Black (Clashing Colors Book 1) (8 page)

⦓∞
⦔

Cia

Therese was in the common room when we walked in, and it was impossible not to notice how she lit up when she saw Gabriel.

“How cute you two look together,” she said and placed her hand on his arm.

“You can put your daughter down now, she’s a toddler and can walk by herself. Actually we’ve never seen anyone carry their little ones before, but we didn’t want to stop it since the intimacy was good for you.”

“Oh.” He lowered me to the floor and took a step back. “Go play then,” he said and turned to talk with Therese.

I found a jigsaw puzzle and tried to block out the flirtatious conversation between Gabriel and Therese.

I couldn’t.

Although I would have never asked him directly, I was curious about him and had wondered many of the same things that she asked him. It turned out that he was born in Bellevue, just east of Seattle. He had always known he wanted to be in the military like his father, and no, he did not have a girlfriend.

Therese spoke more than he did and from her many questions, I could tell she was interested in him. I don’t know why that bothered me, except that his full attention was a new and strangely exciting thing for me.

Gabriel was the first family member that I liked and who treated me with kindness. Maybe I’m selfish, but I didn’t want to share him with Therese.

“G, do you want to help me with the puzzle?” I asked him and had to repeat myself to get his attention.

“No, that’s okay,” he said dismissively and turned his attention back to Therese, who had the nerve to give me a sweet smile and remind me to address Gabriel as Dad or Daddy.

I bit my inner lip and thought for a minute. Then I picked up a toy phone and went to him. I pressed the ringing sound and handed it to him, but to my annoyance he gave me a distracted glance and ignored the phone in my hand.

“Hey,” I said, “No matter how old or badass you think you are, when a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it.”

Gabriel crossed his arms and I interpreted the look in his eyes as: “Are you kidding me – you’re interrupting me and Therese – go away.”

I went back to my jigsaw puzzle and thought about a way to get him to see me instead of her.

The solution was obvious.

For the first and hopefully last time in my adult life, I peed myself. It felt warm, funny, and forbidden.

“Daddy,” I called, but of course he didn’t react to that name, so I walked over and pulled on his arm. “Daddy,” I repeated.

Gabriel looked down at me with a question mark on his face.

“I think I need a clean diaper,” I whispered.

His jaw dropped. “What?”

I looked down, pretending to be ashamed, which I was… sort of.

“Will you excuse me?” Gabriel muttered to Therese and took my hand.

“How the hell did that happen?” he asked when we got outside. “Why would you do it in there and not in the cabin?”

“I didn’t know there were rules for when and where to pee,” I said.

In our cabin he got a clean diaper from the bathroom and some baby wipes. “So what now? Do I give you a bath or how does this work?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I would like to just shower. Can’t a toddler shower?”

“If you can walk, you can stand, and if you can stand, you can shower,” he said, breaking it down. “Let’s just get you into the bath and then I’ll hose you down.”

“Hose me down?”

“Maybe you can do it yourself?” He walked to the phone on the wall and called Bruce.

“Hey, Bruce, can a toddler shower by themselves?” he asked.

“Okay, but if I’m standing next to her, she can wash herself right?

“What? No, I’m not getting in the shower with her.

“I don’t care if I get wet… why can’t she do it herself?

“But a two-year old can walk and talk and do stuff, right?

“Okay, yes, I understand.”

He hung up and looked frustrated. “Bruce says it’s normal for parents to take small children with them in the shower and I can do that, but that would mean for me to get naked in the shower with you and that’s
not
happening. So I’m afraid we are back to the bath.”

I don’t know what possessed me to say it. Maybe it was his hurtful comment from earlier about not being into Goth girls or his comment from earlier today about the hair on his arms standing up at the thought of me giving him a bath. “What are you afraid of?” I asked provocatively.

He arched a brow. “What am
I
afraid of?”

“Yes. You said you were used to showering with people, so why not me?”

“Because you’re a girl.”

“So?”

He swallowed hard. “That would be awkward, not to mention wrong.”

“Wrong how?”

“You’re my niece, Cia.”

“Right now I’m your daughter and you’re my father and I’m two years old,” I pointed out, intentionally putting him under pressure.

He shifted his balance from one foot to the other. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that.”

“But you already offered to let me see you naked.”

“I know, but that was different.”

“Why?”

“Because you wouldn’t be naked at the same time.”

“And what’s the difference?”

