Big Girls Do Cry (11 page)

“Give me another chance, Egypt,” Isis pleaded. “I won’t mess up again. I swear. The only place I got to go is Mommy and Daddy’s.”

“You should have thought of that before you disrespected my
house. I want you out by Friday. And I’m not going to change my mind.”

With that, I turned and left, almost blinded by my own tears. In a rage, I went to my room and changed the sheets. I picked up the room and blotted the carpet, hoping Rashad didn’t see the mess. He was already acting weird. In fact, he had been so quiet since we left Tammy and Tim’s house that he was scaring me. Lord, could things get any worse?

I was sitting in front of Michael Richards, quite possibly one of the most handsome men I’d ever met. Only this wasn’t the first time we’d met, and he sure didn’t look like the same kid I’d known since he was four years old and his family moved down the street from us.

I knew Michael had had a crush on me when we were younger, but he was my best friend’s little brother. When I was a senior, he was only a freshman, so he was just a silly little kid to me. Oh, I was nice to him, and I got on the older boys when they teased him or called him Fat Mike, but I never once thought of him in a romantic way. Besides, I had my pick of guys in high school, and Mike wasn’t the kind of guy who would have gotten a second look from me, even if he was my age. Not to sound conceited, but back then, who didn’t have a crush on me? I was a big girl, but I had a nice shape, and guys used to fall all over me, because I had big titties and a fat ass.

Now I was almost a hundred pounds heavier, and plenty of men just considered me fat. The tables had surely turned. Michael had lost all that weight, and he was stunning. I felt like I needed to catch my breath just looking at him. The surprising thing was that even though he was certifiably gorgeous, he still seemed to be infatuated with me. I was beyond flattered. I mean, I knew I was still attractive, but we 250-plus-pound women don’t get men who look like Michael asking us out every day. Unfortunately, I was faithfully married, and dating was prohibited.

“So, Loraine.” Michael’s voice cut into my thoughts. “You
wanna go out to dinner with me sometime? I know this great Italian place down in Chester.”

How in the world was I supposed to keep my composure when this gorgeous man was inviting me to dinner? I mean, I loved my husband, but there was that small part of me that was dying to say yes.

I turned to Jerome for a helping hand with my dilemma but quickly realized that was useless. He was sitting on the edge of his seat, leaning forward with both arms on the table like he was watching the season finale to one of his favorite sitcoms. It crossed my mind that somehow he had something to do with Michael asking me out on a date. My good friend had been trying to get me to step out on Leon for quite some time now.

“So, Raine, what you gonna do? Can’t you see the man is waiting for an answer?” Jerome chimed in.

“Mind your own business, Jerome,” I snapped. I was still trying to figure this all out. Did this man really want to go out with me? And was it wrong for me to even be fantasizing about saying yes?

Michael was shifting around in his seat, obviously still waiting for an answer. I knew I couldn’t say yes, but I couldn’t imagine saying no to such a fine man, so I avoided both by changing the subject. “So, how’s your sister?”

“She’s good. Divorced with three hardheaded boys. She’s talking about going back to school to get her master’s.”

“Good for her. Tell her I said hello when you talk to her.”

He kept staring at me. I tried to avoid looking too deeply into his jet-black bedroom eyes, and that’s when I noticed his full lips. I loved full lips. They made me think naughty thoughts.

I bet he could make me come with those lips. I bet he could make me come over and over again….

“So, what do you do for a living?” I asked to get my mind out of the dangerous place it was going.

He smirked. Was it that obvious I was trying to avoid answering his question? “I used to be a CPA; I guess technically I still am, but I gave all that up when I lost the weight. I’m a nutritionist, physical trainer, and sometimes a motivational speaker now.”

“That’s great. Let me know if you need any PR work done. Ever thought about doing a DVD or an infomercial?” I handed him a card.

He smiled warmly. “That’d be great … but I don’t usually mix business with pleasure, so maybe you should answer my question before we take this any further.”

“Umm, what question?” Yes, it was a lame attempt at avoiding the subject again, but I was running out of ideas. And apparently, Michael was not giving up without an answer.

