Black Dagger (Mad Jackals Brotherhood MC Book 1) (6 page)

Chapter Eight

“How do you know about this place? It opened after your time.” She looks at him quizzically and finds him returning her stare but there’s something very different in his gaze, something animalistic and so hot it makes her feel like she’s burning up.

“Like I said, this isn’t the first time I’ve been back.” Ray shrugs, avoiding her eyes and Mia feels the walls go back up around him.

“And am I going to hear any more behind that story?” Mia puts her hands on her hips, frustrated at how mysterious Ray is insisting on being.

“Maybe.” He smiles and he’s devastating, making Mia’s mouth go dry. “How about a drink first?”

He leads her into the bar and, for the first time, it hits her that there could be any number of people there that know her and Eli. That would be the worst way for Eli to find out Ray was back in town.

“This was a bad idea. We should go.” Mia has already turned around, heading back towards the door before she’s realized it’s too late.

“Mia! Long time no see!” Jared envelops Mia in a bear hug, lifting her off her feet and she laughs breathlessly as he puts her down, smiling up at him.

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve been busy.” She shrugs apologetically and notices Ray has gone completely still and he’s staring at the hand that Jared still has on her shoulder.

“Who’s your friend?” Jared looks suspiciously at Ray, his eyes narrowed and his hand not moving from its protective hold on Mia’s shoulder.

“Jared, this is Ray. Ray, this is Jared, he owns this place.” Mia forces herself to smile as she watches the two men shake hands as they size each other up with an impressive lack of subtlety.

“Good to meet you. Any friend of Mia’s…” Jared lets the phrase hang in the air as he tries to stare Ray down and Mia sighs in frustration.

“So how do you two know each other?” Ray doesn’t take his eyes off of Jared as he asks the question and Mia wonders if anyone else has noticed that the levels of testosterone in the bar have edged up a notch.

“I worked here when Jared opened, Friday through Sunday nights; it pretty much paid my college tuition!” Mia forces a brightness in her voice and she wonders if she sounds as much like Polly Anna as she thinks she does.

“Guys would come for the drinks and stay just to stare at Mia. My profits tumbled when she quit!” Jared nudges Mia playfully and she blushes under the feel of Ray’s scrutiny.

“Is that so?” Ray’s expression doesn’t give anything away, but Mia can tell from his voice that he’s angry.

“So how you doing, girl? You still with Woody?” Jared frowns at her, ignoring Ray.

“Don’t call him that!” Mia gives him a playful shove, but it’s like trying to move a mountain. Jared spends a lot of time in the gym – his bar never needed a bouncer, not when the owner looks like a slightly more muscular Arnold Schwarzenegger.

“Mia, we should go.” Ray walks past her, taking hold of her hand and almost dragging her back towards the door.

“Go? But you only just got here!” Jared frowns at Ray. “Is this guy bothering you, Mia?”

Mia can feel Ray squaring up behind her, and she rushes in between them to head any thoughts of violence off at the pass. “It’s all good, Jared. We just forgot we have to be somewhere. Say hi to Taylor for me. See you soon!” Mia barely manages to get the last words out before Ray has pulled her through the door and started marching her towards a motel on the opposite side of the street. She digs her heels in and forces Ray to stop. “Hey, what is wrong with you?” She shakes off his hand and immediately feels bereft when he lets his arm drop.

“What’s wrong with me? You’re all worried about being seen having a drink with me when you’ve been sleeping with half the town!” Ray’s eyes are blazing as he stares at her and Mia steps back at the fire in his words.

“What?” Her eyes widen as realization dawns. “Is that what you think of me? That I just go around hooking up with whoever?” She’s so angry it almost covers the hurt that he would think the worst of her.

“I call it like I see it.” Ray shrugs and points towards the bar. “Jared. Woody, Taylor. Is there anyone else that I should know about?”

“No, there’s no one
you
should know about. And you want to know why, Ray? Because
you
left
me
. You’re the one that disappeared. I don’t owe you any kind of an explanation and if you just wanted to come here to jump to idiotic conclusions and behave like an asshole then you could have saved yourself the trip!” Mia spins on her heel and starts walking back towards the parking lot of the bar, only to remember her car isn’t there. “Shitfuck.”

