Blackness Within (34 page)

I rest my elbows on the mattress while Roman grips my hips, sliding in and out slowly. When he bottoms out and pauses, I look over my shoulder to find him staring at the ceiling.

“Roman?” I whisper.

His midnight gaze slowly drops, finding my mine. Now I’m freaked. His face is a mask of frustration, anger.

I slide away from him and curl into a ball against the headboard. Roman remains on his knees, watching my every move.

I keep my eyes locked on his, waiting.

“I can’t do this anymore, Natasha,” he mumbles, running his palms over his face and dropping his ass to his heels.

It’s happening. I’m being sent away. I knew it. I knew this would happen when I was at my weakest. I feel tears pooling as I wait for my final farewell.

When Roman’s hands fall away from his face, his gaze becomes confused at my reaction to his dismissal. I’m not sure what he expected, but I guess tears weren’t part of his plan.

“You’re upset,” he states confusedly.

I nod.

“I’m done with this. I need to carry on…move forward.”

I nod again as the first tear streams down my cheek to be followed by hundreds more.

Roman shakes his head and climbs from the bed in all his naked glory, his rock hard dick still at full-mast. I wonder who will take my place or worse whose place I’ll take.

I stare mindlessly at the baby monitor peering in at Ivan. I’m certain I’ll never see him again and I feel the tears streaking my cheeks morphing into sobs. I’m devastated. I’m obliterated. How will I go on?

Roman rustles around in the room for a few moments before coming back to the edge of them bed.

This is it. The moment he removes me from his side and keeps me trapped in his world.

I muster up the gumption to look into his face after whispering a near silent goodbye to Ivan.

Now it’s my turn to be confused. Roman is sitting on the bed, one leg hanging over the side but his waist is swiveled in my direction. There’s a black box in his hand and a massive diamond gleaming from within it.

My brows knit together as I try to process what’s happening.

“I’m ready to make you my wife. Marry me, Natasha,” Roman’s rough voice breaks through my daze.

I look into his midnight gaze to find him steadfast in his demand. He’s not asking, he’s decided for me. More tears pour down my cheeks at the realization that this is the only proposal I’ll ever get. I won’t get romance on bended knee. I won’t get promises of love and adoration. I won’t get anything other than what I already have. My half-full life.

I nod in response because I can’t find the words to agree. I don’t have a choice and I don’t want the alternative. I’m his.

He drops his chin to his chest in relief before popping his head back up plastered with his gorgeous smile. His dragon seems to be grinning as his stars twinkle. He pulls the ring from the box and slides it on my finger before tossing the box across the room.

The diamond stretches from knuckle to knuckle on my hand. It’s beyond a ring. It’s a statement. I’m his.

Roman bows his head and kisses the ring before tugging me toward him.

“Why were you upset?” he asks after settling me in his lap.

I peer up at him through my wet lashes and whisper, “I thought you were done with me.”

“I’ll never be done with you,” he promises.

I know he won’t. He’ll possess me in one way or another for the rest of my life. A chill races up my spine as a vision of my future passes through me. I’ll never be anything other than what I am right now. I’ll only be his and what he wants me to be. I’ll never decide what my life looks like. I’ll never decide what clothes to wear or what to eat. I’ll never decide when I sleep or when I wake. I’ll merely be a puppet for Roman to control and maneuver at his will. I’m no longer Natasha Reynolds. I’m Pinocchio with no Jiminy Cricket to save me.

Roman lays me down on the bed and proceeds to make soft sweet love to me, facing me the entire time. I cling to him with everything I have, relishing the knowledge of what my half-full future looks like. The blackness within me grows everyday and soon it will snuff out any of the light I ever had.

O’Sullivan

Cara floats down the stairs in her cap and gown while I smash down the emotions rolling through me.

“This fuckin’ sucks,” Kav murmurs in my ear.

“No shit,” I scoff.

“Blows,” Cal chimes in.

“Fuckin’ hate it,” Finn keeps the merriment going.

“Shit-tastic,” Aidan grumbles.

“Will you please shut the fuck up?” Kid growls at us.

None of us has the decency to look ashamed. Cara’s graduating from high school and moving away to college. She’s only going thirty miles away to the University of Kansas, but she’s still leaving. As you can tell, none of us is happy about this development.

Cole, Sawyer and Dane follow in Cara’s wake down the stairs just as they will to college. She won’t be alone. It gives us all enough peace to allow her to go, but only just. It feels like we just got her and now we’re letting her go. I’m not happy about this in the least. The worst part is she’s decided to start summer school in a few weeks to get a head start. She moves next month. Today definitely blows along with being one of the best days of my life.

“Mom, stop with the pictures,” Sawyer drones at Kat with barely any conviction.

“I’ll take as many pictures as I want, Sawyer,” Kat informs him before clicking the camera at a rate that would make paparazzi jealous.

The four of them assemble at the bottom of the stairs, wrapping their arms around each other’s shoulders. They all beam smiles while Kat and Kid snap away. The gate rings and I know the rest of our family has arrived for the festivities.

Sure as shit, when Kav pulls the front door open the world that we live in filters through. My ma and pop along with Collin and Hugh, Kav’s dad along with his twin brothers Ryan and Adam, Cal’s folks round out the parentals. Kieran and Quinn slide in behind the group with all the kids in tow, Karl laughing at the threshold with them.

Jesus we’re a mishmash of bizarre.

We’re mostly ignored for the teenagers big day. Not that any of us give a shit about that. It’s their day.