He gave me an “are-you-serious?“ laugh and said, “Only a girl would ask such a question.”

“I’m sorry for being so stupid, but explain it to me.”

“I’m a dude and being in a shower with a naked girl could potentially make my body… react.”

“But you don’t think of me that way. You already told me.”

“Of course not, but I’m only human and I just returned from a year in Afghanistan.”

“Meaning what? You haven’t had sex in a year?”

He puffed out air and nodded.

“But if you had just banged Therese, you could do it?” I asked and felt that little knife-twist in my heart.

“Why would you drag her into this?”

“You like her.” It came out as an accusation.

Gabriel looked back as if he could see through the cabin wall and all the way inside the main house where we had left her. “Therese is a nice woman.”

“Wow, so she’s a woman and I’m a girl?”

He grinned. “That’s a funny question, coming from someone dressed as pink cotton candy.”

I plumbed down on the bed but quickly jumped up when I felt the wetness of my diaper. The warm feeling was gone, now it was just gross.

“Whatever,” I muttered grumpily. “Just get me out of this dirty diaper already.”

He nudged me into the bathroom and turned the water faucets on. “I feel like all I do here is dress you and undress you,” he said.

I didn’t say anything.

As humiliating, annoying, and embarrassing as this might be, at least he was with me and not her. There were a ton of things I would have much rather been doing with him like playing cards, pool, or even foosball, but this was still better than being ignored.

“You know what Bruce said.” Gabriel was pulling my shirt over my head and left me topless. In a reflex I covered my breasts.

“You’ll have to let me wash you everywhere this time.”

“I know,” I murmured low and lifted my leg when he pulled my leggings off. I didn’t look when he took the diaper off but it felt cool on my skin where it had been.

“Come on, get in the tub,” he said and took my hand to support me.

I sat down and pulled my legs up in front of me to cover my chest.

“You know that I’ve already seen your body, right?” he asked in a no-nonsense voice. “I think it’s better if you just relax and let me wash you. Lean back and close your eyes if you’re shy.”

“I’m not shy,” I lied.              

“Good, because as Bruce has said many times, this is not a sexual thing. Why don’t you try to play along and pretend that you’re really just a little girl and that I’m your father.”

I sighed and closed my eyes. “I’ll try.”

“Do you want me to hum that song from yesterday?” he asked.

“Sure, why not.”

The water was warm and his hands were washing me in a firm yet gentle manner while he hummed a little and then he started chuckling low. “Once when I was a Boy Scout I went on a week-long camping trip. I don’t remember what I did to deserve it, but I ended up scrubbing ten pounds of Russell potatoes.”

I opened one eye. “Are you saying washing me reminds you of scrubbing potatoes.”

“Apparently so, since the memory just popped up.”

“Gee, thanks – you really know just how to flatter a girl.”

“Sorry, close your eyes and think of something else while I wash your private parts.”

I closed my eyes, but every nerve ending was alert when he gently and quickly washed my breasts. If I had been brave, I would have asked him what he thought of them, since he was the first guy to see me topless. But I wasn’t, so I kept quiet and tried to keep my heart from galloping out of my chest when he gently pushed my legs aside and washed me between them. The cloth brushed my most sensitive spot and I involuntarily jerked.

“I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” he asked

I opened my eyes and looked into his concerned brown gaze.  “No, I’m just not used to anyone touching me down there. It’s very sensitive.”

“I’ll be more careful.”

“Okay, try again.”

Very gently he wiped me clean and washed my inner thighs and all the way between my cheeks.

I couldn’t look at him but leaned my head back and closed my eyes.

“I think that should do it,” he said softly. “Are you cold?”

“No, the water is nice and hot,” I answered before I realized what he might be hinting at. I opened my eyes and saw him quickly look away. Yep, my nipples were hard and pointy.

He got up from the floor to get a towel. I should have just said something like  “Hey, remember what you said about showering with a naked woman and potentially getting an unwanted reaction? Well, it’s the same thing for women – just because my body reacts doesn’t mean I want you.“ The old me would have said something like that, but Black wasn’t here and as Cia, I didn’t have the same armor or toughness.

I missed being Black.

CHAPTER 9

The Ugly Duckling

Cia

The rest of that day went by quickly. It turns out toddlers can’t play pool, but we played with some of the things in the common area, and at one point we even wrestled in the mattress area where pillow fights were allowed.