“I asked you if you’d like to go out to dinner with me.”

I was usually a decisive woman, but in this case, I truly didn’t know what to say. He’d already asked me out twice—or was it three times? I really wasn’t sure. The point is I still hadn’t mentioned I was married. What the hell was wrong with me? This was so unlike me. Was I actually contemplating a date with this man? Or was it a roll in the hay I was looking for? Jesus, was either of those a road I really wanted to go down?

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure. Ask me anything, as long as you answer my question after I answer yours.”

“Why me? Why ask me out? Are you just into fat girls or something?”

“Oh, shit!” Jerome damn near spit out half his drink. I’d almost forgotten he was there.

Michael sat up straight in his chair. Unlike Jerome, he wasn’t laughing. He was as serious as a heart attack. “I wouldn’t care if you weighed eighty-six pounds, Loraine. It’s not your size I’m after; it’s the woman inside you.”

Good answer. Jerome looked like he wanted to applaud.

“I wanna date the woman who made it her business to call me just plain Mike, not Fat Mike, when I was in high school. The girl who didn’t run into the bathroom to wash her lips after she had to kiss me during a game of spin the bottle. I could go on, but I think you get what I’m trying to say. So, no, I’m not into fat women. Not unless the fat woman is you.”

This time, Jerome did applaud. “Damn, that was some deep shit. You mind if I use that? Switching the gender, of course.”

I’m sure my face was bright red from all the blood rushing to
it. I took a sip of my drink, hoping it would cool me down, but it didn’t. It had the opposite effect. If we weren’t in T.G.I. Friday’s, I think I would have made love to him right then and there. No one had said anything that nice to me in my entire life.

“Jerome, can you excuse us for a second?”

“You want me to leave?” Jerome was staring at me like I’d just turned off his TV right in the middle of a really good show.

“Yes, I’d like to speak with Michael alone, if you don’t mind.”

“Fine. I’m going, but you damn right I mind. As much stuff as I let you listen to.” He got out of his seat in a huff, pouting as he walked away.

“Sorry about that. Jerome doesn’t understand the meaning of
personal
or
private.”

“I understand. So, does this mean we’re on for a date?”

I wanted to reach out and hold his hand. Oh, how I wished I didn’t have to turn him down. “Michael, I want to thank you for asking, but I can’t go on a date with you.”

“Why not?”

I couldn’t look him in the eyes. “Because I’m married.”

He looked down at my hands. “I don’t see a ring on your finger.”

“That’s because I’ve gained so much weight in the last few years, my hands have swollen.” I saw his lips turn down.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I didn’t mean to be disrespectful.” He stood up from his chair, looking a little embarrassed. “Loraine, it was good seeing you again. Tell your husband he’s a very lucky man.”

The mention of Leon sent a little stab of pain through my heart. The way things had been going between us lately, I doubted he’d agree that he was lucky to be with me.

He took a step toward the bar, then turned back. “If you weren’t married, would you have said yes?”

He had no idea just how close I’d come to saying yes even though I was married. But it wouldn’t do me any good to admit that to him, so instead I nodded and said, “Yes, if I was single, I’d go out with you.” In another place and another time, Michael Richards most definitely would have been mine.

He smiled boyishly, like he’d won even though he came in second. I watched him walk toward the entrance, and then, through the window, I saw him get into his car. I didn’t take my eyes off him until he drove away. I suppose it was for the best, but we never even exchanged numbers or e-mail addresses or anything. I wondered if it would be another twenty-something years before I’d see him again.

I felt like my entire life was falling apart when Jerome came to my desk solemnly and told me Loraine wanted to see me in her office. I figured it was a foregone conclusion that I was about to be fired, and there really wasn’t anything I could do about it, because stupidly, I’d brought the whole damn thing on myself. Sure, Loraine and I were friends, but she was a businesswoman first, and there was no way she was going to let me get away with skipping work the past week without so much as a phone call. Not to mention the fact that I missed three key meetings with clients.

Yep, I was getting fired.

