Bittersweet Trust (6 page)

“Jenna…” I trail off, not really sure what I want to tell her. I am not even sure how someone like her still wanted to talk to someone like me. I ran her life into the ground over and over again, and I enjoyed doing it at the time.

“Corey,” she says fiercely, her voice deep on the other end.

“I’m afraid. I’m scared that I can’t save her or us. I know I talk a big talk, but inside I’m dying.” There. I said it.

There is muffled laughter on the other end of the phone, and I am starting to regret telling her. “You, sir, have been the biggest asshole known to mankind. Everyone has to learn to deal with their problems. Follow your heart and let it do the talking. Half the battle is already done.”

As I listen to her words, I am bewildered. What does she mean, “half the battle is already done?” Is she speaking to me in riddles?

“I don’t get it…”

“Just get over to Mimi’s. Do the right thing, and when she pushes you, push back.” Before I can respond, the line goes dead. She called me at five in the fucking morning to tell me all of that?

I roll over, dropping the phone into the sheets and burying my face into the pillow. Should I take Jenna’s advice, or should I just deal with the shit storm I’ve already created? I want to be there for Mimi, but I don’t want her to think that I just want to worm my way into her space again.

I throw my feet off the side of the bed and run my fingers through my hair. I’m not really sure I can go through with what Jenna wants me to do. I know I still want Mimi; I want her like the air I need to breathe. But maybe, just maybe, I have hurt her so badly that she can’t deal with me anymore.

Grabbing a pair of jeans and a T-shirt off the floor, I throw them on and grab my car keys. Even if she hates me, I have to know, I have to hear her say it’s too late, and then I have to do everything that I possibly can to keep her.

***

I pull my car into a parking spot, taking deep breaths. Am I really going to take Jenna’s advice? Is it even worth it to try and make this work with Mimi, or has she already moved on?

Somehow, my body makes the choice for me, and I find myself walking into the building and up to her door. I fumble through my keys before finding the right one. I stick it into the lock and turn it until I hear the lock clicking out of place. Nervousness eats at my insides. I’m not sure I can follow through with this.

My body doesn’t listen, though, as I find myself heading inside and closing and locking the door behind me. The kitchen is dark except for the small light that’s on above the stove. I set my keys and wallet on the table near the door and take my shoes off. Should I try and slip into her bed or crash on the…

A throat clears behind me, and I find myself spinning around to sheepishly face Mimi. She’s wearing a nightgown that lands just at the tops of her thighs. Even with the shitty lighting, I can tell she looks even prettier than she used to. She has a spoon and a carton of ice cream in her hands.

“I shall have you know, it’s a criminal offense to break into someone’s house.” Her voice is so snarky that it automatically causes my dick to grow hard. Yes, her feistiness is still a major turn on.

“Well, guess what? I don’t give a fuck,” I respond while advancing toward her. Her eyes grow large and I calculate her next move before she can follow through. Looking at her now, I know she’s it for me. I’m tired of forcing myself to be away from her and our unborn child.

“Well, you should give a fuck. This is my house, and you could go to jail,” she threatens, her lip coming up like a cat who’s about to strike.

Reaching out, I grip her chin to bring her face up to mine, “Wouldn’t be the first time I went to jail for you, would it?” I will never regret beating the shit out of that Brody guy. He put his hands on Mimi, and whether she knows it or not, she was mine even then.

“Nope,” she retorts, pulling from my hold. She twirls around and walks over to the freezer to put the ice cream back into it. I notice her rounded belly, and something inside of me breaks.

As she’s turning back around, I pick her up and sit her on the counter.

“What the fuck…” I cut her off when my lips descend on hers. She hesitates for a brief moment before her lips move in sync with mine. Her hands grip my shoulders and I can feel the anger in her movements. I would love to say I hate it, but I don’t. I thrive off of it.

