Black (Clashing Colors Book 1) (26 page)

Both Daniel’s palms flew up. “Sorry, champ, but I’m straighter than straight.”

Darren made a long heavy sigh and his arms fell down in his lap. “Well, isn’t that just great… then I’ll join the sad chorus of those two lonely ladies over there.” He waved a hand in the direction of Violet and me. “That leaves only you, Daniel, do you at least have a love life worth sharing?” he asked Daniel, who coughed.

“I don’t know about that, but I sure as hell don’t mind offering my services to Black and Violet like the good friend I am.” He winked. “I could distract you both tonight if you’re up for it.”

I arched a brow and didn’t even want to comment on that absurd idea. Me, Daniel, and Violet in a threesome… yeah, right, when pigs fly.

There was only one man I wanted to touch me, and from the way Gabriel had looked at me with anger and disgust, I was certain he would never want me again. Suddenly the dam burst and all the suppressed emotions came full force, making my lungs feel three sizes too small. I got up, desperately needing some fresh air.

As I struggled to unlock the front door and get out of the shop I heard Daniel behind me. “What’s wrong… I didn’t mean to upset you… I was only kidding… I’m sorry, Black.”

“Just give her a minute, Daniel,” Violet said in the distance but I couldn’t stop and turn to look at them… I had managed to subdue reality for hours and now it had come back with a vengeance, ripping me up from the inside.

I walked aimlessly, keeping my feet moving as if they could somehow take me away from the pain.

But of course that’s not how pain works. No amount of miles can separate you from your own heartache.

I can’t say how long it took me, but even though I walked in a bubble of sorrow, my heart steered me toward the man I loved and I ended up standing in front of Gabriel’s building, looking up at the apartment.

The lights were still on.

A brave woman would have gone up to talk things through, but I would rather face a night on the streets than knock on his door looking like this.

The expression of disgust and disappointment on Gabriel’s face earlier today made me wince inside.

He might say that he loved me, but it wasn’t true. Not really.

With my shoulders slumped forward I pulled up the phone I’d gotten from him and made a last call before I dumped his phone, and half of the money I had made tonight, in his mailbox. I couldn’t bear the thought that he might feel like I used him for his money. Four thousand dollars wouldn’t cover rent, food, and everything he had paid for the therapy, but hopefully he would know it was all I could pay at the moment and understand that I never meant to exploit his kindness.

With a last glance up at his window I whispered a last goodbye and disappeared into the night.

CHAPTER 22

Loss

Gabriel

Cia didn’t come home that night and she didn’t return any of my texts messages asking where she was. Part of me figured she was just upset with me and needed a little time to recover from my harsh reaction to her outfit before she was ready to talk to me.

But Cia didn’t want to talk with me again. I realized that much when I emptied the mailbox the next day and found her phone and four thousand dollars.

Everything we had gone through together – the emotional ups and downs that had bonded us over the last month – weren’t enough after all.

I was heartbroken and blamed myself for having pushed her too far, too fast. Maybe Bruce was right when he called me an idiot and maybe Brent had been right when he said I was naïve and chose women I could fix.

For days I walked around in a vacuum trying to understand how we had gone from lovers to strangers in a flash.

Everything reminded me of Cia, and like a freaking pendulum I would swing daily from being angry with her for leaving me without any closure to being sad that I had lost the love of my life.

No other woman had made me feel like Cia did. Every girlfriend I had ever been with had wanted something from me and ended up sucking me dry, emotionally, financially, or both.

Cia was different! She didn’t have much but never asked for anything, and the way she used to look at me made me feel like fucking Super Mario. Like the time she told me I was beautiful both inside and out. I think I grew a foot from that compliment alone.

I’m far from perfect of course, but the way Cia looked up to me, admired me, respected me, and expressed how she thought herself lucky to be with me made me feel better about myself than I ever have before.

In reality it was always the other way around.

I was lucky to be with her.

So what if she didn’t have a fine college degree, a fat bank account, or a face and body like a supermodel?

Cia was the most talented painter I knew, she was smart enough to challenge complicated ideas and concepts, and brave enough to stand up to someone as intimidating as me, Bruce, or Steve. And on top of all that, she was humble and had a great sense of humor.

I had learned more from Cia in a month than I had from anyone else during the last decade, and I fucking missed her.