“Mia, stop.” She can hear Ray coming up behind her and she steels herself as he touches her, spinning her around to look at him. “I’m sorry. You don’t owe me any explanations. You’re right.”

Mia struggles out of his hold and takes a step back, putting distance between them again. Even angry and upset, she can sense the connection between them; it pulls her towards him and she can’t allow herself to give into it.

“I know I’m right! Goddammit!” She paces around, trying to work out some of the anger that’s bubbling up inside of her. She doesn’t usually lash out; she’s not that kind of person; she’s used to being the calm, collected one. That’s why her professors say she’ll make such a good counselor. But Ray seems to manage to push her buttons. There’s something about him that just flips a switch inside of her and she becomes pure emotion.

“And not that it’s any of your business, but Jared was my boss. That’s it. Nothing happened between us. He’s a friend, nothing more and Taylor, his
boyfriend
, would probably find it pretty friggin’ hilarious that you think I slept with either of them!” Mia watches as Ray’s expression turns from contrition to embarrassment, as he understands how very wrong he had it all.

“And Woody?” His voice is quiet, undemanding, but his eyes are wary, as if he’s afraid of what she might say.

“It’s Jared’s nickname for Eli. They’ve never really liked each other. Jared used to say that Eli was about as exciting as a plank of wood, hence the nickname.” Mia wraps her arms around herself as the wind picks up. Her anger had been keeping her warm but now that the adrenaline has rushed out of her system she feels frozen to the bone.

“You’re cold. Let’s get you inside.” But Ray doesn’t lead her to the bar, instead his feet move towards the motel.

“Where are we going? I don’t want to go anywhere with you.” Mia knows she sounds like a spoiled teenager, but she feels like she has the right to feel wronged.

Ray sighs deeply, but stops and turns to her to explain. “I behaved like an asshole to Jared so I don’t particularly feel like going back into his bar right now. Tomorrow, when I’ve calmed down, I’ll go over there and apologize. Besides, as soon as you walked into the bar, you said we should leave. You don’t want anyone to see you with me and report back to Eli. I get that. You’re freezing and my motel room is right over there. I have beer and I think we could both use one.”

Mia looks up at him and sees nothing but sincerity in his eyes. But you’ve been wrong before, she reminds herself. Besides, she’s too angry and hurt to let Ray get away with behaving like an ass and forgive him just like that.

“I’m not going to your motel room, Ray.” She shakes her head, more like she’s trying to convince herself.

“Don’t worry. I think I’ll manage to resist you, especially if you keep looking at me like you want to punch me in the face.” Ray gives her a pointed look and Mia relaxes her features, ignoring the feeling of disappointment brought on by his words. He could resist her; he didn’t want her, not like that, which was a good thing, she tries to tell herself.

“Fine, but it’s not like you wouldn’t deserve it.” She grumbles as she walks towards the door on the ground floor that Ray had pointed out and she hears his soft chuckle behind her as he follows.

“I’ll admit to that. If it makes you feel any better, you can punch me later.” He fumbles with the keycard and Mia wonders if it’s her imagination that his hands seem a little shaky.

“Don’t tempt me.” She keeps her voice light, but the look that passes between them as she steps inside his room makes her breath quicken. To break the tension she looks around at the motel standard-issue magnolia yellow wallpaper, the bed that’s been made with military precision and the nightstand that’s empty and, by all accounts, spotless. “I love what you haven’t done with the place. It looks like you haven’t even slept here.”

Ray smiles wryly at her, reaching into the mini-refrigerator that seems to be fully stocked with beer. “Settling in isn’t exactly my forte. Besides, I don’t plan to be in town that long.”

He hands her a beer and as their hands touch she feels that fission of electricity she’s been trying, unsuccessfully, to put to the back of her mind. Ray’s stare is intense and she’s the first to look away, clearing her throat before she trusts herself to speak.

“So you’re just passing through? Not planning on staying?” She tries to keep the disappointment out of her voice and fails miserably.

“Not for long. I’ve gotta keep moving.” Ray’s back is to her and he doesn’t turn around, doesn’t offer any further explanation and that makes Mia irrationally angry.

