Blame it on the Stars (The Blame Game) (15 page)

“
Are you sure?”

“
I feel absolutely weak, I’m so tired. I’m sure.” Glancing over her shoulder, she saw both kids still sound asleep. She got out in her driveway.

Steve
exited the car and popped the trunk. He carried her two suitcases in the house.

“
Tell the kids good-bye for me.” She slipped her arms around his waist.

“
I will.” He kissed the tip of her nose.

“
Anything I can do before I go?”

Sh
e shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

They kissed a long, slow good-bye kiss.

“I love you,” she told him. “Thank you for everything this weekend.”

“
I love you, too. I hope you had fun, for the most part.”

She squeezed his butt with both hands.
“Of course I did. I’ll see you tomorrow night?”

“
Absolutely.” He kissed her one more time, and left.

Catlin unpacked her suitcases then went to bed. She felt queasy in her stomach, and extremely tired.
She slept fitfully again that night, waking for hours at a time, thinking about Christian. Her thoughts would eventually stray to Nick, and that upset her. She loved Steve so much, and could not imagine why she kept thinking of Nick. It made her angry at herself. She was still grouchy and queasy when she got up the next morning.

Jetta noticed her mood, and asked her about it.
“The romantic weekend not go well?”

Catlin shook her head.
“It was fine.”

“
Fine.” Jetta repeated. “That’s a word I use to describe to math paper. Not a romantic weekend.”

Catlin chuckled.
“It was good, really. I’m just worn out. I think I’m coming down with a bug or something. I feel icky.”

Jetta laughed.
“Stay away from me, then. I don’t want your germs.”

Catlin grabbed her soda can
. “Look who’s talking. Buy your own soda, why don’t you?”

She made it thought the day, and went over to Steve’s after work.

“
Hey.” He smiled as she walked in to the kitchen. “I’m glad to see you.” He put his arms around her and kissed her. “I got used to spending all that time with you. I missed you today.”

She
collapsed into him. “Me too. What a long day.”

“
Come sit down. You look tired.”

“
I feel like crap. I think I’m coming down with something. I’ve felt lousy all day.”

He sat her on the sofa, and put her feet up.
“Are you hungry?”

“
No.” She shook her head, and held her stomach.

“
Want me to get you a blanket?”

“
I just want to go home. I don’t think I can relax here.”

“
Catlin.” He looked at her. “Are you mad at me?”

“
No,” she said honestly, and stood. “I’m just feeling bad. I shouldn’t have come. I’m going to take off. I’ll talk to you later.”

“
I could come home with you.”

She waved
him off. “Stay with the kids, honey. I just want to sleep.”

“
You want your stuff from the weekend?” He motioned to the other couch, where their shopping bags were.

“
Some other time. I’ll talk to you later.” Catlin left quickly, the queasy feeling returning.

She
made it home and to the toilet before she threw up, then crawled into bed. Tossing and turning until midnight, she finally pulled the phone into bed with her. She pulled out the business card Craig had given her and dialed.

“
Hello?” his sleepy voice answered.

“
Craig? It’s me, Catlin.”

“
Catlin!” He woke up quickly. “What are you doing? Is something wrong?”

“
No, not really. I just needed to talk to you.”

“
In the middle of the night? This better be good.”

“
I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have bothered you. Never mind.” She hung up, and lay back in her bed.

The phone rang back at her. She picked it up quickly.

“Hello Craig,” she said.

“
Don’t call me after ten years and then say never mind. What’s going on?”

“
Dammit, I’m so confused. I just don’t know what to do.”

“
About what?” He yawned.

“Are you sure you want to hear this?”

“
I’m sure. About what?”

“
About Nick….and his son.”

“
Your son,” he reminded her.

“
My son. Oh Craig, what should I do?”

“
What do you want to do? I thought you weren’t interested.”

“
I wasn’t. But I can’t get him off my mind. I’ve made myself sick worrying about this.”

“
Why in the hell are you worrying? Why don’t you just come down here and meet him?”

“
Because this can’t be happening to me now. A few months ago I was alone and lonely and I would have jumped at this opportunity. But now, things are different. I have a new life going now, Craig.”

“
A new life without room for old children?”

She groaned.
“I don’t know how to tell Steve. He has no idea about any of this.”