Sleeping in the empty apartment without her was close to impossible. I worried all night long that Cia was somewhere out on the streets. I prayed that she would be safe and that she had enough money. At the same time, I worried that she would spend the money from the art show on Oxy pills and end up in jail.

After five days I couldn’t take it any longer and decided to track her down.

⦓∞
⦔

Cia

“G called again… he wants you to call him.”

I didn’t raise my head to look at Violet since I knew her eyes would be scanning mine for answers. “I know,” I said and took another spoonful of the soup. “He also told Daniel, Darren, and Bruce to tell me.”

“Are you just going to ignore him?” Violet said, and there was a critical undertone.

“Yup.”

“He’s not a bad guy, you know,” she tried to object, but we had already been over this many times and I didn’t want to go there or I would just start to cry again.

“Your brother stopped by while you were shopping,” I said to change the subject.

“Christian?” she asked.

“Do you have other brothers?”

She tore off a piece of bread and started spreading butter on it. “Yes, my oldest brother Fred, but he wouldn’t stop by.”

“Is he with the part of your family who wants to burn you on the stake for being a witch?” I teased, but Violet didn’t laugh; instead she raised her shoulders in a small shrug.

“Fred lives in Ohio,” she said softly and then held up the butter knife as if she just remembered something. “Do you know if Christian looked at the water faucet in the bathroom?” she asked.

“Uh-huh.” I nodded and swallowed another spoonful of Violet’s delicious tomato soup. “He fixed it so it doesn’t drip anymore.”

“Sweet… I’ll have to thank him for that.”

“Christian seems nice,” I said.

“Yeah, he is.” Violet looked thoughtful. “He’s overcompensating for the rest of the family, though… I’ve told him he doesn’t have to but he feels worse about the situation than I do.”

“About them shunning you?”

“I wouldn’t say that. They still invite me to family dinners and such, but it’s the constant pressure that gets to me.”

“What do you mean?”

“My family is just deeply disappointed with my choices in life and they don’t understand that it’s a deeper calling for me. My mother keeps asking me what she did wrong.”

I chuckled. “What did she do wrong?”

Violet smiled. “You’ve been living with me for almost two weeks now and you still think I’m a fraud?”

“Hey,” I held up both hands. “I need to see to believe… so if you can ask your ghostly friends to move a few things around right now, then I’ll declare myself a believer.”

Violet bowed her head and took another spoonful before she spoke. “I used to beg them to move things to prove I wasn’t crazy.”

“Did they?”

“Sure… but never at the right moment or the right place.” She put her spoon down and leaned back in her chair. “I can remember one time when my dad gave me a spanking for lying and I begged the spirits to do something that would convince him I was telling the truth about them being there.”

“And nothing happened?” I asked.

“Not while he spanked me, but the next day his car had a flat tire, and he walked into a door and it slammed in his head.”

“Sounds like a coincidence.”

“That’s what he said when I told him it was the spirits, and then he grounded me for telling more lies.”

I looked down and considered how to put my words. “Violet… did you ever consider that maybe there are no spirits?”

She crossed her arms. “You mean, did I ever consider that I’m just a mental basket case who hallucinates?”

“Well, did you?” I said softly.

“Of course.”

“Did you try to talk to someone about it? Like a doctor or a psychologist?”

She snorted. “Trust me, my parents pushed lots of health professionals on me.”

“And it didn’t help, I assume.”

Violet got up from the table and carried her bowl to the kitchen sink, where she placed it with a loud clunk. “No, it didn’t help, because I’m not sick, Cia. I think of it this way: some people are colorblind… they have to trust other people’s description of color. I have a different kind of sight and can see things that most people can’t, but just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there.”

“Okay, then let me ask you this. Doesn’t it freak you out?”

“It used to freak me out, but I’ve learned to control it and now I can close off if I’m not in the mood to deal with the paranormal and if someone is unpleasant I ask them to leave.”

“But what about the houses that are haunted? Doesn’t that scare you?”

Violet came back to the table and sat down. “I try not to get scared. Most often it’s just a confused spirit who’s causing the disturbance, and when it’s something malicious I get protective of the living and use my powers to throw them out.”

I got chills from talking about it but curiosity made me ask my next question. “Can you see your own future?”

Sadness crept over her face. “I used to think I could, but…” she trailed off. “I’ve always had this clear vision of me and Jake, married and living together in a house with our two daughters.”

“Jake is your brother’s friend, right?”