I could have told you that everything was horrible and bad, but it would be a lie. I had fun with Gabriel and we laughed together like I haven’t laughed since forever.

The guy is strong and threw me around like I weighed nothing, but I got him back and smacked him right in his face with a pillow. That had him check his nose to see if it was bleeding, and in his minute of distraction I wrestled him to the floor and shouted in triumph.

He didn’t have to carry me anymore but he took my hand whenever we went from one place to the other, and a little part of me liked it.

Dinner was a huge improvement as I could have solid food. Gabriel still had to feed me but that was okay; I even teased him by annoying the hell out of him like a little baby bird constantly interrupting papa bird’s own meal. Every time he tried to take a bite from his plate I would elbow him and point to my own mouth with a sad face saying feed me please.

He knew I was messing with him and elbowed me back a few times.

Bruce shot us a few hard looks and I figured we were a minute or two from being chastised, but we made it through dinner without any confrontations with the mad scientist.

As a toddler, my bedtime was a little later than a baby’s, which meant I got to stay up until eight o’clock. Bruce recommended to Gabriel which book to read me for my bedtime ritual, and agreed that since I had already had a bath today we could skip that part tonight.

Halle-freaking-lujah.

The others around us were playing and talking, and I noticed one of the men in the group kept looking at me.

He was the father of another girl who was a bit older than me and I figured that just like Gabriel and me, they weren’t really father and daughter.

While I was busy drawing with crayons, the man came over to speak to Gabriel.

“Hello, I’m Mark,” he introduced himself.

Gabriel shook the man’s hand. “Nice to meet you, I’m G.”

“That’s my daughter Anna over there.” He pointed to the woman, who had to be in her mid-twenties. “You have a cute daughter, what’s her name?” he asked Gabriel and gave me a smile.

“Her name is Cia,” Gabriel said and lowered his voice. “And she’s really my niece.”

“Ohh, your niece. That’s nice.”

“Are you related to your daughter?” Gabriel asked.

The man, who looked to be in his late thirties, shook his head. “We’re good friends and enjoy coming here.”

I was glad that Gabriel asked the same question I was thinking. “You’ve been here more than once?”

“Yes, I come here a few times a year.”

Bruce came over and gave Gabriel a discreet nod in my direction. “I think it’s bedtime for the little one,” he said.

“All right,” Gabriel got up and took my hand. “Time to go, Candy,” he teased and waved at Mark. “Nice to meet you.”

“Same to you; maybe we could let the girls have a play date tomorrow,” he called after us.

“Uh-huh,” Gabriel answered on the way out and squeezed my hand.
“
Wanna have a play date?” he whispered.

I didn’t answer until we were outside. “I’ve never had a play date in my life.”

Gabriel grinned. “Well, this whole place is a first, so why don’t we just take a day at a time? Right now it’ll be my first time reading a goodnight story.”

He brushed my teeth, and dressed me in pink Barbie pajamas before he tucked me in and lay down next to me, propped up on his elbow.

“Are you ready for your goodnight story, Candy?” he asked and brushed a bit of my hair away from my face.

I rested my head on the pillow and smiled. This was a new one for me too. My mother never took time to read to me, at least not that I can remember.

“This is the story of ‘The Ugly Duckling’ by Hans Christian Andersen,” Gabriel started and continued reading aloud for a long time.

It was calming to listen to him and he even made funny voices when he imitated some of the characters.

“So the duckling was allowed to remain on trial for three weeks, but there were no eggs. Now the tomcat was the master of the house, and the hen was mistress, and they always said, ‘We and the world,’ for they believed themselves to be half the world, and the better half too. The duckling thought that others might hold a different opinion on the subject, but the hen would not listen to such doubts.

“‘Can you lay eggs?’ she asked.

“‘No.’

“‘Then have the goodness to hold your tongue.’

“‘Can you raise your back, or purr, or throw out sparks?’ said the tomcat.

“‘No.’

“‘Then you have no right to express an opinion when sensible people are speaking.

“So the duckling sat in a corner, feeling very low-spirited, till the sunshine and the fresh air came into the room through the open door,” Gabriel read on.

I had never actually heard the whole story and found it touching and sad. When he closed the book he leaned in and kissed my forehead and whispered, “Sleep well, Candy.”

“Sleep well, Daddy G,” I whispered back and smiled with my eyes closed.