I nip at her lips until she opens for me. I assault her tongue with my own until I hear her panting. Then I pull my mouth off of hers and run my hands over her breasts. I watch as her head leans back against the cabinet. I suck her nipple into my mouth, the fabric of her nightgown just adds to her pleasure as she squirms.

“I love you, Mimi. I love that you hate me. I love that at my weakest, you believed in me. I love that you’re carrying my child. I love that you’re strong enough to be the woman I need.” My fingers grip her thigh as they skim up the inside of her legs. I find her entrance hot and ready. Pushing her thong to the side, I dip one finger inside.

“So tight…” I murmur against her breast. All I hear in response is her ragged breathing…

“Fuck me,” she demands. I pull my finger out of her, scowling at her. She knows how this works.

“Please…” she implores, her legs rubbing together to alleviate some of the pressure. I immediately bring my fingers back to her entrance and enter her with two while my thumb rubs circles around her clit.

“Yes…yes…yes…” she repeats over and over again. I can’t stop the smile that forms on my face as I feel her muscles constrict around my fingers. I pump in and out of her at a faster pace until her juices and scent surround me, until I can’t take it anymore and force my pants down.

“I’m going to fuck you,” I whisper in her ear. She lets out a sigh and nods her head. She’s still in post orgasm, and I’m going to have her at another one before she can recover.

I plunge into her in one fluid motion. She’s slick and ready for me, and I find myself easing in and out of her with power. I want to control her body, to make her mine.

“You feel so good…” I grunt, gripping her by the back of her hair so she can look into my eyes. Her green eyes shine brightly in the dim light as a small smile lifts at the side of her mouth.

“You do too,” she says pleasantly pleased. Suddenly, I’m plowing into her with a fierceness that borders between pain and pleasure. Her teeth dig into my shoulder, and I feel the distinct tightening of her muscles, the fluttering that pushes me over the edge. I plow into her as my seed spills into her, making sure to own every aspect of her. Inside and out. She is mine. Mine. I keep telling myself this over and over again.

I nip and suck at her earlobe until she comes back down to earth. Her head leans against mine as we stare into one another’s eyes.

“I want you. All of you. The fucked up, the good, the bad, the ugly. I’m far from perfect, Mimi. I’ve fucked up so much. I’ve made mistakes, but nothing was as big as walking away from you. So please… Just…” My fingers dig into her hips as if to hold her into place so she can never run away.

“Just forgive me. Please. Be mine. Let me love you. Let me be everything you need.” My voice is pleading. I don’t even care that I sound like a pussy whipped guy, just as long as I get her back.

She pushes me back, softly slipping off the counter and to her feet. “Once upon a time, you gave me this shit line of a story about how much you loved me, that if I gave myself to you, you would be there for me. Well, guess what? You weren’t there when I needed you the most. You walked away from me, so now this is me walking away from you.” A determination shows deep in her eyes, and I can’t help but feel my mouth open in awe at what she just said.

“Did you…?” I’m flabbergasted. I cannot even talk right now.

“Did I just what? Feed you a dose of your own medicine? Pretend to care? Let you get me off and walk away from you? Hmm… I think so.”

My head is spinning, and my heart is breaking. Rage and anger consume my thoughts. I really want to lash out at her, to hurt her the way she’s hurting me right now. Instead, I’m standing here with my pants around my ankles being thrown out like yesterday’s garbage.

“How could you? I fucking told you I love you!” I roar, pulling my pants up and buttoning them. My fists find the marble island as I pound the rage out into it.

“Welcome to my world, Corey. I told you I loved you. I told you we could do this, but you all but accused me of sleeping with someone else. For all you know, I am now,” she sneers. I lose it the second she says she could be sleeping with someone else. My anger is through the roof when I grab her by the arm. My hold is gentle, but there is a look of fear and shock in her eyes.

