Bitter Hearts (A Southern Loving Book 3) (23 page)

Hank
nodded as Austin words became comforting. He failed Kari before and if she gave
him another chance, he would spend the rest of his life for making the most
stupid decision in his life.  His choice to reconcile made her doubt his love.

“Love
isn’t life without conflict. Farrah and I both learned it’s about wanting and
working to overcome it together.”

Hank
stared into the distance as the sun began to set over the hills. “Thanks man, I
needed someone to talk some common sense into me.”

“Don’t
we all.” Austin handed him the container and fork. “Eat up.”

“Tell
Farrah I appreciate the food.” Hank took off the lid, the delicious aroma
traveled to his nostrils. “How do you not gain an inch of fat?” he asked biting
into the warm chicken.

“Working
around the ranch, jogging three miles a day, and other activities,” Austin said,
wagging his eyebrows.

Hank
nearly choked on his dinner. “TMI,” he coughed.

“Shit,
you asked,” Austin chuckled. “How is the divorce going?”

“Let’s
just say that Natalie wasn’t happy with getting a half of million and the
cottage in Montana.”

“What
does she want? She signed a prenuptial agreement. Secondly, she can’t touch the
houses you own on the ranch.”

“Natalie
is about money, instead of the ranch in Montana she wants money,” he said.

“You’re
not telling me something,” Austin said.

“Natalie
did her homework on Kari, she knew things I don’t even know about Kari. Talking
about how she will sue Kari for having an affair with me.” Hank shook his head
disgust.

“What’s
the plan?”

“Protecting
Kari all the way, even if that means settling with Natalie.” Hank couldn’t
allow Natalie to hurt Kari, he already caused her so much pain.

“I
know I’m not stuck on stupid but didn’t Natalie leave you for another man, and
when he dumped her ass, she came back running home to you?”

“The
last thing I need is for all this shit to be put in the papers for everyone to
read about it. I’m going to give Natalie exactly what she wants,” Hank said,
smiling deviously.

“Oh
God, does this require bail money?”

“No…it’s
called out smarting someone.” Hank laughed at Austin theatrics.

Austin
stood up and checked his watch. “I need to go back to Farrah, for the past
couple of days, she been experiencing some Braxton Hicks contractions.”

“Thanks
again for the conversation and tell Farrah I said hello and thank you,” Hank said
as Austin walked to his truck.

“Will
do,” Austin said, tipping his hat at Hank before climbing into his truck.

Later
when he got home to the empty house, taking a hot shower he laid in bed holding
a pillow pretending like it was Kari right next to him. His love for her wasn’t
going anywhere; she was like an old song that was stuck in his head.  His life
felt incomplete without her. He was going to continue to feel this way until
Kari was back with him.

Chapter Twelve

Three
Weeks Later

Kari
wished that she could have found a reasonable solution to her father’s birthday
and parent’s anniversary. Suck it Kari it’s only a week it you can get through
anything. For the past three weeks the only way she communicated with her Hank
was via phone. Sitting on the lounge she drifted back to the conversation they
had a few hours earlier this morning.

“I
had a dream with us growing old together, having a house full of kids,” Hank
said softly.

Kari
leaned back against the headboard, for the past couple of nights this became
their nightly ritual of talking on the phone before going to bed. Hank never
pressured her into changing her mind or asked to come over.  “Did I learn how
to cook in this dream?” she laughed.

“Nope,
that’s how I know the dream will come true,” he chuckled.

“Thanks
not funny Mr. Jackson,” she smiled.

“Are
you okay?” Hank asked.

“I’m
going back to California for my father’s birthday and for some reason I’m
dreading it,” her voice became soft and needy.

“Why
is it hard to be around your parents?

“I’m
the youngest of three children; my sister is the example of rich kid with too
much money, never worked a day in her life and hooked on drugs. My brother
doesn’t know what it means to work hard for anything because everything is
handed to him. He ran through so much money with fail business plans-”

“You
are not like them, Kari. You may have your parents’ money at your disposal. You
went to college and graduated but most importantly you making your own name.”

“I
think my love life is the way it is because I craved the love and attention
from parents and never received that from them. Maybe this is why I make so
many people jump through hoops in order for me to love them.”

“You
need to talk to you parents.”

“And
tell them what? That they neglected their kids for spending time with their
friends in different continents instead of being parents and they’re the reason
why I can’t build a connection with anyone because I’m scared of letting anyone
in.”

“Kari
take a deep breath and exhaled. I want you to know its okay to let go of the
past and learn to trust.”