⦓∞
⦔

Gabriel

For a while I lay awake listening to her soft breathing next to me. I had read “The Ugly Duckling” to her and was contemplating picking up my other book for entertainment, as it was too early to sleep. I wondered how Cia did it. Yesterday she fell asleep early too, but then again, she had complained she was sleep-deprived when I first met her.

It was amazing to see the transformation in her since we had arrived yesterday. The physical change was obvious, as she looked innocent and young compared to the hardcore exterior she had arrived in, but that was only half of it.

I turned my head to look at her again because a sudden thought appeared to me. I’m sure she had lip, nose, and ear piercings when I met her, but after she removed them I hadn’t seen any holes in her skin, had I?

I was studying her closely in the dampened light when she opened her eyes.

“Will you stop breathing on me?” she asked.

“Why don’t you have any holes from your piercings?” I asked her and turned her face to get a better look.

“Good night, G,” she said and closed her eyes again.

“Hey, answer me,” I demanded and used my thumb to force her eye open.

She batted my hand away and turned to face me.

“I don’t have any holes because all my piercings, except two, were fake.”

I touched her earlobe and felt the hole with my fingers. “You only have holes in your ears?”

“Yes.”

“But how did the others stick?”

“It’s just small rings that you squeeze tight around your nose, lips, or ears. I’ve been doing it for years.”

“But why not get the real thing done?”

She was close to me and rubbed her nose. “I don’t like pain much and I didn’t have the money to get real piercings.”

“So if you had the money, you would do it?”

“If I had money I would get a tattoo,” she said.

“What kind of tattoo?”

“I would want a real nice compass between my shoulder blades.” She pointed with her hand.

“Because you like to travel?” I guessed.

“I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been outside of Washington State,” she admitted.

“Then why a compass?”

“Because I’ve been lost for so long. It would be a symbol of hope to me… that I’ll one day find my way.”

Fuck –
that hit me right in the solar plexus.

“Do you want to see my tattoos?” I asked her.

Her eyes lit up. “You have tattoos?”

“Uh-huh, seven.” I removed my t-shirt and turned to show her the tattoo on my shoulder blade; it was the sapper army logo saying
Combat Engineer
.

Her fingers trailed over the tattoo taking in all the details, and then she got up on her knees to look at my other tattoos with eyes full of fascination.

“The other six are all Hawaiian tribal tattoos.” I lifted my arm for her to see the side of my ribs.

“They are beautiful,” she said and touched them gently with her hands. I was grateful that I didn’t have any tattoos on the lower part of my body or I might have been in trouble with the way she looked at me and touched me.

I ended the show by pulling my t-shirt back on and got up from the bed to go brush my teeth.

“I like the idea about a compass, it’s cute,” I said.

When I came back in, she was once again lying on her side with her eyes closed.

I was grateful for that, because today had been a bit more challenging than yesterday. First of all, I was starting to really like her. Cia was the strangest combination of vulnerability and strength. One minute she would be verbally tearing Bruce to pieces or challenging me in a fight. And then the next minute she would be playing with crayons or making a joke. Her humor was starting to show more often and on several occasions today, I had managed to make her laugh, which always cracked me up because she made the funniest little grunts like a pig and the more she did it, the harder I laughed.

I had volunteered for this whole therapy thing out of a sense of family obligation and because I felt sorry for her. But now, I was starting to care for her; she was such a fighter and smart as hell. You would think I would be excited to discover that my niece was actually a cool kid underneath the hideous black make-up, but I was freaked out over what happened when I bathed her earlier. I didn’t mean to, but when I saw her reaction to my touches, I got a hard-on from the sight of her hard nipples.

Normally, I wouldn’t consider myself a pervert who would be turned on by his niece, so I blamed it on the fact that I hadn’t been with a woman in almost thirteen months and reminded myself that Cia wasn’t even that hot… I mean she was cute in an innocent way, but nothing like the women I’m usually attracted to. Heidi, my last girlfriend, was a gorgeous dancer and model. Cia was pretty at best. 

I wasn’t worried though. Therese had slipped me her number today and I was planning on making her help me break my unwanted celibacy real soon. She seemed eager enough to do it, and as soon as Cia got out of this baby/toddler phase and could be on her own, I planned to spend some quality time with Therese.

Despite my attempts to read, the book didn’t catch my interest tonight and instead I found myself studying Cia again as she was lying with her back to me. I love the idea of her tattoo and even more do I like the idea of being her compass. I know I can help her and that I want to see her succeed.