Bittersweet (18 page)

Zoe
was overwhelmed with emotion, need, confusion, and the smell of Adam and of Scotch.
She couldn’t think clearly. She couldn’t decide what was best to do. She
couldn’t do anything but stare at him.

Then
his handsome, urgent face moved toward hers again, and he claimed her mouth
once more. His lips were hungrier this time as they moved against hers, and a
wave of pleasure and need rose up inside her without warning.

With
a groan deep in his throat, Adam leaned forward, reaching to cup the back of
her head with one hand. She clutched at the front of his shirt as he pushed her
backward.

She
had no idea if this was the right thing to do, but she didn’t want to pull
away.

It should have
been no more than a kiss.

Zoe
wasn’t inexperienced and, under normal circumstances, she wasn’t likely to get
swept away by just a kiss.

But
it had been more than a year since she’d had sex, since she’d experienced any
sort of sexual pleasure. And her emotions had been buffeted during this year in
more ways than she could possibly process. Plus, just this evening she’d been
slammed with worry, anger, terror, bone-deep compassion, and an inexplicable
exhilaration.

She
simply wasn’t prepared to effectively deal with any further surge of feeling.

Which
might be why what should have been a simple kiss turned into something else.

Adam
must be an excellent kisser, but she sensed he wasn’t at his most expert at the
moment. He’d drunk too much, and he’d been battered by a torrent of emotions of
his own. His lips now were hungry, urgent, almost clumsy in their neediness.
His hand clutched the back of her head with a hard grip, and his body pushed
hers backwards with an uncharacteristic eagerness.

And,
for some reason, his obvious desire for her sparked hers far more deeply than
any practiced expertise could have.

A
swell of pleasure and yearning rose up inside her, causing her to claw at his
shoulders and open her mouth to the demands of his tongue. She inhaled the
smell of Scotch and Adam with every shallow breath, and the heat of his body
saturated her own.

She
grunted against his mouth when her back hit the soft leather upholstery of the
sofa. But instead of gently pushing him away so they both could have enough
space to think clearly and make a good decision—which was almost certainly what
she should have done—she made room for him between her thighs and arched up
against his chest, one of her hands sliding up to caress his thick hair with an
entitlement she didn’t understand.

“Zoe,”
Adam muttered, his mouth finally breaking away from hers. He stared down at her
flushed face with an intensity she’d never before seen in his eyes. “I want you
so much.”

The
coarse, naked words really shouldn’t have turned her on. But they did. More
than any smooth, seductive ploy possibly could have. Zoe gasped as a pressure
of arousal tightened between her legs, and she shamelessly raised her hips to
rub herself against his groin.

As
difficult as it was for her to believe, Adam obviously
did
want her. She
could see it in his eyes, in the undisguised hunger of his expression. She
could feel it in the tension—the hardness—of his body.

He
closed his eyes and groaned as she rubbed against him. Something about the
sound was so uninhibited, so unlike the Adam she’d known, that a sliver of fear
cut through the desire.

“Adam?”
Zoe asked, scanning his face as closely as she could through her haze of
muddled lust. “How do you feel?”

He
actually choked on a laugh. “Not
that
drunk,” he said, lowering his face
to hers again.

She
believed him. The alcohol had definitely lowered his defenses, but he was still
conscious of what he was doing and capable of making a choice. And then she
forgot about the question completely as he claimed her mouth in another kiss.

This
one was even harder, hungrier, and deeper than before. After a minute, Zoe felt
like her head might explode as pleasure and need pulsed through her body.
Without realizing she was doing so, she clawed at his shirt, managing to pull
his shirttails out of his pants.

Then
she was suddenly conscious of his fingers untying the belt to her sweater. Then
they were under her tank top.

He
caressed her belly and slid his hands up to cup her breasts. Her skin was
covered with goosebumps, and arousal throbbed between her legs, causing her to shift
her hips restlessly and arch up into his hands.

“Adam!”
she gasped. Her lips felt swollen from his kisses. “God, Adam, please touch me.”

She
had no idea what was happening to her body, why it wanted this as much as it
did.

He
fondled her until she writhed and moaned. Finally, unable to take any more
torment, she pulled his hands away.

Adam
had been leaning over her, half-pressing his weight on hers. But now he sat up,
panting and flushed. He stared down at her, his hands resting on her hips.

Something
had changed, and she didn’t know what it was. She still wanted him as much as
she had a moment before. And he seemed to as well—if his face and his crotch
were any way to judge.

But
he just sat there. Didn’t move.

“What’s
wrong?” she asked.

He
gave his head a slight shake. “Nothing. Nothing.”

“You
still want this?”

“Of
course.”

“Then
stop brooding,” she whispered, leaning over to kiss him hard on the lips.

Adam
made a sound deep in his throat, one that jolted down to her arousal. He kissed
her back and allowed her to push him down to the couch as he’d done to her
earlier.

After
that, Zoe’s ability to distinguish distinct moves and thoughts faded, and the
world was made up of nothing but the hardness of Adam’s lean body, the smell of
him surrounding her, the feel of his hungry mouth on hers, and the sound of
their urgent breathing and the leather beneath their shifting bodies.

To
her frustration, he wore a t-shirt under his dress shirt, but she finally
managed to get her hands under his clothes so she could feel his hot, smooth
skin. She was still kissing him when she slid her hand beneath the waistband of
his trousers and wrapped her fingers around his hard length.