“
Well, if he’s half the mature, responsible guy that you say he is, don’t you think he’ll understand about Chris? You made the best decision you could at age sixteen. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the right decision now.”

“
When did I say he was mature and responsible?”

Craig didn
’t answer.

“
Did Nick tell you everything I said?”

“
Some of it,” Craig admitted. “He told me it felt good seeing you again. He couldn’t believe how beautiful you are.”

“
He told you that?”

“
Yeah. I told him...you look just like me.”

She laughed.
“That part is true. The kids noticed the resemblance right off.”

“
Nice kids.” Craig yawned again.

“
I should let you go. It’s late.”

“
Wait. I have to ask, did it feel good seeing Nick again?”

She whispered as if someone else was going to hear.
“Yeah, it did. It scares me.”

“
That’s great,” he told her “You and Nick were terrific together.”

“
Steve and I are terrific together.”

“
Cat, don’t tackle this all at once. Take it one step at a time. Why don’t you come down and meet Chris? You won’t regret it.”

“
I think I have to. I can’t go on in this tortured state I’m in right now.”

Craig chuckled.
“Great. When can you get here?”

“
I was hoping to come right away. Like, tomorrow. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, and I’m making myself sick. I’ve just got to do this.”

“
Tomorrow is good. Let me give you directions to the house. What’s your cell number? I’ll text you.”

“
I don’t text. You’ll have to tell me the old-fashioned way.”

Craig
heaved a loud sigh then gave Catlin their address, and directions how to get there. She wrote it all down, and then told him good night. She was finally able to sleep a little, but she was still a bundle of nerves.

The next morning she phoned school and told Frank she was sick.
She would probably need a substitute the rest of the week. He agreed, and told her to get well soon.

Catlin next phoned Steve at work. His secretary said he was in a meeting.

“Could you please slip him a note and tell him it’s Catlin? I need two minutes of his time.”

She obliged, and he was quickly on the phone.
“Hey, how are you?”

“
Hi. I’m okay. I slept a little better last night. But I have something to tell you. I’m going back to Kansas City today. I need to straighten things out with Craig. I just wanted to let you know I’m leaving.”

“
Leaving? Today? What about work?”

“
I can’t work, I can’t eat, and I have to get this over with. I have to go today.”

“
Catlin, I don’t understand what this is all about.”

“
I know you don’t, and I can’t tell you now. But I promise to tell you when I get back. That’s going to have to be good enough. I’m sorry, Steve.”

He hesitated,
and then sighed. “Well, I guess I opened this Pandora’s Box. I suppose there’s not much I can say.”

“
I love you with all my heart,” she told him. “I’ll call you tonight at nine, okay?”

“
I love you too.”

Chapter Twelve

Catlin found the house easily with Craig
’s directions. She parked in the driveway and before she went in, she called the newspaper office and left voicemail for Steve. “I just wanted to let you know I got here okay. I love you. I’ll talk to you tonight.”

She got out of the car just as the front door opened. Craig and Nick walked out to greet her.

“Wow, look at this!” Craig looked over her Jaguar. “Bring the old man’s car, did ya?”

“
Nope, it’s mine. And before you ask, I’m paying for it myself.”

Nick whistled
. “I always said I’d have me one of these.”

She smiled at him.
“I know. Why do you think I bought it?”

He gave her a look
.

She
shrugged. “So what are you driving these days? The VW Bus?”

“
I wish I still had that thing, it’d be worth some dough. No, I’m driving Craig’s old Mustang convertible.”

“
No way.” She was amazed the old car still ran.

He nodded.
“I love that beast. It still purrs like a kitten for me.”

“
I want to see it! I loved that car, too,” she admitted.

Nick
grinned. “Yeah, if I recall, you purred like a kitten when we got going in that baby.”

“
Nick.” She faced him. “Please don’t make this any harder than it has to be. I’m here for Christian.”

He held up his ha
nds. “Okay. I was just kidding. Come inside.”

She
followed them in and looked around their house. Modern with open, high beamed ceilings and sky lights, the place was otherwise a man cave. Their furniture was overstuffed brown leather. A huge flat screen TV covered one wall in the front room, with several video games hooked up to it.

“
Nice. It could use a woman’s touch, though.”

