Bitter Winds (6 page)

Sami rolled her eyes at Li Jin, then drained her beer and beckoned for the waitress to bring her another. Li Jin slapped her hand on the table and the empty bottle wobbled, almost tipping over before Sami reached out and steadied it.

“Now you’re crossing the line, Sami.”

“I’m just relaxing, Li.
Dan ding
. Chill out with me.” Sami laughed, throwing her head back. “Anyway, maybe I’ll take Sky for a little test run, tell you how it goes?”

Li Jin didn’t even look up. That comment didn’t deserve a response, and she couldn’t keep up with Sami’s moods tonight. And she sure wasn’t going to sit and watch the girl get drunk. Sami was acting like a spoiled brat. Li Jin needed to get out of there before she said or did something that couldn’t be taken back. She stood and put a ten-reminbi bill on the table. “I’m going home, Sami. I have to get up at the crack of dawn. Please be careful coming home.”

“That place means more to you than I do, Li Jin.” Sami’s smile disappeared and she stared down at her empty bottle.

“No, Sami, it doesn’t. But I care about the people who live under its roof. And I care about you . . . too much to sit here and watch you act like this.”

On her way to the door, Li Jin walked past a couple making out in a booth. She was going to need a hot bath to feel clean enough to climb into bed tonight.

Li Jin wished she’d skipped the long, hot bath and gone straight to sleep before everything had gone wild in the Zheng household. Just as she’d drifted off, Sami had returned and jerked her awake, reeking of alcohol and crying with the pain of her labor. They’d now been at it for hours and it didn’t feel like much progress had been made. It was too late to get her to the hospital; a home birth might be common in the country, but most city women were frightened of childbirth and scheduled their Cesarean sections way ahead of time.

Sami screamed again, making Li Jin jump. She could see the veins in her neck bulging, and worried Sami would faint from the exertion. The room around them was a wreck. Sami had gone through it like a madwoman once the contractions got unbearable. Li Jin had finally gotten her mother to help calm Sami enough to get her undressed and into the bed.

“We should’ve taken her to the hospital, Li Jin. I tried to tell you,” her mother whispered, wringing her hands at the foot of the bed.

“No!” Sami screamed. “No more hospitals!”

Sami squeezed Li Jin’s hand even harder. The contraction passed and she flopped back on the bed, gasping for breath. She was already exhausted, her strength having been drained in the last four hours of struggle.

“What is she talking about?” Calli said. “When has she been in a hospital?”

“I don’t know.” Li Jin sat next to Sami and stroked her forehead. It was covered in sweat and her hair was pasted around her face. She looked horrible, and Li Jin was worried Sami was going to let her hysteria get out of control and that it might hurt the baby.

Li Jin pleaded with her. “At least let us call someone, Sami. We aren’t midwives. You might need a Cesarean.” Li Jin couldn’t believe they’d gotten into this predicament. Sami had returned from the bar well past midnight and woke her to tell her she was in labor. She’d refused to go to the hospital and because she was staggering around reeking of alcohol, Li Jin had relented. But now she wasn’t so sure she’d made the right decision.

“No. No. No,” Sami chanted, then sat up and began rocking back and forth.

Li Jin looked to her mother. “Mama, please
do
something. She’s in so much pain.”

Calli had just peeked under the sheet and she straightened, her face a mask of concern. “Hand me those trash bags, Li Jin. It’s too late for a hospital—I see the head crowning. She’s going to have this baby
right now
!”

Li Jin helped her rip open a few large bags and tuck them under Sami’s bottom half. She flashed back to her own labor so many years ago. She’d been alone in the world, surrounded by strangers in a small hostel room. Those girls had helped her bring Jojo into the world and it wasn’t a pleasant experience. She knew this would also be hard, but like with Jojo, so worth it once Sami finally held her baby in her arms.

“Are you sure you can do this, Mama?”

Calli ran out of the room. Sami wailed and yanked at her hair. Li Jin reached over and stopped her, then smoothed the tangled locks. She lowered her voice and tried to talk soothingly, “Sami, you need to calm down. You’re going to be a mother tonight!”

“Get. It. Out. Of. Me!” Sami spat out through gritted teeth.

Calli returned with a sharp knife. When Sami saw it, she shrieked and tried to push herself farther back against the headboard.

“It’s just to cut the cord, child! Stop it. You are going to terrify the girls in the hall. They already think you’re dying, the way you’ve been carrying on.”

“I
am
dying, old woman!” Sami screamed.