“That
means talking to them,” she mumbled, laying back on the bed.

“Yeah,
staying away from them won’t help you either,” Hank said.

Kari
yawned; pulling the pillow to her she pretended it was Hank sleeping next to
her. “Thank you. I really needed that pep talk before I go home to Clare and
Nigel Hayes.”

“I’m
going to hang up so you can get some sleep.”

“No!”
she said quickly. “Stay on the phone with me until I fall asleep…Please.”

“You
can have whatever you want,” he replied.

Kari
didn’t know when Hank hung up the phone, maybe it was sometime during the night
when they both fell asleep on the phone together. When she woke up that morning
she had a text message.
 

Good
Morning, Beautiful

Last
night I listened to you snoring on the phone. I’m picturing that I’m right next
to you, your black hair fanning across the sheet. I want to touch you but I
can’t, so I closed my eyes tightly and pictured myself kissing you goodnight.

Kari,
I miss the sound of your heartbeat at night, it beats strong and steady. Did
you know your heartbeat is the lullaby that puts me to sleep at night? I’m not
going to push you to come home to me, I know you will come in due time.

Every
day when I wake up I can’t wait to I fall asleep again, so I can escape into
the realm where we’re happy and living together as one. Until you come back
into my life I want to tell you to continue to work hard and don’t be afraid to
love.

Hopefully
one day I can wake up beside you and give you the world because God knows you
deserve it. Losing you has been the hardest things that ever happen to me.

Take
care & Love always,

Hank

Was
it too late?
She asked herself staring at her phone, blinking
back the tears that threaten to fall.

“What’s
wrong, Kari?”

Looking
up she smiled weakly at her father. Nigel Hayes still looked to be a man in his
early sixties, his black hair with sprinkle of grey. “Nothing,” she mumbled.

“Don’t
tell me nothing, I’m your father and can tell when something is going on with you.”
He took a seat next to her. Adjusting his shades, he looked over at her. “Tell
me what’s going on?”

 
“I think I just ruined a good relationship with my stupidity.”

“Why
would you say that?”

“I
met a good man, I love him to death.” She smiled just thinking about Hank.

Nigel
took off his sunglasses and looked sternly at his youngest child. “Who is he?”

“Don’t
worry, Dad. Hank is a good guy.”

“What
about his financial stability?”

Kari
knew what he father was trying to say, he wanted to know if Hank had his own
money. “He doesn’t want my money, and he is very successful in his own right.”

“Care
Bear we just want you to be happy.”

“Daddy,”
her voice broke.

Nigel
reached over and took Kari’s hand into his. “Oscar Wilde said ‘Children begin
by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they
forgive them.’  We weren’t the best parents. Mom and I thought because there
were nannies and the fact that we gave you kids everything you want and more…we
thought everything was okay.”

“I’ve
been up, down, turned inside and out.” Kari roughly brushed the tears away.
“Because of the resentment I have towards Mom and you for never being there.”

“When
I think about all that I missed with your siblings and you, I hate it.” Nigel
cleared his throat. “I regret ever business trip I took over school plays,
soccer games, recitals… I’m embarrassed to say that I wasn’t the one to teach
you to ride your bicycle.”

“For
a long time I considered myself to be strong, independent, confident and the
ability to make decisions.”

“Talk
to me.”

“I
met this guy who loves me, even though we had some hick-ups a month ago. He
still loves me and is waiting for me to sort through my feelings,” she said,
taking off her sunglasses looking her father directly in the eyes. “I love him
and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I’m unsure, doubtful and
confused. It’s like there is this hole in my heart, and for as long I can think
I been feeling it with people who don’t mean crap to me.”

“Until
now,” her father said.

“I
was feeling empty and alone and when Sam came into my life, there was still
that feeling but it eased just a little. But with his deceit he made that hole
become bigger and the loneliness greater. I met a good man who I love and
completes me.”

“Does
he love and value you?” Nigel asked.

“Yes,”
she said softly. “Dad, I just felt like the two people needed and wanted to
feel love from didn’t show it. It doesn’t matter that Rita was like a mother
and I had friends out the woodwork, the only two people who matter was you and Mom.
I don’t expect him to fill that void that was put there by my parents.”

“Clare
and I love you.” Nigel patted her hand. “Don’t allow me and your mother’s
actions to change the course of your life.”