“Who is it then? Because I swear to God that if you’re lying to me, I will beat your ass until it’s as red as a cherry. Don’t fuck with me, Mimi!” My voice is sinister and oddly quiet which scares me more. There’s someone else; that explains it. I release her arm, my fingers going into my hair as I pace the room. I can’t… I can’t do this. I can’t picture life without her. I always thought she would be here. I thought that she was the one for me and I the one for her.

“Hurts to be on the receiving end of the pain, huh? Hurts to have your heart broken, to have your hopes and wishes ripped from you?” She’s trying her hardest to sound mean and hateful, but I know her better than that.

“I know you love me…” I say, shaking my head as if this is all a bad dream. “I know you want me, and I know that we can work this out. I see the way you look at me, the way you acted at the doctor’s office… I know the love you have for me is in you somewhere.”

“Used... to have for you,” she states as if she’s correcting me. My mind is spinning thoughts, assaulting me. Was that the last time I will ever have her, hold her against me, or hear her heart beat against my own?

“I can’t…” I plead on the verge of tears. I can’t lose her! Can’t.

“Lose me? You already have. Leave, get out, and go home! Sleep like you have been for the past couple weeks, and think about what it was that you could have had. This is the end, Corey.” I think I see the tears falling from her eyes, but I’m not sure because I feel the wetness on my own face.

Now I get it; I do. I know what it feels like to have been her, to have loved and lost. I slip my shoes on, grab my wallet and keys, and head out the front door.

Anger and hurt consume me. I stumble down the stairs, not even caring that I’m hitting the wall with my fists. How could I be so dumb to think she would just take me back without a backward glance? How could I so stupidly assume she would let me into her heart again after I broke it into a million and one pieces?

You’re just like your father….

The words linger in my mind even when I know they shouldn’t. I stop somewhere in the apartment complex, leaning my body against a wall.

That wasn’t Mimi back there. She wasn’t the woman who captured my heart when I thought I was incapable of loving someone, not the person who changed me into someone worth living for.

Why? The question attacks every single thought in my mind. I clench my fists together, feeling the rage pool to them. I pound my fists into the wall as if it will alleviate the pain, as if it will help mend my heart that is now breaking.

I feel tears forming behind my eyes. The fact that they’re even there causes me to grow even angrier. I haven’t cried since I found out about my dad… And the fact that Mimi has brought me to that sort of pain crushes me.

Taking deep breaths, I wiggle my iPhone out of my pocket. My finger lingers over Rex’s name. I debate whether or not I should call him. I’ve fucked up so many people’s lives. I’ve left a wake of pain everywhere I went…

But if you don’t call him, you’ll end up doing something stupid…. I do the only other thing left to do and press send. The phone rings and rings. My patience is beyond gone and just when I feel like hanging up and smashing my phone against the wall, he picks up.

“Hey, man.” I let out a sigh of relief when I finally hear his voice, as if he’s my fucking saving grace.              

“I can’t do this with her anymore. I can’t be the man she wants and needs one second, and then in the next second be the one she despises.”

Rex laughs gruffly, and I don’t see how anything I fucking said is amusing. “Why can’t she do to you the very thing you did to her?”

“I didn’t do that to her,” I sling back defensively. I have never treated her like that… Wait, have I?

“You didn’t? You guys have a relationship that could rival anything I see on TV. Seriously, you did the same shit to her, and now that she gives you a dose of your own medicine, you cry wolf?”

Every word out of his mouth causes me to grow angrier. Isn’t he supposed to be on my side? To tell me that I’m right?

“What the fuck? Are you really siding with her?” I’m on the verge of bursting. Every word pushes me that much closer to losing my mind.

“It’s not about siding with anyone. It’s about the fact that when she needed you the most, you left. You hurt her deeply. Then, when you come crawling back to her and she does the same thing to you, you decide that it sucks. Guess what, Corey? You’re not the only one capable of being an asshole.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I snarl.

“Take it as you will. In other words, she knows how to hurt you too. If you don’t want to feel pain, then maybe you shouldn’t have hurt her.”