Black (Clashing Colors Book 1) (21 page)

“Cia… I’m… cumming.” Gabriel threw his head back and roared out with such awesome force that it left no doubt in me that I had just passed the “good in bed” test. I had done something right, and mentally I was standing like a champion with both hands raised in victory.

Gabriel collapsed on me and I didn’t mind the colossal weight of his muscled body one bit – until I ran out of oxygen, that is.

When I pushed at him, he slid down to rest beside me, still with his arm possessively around me.

“That was fucking amazing!” he said with his eyes still closed. 

I stroked his arm up and down, glancing around the bedroom with its simple furnishings of nothing more than the queen-size bed, a large closet, and two nightstands. Not even a picture on the wall gave the room any personality, but then, it was just a rental.

Still, it felt strange that nothing had changed when inside me everything had changed. If the room should reflect how I felt, I would have opened my eyes to see rainbow colors on the wall and picture frames with Gabriel and me kissing and holding hands.

I was in love. Big time!

“I wanted to do this for so long,” he muttered in my ear and nuzzled his nose against me. “This is it, we’re together now.” He intertwined his fingers with mine. “You’re mine and I’m yours.”

His words healed a broken part of me. I had been alone all my life, and hearing him say that we were now a couple made tears trickle from my eyes. I had finally found my missing piece.

“When you came…” I said quietly.

“Yeah?”

“Well, you looked almost pained for a moment and the veins on your neck stood out kind of prominently. Did it hurt?”

“No, it didn’t hurt. In fact, it was torturously good.” Gabriel opened his eyes and we smiled at each before he sat up and pulled off his condom to tie a knot in it. “I can’t wait to take you bareback without those suckers.”

He got back beside me, resting his head on my chest. I let my hands play with his hair and ear, silently wondering what had just happened and what it all meant, when Gabriel turned to look at me and said the last thing I would have expected to ever hear from him.

CHAPTER 17

Future

Gabriel

From the moment Bruce warned me that getting together with Cia would be a commitment for life, and not something I could just test out and pull out of if it didn’t work, my mind had been spinning.

After she scared me half to dead by not being home last Saturday night, I had tried to keep my distance.

But it was impossible.

I missed her when I wasn’t with her. I thought about her nonstop, and sleeping was almost impossible, knowing she was in my living room.

Hearing her talk about Daniel had made me jealous and possessive, and it was hard to ignore that whenever Cia was around me the biggest butterflies known to mankind were flapping around in my belly.

So yeah, the signs were all there, telling me that I was madly in love with Cia. Despite a whole orchestra of internal voices telling me it was risky and crazy, and kind of perverted with the family relation too, I had to pursue the idea of a future with her. 

Making love to Cia was emotionally loaded, and when I saw her virgin blood on my flesh, it reminded me of Bruce’s warning not to cross that line, unless I was serious.

I was very serious.

In the aftermath of our lovemaking Cia was caressing my hair and playing with my earlobe when I turned my head and looked up at her.

“I want to marry you out in the middle of nature,” I said.

She gaped at me as if I had just told her I was really an alien.

“What is it? Do you prefer a church?”

“Did you fall and hit your head or something?” she asked me.

Ignoring her comment, I propped myself up on my elbow and let my finger slide down her torso. No, I hadn’t bloody fallen on my head. Marriage wasn’t a new thought to me; I had always known I wanted to get married someday, and now I knew I wanted to marry her.

“I never told you why I got the Silver Cross, did I?” I asked.

“No.”

“Do you want me to tell you?”

She nodded, so I began telling her.

“It happened about four weeks before I came home. The Afghan National Army got a tip from the locals that ISIS warriors were hiding in a building, and tried to clear it. Four of them were shot in the first try.

“Then they came to us requesting assistance, and I was in the team of fourteen US and Afghan soldiers that went to get the job done.

“We expected to meet a handful of men occupying the building, but we walked into a death trap. Our platoon leader, medic, and two Afghan soldiers were killed within the first half hour of battle.

Her face fell into deep frown lines as she listened without interrupting me.

“I was the next in command so I took over, and we cleared the first two levels of the building. There was only one staircase leading up to the third floor, and I told my team to stay back.