Nick pointed to the coffee table.
“We got coasters.”

She
laughed. “All you need is one of those machines where you clap, and it sends a beer rolling down to your chair.”

“
Nah,” Craig told her “That’s what we have girls over for.”

“
Oh, ha ha.” She shoved his arm, and followed him around the rest of the house.

Christian’s room was large and full of
stuff
. He had bunk beds, a TV, DVD player and more video games in his room.

“
Holy crap.” She glanced the place over. “Couldn’t send a kid to this room as punishment.”

“
We’re comfortable.” Nick shrugged.

“
I see that.” She looked at Craig. “Long way from the farmhouse in Kincaid.”

He
smiled. “A very long way.”

They wandered back out to the front room, and sat down.

“Want me to clap my hands and get you a beer?” Craig asked.

“
No thank you. My stomach has been in knots since Friday night. Do you have any clear soda?”

“
Yep.” He went to the kitchen and came back with her drink, then sat in a chair across from her.

“
So.” She looked at Nick. “What time does Chris get home from school?”

“
I’ll pick him up at three. I need to prepare him a little before we get here and meet you.”

“
What are you going to tell him?”

“
The truth. He knows who you are. He’s seen pictures, anyway.”

“
Oh shit.” She held her head in her hands.

N
ick and Craig chuckled at her. Craig made a clucking noise. “You kiss your boyfriend with that filthy mouth?”

“
Shut up.” She shook her head. “I have been cussing more since I met you again. Tell
me
who the bad influences are.”

Craig grinned.
“Wait until you meet you son. You’ll see what a great kid he is. You won’t worry about the bad influences so much.”

“
What must he think of me?”

Nick
said, “He thinks you’re beautiful. He’s seen pictures, but nothing recent. He’s going to be in shock, he’ll be so happy.”

“
But how do you think he’s going to react to my being here?” She didn’t know how
she
was going to react, let alone a nine-year-old boy.

“
He’ll be happy.” Nick said. “Oh, he won’t admit it at first, because he’s going through an angry phase right now. But deep down, he’s going to be so very happy.”

“
I agree.” Craig said. “This shit he’s been pulling lately, this acting out. I’m not sure where it’s coming from. But I think resolving the issue about you can only make it better.”

“
So he’s been getting in some trouble lately?” she asked.

“
Small stuff,” Nick replied. “He’s gotten pretty mouthy. Now I admit, he does hear some language from us. But all of a sudden, he’s using it. And man, does it make my mother angry.”

“
Well, we can’t have that, now can we?” Catlin’s voice oozed sarcasm.

“
Hey,” Nick said “Chris has to live there when we’re on the road. It just makes life harder for him when he’s causing trouble, and making the folks angry.”

She
nodded without further comment.

Craig laughed.
“And his newest thing, you’ll love this, is sex. They had this ‘your body is growing up’ talk at school, and he came home full of questions. We tried to answer him honestly, but shit, he’s had more questions every day since then. I think he’s obsessed.”

“
Sounds like his father,” Catlin said.

Nick threw a pillow at her. He stood up.
“I’m going to pick him up. We’ll be back in about a half hour.” He pointed at Catlin. “Be ready.”

“
Thanks.” She smiled nervously as he left. “Oh God, the butterflies are back.” She held her stomach.

Craig moved over to the couch next to her.
“It’s going to be fine. He really is a neat kid. I think you’ll be pleased.”

“
I can’t believe this is happening.” She looked around. “This is bizarre.”

“
Yeah, it’s weird that you’re finally here. A good weird, though.”

A good weird?
She wasn’t so sure.

“
Just remember what we told you about his acting out lately. He’s probably going to try and shock you. He’ll want to see how you react.”

She nodded.
“I’ll try to be cool.”

They talked for a little while longer, and then
Catlin heard the garage door open, and close. She looked in that direction as Nick and Christian came in the house.

“
Hello,” Nick spoke first. “We’re home.”

Catlin stood up and
gazed at Christian.
He’s so tall!
He was trim and wiry, even under a bulky jacket. His brown hair stood spiked in front and fell over his collar in the back, much like his father’s. But his eyes were all hers. “Hi,” she said softly.

“
Hello.” Chris looked her over as he peeled out of his coat and set his backpack on a chair. “It’s snowing.”

