything else, just let Ben know and I'll fetch it for you.”

“
Thanks, Jules.”

“
You bet. I'm just so happy to see that you're getting better.” Julie bent down and put her arm around Jessica. “I've gotten used to having a roommate. Don't scare me into thinking I might not have one again, okay?”

“
I'll try.”

She smiled. “Good. Eat up and I'll be back to chat after you get some rest.”

Julie left the room closing the door behind her. Jessica watched Monique, but couldn't discern what the female was thinking. Jessica almost started eating, ignoring the watchful eyes, but she couldn't bring herself to torture the female.

“
Go ahead. Some of this is for you, too.”

Monique stared at her, rubbing her round belly. Her face was guarded, but she couldn't hide her eagerness upon seeing the pile of food. Jessica motioned for her to come closer, but Monique shrank back instead. Jessica rolled her eyes and grabbed a bowl of soup.

“This is ridiculous. I don't think she's going to trust me just yet. Don't blame her.” Jessica snorted and shook her head. “Would you mind grabbing Blade if he hasn't run off, Deborah? He can convince her to eat. There's more than enough food on here for just me and her, and I'm sure he hasn't eaten anything either.”

Deborah stood, but lingered uncertainly. “I can, but are you sure you are okay with her?”

“I'll be fine. Look at her. She's not going to hurt anyone.”

Deborah watched Monique cowering in the corner for a moment. “Fine, I'll be back in a moment. If Blade ran off, she'll just have to go hungry.”

Deborah left the room and closed the door behind her. Heated chatter buzzed outside the door, but Jessica couldn't make any of it out. She took a few more bites and then stopped. Sighing in disgust, she put the bowl back on the tray, waiting for Blade to come. She tried to ignore the food, but her stomach awakened, grumbling after the first few bites of food. Healing was a hungrier business than she thought.

“
Please come eat.” Jessica pointed at Monique, then at the food.

Monique just continued staring at her. Jessica suppressed a groan and shifted her body so she was sitting up, causing a sharp sting across her abdomen. She picked up the bottom of her shirt and lifted it to reveal a swab of white bandages across her torso. Glancing over at Monique, she checked to see if the female would give some type of sign if she was doing anything harmful. The female just kept staring.

“A lot of help you are.”

Jessica drew her attention back to the bandages. Gingerly, she pulled at the top of the cotton swab and peeked down. Her belly was marred with three angry-red lines stitched together. They were tender, but bearable. At least more bearable than the pain she remembered from before. She dropped her shirt back into place and leaned back against her pile of pillows. The commotion outside her room amplified.

“
You can't let him in there!” Zach yelled. “He's made enough of a mess of this.”

Jessica pulled her lip up in disgust. Little did Zach know. She wondered how disgusted he would be with her if he knew how she had ended up like this. She couldn't hear the answer that followed, but the door opened and Blade walked in.

Seeing him again sent a flare to her heart. It spread through her chest, so hot and fast that she expected to see her chest burst into actual flames. She took a few breaths and pressed herself to stay nonchalant.

The door shut behind him as the arguing continued. “You can't just let him in there. Between the two of them, who knows what will happen to her?”

More silence followed by, “I won't lower my voice!”

Blade looked at the door and then glanced warily at Jessica. “Did you need something?”

“Yeah. Could you translate for me?”

“
Oh.” Blade's eyebrows lifted. “What would you like me to tell her?”

“
Tell her to eat.”

Blade made a serious of indistinguishable whistles. Monique looked between the two and edged closer.

“What does she like?”

Blade spoke again in the unfamiliar words. This time Monique responded. “She doesn't care.”

“Then why isn't she eating anything?”

“
I don't think she feels comfortable.”

Jessica scoffed. If anyone should be uncomfortable, it should be her. Her stomach growled, emphasizing her thought. She curled her finger at Blade. “Come eat. Maybe that will help.”

“Don't worry about either of us. Just eat.”

“
You both need to eat, too.”

“
Why do you care?”

Jessica shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe I'm just trying to find an easy way to pay my life debt.”

Blade strolled over with a sigh. He picked up a handful of peas and popped them in his mouth. “Happy?”

Jessica waited. The female's hand darted out, grabbing something off the tray and sneaking it in her mouth. “Sure.”

Jessica picked her bowl back up and played with the soup while Monique inhaled over half the food on the tray.

“
When will her baby be here?”

Blade translated and waited for the quick reply. “Soon.”

“Great.”

“
I'm sorry, Jess,” Blade whispered. “I should have found someone different. I should have never started a relationship with you in the first place.”

Jessica flinched, but pulled herself under control before any more emotion could seep through. “Not your fault.”