“Instead of storming up the stairs, like the ISIS fighters expected us to, I stationed four of my men to make sure no one escaped down those stairs, while the rest of us went quietly to another part of the building where I engineered a breaching device that got us through the ceiling to the third floor.

“They never saw us coming before we opened fire, and within ten minutes the building was cleared.

“How many died?” she asked.

“Almost twenty from their side and we lost five in total, but we would have lost more if we had gone up the staircase.”

She caressed my arm. “You could have died.”

I took her hand. “You’re right, I’m twenty-nine and lucky to be alive. I’m sorry if I’m moving fast, and I understand that you’re young. But I want you to know how serious I am about us and make my intentions clear.”

She blinked and seemed to be thinking. “You just seemed to go from wanting nothing to everything in a blink of an eye. I remember you telling me that you preferred your women a bit less Goth.”

“Yeah, and you are… a lot less Goth.”

“So, what you’re saying is that if I was still dressed in black, you wouldn’t want to be with me?”

Okay, how do you answer that? I didn’t.

“I think we should just take things slow. I can’t even think about marriage at this point,” she said.

“Why not?”

“I just can’t.” She looked away.

“Okay…. Fair enough, but at least we’ve established that we’re a couple now.”

She sat up and swung her legs over the bed. “I’m sorry for getting blood on your sheets.” She looked at the red spot.

I touched the spot and chuckled. “I’ve never been with a virgin before.” The primitive part of my brain took pride in her innocence.

“Are you disappointed that I’m inexperienced?” she asked.

“No, it just makes you more special to me. I’m proud that I got to be your first.”

“Good… I’m going to shower really quickly, okay?”

“Okay.”  

While Cia was humming in the shower, Bruce called on my phone.

“Hey, I was hoping to catch Cia for our weekly session.”

“Oh, shoot, was that now?” I said and banged my head with the palm of my hand. “She’s taking a shower.”

Bruce chuckled. “Then you can tell me how things are going until she’s done.”

It burst out of me; I told him about what had happened, my intentions, and her reaction to my proposal.

“So she said she wants us to take it slow,” I ended.

“You’re lucky she hasn’t run the other way,” Bruce said dryly.

“Excuse me. You’re the one who said I should only cross that line if I was serious, so I showed her that I am.”

He sighed, and I could almost see him remove his glasses and rub the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry, I would never say this to a client, but since you’re not one, I’ll say it.”

“Say what?”

“You’re an idiot.”

That shut me up.

He sighed again. “Cia is trying to find herself, and the last thing she needs is you putting extra pressure on her.”

“I’m not, I’m supporting her.”

“You just took someone whose love life has been nonexistent and asked her to commit to you for better or worse. And you did it five minutes after you took her virginity, which can be emotionally overwhelming in itself. On top of that, Cia has just gone through some of the most emotionally stressful weeks of her life and has more stress ahead of her.

“What you did, G, is like taking someone skydiving without warning or preparation. She must be terrified of getting hurt.”

“An idiot, huh?” I was still pretty offended by that comment, although I could see he had a point.

“Take it slow or you’ll lose her. It’s that simple.”

In that moment Cia came back into the bedroom.

“Cia is back. Do you want to talk to her?” I asked Bruce.

“Yes, please, but before you go…”

“What?”

“Congratulations.”

“For being an idiot?”

“No, for getting your girl.”

“Thanks,” I said but I didn’t feel too chirpy when I handed her the phone. “It’s Bruce, I’ll leave you some privacy to talk to him.”

I took time in the shower and thought about what Bruce had said. Maybe he was wrong. After all, Bruce only saw the frightened child in Cia, while I saw the brave woman in her. Not everyone was crippled by a bad childhood; some grew stronger and more resilient because of it. At least I had heard him tell Cia so himself, and with all the mental closets he had helped her clean out she would be fine.

So what if she hadn’t had a relationship with a man before? I had lived with her for two weeks in the cabin and she was completely at ease around me.

Maybe Cia was simply born to fly – and even if she wasn’t, maybe flying in tandem with me would make her feel safe. I sure hoped so, because I wasn’t prepared to let go.  

