Beyond the Pine (7 page)

Riley

“Asher...”

“I mean, let’s be honest. You don’t even know what’s out there, Riley,” he starts, looking down at me eyes full of something between hope and despair. “There’s a whole world, a whole life waiting for you, just beyond the pine, but you’re never gonna see any of it if you stay here.”

Whether I want to admit it or not, there’s truth in his words. Truth that contradicts every single thing I’ve ever known, suggests every single second of this life I’ve lived has been a fraud. Clinging weakly to the last shred of conviction I have, I turn on him.

“Stop!” I shout, the sheer volume of my voice startling us both. “Just stop it, Asher! You think you know so much, don’t you? You spend three weeks locked up in one room and you think you know everything about this place? You don’t know anything!” I accuse. “These people, our way of life, I know it’s not conventional. I know it’s not what society deems worthy or right, but it’s what I know. To you, this commune is a prehistoric way of life, backwards and wrong, but to me, it’s all I’ve ever known. It’s my life. I can’t get swept away in these thoughts of grandeur beyond the pine. Thoughts like that, they don’t have any business in a heart like mine.”

“Why not, Riley?” he asks, his voice lower than I deserve. “Why don’t you deserve to dream? Why don’t you deserve to know what else is out there waiting for you? For us?”

I swallow hard at his mention of us, pushing it back and willing my strength to prevail as I take in his soft eyes.

“Because that’s not the reality I live in,” I whisper. “Dreaming,
us
… those things are not part of God’s plan for me.”

“Says who?” he starts, his breath ragged and broken. “The Reverend?”

“No, Asher,” I start, shaking my head slightly. I let out a deep, defeated breath and divert my gaze, only for a moment before it’s drawn right back to his. “Not just the Reverend,
everyone
.”

“Don’t you ever get sick to fuckin’ death of doing what everyone says you should?” he asks, his calloused palm touching the edge of my chin, sending sparks through me as he angles my face to his. “Don’t you ever wonder about what else your life could be?”

Knowing no good can come from my truth, I swallow my heart and I shake my feelings away. Covering his hand with my own, I give it a gentle squeeze and pull it from my face, hating the look of rejection sweeping over his features.

“No, Asher,” I whisper, hiding the break as I turn away. “I have to go.”

Asher

Hours later, I wake to the sound of the infirmary door pushing open, revealing her to me. I’d half expected her to send someone else in her place after everything this afternoon. Maybe that would have been the best thing for us both, but as she sits at the edge of my cot, I can’t deny the way my heart starts beating again at her touch.

I’m about to apologize for my words, tell her she was right. I don’t know everything about this place and being laid up for days on end in an infirmary was no way to learn it, either. As I’m about to speak though, her soft, velvety voice cuts me off.

“Dancing,” she whispers, still refusing my eyes.

“Hmm?”

“I read about it once,” she continues, clearing her throat as she tends to the bandages still remaining on my arm. “One of the newer girls snuck a couple of books in when she first arrived to the farm. We weren’t supposed to read them, it was probably the only time I ever broke the rules up until you showed up,” she admits as scarlet hits her cheeks. “But in one of the books, the heroine went to a ball and out on the balcony one night, she danced with the prince. She spoke about the way the wind felt on her skin, the way the melody moved through her veins as he held her. I always wondered what that would be like.”

I watch her as she continues busying herself with my nearly healed wound. The magical look that had just lived in her eyes slowly begins to fade.

With it, I feel a piece of my soul wither away.

“You’re all fixed up,” she says, breaking my thoughts as she moves from my side, preparing to leave. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Riley wait,” I whisper, slowly moving to stand and catching her arm.

When she turns to face me, she looks surprised.

“Asher, you should be resting. You might…”

“Shh,” I quiet her, pulling her close.

I know she may never leave this place. I know a life with her might end up being just as big a dream as her wondering what else awaits her beyond those trees. I know all of this, but try as I might, I can’t stop fighting for her. I can’t let her go without knowing I did something to make sure she never forgets I’ll be waiting.

Pulling her to my chest, I take one hand in mine and steady the other on the back of her waist. Humming quietly, I slowly begin to sway, moving her with me as I whisper the words to a song I’d not sung in years. As her eyes meet mine, understanding hides there and slowly, her gaze softens.

She says nothing, instead allowing me to give her this gift, somehow knowing, same as me, that it might be all I can ever offer her.