“
It is?” She looked out the window. Fat, wet flakes had already covered the driveway. “Wow, I didn’t know it was supposed to snow.”

Chris
said, “It’s supposed to snow
a lot
. They said we might have a snow day tomorrow if it keeps up.”

“
That would be fun. I love snow days.”

He looked at her strangely.
“I thought you were a teacher.”

“
I am. I teach high school English.”

“
Teachers don’t like snow days, do they?”

“
Are you kidding?” She laughed “We like a day off just as much as you do, maybe more. Especially a day where we don’t have meetings to go to. See, that’s what usually happens when the kids get a day off, the teachers have what they call ‘in-service meetings’. Long and boring, I promise you.”

Chris
nodded his head, and looked at Nick “Can I have a snack?”

Nick shrugged
. “Whatever you want. Why don’t you ask Catlin if she’d like something?”

Chris
looked at her. “Are you hungry?”

Catlin smiled
. “I could eat a cracker. If you have any.”

“
All kinds of crackers.” He went to the kitchen and pulled out a box of saltines, and a box of wheat crackers. He kept rummaging and Catlin said, “These are fine.” She picked up the saltines and started nibbling on one.

Chris
got a napkin and poured some crackers on it for himself. He looked at the men in the room. “Dad? Uncle Craig?” He held out the box.

Craig snatched a cracker off
the napkin. “Thanks, kid.”

Catlin
was amused by the easy manner between her brother and Chris. The three of them, including Nick, seemed quite comfortable. She squirmed a little, wondering how she fit into the mix.

After his snack,
Chris took Catlin in his room to show her his stuff. She noticed a bulletin board she had missed before, and looked at some of the pictures on it. Chris by himself in a soccer uniform, and one with a soccer team. Chris in a baseball uniform, and posing with a baseball team. A picture of Chris, Nick, and Craig sitting under a Christmas tree. Catlin studied that one. They made a strange looking family, but they seemed happy.

“
These are good,” she told him.

“
That was last Christmas.”

She looked at him
. “Christmas is coming again soon.”

“
Yeah,” he said, and turned away from her “Maybe I’ll get my wish this year.”

Catlin sat down on the bottom bunk bed.
“What’s your wish, honey?”

The boy looked at her.
“Nothing.”

Catlin patted the spot next to her.
“Chris, sit down.”

He did, but wasn
’t looking at her.

“
Something is bugging me, and I think I’d feel better if I could talk about it,” she told him.

“
What?”

“
Your dad told me that you know who I am.”

He didn
’t look at her, but nodded.

“
What did he tell you, Chris?”

He looked out the window.
“That you’re my mother.”

“
Yep.” She nodded. “I guess I’m wondering how you feel about that?”

“
I don’t know,” he said truthfully.

“
Okay. I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable with me. And I want you to know you can ask me anything.”

He looked at her.
“Why are you here?”

Right to the point.
“I’m not sure I know the answer to that one. Your dad thought it was time we met, I guess.”

He looked down at the floor again,
and then stood up. “Do you like Nintendo?”

“
I don’t know much about it,” she admitted, looking at the video games on his floor.

“
These are old systems, Super Nintendo and Game Cube. The Wii U is on the big TV. Want to see it?”

“
Sure.” Catlin followed him to the front room. Chris demonstrated the sophisticated game system, and showed Catlin how to play. Nick and Craig came in to watch, as Chris beat her game after game racing their cars around the track in Mario Kart. “Dang!” Catlin yelled as her car went over the edge for the last time. “This is rigged! I don’t want to be that stupid pink girl.”

“
Princess Peach,” Nick informed her.

Catlin looked at him. She said to
Chris “Gimme somebody tougher. Who’s that big guy?”

“
Bowser.” Chris helped her choose him as her player. 

Catlin fared slightly better with Bowser, but
Chris still beat her endlessly. Finally Craig told them, “One more round, then dinner’s ready.”

Catlin squealed as she raced her car around the track, and came in first place in the final round.

Nick and Chris were laughing with her. “You did it!” Chris called.

“
Geez!” Catlin shook her head, and put down the controller. “That’s fun!” She looked at Chris suspiciously. “Did you let me win?”

He started to answer but she interrupted
“No, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. Let me revel in my victory a little while longer.”