I followed Jerome to his desk, which was situated in front of Loraine’s office. I’d always found their little seating arrangement strange, because although Loraine was the face of the company, Jerome helped her build it from day one. On paper he was the company’s vice president, but most people, including the majority of the company’s employees, thought he was just a glorified assistant. It appeared that was just the way the two of them wanted it.

“Any idea why she wants to see me?” I asked Jerome.

“I think you have an idea, sis.” There was a tad bit of attitude in his voice that I probably deserved. Especially since he’d called my house, cell phone, and texted me to see if I was all right, and I never responded.

“Yeah, I guess I do.”

“Just be straight up with her, and you’ll be okay. Don’t play games like you did with me.”

I nodded and he opened the door so I could walk in. Loraine was sitting behind her large cherrywood desk glancing at some files. I sat down in one of the chairs in front of her desk as Jerome stepped out of the office, shutting the door behind him. It took her a full two minutes before she looked up over her reading glasses to acknowledge that I was even there. Those were two very long and uncomfortable minutes. I sat there nervously and thought about how I was going to break the news to Rashad that I’d lost my job. My life was stressful enough already without having to add searching for a job in this economy to my list of worries.

Finally, our eyes met. Loraine and I saw each other socially at our monthly book club meetings, and she was perfectly nice then, but now she looked nothing short of menacing. I’d never been in trouble at work before, but I’d heard from other employees that Loraine was no joke when she was mad at you. I was experiencing firsthand how true that was.

I decided to fall on my sword and weaken the blow before she had a chance to speak. At least that way I’d be able to get in a word edgewise. “Loraine, I know I cost the firm a lot of money. I know I should have called and I didn’t. But I was having some personal issues that I just couldn’t deal with. So if you’re going to fire me, I understand.”

Loraine stood up from her desk, and the way her large frame was looming over me, I suddenly felt tiny and fragile. I was actually scared for a minute when she threw down the file she’d been holding. “Fire you! Girl, I should kill your ass.”

Kill me? Well, damn, I know I’d messed up, but did she have to take it that far? I was about to protest, until she explained herself and I realized I had read her all wrong.

“You had us worried to death. I’m surprised poor Jerome is even speaking to you. Don’t you ever do that shit again.”

I was actually left speechless for a minute while I tried to process this whole scene. I’d been imagining myself jobless and depressed, and now it seemed that wasn’t Loraine’s intention at all.

“You mean I’m not fired?”

“Not if I get an explanation about what the hell is going on. Egypt, you’re my friend, and my friends are like family. I don’t socialize with many people I work with, other than Jerome. But somehow, you and I clicked. We’ve broken bread in each other’s homes. To me, that’s special.”

Wow, I didn’t know she felt that way. I guess we were closer than I thought. Now I felt bad that I hadn’t at least called the office while I was out.

“I’m sorry, Loraine.”

She waved her hand as if to say there was no apology necessary. “So, what’s going on, girl? Your marriage falling apart?”

“If it hasn’t already, it will be.”

“He cheating.” She spoke as if it was already a certainty, not a question. Why was that the first thing everyone asked when a relationship was having problems? Not every man cheats. Sometimes it’s the woman who causes the problem—by not being able to have a baby. Yes, I was back at work, but I still hadn’t stopped beating myself up over the fact that I couldn’t give Rashad a child.

“No, he’d never cheat.” At least I hoped he wouldn’t. I didn’t even wanna imagine anything like that, but the way my life was going lately, I suppose anything was possible. Lord, I hoped things never got that bad between us. If I caught Rashad cheating, I think I would die.

“Are
you
cheating?” She leaned back against her desk and assured me, “If you are, I’m not judging—just looking for answers.”

“Hell no,” I answered adamantly. “I love my husband. I don’t need anyone but him.”

“Then what? You didn’t just skip work the past week for nothing. Where the heck were you? What were you doing?”

“It’s a long story, Loraine. You really don’t want to hear it.” She considered me a friend, but I wasn’t quite ready to go there with her yet. I was barely able to admit to myself that my body was unable to bear children; it wasn’t something I wanted to discuss with my boss.

“Yes, I do want to hear it.” She glanced at the clock on her office
wall. “And it’s ten-fifteen. You don’t get off until five. I think we have enough time.”