“Right… but as you know, we’re not together.”

“But in that case isn’t your vision just a dream or a childish fantasy like we all have? I mean, I used to imagine my dad would come and rescue me from my mom, and had very clear images in my head about how that would go down.”

“Maybe,” Violet said.

“Then how do you know that
all
your visions aren’t just your imagination?”

“I trust my abilities, and most often the visions come true.”

“Except when they don’t,” I challenged.

She tilted her head and smiled. “Let’s hope for you that they do come true, because I had a good vision about your future.”

Gabriel was the first thing that popped into my mind, but I didn’t ask if he was involved in her vision. “What did you see?” I asked.

“I see money around you. I can’t tell if it comes from your art or if you win the lottery, but very soon you’ll be rich.”

I took a sip of my water and suppressed a laugh. “I like that vision. It’s what I dream of.”
When I’m not dreaming about Gabriel.

“If you want I could give you a reading,” Violet offered.

“No thanks, I’m good.” I told her politely and when she raised a brow I continued. “No, seriously, I’m in a good place right now; my art is selling, I have a couch to live on thanks to you, and I haven’t touched any pills since before I got arrested.”

“And Gabriel?” she asked quietly.

“I don’t want to talk about him.”

And so we didn’t.

CHAPTER 23

Alki Beach

Gabriel

Eight weeks later. 

Alki Beach was crowded and there was no place to park. With a quick look at the clock I cursed low. I was already late and the girl I was meeting had texted me four times.

I took another round and thanked my lucky stars when, finally, a car blinked to signal they were leaving.

After parking my car, I walked at a fast pace to meet up with Caroline, a young nurse that my friend Nate had set me up with.

For ten weeks I had moaned about Cia disappearing on me without as much as a goodbye, and I was still angry at her for not even giving me a chance to talk things through. To say I hated how we had ended our relationship would be an understatement.

After I had called Daniel, Darren, Violet, and Bruce, who all promised to tell her I wanted to speak to her, I still heard nothing, and in the end I gave up.

If she didn’t want me, there wasn’t much more I could do about it except lick my wounds and try to move on. 

Caroline met me outside the French restaurant. She looked beautiful, with long honey-blond hair and a blinding smile. Nat had already spoken highly about her, and at least her looks didn’t disappoint. 

“Hey, I’m G. You must be Caroline,” I said politely and leaned in to give her a small hug.

She smelled nice.

“God, you’re tall,” she said with a nervous laugh and leaned her head back to meet my eyes. I’m really not freakishly tall, only six foot two, but Caroline was petite.

“Do you want to eat now or take a walk on the beach first?” I asked her

Two minutes later we were walking along Alki Beach and talking about Nat, who was the only friend we had in common.

“Did he tell you I’m moving in three weeks?” I asked her.

“Yeah, he did. That’s why I agreed to meet you.”

“Right, he told me you weren’t into anything serious.”

“No, I’m not.”

“He didn’t tell me why, though.”

Caroline shrugged. “I had a very controlling boyfriend for seven years and missed out on a lot. Now I just want to spread my wings and not be tied down by anyone.”

“That makes sense,” I said.

“Oh, look.” Caroline pointed ahead to a small marketplace with pavilions and some musicians singing and dancing. “Let’s check it out,” she said eagerly and lit up with a childish delight that I liked. “I love places like this…. look, we can have our future read.” She grabbed my elbow, nudging me along to a small pavilion.

I recognized Violet instantly and I could tell that the minute she looked up and saw me, she knew who I was too. Her eyes slid to Caroline and back to me.

“Would you like a couples reading?” she asked.

I shook my head and felt annoyed.  “No thanks.”

“Can you do a reading just for me?” Caroline asked excitedly.

“Of course.”

I kept a bit of distance thinking that Caroline might want answers to some private questions, so while Violet took the gullible girl’s money, I walked around the marketplace and waited for her.

It wasn’t a big place but the group of people gathered in front of a pavilion was the reason I didn’t see Cia at first. She was sitting on a chair, drawing a portrait of a boy around seven, and her eyes kept going between him and the paper in front of her. I couldn’t see the portrait, but I could see her.

How could I have thought she wasn’t the most beautiful woman I had ever been with? She looked stunning with her long golden hair tucked behind her ears and very discreet make-up. Her clothes were feminine and simple – a black summer dress with spaghetti straps, that revealed her summer tan.