As the light of the moon illuminates her skin through the small window behind my cot, I slowly drink her in, memorizing the soft planes of her skin. Each freckle, the fine wisps of hair that gently flow against her cheek, I become enraptured by all of it, searing it into my mind, just in case this is the last time, the only time we’re allowed to share a moment like this.

As I extend my arm, holding her hand in mine, I slowly spin her in front of me. The last notes of the song slip from my lips in a whisper, the deep timbre of my voice not doing them justice as I hold her perfect, emerald eyes.

Her thick, black eyelashes flutter as I return her to my chest, pressing my lips to her forehead and coming to a slow stop, but neither of us ready for me to release my grip.

“I’m no prince,” I whisper into her dark hair, a smile playing on my lips as I whisper against her cheek. “But...”

“That was perfect, Asher,” she cuts me off, finally giving me her eyes. “Thank you.”

I take her in, slowly raising my hand to cup her cheek as I run the pad of my thumb over her skin. With a soft smile, I commit this moment to memory with the others.

“Don’t mention it,” I whisper, hating the feel of her pulling away.

“Goodnight,” she says quietly, surprising me when she reaches up on her toes and gives me a soft kiss before turning to leave me once more.

I watch her move toward the door, wishing I could demand she stay with me, but knowing better. It’s not until she pushes it open and the moonlight falls on her face as she glances over her shoulder once more that I see the tears falling over her alabaster cheeks.

In the next breath, she’s gone.

Riley

Regardless of my warning, Asher refused to leave. I knew the more time we spent together, the harder it would be for both of us in the long run.

I should have been the strong one. I should have walked away, refused to be alone with him and focused on my imminent future. I couldn’t, though.

Neither of us could.

I knew if we were found out, the consequences would be more than either of us could bear. However, even the threat of expulsion was no longer enough to keep me away.

If I was to spend my life submitting to the will of others, forced to marry a man I’d never crave the way I crave Asher, I’d indulge in the shadows with him as long as I could.

Over the course of the next two weeks, Asher and I snuck off to the stables every day under the guise of checking on his damaged bike. Although he finally looked at it on the third day we visited, I’d be lying if I said he did much work on it.

Instead, we found ourselves entranced with each other. I found myself addicted to the taste of his kiss, the feel of his large hands roaming over my waist as I melted into his calloused skin.

On our walks to and from, we engrossed ourselves in learning about each other. Although the words were never spoken, there was an ever-growing feeling of inevitability that our time together would be ending soon. I hated the truth in it, but any other reality just didn’t seem feasible.

Not only could I never see my gypsy-like Asher becoming a lasting part of our community, my engagement to Tobias would be announced on Sunday.

I’d thought a lot about how to tell Asher about Tobias. I knew I needed to, but between our insatiable taste for each other and my fear of facing the inevitable, I hadn’t yet found the courage.

Despite what Reverend Tucker had told me that day in his office, I knew there were marriages here that began with people who loved each other. When I was a girl, I’d asked my mother about her courtship with my father and she’d made it obvious they were very much in love long before they’d been betrothed to one another.

Both of them had come here when they were young, so maybe that had something to do with their attraction to each other. Regardless, my mother told me the day she’d married my father was among the happiest of her life. She described her feelings, the not-so-gentle buzz of anticipation and excitement as she prepared to vow her life eternally to the keeper of her heart.

She told me about their marriage, how even months before they’d learned they’d been betrothed to one another, they would sneak away to plan their lives together.

I always dreamed that’s exactly how it would pan out for me. That somehow, the Reverend would take my feelings, the gentle whispers within my heart into consideration before he made his verdict.

Everything my mother described to me was exactly what I felt when I was with Asher, but the end result remained the same.

I’d be expected to marry Tobias no matter how I felt for the man I’d slowly been losing my heart to.

As I made my way to him on Saturday, I knew I had no choice but to tell him about the engagement. Although this truth was one I had no interest in facing, I knew he’d developed feelings for me as well. The only thing that would be worse that hearing it from me would be to hear it from a stranger.

I could never do that to him.

As I step into his room, I walk passed the divider separating him from the other patients and I’m happy to see him already up and moving around. I take my time in silently studying him, the fear lodged inside my chest forcing me to memorize every line on his skin, every dip in his arms as if it was the last I’d ever see of him.

It very well could be.

Swallowing the thought and shaking my head clear, I meet his eyes as he turns to face me. The gentle smile that spreads over his lips makes my heart sing at the same time I feel it sinking to my feet.

“Mornin’,” he says quietly, winking as he moves to his cot to slide his riding boots on. “How are you today, Riley?”