Butch is the last to make his way to the celebration. His involvement with the Vojtech Bratva keeps him away more often than not at this point. I hate myself a little more every time I see him. The job is taking its toll and I don’t know if it’s going to help in the long run.

When Butch enters the great room, he makes a beeline for Cara, wrapping her in a fierce hug before clapping all the boys on the back. Once he’s done, he locks eyes with me and gestures his head toward the backyard.

It’s time.

I move quickly in the direction of the glass doors. Once we’re both outside, we move to the side of the pool house so we’re not seen. I don’t want to ruin the teenager’s day with the reality that’s about to hit me.

“Found the hole,” Butch says quietly, looking around for prying ears.

“What?” I encourage him to fill me in.

“Engagement party. Tonight. At Bar.”

The idea of Natasha at her engagement party with Vojtech makes my stomach clench. I can’t believe I’ve left her there long enough to get that deep. It’s been months since I beat his ass and that picture of her on his phone still haunts my every minute.

“Brian, promise me you’ll be smart about this. I’ve seen her. She’s hanging on by a thread. I don’t know what he’s done to her, but she’s a shell of a human being. There’s no life in her eyes, no spark,” Butch informs me solemnly.

He’s already told me this, but something about the look on his marred face and the tone of his voice tells me it’s worse than before. Vojtech’s used her up from the inside out. I have to get her before she’s lost to him forever.

“I’m goin’ with you,” a familiar soft voice comes from around the corner.

Butch and I spin to face her, shocked she’s here.

“No fuckin’ way,” I growl.

“You need someone with you. I’m the right person for it. Shannon and Kat aren’t able to be there for you right now. You can’t take the guys. I’m it and you know it.” Cara’s features are set and determined as she speaks.

“Baby Girl, there’s no way in hell you’re comin’ with me for this. It’s ridiculous and you know it.”

“I know you’re drowning without her. I know you’ll do anything to get to her and that means you’ll do something stupid and end up hurt or worse. Shannon’s trained me for this. I’m just like her, only younger and not pregnant. I can help you. I will help you. If you don’t take me with you, I’ll come on my own,” she states defiantly, sounding so much like Kid I pause to remind myself this is my baby sister that I’ve sworn to protect.

“Cara.”

“Brian.”

“Jesus, you’re worse than Kid. What is it you think you can do for me that I can’t do for myself?”

“I’m ten times a better shot that you are. I’m a beautiful woman that distracts men easily. I’m not emotionally tied to this, other than ensuring my brother isn’t murdered because he’s not thinking clearly. I’ve got you.”

She’s right. I know she’s right and I don’t give a fuck. There’s no way I’m taking her with me. I’ll die before I put her within reach of these monsters. So I lie to the young woman that’s captured more of my soul than I knew was available.

“All right. You can come. But you can’t tell the Cooper brothers or anyone else. This has to stay between us,” I dictate strongly.

“I won’t tell a soul,” she assures me through a dazzling smile that makes me feel like a dick.

“Go back in there before someone comes lookin’ for you.”

She strides to me and engulfs my neck with her slender arms before placing a soft kiss on my cheek.

“Love you,” she whispers against my skin.

“Love you too, Baby Girl,” I murmur into her auburn locks.

She floats away as silently as she originally approached.

“You did the right thing,” Butch reassures me once Cara’s out of earshot.

“I know. I still feel like a fuckin’ dick for lyin’ to her,” I grumble.

“You did the right thing,” he repeats with a clap on my back. “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thanks for everything, Butch.”

“I’ll have my revenge for Mia and Kathy tonight. Nothin’ to thank me for.”

With a sad smile, he leaves me standing there with a thousand questions unanswered. I don’t focus on that for long as Zeus bounds out of the backdoor followed closely by Blake.

You wouldn’t believe how he looks. The man in the pictures that lined Natasha’s walls is back and better than ever. His hair is buzzed short so he can re-grow a proper mane. His jaw is strong and square. His eyes are bright and full of life other than the dim that sets in when he talks about his sister. His shoulders are broad with muscle, building more every day. He’s gained a good forty or fifty pounds and it shows with every stride he takes toward me.

“What’s up?” he greets me with a fist up for a bump.

“Found the hole,” I admit and his features harden.

“What?” he whispers, looking around for anyone listening, much like Butch did.

“Engagement party at Bar tonight,” I whisper back.

“Fuck me,” he grumbles.

“No time to plan anything and it’s all on you and me.”

“Like I said, fuck me.”

“We’ll get her this time,” I assure the both of us.

“I’ll die tryin’.”

“No one’s dyin’. We’re gettin’ her and that’s the end of it.”

“Figure this shit out after the graduation?” he asks, motioning his head toward the house full of the people I love.

“I’m gonna make some calls first. You go in and distract anyone that tries comin’ out.”

“No problem,” he replies with a cocky grin Kav would be jealous of.

He saunters away and I pull my phone out and get to work. I think quick on my feet and my brain is in an Olympic sprint at this point. When I’ve gotten all I can done, I run around the yard with Zeus for a little while. When I’m with him, I feel Natasha.

Blake moved out about six weeks ago and took Zeus with him. We all hated to see them both go, but understood Blake needs to make a life for himself. He’s clean. He’s working. He’s made new friends in us. He just needs his sister back to make the change whole.

“We’re leavin’,” Kid yells from the backdoor, her belly poking out with a cute baby bump.

“Comin’,” I shout back and race Zeus to the door.

Tonight’s the night I get back the woman I forced into another man’s arms. I’m excited. I’m thrilled. I’m hungry for blood. And I’m ready for whatever fight I come upon.

If I only could have imagined what a war that fight would become.