Li Jin could see that Sami didn’t care whom she frightened, or that the entire family was up and pacing the hall from worry. Sami’s only concern was to fight against the intense pain that consumed her.

Li Jin felt sweat break out on her own forehead. She was scared. Sami was so small. Her petite frame looked unnatural with the huge mound she’d carried for the last few months. Li Jin knew it had to be difficult for her to go through childbirth. She crawled onto the bed and behind her friend, bracing herself against the headboard with Sami directly in front of her. She put her arms around her and reached down to grab her under the knees. She pulled Sami’s knees up even with her own.

“Okay, this is it, Sami. We’ll do it together. I’ll help you push.”

Sami whimpered like a small child. “You won’t leave me alone, Li?”

“No! Come on, I’ve done this and you can, too. When Mama says push—you bear down and push with all your might. I’ve got you back here. We’re about to have you a nice, healthy baby, Sami. You’re going to be a mother!”

“Noooo . . . ,” Sami wailed, throwing her head back.

Calli draped the sheet until it was propped over her knees. Sami tried to push it down again and Li Jin pulled her hand back.

“Leave it, Sami. Mama has to be able to see.”

“Ivy!” Calli called out toward the door. “Get in here and get the baby blanket ready. I need you.”

Ivy ran in just as Sami began another contraction. She looked from Sami to Calli and up to Li Jin, her eyes huge with fright. Li Jin lowered her voice to try to calm the girl.

“It’s okay, Ivy. Just help Ma—”

She was interrupted by Sami’s most bloodcurdling scream yet. She could feel the waves the contraction made as Sami writhed in pain, her head thrown back onto Li Jin’s shoulder.

“Stop holding your breath, Sami. Breathe.” Li Jin blew in her face until Sami gasped.

“Push now!” Calli yelled, her head disappearing under the sheet. “Hard!”

Sami bore down and her face turned a mottled purple as she pushed.

Li Jin helped her pull her knees even closer to her chest. “Push, Sami. This is it, it’s almost over. Push as hard as you can!”

Sami pushed one last time; then her body shuddered and went limp against Li Jin. The baby was out.

“You did it! I’ve got her!” Calli called from her end of the bed. Li Jin could hear the tears in her voice.

“Her?” Sami asked with absolutely no emotion. “It’s not supposed to be a girl.”

So far Ivy had only stood there helplessly but with Sami’s hurtful words, she looked up and locked eyes with Li Jin, her mouth dropping open. The long-ingrained cultural preference for males in China was a sensitive one in their home. Calli passed Ivy the child and after staring at her in awe for a moment, Ivy used the corner of the blanket to wipe her tiny face.

“Shhh, Sami. Just be glad you have a healthy baby girl,” Li Jin murmured in Sami’s ear. The child let out a loud cry and Li Jin felt tears of relief wet her own cheeks.

Sami shook her head adamantly. “I don’t want a girl.”

“Hand me the knife, Ivy,” Calli said. “And Sami, I don’t want to hear any more of that kind of talk. Motherhood is a blessing, and if the gods hear those words, they’ll take this one away.”

Sami turned her head toward the wall, ignoring everyone around her as she slipped into one of her moods.

Li Jin had never heard her mother so cross. She watched as Calli cut the cord, releasing another baby girl into the world, a world where she would surely face a lifetime of struggle because of her gender. It shocked her that although Sami had suffered most of her abuse because she was a girl, she still fell right into the age-old tradition of wanting only a male child. Those attitudes needed to be abolished. She looked down at the little infant.
Maybe soon, little one . . . maybe soon, things will change
.

“Okay, Sami. You aren’t done yet. It doesn’t look like you’ll need any stitching, but push some more and let’s get you cleaned out.” Calli shook Sami’s knees, breaking her out of her stare. “When you’re finished, we’ll put the child to your breast so she’ll know who her mother is.”

Li Jin felt a shiver of foreboding as Sami shook her head. “I don’t want to. Let someone else feed her.”

It was going to be a long night. Li Jin disentangled herself from Sami and climbed from the bed. She was soaked with sweat, weak, and felt as if she’d just given birth herself. Her legs wobbled as she struggled to stand upright. Finally, she got her footing and stood straight.

“Can I help you, Mama?” she asked, cringing at the bloody mess on the bed, thankful they had spread out the plastic bin liners.