She strides over to him, planting herself in his line of sight so he can’t ignore her. “And why is that exactly, Ray? Why all the secrecy, all the mystery? Why did Eli think you were dead? You said I was going to get some answers. Some answers would be good right about now.” Mia watches as Ray’s whole body seems to tense up.

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to, Mia. Didn’t they teach you that at college?” His tone is patronizing and it just serves to make Mia even madder.

“Jesus, Ray. What happened to you? Actually, I don’t want to know, I don’t care. I try to work on a three strikes rule. Strike one was disappearing without a word. Strike two was letting me believe you were dead, knowing what that would do to me. And strike three was pretty much calling me a whore to my face. Now I’m going to go to the front desk and get them to call me a cab. Please don’t follow me and please don’t contact me again. I think you’ve made enough of a mess of things, don’t you?” Mia doesn’t wait for him to answer, but in the time it takes her to get to the front door, Ray is already there, barring her way.

“Mia, I’m sorry. There’s a lot that you want to know and I get that, but it’s not easy to talk about. It’s going to take some time.” Ray looks down at her almost desperately before saying. “Don’t go. Please. I’m sorry.”

“Apologizing is one thing you really seem to have gotten down. But I don’t remember you being this much of an asshole. Is that something you’ve been practicing, as well?” Mia blinks up at him, her face a picture of innocence.

Ray breaks out in a smile in spite of himself. “I guess I deserved that.”

“Damn straight.” Mia bites her lip and steps away from the door, more a decision to get some space between her and Ray than a decision to stay.

“Thank you.” Ray’s words are quiet and full of relief.

“You’re not getting off that lightly. I still want some answers.” Mia takes a swig of her beer, feeling like she needs something to help settle her nerves, to dampen the emotions that threaten to sweep her away.

“That’s fair.” Ray nods in understanding before he settles his bright blue eyes on her again. “I have some questions, too.”

Chapter Nine

Mia swallows hard, remembering the question he’d asked her the night before and the only truthful answer she’d been able to give.

“All right then. How about this? I do it sometimes with my clients.” She ignores Ray’s raised eyebrow. “If you ask me, you have just as many, if not more, issues than any of them, so don’t look at me like that.”

Ray smoothes his expression and shoots her an amused look. “You’re mean when you’re mad.”

“Don’t you forget it!” She smiles crookedly at him and as they lock eyes it feels like all the air has gone out of the room. Mia clears her throat. “All right, so the way it works is you ask me a question that I have to answer and in exchange I ask you one. If you ask me something that I don’t feel comfortable answering then I can pass and vice versa. But if I answer, you have to do the same, no matter what the question. Got it?”

“Got it.” Ray takes a long swig of his beer as if he needs the Dutch courage.

“Okay, then.” Mia takes a deep breath and starts wandering around the room. “You go first.”

“When did you and Eli hook up?” Ray folds his arms, watching her intently.

Mia blinks, surprised and not at the same time that this would be his first question. “The night he told me you’d died.”

“And you didn’t think there was anything strange about that little coincidence?” Ray’s gaze has hardened as he frowns at her.

“You only get one question at a time, Ray.” She bites her lip, trying to force the second question out of her mind. It was something she’d thought about last night, one of the reasons that she hadn’t been able to sleep. Had Eli really thought Ray was dead or had he been lying to her? “My turn. Where have you been?”

Ray sets his shoulders, making himself look like an immoveable object. “A lot of places – crossed the country, got as far as New York and up as far as the Canadian border. I’ve been all over.” His eyes darken as he says the words and Mia wonders what it is that he’s seen that has made him so cautious, so angry, so jaded. “My turn. Why did you run away from me last night?”

Mia bites her bottom lip, watching as Ray’s eyes flare as she does. This isn’t a question she wants to answer but it’s the only way she’s going to get more information from Ray. “I was shocked at seeing you and confused and emotional. I didn’t really know what to do with myself.” She holds her palms out, signaling there isn’t anything more to say.

“You’re not telling me everything. I know that look, Mia. I know you and I know that’s not everything.” Ray takes a step towards her and she takes a step back, needing to keep a physical distance between them. It’s the only thing that’s giving her any breathing space.