He
choked out a sound of pleasure as she gently squeezed, and she felt his body
tightened palpably beneath where she sprawled on top of him. She breathed
desperately through her nose, and she couldn’t seem to stop herself from
massaging him, the sounds of his pleasure turning her on more than anything
else.

He
needed something from her, and she wanted to give it to him.

“Zoe,”
Adam rasped, turning his head to the side and in the process breaking the press
of their lips. “Zoe, if you don’t stop, I—” His words were cut off in another
groan as she slid her hand up and down the length of him, applying pressure as
she did.

Adam
gripped the back of the couch with one hand, so tightly his knuckles had
whitened. His features twisted desperately, even as his hips tried to ride her
hand from below. “Zoe, baby,” he choked out, “I’m going to—”

She
knew what he was going to do, and she wanted to give it to him. Wanted him to
let go, let down, release the desperate hold he tried to keep on himself and
the world.

She
tightened her hand again.

Adam
let out a loud exclamation as his body shook beneath hers. He came hard, and
much sooner than he would have had he not drunk so much.

She
massaged him through the contractions, feeling deeply possessive. Adam’s body
had relaxed deliciously in the wake of his release, and the knowledge satisfied
her on a visceral level.

She
leaned down to kiss him again, and finally he lifted his hand to tangle his
fingers in her hair.

“Damn,”
he muttered, when he broke the kiss.

She
almost laughed, disoriented by how everything was moving so fast and by the
power of her own arousal. Before she could figure out what to do, he grabbed
her face with both hands and raised himself up into a kiss, pushing her down in
the process.

After
a minute, he’d taken off her sweater and started to kiss his way down her neck
to her collarbone. Then he mouthed her breasts over her tank top.

Zoe
arched and gasped uninhibitedly, and when he cupped her hot arousal with one
hand over the thin fabric of her pants, she started to whimper in pleasure.

She
hadn’t come in so long, and now she was desperate for it, like a horny
teenager.

“That’s
right, baby,” he said thickly, raising his head so he could look down on her.
“Just let go.”

She
was slammed with waves of hot and cold as he found her clit through her clothes
and started to rub it. Not precise or skillful but effective just the same.

He
leaned down to take a breast in his mouth again through her shirt as he
pleasured her with his hand.

Her
body was out of control, and she made sobbing sounds as her muscles started to
tighten. “Feels so good, Adam.”

“That’s
right,” he murmured, releasing her breast so he could watch her again. “Good,
baby. Let yourself feel good. Don’t hold back.”

She
couldn’t hold back—even if she’d wanted to. She came with helpless abandon,
knowing he was watching her.

When
she finally opened her eyes, she saw that same hot hunger on his face again.
She lowered her gaze and saw he was already aroused once more.

Not
sated yet, she wrapped her legs around his hips, greedily seeking the feel of
his groin. She rubbed herself against him shamelessly.

“Zoe.”
His mouth was against her ear now. “Do you want—” He broke off as she squeezed
him tightly between her legs. “Like this? Or I could try to find a…a cond—”
Once again, his words were cut off as she tightened her thighs around him.

There
was no way Zoe could wait for him to dig up a condom. She wanted him now, like
this. She wanted him so bad.

“Harder,”
she gasped, bucking her hips up and trying to rub against him at the same time.
They were both mostly clothed, and it was only the friction and pressure
building them up toward another release. “Adam, I want it harder.”

He
thrust against her, his motion raw and urgent, as if their clothes weren’t
between them.

Zoe’s
skin blazed with heat as she panted desperately, vaguely knowing that their
clumsy dry hump wasn’t anything anyone would have expected, but she wanted it
so much she didn’t care.

Somehow,
it felt safer than intercourse would have, and it could still give them what
they both needed.

They
were shaking the couch now, her legs wrapped tightly around his back and their
hips grinding eagerly together. Until finally the friction and carnal motion
pushed Zoe over the peak.

She
cried out loudly as she came, her body shuddering beneath Adam’s. She kept
moaning in pleasure as his motion continued, sustaining the contractions of her
climax. She felt Adam’s body tighten up as she embraced him with her arms and
her legs. Then he choked out a helpless sound as he came again too.

They
both gasped wetly as their bodies relaxed together. Adam’s weight was heavy on
hers, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. And it helped to distract Zoe from the
realization of what they’d just done.

She
stroked his hair gently as he buried his face in the hollow of her neck. She
felt him press a few kisses against her skin.

“Adam,”
she said softly, wondering what she should say, what he would say.

He
didn’t answer. And a wave of exhaustion and sated relaxation washed over her.

They
didn’t have to move quite yet. They didn’t have to talk quite yet.

So
they didn’t.

She
eventually heard Adam’s breathing even out. She didn’t know if he was asleep or
not—but she wouldn’t be surprised.

By
focusing only on how nice and warm and relaxed and satisfied her body felt, she
was able to momentarily forget everything else. And in that way she drifted off
too.

*
* *

She dreamed she
was in bed with Josh.

Her
husband hadn’t been a particularly cuddly sleeper, but sometimes after sex they
would fall asleep tangled together. She would wake up trapped by his arms, or
pressed under his weight, or in some other uncomfortable position.

Just
on the edge of waking, she was sure that was exactly what had happened. She had
fallen asleep after sex with Josh and now he was lying on top of her.

It
wasn’t comfortable. His weight was too much. She was hot and cramped and having
trouble taking a full breath. So she pushed Josh off her with a grumble.

Only
to discover that he wasn’t naked the way he should have been. He was half
dressed in a wrinkled dress shirt and trousers.

And
he wasn’t Josh. He was Adam.