“No, I got it. This placenta will need to be boiled and made into a broth. Sami can drink it to improve her nursing milk. You look over that baby and make sure everything is where it’s supposed to be. We might need to take her down to the clinic.” Her mother gathered up the corners of the plastic and tied it all in a knot, then carried it out of the room.

Li Jin was glad from the reprieve. She’d much rather deal with the infant than the mess the child had left behind in her journey out of her mother.

“Here, Ivy, let me hold her. I’ll clean her up and make her a bottle.” Li Jin looked down at the perfect infant who mirrored her mother’s exquisite features. She gave a low appreciative whistle. “Sami, are you sure you don’t want to try feeding her? These first moments are important for bonding.”

Sami shook her head. “No, and tell your mother not to waste time boiling that mess. I won’t need it.”

“Okay, but this little one is going to be just as gorgeous as her mother.” Li Jin left the room, ignoring the glare from Sami as she watched them handle her daughter.

B
enfu stood at the head of the table and tapped his chopsticks against the glass. All around him the room buzzed with chatter and laughter in celebration of Sami’s child’s one-month birthday. His heart was full as he scanned the room filled to every corner with people he loved. Toward the back, Auntie Rae caught his attention, waving and beaming with pride, showing off baby Coral’s first tooth. It wasn’t hard to see as there was such a gaping hole where her top lip should be. But no one paid any attention to the imperfection; instead it was impossible not to be drawn to the baby’s shiny black eyes as they danced with excitement from all the attention. Benfu held up his hands.

“
Anjing
. Quiet please!”

He was satisfied that his daughters and the other residents stopped talking and looked to him. Even Jace put his finger to his lip and encouraged little Poppy to hush. It was a special day for Sami’s child. Though they couldn’t afford to have a big party at a local hotel or restaurant, they would still celebrate the baby’s birthday in their own way. Even without a lot of money, the ceremony would be complete with red eggs to symbolize the renewal of life, and Li Jin had worked for hours on creating intricately designed turtle-shaped cakes to wish the baby a long life.

His eldest daughter wasn’t the only one who’d worked hard to make the day special. Ivy, Lily, Peony, Maggi, and even little Jasmine had spent hours making and hanging red lanterns, giving the room the air of celebration they felt the baby deserved. Benfu was proud of his girls; they were all so selfless.

He gestured toward Sami and her daughter.

“Today this little one is one month old and we will be giving her a name. A name her mother will choose.” Benfu nodded at the girl. If Sami were home with her family, more than likely the child would’ve been given a milk name upon her birth—something temporary until the one-month party when the baby’s grandparents would have done the honor of choosing her official name. But today, unless she said otherwise, it would be up to Sami to give her child a name that would honor her future.

He saw Calli head over and take the Zheng family book from the cupboard. They’d talked about it the night before and even though Sami’s baby wasn’t officially family, they were going to add her to the book. Li Jin and Sami were so close, it was like they were sisters, and if Sami would allow them, they’d consider her and her child as family. So far she had resisted their attempts to embrace her. And if he had to guess, with the way Sami had been treating her child for the last month, the baby girl was going to need family. Even now, Sky held the baby in his arms as Sami sat alone in the corner, picking at her nails. The lad had rocked the baby to sleep, and Benfu was touched at the way he had softly sung to her, unafraid of looking less than manly.

Sami stood and went to Sky. She took the baby from him, tossing down the embroidered blanket that covered the tiny red set of clothes she wore—the blanket Calli had worked nonstop for weeks to have ready for this special day—and it fell to the floor. Sky picked it up, shook it off, and folded it over his leg.

Linnea reached over and plucked the blanket from Sky’s lap and held it up. “Look, Jet, another masterpiece made by my Nai Nai.”

“And my Maggi Mei made a matching pillow,” Benfu said, pointing to the end of the table where Maggi sat in her wheelchair. She beamed from ear to ear and held up the small embroidered pillow from her lap. On it Maggi had sewed a panda, complete with shiny black marbles for eyes.

“Whoa, Maggi! That’s some nice work! Maybe one day you’ll be making baby stuff for us,” Jet joked, then put his arm around Linnea and squeezed.

Benfu smiled at the two lovebirds. Despite a few obstacles—one being Jet’s mother—they’d really stuck it out together in the last year, and to see his Linnea so happy was a comfort to his soul. With her vintage shop and Jet’s business degree, the two would go far and she’d be one daughter he’d never have to worry about.