“I don’t have to tell you everything, I just have to answer your question and I did.” Mia draws in a breath, ready to ask him the question she’s wanted an answer to for so long. “Why did you leave eight years ago?”

Ray’s shoulders droop as if all the energy has been sucked out of him. “Because I had to.”

“Why did you have to, Ray?” She takes a step closer as if she’s prepared to drag the answer out of him.

“It’s not your turn, Mia. And I already answered your question.” Ray looks straight at her, with no hint of contrition that he’s just cheated her out of a real answer. “Do you love him?”

Mia blinks, the question catching her off guard. Besides, she’ll be damned if she’s going to let him get away with that as an answer. “Who? And you’re not going to get out of giving me a proper answer by distracting me.”

“Eli – do you love him?” Ray keeps his eyes locked on hers and Mia can see the shallow breaths that he’s taking, as if he can’t get enough air into his lungs.

Mia shakes her head, turning away from him. “Oh no, no, no. You don’t get to duck out of my questions and then demand an answer from me. Pass.”

She feels the warmth of Ray’s body as he comes up behind her. He’s closed the distance between them and he’s close enough to touch her. But he doesn’t.

“Do you love him, Mia?” His voice wavers as he repeats the question and Mia feels her legs start to shake. “Do you love that two-faced son of a bitch?”

Mia’s shocked at his words and she doesn’t attempt to hide it. “The two of you were friends. What the hell happened? What did he do to make you hate him so much?” Mia turns around to face him, searching for the answer to her questions.

“He’s not the right man for you, Mia.” Ray’s words come out forced, like he’s holding something back.

“And you are? Is that what you’re saying?” She watches as his blue eyes flare.

“Do you love him, Mia?” He repeats the question, looking down at her with an intensity that makes her feel as if she were burning up right in front of him.

“I said I pass.” The words are a whisper on her lips, her voice trembling. She’s angry – angry that he’s managed to get to her, angry that she’s allowed him to burrow so deep into her psyche in less than twenty-four hours. But it’s the longing in his eyes, the pain that makes her answer, makes her tell him something she hasn’t even really been able to admit to herself until this moment. She knows she would do anything to take the pain in his eyes away, to lighten the darkness he carries with him, the darkness that wasn’t there before. “I don’t know.” She takes a deep breath. “I thought I did, but recently…I’m not so sure.”

Ray closes his eyes, as if he’s gathering himself together and when he opens them again, they burn with need. “Did you love me?” Ray’s voice is rough and full of emotion and when Mia looks up at him her eyes are shining with tears.

“It’s not your turn.” Her voice is barely a whisper as he ducks his head down so his face is only a matter of inches away from hers. She feels the pull of his body, making her lean slightly towards him without even realizing.

“Mia, I’ve missed you so much.” She feels his breath as he says the words against her lips and softly, achingly slowly, his mouth covers hers.

It’s a tentative kiss, unsure of how she’s going to react, but Mia feels her body take over and she responds, opening her mouth willingly as he deepens the kiss. He crushes her mouth with his and his hands are in her hair, his fingers tangling in her curls. She grabs his shirt, pulling herself up and pulling him down at the same time, bringing him closer to her, kissing him harder and harder.

She rocks her hips against him and he growls deep in his throat, making heat bloom between her thighs. Mia feels her nipples harden against her lacy bra as her body feels like it’s turning over with need, with desperation for this man. She had never known it was possible to feel so completely consumed by someone. All she wants is him, for him to touch her, to kiss her, to hold her, to be inside of her.

Ray’s hands reach up to cup her face, stroking her cheek so tenderly, as if she were something precious. When he leans back to look at her they’re both breathing hard, as if they’ve just run a four-minute mile.

“I want you, Mia. I want you so bad it hurts.” Ray looks into her eyes and Mia understands why he’s pulled away. He wants her permission.

“I wanted you to be my first.” She closes her eyes as the tears slide over her cheeks.

“Baby, don’t cry.” Ray envelops her in his arms and holds onto her tight, kissing the top of her head, sweetly, gently. “It should have been me. But I messed everything up.”