CHAPTER 18

Judgment day

Cia

Three days after Gabriel and I became a couple I had to face the judge who would sentence me.

That day, Gabriel took me shopping for a nice outfit for the courtroom. Never had I looked more unlike myself. The good side was that if I ever decided to work in a law firm, I had a skirt and jacket set to wear that would make me fit right in. The bad thing was that since I had no law degree, Gabriel had just wasted a lot of money on an outfit I would never use again.

He didn’t seem to be too concerned about that part, but we were both scared about the potential jail time. We turned up in municipal court with our lips pressed into fine lines of worry. 

Gabriel held my hand as long as he could, and it felt nice to have his support. Michael Young, the lawyer who had been present when I was originally charged, was there to represent me.

I have no other lawyers to compare Michael with, but he seemed to be doing a good job and I trusted him when he advised me to plead guilty as a sign of taking responsibility.

Michael went on to tell the judge about my complete change since the arrest, which was supported by a letter from Bruce stating that I was now drug-free and had gone through intensive therapy with impressive results. Michael talked about my upcoming art exhibition, and how I was now living with my fiancée, a military hero with a good education and a stable financial situation. It was hard to recognize Black in anything Michael said, and for a moment I missed her. I didn’t miss her depressive state, but I missed her strength and independence.

I wasn’t just me anymore; I was a part of a unit now, and Gabriel had hopes, fears, and expectations too.

I was slowly growing into my new identity as Cia, but hearing Michael describe me as someone successful made me feel like a fraud.

What they saw was a young woman dressed in clothes I wasn’t comfortable in, with a status as engaged that I’d never really agreed to. Yet above all my confusion with who I really was came the guilt.

Life was handing me chances, opportunities, and even love. I should be euphoric with happiness for having a bed to sleep in, a fridge with food, the prospect of making money, and a gorgeous man who supported me.

And I
was
happy… in glimpses.

I didn’t worry about what to eat or where to sleep, but most of the time I was worrying about meeting the expectations that Gabriel, Darren, and my new family had. I suppose the problem with getting what you always wanted is the fear that you might lose it again.

When the judge finally gave his verdict, I held my breath and listened.

“I hereby sentence you to three hundred and sixty-four days of jail with three hundred and sixty-four days suspended. There will be a five-thousand-dollar fine with four thousand five hundred suspended and another one hundred and fifty dollars in court costs. Since you have already undergone extensive therapy and been deemed drug-free by the therapeutic center, the court will make no further demands for drug treatments other than the weekly sessions that you have with your therapist. You will be on probation, which means that if you steal or do drugs again, you will go to jail.”

Once we got out of the courtroom Michael and Gabriel were shaking hands and looking satisfied while I was trying to sum up what the judge had said.

“So I won’t go to jail then?” I asked Michael to be sure.

“Not unless you get in trouble with the law again. You got suspended jail time, so if you mess up, you have both a fine and jail time hanging over your head.”

“She won’t get in trouble with the law again,” Gabriel said earnestly and put his arm around me.

“Good, well, in that case you should be fine. There’s still the five-hundred-dollar fine and the one hundred and fifty dollars for the court, though.”

“Can I borrow it from you until my paintings sell?” I asked Gabriel, who nodded.

We celebrated in a sushi restaurant, which was a new experience for me. I knew what sushi was, of course, but I’d never tasted it. Turns out that all the years I’ve wondered what it would be like to have money and go to exotic sushi restaurants was a complete waste of my time. I would take a burger any day compared to that crap.

Gabriel introduced me to different rice thingies with shrimp, salmon, cucumber, carrot, and what have you, but it all tasted salty and I didn’t like any of it.

At least I would never again envy someone walking with a box of fine sushi.

We spend that Friday night and most of the following Saturday in bed, where Gabriel introduced me to a lot of things that I liked far better than sushi. Being in love and feeling desired was a strong aphrodisiac, and when he asked me to move with him to Missouri in the fall I said yes. I didn’t have anything holding me in Seattle except for a few friends, and I could paint anywhere in the world.

Life was good. We were happy together, and being in his arms made me almost forget that come Sunday morning, I would be facing all of my family for the first time.