Benfu watched Sami straighten the baby’s clothes and took a deep breath. The tiny garments reminded him of long ago when his own daughter was snatched from his life. Li Jin had insisted that her own unused one-month outfit be worn to erase the bad luck of that terrible day. The clothes fit Sami’s baby perfectly, almost as if they’d been made for her. Benfu looked at his Calla Lily and nodded, giving her an encouraging smile. He hoped today would be the salve that finally soothed the wounds from Li Jin’s abduction.

“Wake her up!” Ivy called out, and clapped her hands. The other girls and residents joined her and Benfu saw the baby flutter her eyes until they remained open. She didn’t cry—he’d give her that. She was a tough one and it was a good thing, as Benfu didn’t see much motherly love coming from Sami. This baby girl was going to have to be strong in spirit.

“I say we call her Quchong, the name our elders gave the newborn girls
,
” Sami said, a defiant look coming over her.

Benfu wanted to cross the room and shake the insolent girl but instead he shook his head. The name literally meant maggots in the rice and was given to baby girls by farmers who only wished to have boys. “No, we’ll have no girls under this roof considered unwanted. Give us another name.”

Sami sat down and held the girl in her lap. “I have no other name. Li Jin, you can name her.”

Li Jin got up and went to them. Sami scooted over on the bench to make room for Li Jin to sit down. When she did, Sami passed the baby to her, then went back to studying her nails.

Benfu caught Calli’s eye again and knew what her look meant. Sami was an unhappy girl, to say the least. But today was the baby’s day and he’d not let her own mother ruin it. Naming a child was a very important part of their future, and even if they couldn’t afford to pay a traditional name-finder, the child should still have a name that was picked especially for her.

“Okay, Li Jin. What name do you have for this little beauty?”

Li Jin held the baby up until she was looking her straight in the eye. The baby’s head bobbled back and forth. Li Jin quickly caught her behind her neck and steadied her.

“What should your name be, little one? You sure are a pretty girl,” she said to her, then laughed when the baby smiled back. Even from a distance, Benfu could see the child’s dark eyes sparkle at the sound of his daughter’s voice. His daughter had spent more time with the baby than her own mother had, and an attachment between them was already showing.

Jasmine climbed down from her chair and joined Li Jin on the bench. She put her finger up and the baby wrapped her fat little fist around it, making Jasmine giggle.

“What do you think, Jasmine? Do
you
have a name for her?” Li Jin looked down at Jasmine.

Benfu waited hopefully.

Jasmine shook her head.

“Well, I think we all need a hero, so I would like to call her Lanying, our orchid hero. What do you think, Sami?” Li Jin asked.

Benfu clapped his hands together. Perfect. There weren’t any legends involving a heroine named Lanying that he knew of, but maybe this little one would write her own story.

Sami looked up and shrugged her shoulders. “Fine with me. Whatever you want, Li Jin.”

“Then she is officially Lanying, and we’ll call her Lan,” Benfu said. He wasn’t sure what surname Sami would give her child, as she’d never even told them her own full name, so Benfu didn’t address it in front of everyone. But they would need to know it for their records, and he hoped Calli would talk to her about it. He looked up to see his wife scribbling in their family book and knew she was already jotting down every detail for the child’s new page.

As he watched, his girls took turns gathering around little Lan, bending to kiss her on the head. After watching the first few kisses and well wishes, Sami stood.

“I’m not feeling well. I’m going to lie down.”

Li Jin looked up. “Oh, Sami. I’m sorry. Do you want to take Lan with you?”

“No, she can stay out here and enjoy her party.” Sami turned to leave the room.

Benfu followed her out of the dining room and into the hall. Once again the girl seemed jealous of her own daughter. And she sure did a lot of sleeping. He would’ve thought she could at least stay awake for her daughter’s birthday party. “Sami. Wait.”

Sami stopped and turned around, her expression impatient. “Yes, Lao Benfu?”

Benfu pulled a red envelope from his pocket and held it out. It contained several hundred reminbi—much more than he could really afford to give away. “I know that if you were around your own family and old friends, you’d receive many of these. I’m sorry you are so far from home. But here is one that I hope you can use.”

Sami looked down at the red envelope and Benfu was touched to see that tears filled her eyes. Finally, some emotion. She reached out and took it from him.

“Xie xie.”
She murmured her thanks and turned away.

Benfu watched her walk down the hall toward her room, her shoulders down and her entire body slow and sluggish. He was worried about her and a part of him thought maybe she needed to find her way back home. Perhaps being around family would bring her out of the dark cloud she constantly buried herself in. He would talk to Li Jin about her again, and this time he’d make her listen.