She swallows the lump in her throat and looks up at him, pushing away the sadness at all the time they’ve wasted, all the time they’ve been apart. Now they were together, finally together and that was all that mattered. “So make it right.” Her voice is husky. She looks up at him and her breath hitches as he smiles sexily at her.

Ray doesn’t wait for her to ask him again. He covers her mouth with his, kissing her hard, possessing her mouth completely, desperately. She moans against him, feeling so turned on she almost can’t stand it and all they’ve done is kiss. Ray’s hands skim down her sides, pulling her shirt free of her jeans and then his hands are against her skin, stroking the softness of her back. She arches against him, his fingers leaving burns in their wake.

He steps back, looking at her and Mia feels herself sway, intoxicated by his kiss, by his touch. Slowly, methodically, he unbuttons her shirt, pushing her hands away as she tries to hasten him on. He’s making her crazy for him.

He takes in a breath as he slips the shirt over her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. “God, you’re beautiful, Mia.” His words come out in a growl and he bends his head down, taking her mouth again as his own. He rubs her nipples through the lacy material, rolling them between his fingers, making her feel like she’s about to explode.

She pushes his t-shirt up, needing to feel his body against her and she’s not disappointed. The man is beautiful, all hard muscle and tattooed skin. She traces a line over his pecs, following the path of a Celtic design that runs from one shoulder to the other. He shudders against her and she looks up to see the need in his eyes. There’s something immensely powerful about knowing she’s capable of turning him on like this.

He leans down and feathers kisses along her collarbone, making her gasp, making her yearn for more. Her panties are already wet – she’s a writhing ball of need against him. He slips his arms around her and unclasps her bra with a practiced hand – practice she doesn’t want to think about right now.

But quickly she loses the ability to think about anything other than Ray and his mouth on her breast, teasing and sucking one nipple and then the other. His tongue is a whisper against her skin and she shivers against him, whimpering in spite of herself. She threads her hand in his hair and pulls him harder to her, silently pleading him for more, to take whatever he wants from her.

Mia reaches her hand down, feeling the hardness at his groin, desperate to bust out of his jeans, jeans that she goes to work on immediately, needing everything from him. She reaches into his jeans, expecting to find a cotton barrier between them and finding none. She wraps her hand around his hardness and feels his intake of breath as he sucks hard against her breast.

“That’s what you do to me, Mia. I’ve been hard as a rock since I saw you yesterday.” He whispers the words against her neck and she trembles with want.

As if he knows exactly what she’s thinking, he guides her towards the bed, laying her down underneath him, pulling her jeans like he can’t get them off fast enough. For a moment he looks down at her taking in every inch of her, looking at her with a reverence that makes her heart beat even faster.

“Ray, please.” The plea in her voice doesn’t even come close to the desire she feels, but it’s enough to make Ray smile his sexy smile that makes her knees weak.

He slips off his jeans, kneeling between her thighs and kissing her through her panties. She cries out and lifts her hips to him, needing so much more.

“You’re so wet, Mia.” His words come out strangled and Mia realizes he’s trying to control himself, trying not to go too fast with her, as if it really were her first time. But it isn’t. He doesn’t need to be gentle. hHe doesn’t need to hold back.

“Touch me, Ray. Please.” She fists the sheets on the bed as he rips off her panties and buries his head in her slickness. She cries out as he licks her, suckling her and savoring her. She can feel herself rising and rising as his tongue probes deep inside of her, making her writhe underneath him, unable to do anything but feel. Raspy sounds of pleasure are coming out of her as he pushes deeper with his tongue, finally slipping two digits inside of her and making her come hard with a strangled moan.

She slowly drifts back down to earth and sees Ray looking up at her as if he’d just seen something that defied words. “You’re so beautiful, Mia, and so fucking sexy when you come.”

She tries to cover her face with her arm, suddenly feeling exposed and a little embarrassed but Ray catches hold of her and pulls her arm away. “Don’t hide from me, Mia. I’ve spent so many years wanting to see you, to be like this with you. Please don’t hide from me. Let me see your beautiful face.” But beautiful didn’t even begin to describe it. She was radiant, glowing with flushed cheeks and bright eyes.

“I want you, Ray.” She says the words quietly, biting her lip, as if she’s nervous, even now.