Kari
nodded her head; she watched as her father stood up and began to walk away from
her. A gust of wind blew across the pool area. The burden that she’d been
carrying around almost her entire life started to lift. It seemed like telling
her father how she felt broke the spell, which kept her heart bounded.

For
as long she could remember, she tried her best to keep her emotions bottled up,
but now that she was twenty-eight years old she needed to express them openly
even if her parents didn’t want to acknowledge their mistakes.

Kari
knew that her parents were suffering from their own fears, insecurities, shame
and inability to face the truth.  Right now on this day she would accept that
her parents were unable to do anything different to give her siblings and her
what they needed more. Closing her eyes and opening them slowly she looked at
the mountains in the distance. Kari made peace with the fact she would never
receive validation, emotional support from Clare and Nigel Hayes. There was no
use in worrying about the past because you couldn’t rewrite history.

Picking
up her phone Kari emailed Hank.

The
only person responsible for their true happiness is oneself. Today, I take the
first step in being happy and completed. You’re my dream and my joy. We have
this chance to have an amazing life together and I can’t think of anyone else I
want to share my life with.

I
told myself that I would never open my heart to anyone else. My life was like a
desert that hadn’t experienced rain in years until you came into it.  I never
had love before not even with Sam as I think about it. You taught me that I
don’t have to hide from love. You took away lonely, frustration, and confusion.
Hank Jackson, I know it’s okay to be excited, happy and content.

***

Finishing
up lacing her sneakers, she thought it would be a perfect to go running around
the private gated community in Hidden Hills. Holding her iPod and ear-buds she
walked towards the front door but not before getting stopped by her mother.

“Kari?
Dear can you come in here for a moment?” Clare Hayes called out.

Sighing,
Kari turned back around and went to the formal living room where he mother was
going over china patterns with her assistant. Her mother was beautiful woman
who could rival Beverly Johnson. Taking her designer spectacles, she gave Kari
a once over before turning her attention to the two china plates in her hand.

“Which
one do you like Kari?” Clare asked.

Kari
walked over to the table and looked at the two dishes that appeared to be the
same except one was an alliance-grey dinner by Christofle and the other was
white Medusa Gala Plate with the signature Versace imprint. “The Christofle,”
she pointed.

“I
was thinking the same thing, darling,” she winked at Kari. “This is where my
daughter gets her exquisite taste.” Clare sat the plates back on the table and
looked at her assistant Antonia. “We’re going with the Christofle.”

“Well,
if that’s all I’m going for a jog,” Kari said, backing up towards the doorway.

“Kari.”
Her mother smiled slowly. “Why don’t you accompany me on a shopping trip on
Rodeo Drive?”

“I
have a dress for the dinner party,” she replied.

“I’ll
pick you up clothes to wear around the house. You came back from that city
wearing those God awful jeans and boots.” Clare said, making a disapproval
look.

This
was Clare Hayes; she was always poised and sophisticated. She was always
worrying how the rich black family in the rich, celebrity filled gated
community portrayed them. Her mother had everything she ever wanted, but still
worried about what other people thought.

“Mother,
I live in Nashville and I’m not trying to impress anyone.”
Including you
she wanted to say but didn’t. Kari turned to walk out the room.

“Kari,”
he mother called out stopping Kari. “Maybe you should want to impress a
suitable admirer tonight,” Clare said, fixing herself a glass of tonic, and
smirked knowingly at her daughter as she sipped her drink.

“Mommy
dearest,” Kari smiled as her mother’s lips quiver, when she called her the name
she despised. “I’m going back to Nashville after the dinner party, but for now
I’m leaving for a jog,” she said, walking out the room.

The
day was ending off nicely, the sun was beginning to set over the horizon with a
calming effect that told her everything would be okay. Putting on her ear-buds
she did a few stretches before she took off down their private road that lead
to the main gate.

Kari
inhaled slowly letting the fresh evening air seep into her lungs. After she
exited the gate she picked up her pace. Sweat started to prickle on her
forehead.
Three more miles,
she thought pushing herself to run faster. A
smiled formed on her lips as she thought about seeing the man who treated her
like she was the greatest think he ever laid eyes on and made sure she knew she
was loved and wanted. After the dinner party she would be on the first thing
smoking to Nashville to see Hank.

***

Hank
woke early the next morning. When he began to stretch, he noticed it was
impossible to move. Opening his eyes quickly, he stared into a pair of green
ones. Natalie smiled at him seductively, she was wrapped around him, with her
head resting comfortably on his chest. Her arms and legs were intertwined with
his. Her flaming red hair was a tousled mess.