Black & Ugly (33 page)

"Parade ain't like the other females I've met. She seems
loyal to her friends and even though I've succeeded in
convincing her that I care about her, she ain't saying
shit. As a matter of fact, I'm sure she didn't have anything to do with what happened to your wife. I don't
know about the others, but she's introducing me to the
rest of them tomorrow, and if I don't get the answer I
want from somebody, I'm killin' everybody."

"That's what I want to hear," Smokes says and
hangs up the phone.

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30

Sky

"I DIDN'T KNOW Y'ALL STILL wanted me to come."

"Why wouldn't we, Sky? Stop acting like that," Miss Wayne says.

"Well, did you tell Parade and Daffany I'm coming?" I ask.

"Sky, we've been friends damn near all our lives.

And no matter what, we've always gotten together on the last Friday of every month."

"And your point?" I question.

"And my point is, Miss Smarty-pants
,
that I don't have to tell them anything because we've always expected you to be there, and Miss Parade is bringing over her new boyfriend, so I figured you'd want to meet him."

Since he put it like that, I know I have to be there.

I want to show her exactly how quickly a man can lose focus. I'll be doing her a favor. There's no reason for her to get too attached. It'll never last anyway. Even though Jay isn't fucking with her, I want her to see that
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most men will stray.

"Of course I'll be there, baby," I say happily.

"
Okay
," he responds, probably wondering what gave me a change of heart.

"Well, let me go and throw something on."

"Bye, chile," he says and he hangs up.

The first thing I go for is my black Donna Karan dress that I will dress down a little with my custom-made jean jacket. I also grab my jewelry and jump in the shower.

The moment I'm out of the bathroom, I call Jay to cancel our plans for the night. I intended to show him how sorry I am for not trusting him, but I can do that tomorrow.

"Hey, baby."

"Yeah." He pauses. "What?" he says real coldly.

"What's wrong with you?" I ask, trying to soften him up.

"Nothin'. We still on tonight or what?" I can definitely tell that he wants to get straight to the point.

"Actually, that's what I want to talk to you about. I forgot our monthly thing is tonight, so I won't be able to come."

"I thought you said you ain't fuck with them for whateva reason."

"I did, but I realize I miss them now."

"Yeah, whateva. Look. About us ... I ain't fuckin'

wit' you no more. I was gonna tell you straight up tonight, but since we ain't meetin', I can tell you over
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the phone."

I sit down on the sofa and ask him to repeat what he just said to me.

"I don't understand, Jay," I say, scared he'll say the same thing. "Why are you doing this?"

"'Cuz, Shawty, I'm tired of your fuckin' mouth. You act like a fuckin' kid. That shit you pulled the other day was bullshit. You played yourself."

"Baby, please don't do this to me. Don't do this to us," I plead as I try not to beg but convince him that I need him.

"Listen, you been crowdin' my style for a while now. So, for real, it was just a matter of time before I cut you off. Don't take it bad. What we had was cool while it lasted."

"I been crowdin' your style for how long, Jay?" I inquire, starting to get mad. "I mean, how long have you felt this way?"

"For the past year. I've been wantin' to cut you off for a minute, but I felt sorry for you. I just ain't know how to say it. Plus, I didn't feel like hearin' your fuckin' mouth."

"So, if that's the case, you never really wanted to marry me, did you?"

Silence.

"Listen, it just ain't workin', a'ight?" he continues in a low voice.

"Jay," I say as I brace myself for this question, "is it because of Parade?"

"Yeah, I wish," he answers with a laugh. "Shawty
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stopped takin' my calls ever since you did that shit to her. She ain't havin' nothing else to do with me." I'm trying to calm down, but he just admitted to sleeping with my friend and wanting her and not me.

My world is slipping from underneath me.

"Hey, baby," my moms says as she comes from her bedroom. "How you like this ad me and your father took for Sean John last weekend? It just printed today."

"Not right now, Ma," I respond as I look up at her from the floor.

"Okay," she says, seeing my tears but leaving the room.

I need to be alone while I do something I've never done - beg a man to stay, beg him to give me another chance and pray that he will.

"Is there anything," I ask real slowly, "
anything
at all that I can do to make you stay with me? I can be everything she was to you, baby. I know I have a problem with my mouth sometimes. I can work on that for you. Just don't do this."

"Naw, man. It's ova," he insists and ends the call.

I run into my room and immediately start crying.

Who's gonna take care of me now? I spent so much time with Jay that I haven't even pursued anybody else.

I hate that fuckin' bitch. She back-stabbed me in the worst way this time. And now she can have Jay any time she wants.

I don't understand. I can't understand. What did she do that's so fucking special? Just a few weeks ago,
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she couldn't even dress. I bet he was giving her money, too. Maybe Miss Wayne's in on it as well. Probably Daffany, too. I can't stand none of them. They were probably laughing behind my back the whole time.

I reach under my bed to grab the photo album of me, Miss Wayne, Daffany and Parade and rip up all the pictures. I finally realize that the only person I have in this world is me. I kick off my shoes, lie on my bed and cry my like there's no tomorrow.

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31

Daffany

"JUST TELL ME THE TRUTH, Mamma. It's not like everybody don't know already. Do you know how embarrassing this is?" I say as I lean up against the bare wall in her apartment while she continues to pace the floor.

She doesn't have one picture of me in her place and I'm her only child. This place is as ugly and gloomy as it was when I left it.

"I don't know what you talking about, Daffany," my mother answers as she continuously rubs her arms

- typical crackhead behavior. "They lyin' on me."

"Ma," I say, trying not to be upset, "I don't care about my stuff no more. My friends brought me all new things. I just need to know why you stole from me.

That's all I wanna know." I slump down on her mattress on the living room floor.

She looks at me and tries to touch me. I pull away, not wanting to have any feelings for a woman who cares only for herself. All my life she's been addicted to
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