“I’m well, thank you,” I smile, moving to his window and pushing his curtains open. “How are you feeling?”

“Better every day,” he admits, standing up behind me and discreetly pressing his lips to my neck. “You’re late, sugar,” he whispers. “I missed you.”

“I’m sorry,” I smile, burying the warmth his endearment fills me with before pulling away and facing him, putting unwanted space between us as he towers over me.

Misunderstanding my intention, he chuckles, chalking my behavior up to my own paranoia. Smoothing his hand over his hair, he pulls his long, blonde strands away from his face, twisting it into a messy bun before smoothing his palm over his beard.

“You ready to get going?” he asks, glancing over to find me nodding silently.

We stop by the nurses’ station, letting Sara know we’ll be back in a few hours. She gives me a quick nod, her eyes narrowing in curiosity before she tells me to be safe.

As I give her a small smile of thanks, I swallow the guilt filling my chest once more. For the first time in my life, I’m keeping secrets from the people I most care for.

I’d worried when I talked to Sara about the Reverend pairing me with Tobias, she’d be upset. I could tell instantly that she’d been disappointed, but true to form, she shook the sadness from her hazel eyes and pulled me close, congratulating me.

Things had been awkward since, but none of the blame for that could be put on my dear best friend. The uneasiness could very easily all be traced back to me.

Not only did I feel guilty for her having to swallow her feelings for Tobias, I knew I’d never love him like she could. The added fact that I’d been doing forbidden things with Asher, sharing it with no one, not even the girl I told everything to, only made my guilty heart heavier.

Asher and I slowly made our way to the stable, my feet feeling more hesitant with each step.

Ever so often, Asher’s large hand would brush against mine, his fingertips gently stroking mine when no one was looking. The feel of his skin on mine sent a jolt through me, same as always, but I couldn’t savor in it anymore.

I couldn’t savor in anything anymore.

We finally make it to the stable, the silence thick between us as I push the door open, releasing a low sigh. The knowledge that my words were about to end us made my stomach turn. I’d hoped he wouldn’t notice, but I’d known it was a fruitless hope.

Asher notices everything.

The door swings closed, giving us the privacy we craved.

“Okay, sugar, what’s going on?” he asks, reaching for my hand and spinning me to face him.

The edge in his tone cements my thoughts while my gaze gives me away.

I risk a glance at him, taking in his eyes and realize immediately it was a mistake.

Nearly completely healed from his accident, he towers over me, his strong, broad chest at my eye level. A shadow casts over his bronze skin, but as he takes a step closer, the light peeking in falls over his face, highlighting his stunning features.

“Asher,” I whisper, wringing my hands together as my chest begins to flutter with a combination of nerves and heavy sadness.

Seeing my struggle, he takes another step closer, brushing the pad of his thumb over my cheek, swiping away the traitor tear that slides down my face.

“Shh,” he whispers, gently pulling me against his chest, holding me close as he angles my eyes to his. “I don’t know what happened, but everything’s gonna be okay.”

Immediately, I’m hit with an onslaught of emotions as I shake my head in disagreement. I try to speak the words, finally come clean about everything I’ve been keeping from him, but I can’t. As he wraps his arms around me, tightening his grip on me, I fall apart.

Asher says nothing, instead gently soothing me, pressing his lips to my hair as I sob against his chest. As I cling to him, cling to everything I’ve ever wanted knowing it’s the last time, he croons sweet reassurances. After a long moment, I calm, slowly pulling away from his chest and loving when he doesn’t let me.

“Baby, I know you’re upset,” he says quietly, his thick, dark eyelashes resting against his cheeks as he presses his forehead to mine. “But eventually you’re gonna have to talk to me.”

Swallowing hard, I resign myself to our truth, knowing I can’t put it off any longer and nod my head. Taking a deep breath, I run my fingertips along his jaw, memorizing the softness of his beard as it surprises me the way it always does.

“Asher,” I begin, sniffing away my tears and bracing myself. “Asher, we have to talk.”

“I think you’re right,” he muses softly.

“There’s something I have to tell you,” I continue, hating the look of apprehension hiding in his eyes. “Something I should have told you, but...”

“Sister Riley?”

His voice flows through the barn, causing me to panic slightly as Asher and I pull away from our intimate embrace.

“Brother Tobias,” I stutter, cheeks blazing as I take a step back when he approaches us, only to bump into Asher’s broad chest behind me. “I’m sorry. I had no idea you were in here.”

“I can see that,” he says, his eyes moving suspiciously between mine and Asher’s before finally falling back on me. “What’s going on?”