Blasphemous (13 page)

I knew he did. That’s why Carter was such a big deal to him. “I do, too,” I said, crestfallen before going into the arms of the sexy man who made my heart run a marathon with one look alone. “I love you, do you know that?” Kissing his neck as I inhaled him.
Bass
, I’m so crazy about you.

Tomorrow evening, he was taking me back to the beachfront house Lindsey got for us. I was looking forward to a new year living with the girls and my new life with Bass.

It was a new beginning, a new phase to make more memories.

“
Em? I meant to tell you in Aspasia, but I got sidetracked when I was giving you a massage. Do you remember that I was going to tell you something that night?”

That, I almost forgot about that! “Yeah. What was it that you wanted to talk about?”

“I have to film the fourth KOC film in Canada. It was scheduled for the second week of September, originally, but when they found out that we wrapped up early in Greece, they’re willing to start early. This was during our fight in Greece, so I gave them the go signal. I’m sorry, I know your birthday is right around that time, but I promise to be back here to celebrate it with you.”

“Oh.”
But we just got back
, I whined internally. “How long will you be in Canada for?”

“Three to four months. Hopefully, we’ll be back right around Thanksgiving or Christmas. It depends.”

That long?
Goodness!!! What the hell was I to do without him here? Count my hair? “That’s quite a long time to be away from you, Bass.”

“I know it is. That’s why I’m hoping to fly out here as much as I can during weekends or you can visit me when you aren’t doing much during the weekends, too. We can do this, Emma. As long as you work with me in putting each other first, then we’ll be fine.”

Fuck! This was bad news. “Are you sure you aren’t going to look for another girlfriend while I’m not there?”

“
Emma! Aren’t we past that already? Haven’t you listened to anything I just said?
” he thundered out, getting riled up from my insecurity. Who could blame me, though? He had Lydia all over him during his entire time shooting KOC in Canada last year. Like what he did with me in Greece.

He always needed a woman with him.
Always
.

“Fine. I’m going to shower. I’ll be back in fifteen minutes.” Letting go of him as I said that. Dragging my feet all the way upstairs as my thoughts dwelled on his relationship with Lydia. Funny how it wasn’t supposed to be me in Aspasia really, but that Latina woman, Sophia, was it? I forgot her name now, but I would never forget the sound that I walked into at the cottage before realizing it was Bass fucking her brains out.

Her screams… were so much like mine.

The more I thought about where my imagination was leading me to, the more I tried to stop it before it went rampant. This was the downside of dating Bass and I hated it with every ounce of me.

Shedding my clothes off, I went inside his six-dial, black-marbled shower. My tears fell along with the streaming water. I was trying to give myself a pep talk since my best friend, Lindsey usually did it for me—but she wasn’t taking any of my calls because she was still convinced I shagged her ex-lover. Was she for real? Ugh. She was being all erratic when it came to Dimitris. She dumped the poor guy. He was heartbroken when she ended it with the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard in my life. Now I was at a loss for words when it came to Lindsey and her love life.

My first day back home and things weren’t looking great. That’s a bad sign, wasn’t it?

A scream came out of me when a strong hand pulled me out of the direct hit of the nozzle and placed me against the cold marbled wall. “What the hell! You scared the living crap out of me!”

“I’m sorry for snapping earlier. I shouldn’t have because I know where your thoughts were going… but after what we just went through, I thought that was enough to show you how serious I am about us.” Those piercing blue eyes penetrated into my very depths, showing me his emotions, making me feel his love, commitment, and how rare it was to share this kind of obliterating connection with another person. “I just don’t fall for any woman, Emma. It only happened to you. Doesn’t that tell you how special you are?”

My eyes casted down, unsure, as I stared at the gushing water going down the drain, finding myself feeling more vulnerable than ever before.

“Do you think any woman would do,
when I have you?
Look at me,” he pleaded, but I didn’t have it in me to face him.

He placed my hand over his chest. “This will only beat for you. For as long as I’m alive, this heart will only know you and no one else. For I have only one heart to give and I’m giving it to you.”

“You don’t have to say those things to me to make me feel better.”

“But I have to tell you the truth, Emma. Don’t you see how desperate I am to make things right with you again? I hurt when you’re hurting, too. Don’t you realize that by now?” 

“I’m sorry for being such a pain. You’re just so amazing and I feel so undeserving of you.”

“How could you think that when I’ve fallen at your feet? When I try to fight for this unexplainable need to be with you every damn second of the day? Why do you think I’m still here fighting for you when I know that Carter’s waiting right around the corner to steal you away from me?”

My tears stopped when his lips hovered above mine; brushing against them in slight, toe-curling strokes at each word he delivered. “You were made to teach me love.” I was a quivering mess as I felt his breath on my lips, making me so aware of him. “To show me love,” he huskily added as my hand on his chest felt the loud thud of his beating heart. “To make me fall in love.” The last words he uttered eradicated every doubt, thought, and reason.

My fears, it seemed, were misplaced, but it was too late when I realized what they were.

Chapter 11

“When I get logical and I don’t trust my instincts—that’s when I get in trouble.”

                                      - Angelina Jolie

Emma

I knew the moment I opened my eyes without Bass’s arms around me that something had happened. I didn’t know why, but my heart was pounding at such a speedy rate, I was becoming frightened for no apparent reason. Odd, it was completely and utterly odd.

“Bass?” I called out, half sitting on the bed, but no sound came.

With only my silk chemise on, I cautiously went downstairs and looked for him. “Bass?” I said his name again as I went in the kitchen, but he wasn’t found. My eyes darted to his keys lying on the counter, telling me that he was still home.

After, I checked the theatre, the pool area and the patio and still no Bass, I was starting to get frantic. Where the heck could he be?

Bathroom
. I forgot to check that one. He probably was taking a shower for all I knew. Smiling, I went back upstairs remembering last night. We made love in the shower, the second time we did it backdoor.

Knocking on the bathroom door before I opened it, I called on him, “Are you in here?” When I opened the door and strolled inside, it was empty. Again.

Okay, where was he? I was getting frustrated, so I decided to get my phone and call him. I left my purse in the adjoining walk-in closet and I rushed towards it.

“Bass!” I screeched, halting in my tracks as I registered the desolate look on his face.

Then my eyes dropped to his hand.

Carter’s letter
.

He read it. I was processing as I tried to find the best possible answer I could give him, but my mind froze the second I heard him speak.

“Where is the ring?”

“Bass—”

“WHERE. IS. THAT. FUCKING. RING!”

“In my purse,” I finally managed to speak after a good minute of shock.

Bass dashed to the large expanse of the mirrored table that had pull-drawers on the sides where I left my purse sitting atop it. He didn’t even bother to rummage for it Bass just spilled all the contents of my purse until his eyes found the velvet box.

He stared at it like it was a bomb that would explode any second before his hand reached for it,
then opened the blasted thing. He made a pained gasp as he saw what it contained. “How long have you had this?” he choked out, barely audible.

“The night before we left on that yacht, island hopping with my friends.”

“
Who
brought it to you?”

“
Trista, but she didn’t know what was in it until I opened the present,” I shakily whispered, my chest heaving like I was going to run out of air. “We did it together,” I added.

“You didn’t return it to him in London?” His tone was so calm, like he was trying to solve a puzzle, that I was having a hard time gauging his temperament.

“I tried… but he didn’t want it. He wanted me to keep it.”

“Did it ever cross your mind… to marry him after you got this ring?” Why was he speaking this way? It was completely eerie-like, so much so that it simply made all of my hairs standout, static-like and alert.

“Yes, but for only a second.” My body took a few steps to reach him, but when I almost reached his side, my muscles felt heavy and I couldn’t move forward. “Bass, I’m so sorry. I meant to tell you.”

I felt so goddamn helpless as I watched his crestfallen face, staring at the antique ring, as he processed everything I had just told him. “I asked you last week, if there were anymore secrets for you to tell me. You said ‘none’. Why do you feel the need to keep secrets from me, Emma? Why do you always throw everything back in my face each time I love you?”

“I did mean to tell you. We were just too fragile then that I couldn’t risk it back in Greece.”

“
But you didn’t
! Carter will always come between us. No matter how I try to make you happy, it’s never going to be enough because I’M NOT HIM—and it seems that you’re very much in love with him to take this betrothal ring everywhere with you.

“You keeping this ring alone speaks volumes, Emma. Choosing not to speak about it, tells me how confused you are. You may not want me to know about it, but Carter knew what that meant… he knows you still love him. Someway, somehow, I don’t fucking get why, but you still love him.”

“I’m in love with you, Bass.”

“
This is how you treat someone you love, Emma?
” he wretchedly said, like it was being torn from him. Each word filled with scorn so profound that I was shivering from his loathing voice. “What hurts even more is that you kept it from me. Even when I openly asked you in Greece, you denied me of this knowledge. I could’ve forgiven you anything then, Emma. You had all this time to tell me, but you chose not to.
Secrets
. You have so many fucking secrets when it comes to
him
.”

“I didn’t want to risk us again. I was scared to lose you!”

“Well, you just did. You just lost me! I’m sorry, but I can’t be with you. I can’t go on everyday thinking you’re going to leave me any day now to be with Carter.” He looked at me with pain. “Did you ever wish it was him in bed, too?”

“Never!
How could you even think that?
”

“At this point, everything’s questionable from where I’m standing.”

“Bass, this is so uncalled for. I get that you’re angry, I would be too if the situation were reversed, but to throw this away is drastic.”

“
Angry?
I’m fucking furious! I’m so furious that I’m fighting the urge to wring your lying, deceitful neck. This is where I draw the line, Emma. You’re a confused woman who chose to be with one man and held the other in your heart.”

He stood before me, fury so white-hot that I felt faint with it. “I could’ve given you the world if you’d given me the chance, but that will be your biggest regret, not mine. For I have never held back when it came to you. I’m going to be that man in your life you will never forget. You’ll mourn the loss of me. You’ll feel it every single day because I’m not coming back to you.” The hardness in his eyes told me he meant every word.

I shook my head, not wanting to believe the lies he was telling me. “You don’t mean that…” I whispered, crumbling inside.

“I’m going for a drive. When you’re done packing, my driver will be downstairs to take you back home. Goodbye, Emma,” he said with finality
; voice filled with determination to cut me out of his life. Bass gave me another scornful glance before he strode out of the walk-in closet.

No… No. No!!!!!

“Bass!” I screamed until I couldn’t anymore… but he never came back.

He was gone.

Bass was gone.

What have I done!

What the hell have I done?