Beyond Pain (14 page)

No wonder Bren looked exhausted. Too exhausted for fucking, which was why it didn't bother her to sink to her knees and jerk at the laces on one of his boots. It wasn't submissive if she only wanted to get his shoes off before he tipped over.

He shook his head in protest, but didn't move. "I can do that."

"Shut up," she muttered, then cursed under her breath at the tangled, mash-splattered laces. Relief had given way too quickly to an unfair buzz of anger. She wanted to drive a fist into his shoulder and demand to know why no one had told her anything, why she'd been left to stew in ignorance and worry.

Stupid. She wasn't his woman. She wasn't even a member of the damn gang. No one owed her an accounting of Bren's whereabouts, and that was the way she wanted it. This thing between them was about bodies and friendship, nothing more.

The laces gave way, and she made a face as she gripped the boot. "These need to be cleaned. I'm not doing that."

"No shit," he said mildly. "Leave the other one and come up here."

She ignored him and set to work on the second boot. "Don't tell me what to do unless we're fighting or fucking."

He wound one lock of her hair around his finger. "So you
are
mad."

"Only if you think you can boss me around," she lied, hauling the boot free. It joined its partner by the door, and she looked anywhere but at Bren as she started to rise. All she needed was an excuse, a few minutes to shove her wobbly-kneed reaction back where it belonged, and she had the perfect one. "I need to wash my hands, and then we can talk."

But he held her, wrapping strong hands around her upper arms. "Look at me."

At first she refused, fixing her gaze on his chest, but that did fuck all good. He was patient enough to stand there all night, and strong enough to keep her there if she tried to jerk free. The only way out was to do her best to shutter her eyes before meeting his.

"I'm sorry," he said gently. "We had to bring a guy back for Dallas to talk to, and it's a huge fucking mess. But I should've sent someone to tell you I was back instead of letting you worry."

She could taste the tears that threatened, and it had been so long since she cared about anything enough to cry. "You don't owe me anything," she told him, the words pleasantly bland. "We're square."

His jaw tightened. "I owed you that much, especially tonight."

"It's just sex," she started, but she could hear the lie when her voice hitched on
just
, as if her body couldn't handle her self-destructive audacity after she'd wasted hours tying herself into knots by imagining his hands on her, his mouth, his cock sliding home as he drowned them both in pleasure.

"I'll make it up to you." The low promise, whispered against her temple, stirred her hair, and she thought her shiver was one of reaction until the shaking grew stronger, and suddenly she was trembling like some virgin out of Eden.

She wanted to tear herself out of his arms or burrow deeper, and not knowing which made her voice waver. "I really do need to wash up. I smell like a still."

"Me too. I need a shower." He reached for her hand. "Come with me."

She tried to think of a reason to say
no
, and a dozen boiled up. She was too raw, too vulnerable to strip physically naked on top of everything else. She wanted to be angry, numb--anything so that the sex that followed was only about bodies. It was too intimate, sharing that private space with him, giving in to the temptation to follow the water over the hard planes of his body.

One reason overrode them all. She wanted to. "Okay."

He led her into the bathroom, turned on the water, and tugged at his belt. By the time he'd undressed, steam clouded the room. But it couldn't cloud the look in his eyes as he pulled at her tank top and her panties--hunger tempered by patience. "Get in."

She stepped into the narrow stall without hesitation and only a brief moment of worry that being naked made it feel natural to obey without question. Then he was there with her, taking up all the space, and she couldn't think at all.

He stretched past her and adjusted the showerhead so the spray hit her hair. Then he stroked his fingers through the strands as the water soaked them. "I like your hair."

She'd always kept it long for sentimental reasons, as a stupid way of clinging to a memory she wasn't sure was real anymore. But the soothing warmth of the water, the sensual brush of his fingers, and the steam all combined to twist the world into something safe and surreal. A place where it was okay to be silly and sentimental.

"My mother liked to brush it," she said, barely loud enough for him to hear over the water. "It's the only thing I remember about her. They'd call me to chores, and she'd say, 'Hope can't come, I'm not done fixing her hair.' And we'd giggle at fooling the head wife."

"Hope," he echoed just as quietly. "Tell me?"

She closed her eyes as he reached for the shampoo. "She was too young. Six and Seven aren't so different from the communes. They breed you as soon as they can because they need workers, and sometimes it kills you. I think she was fourteen or fifteen when she had me..." And had named her
Hope
because Six was the first child she'd carried to term. No one had expected her to be the last, too.

Bren hummed soothingly and worked the shampoo through her hair.

"That's mostly it. I don't know how old I was when the last pregnancy killed her. Eight or nine?" Too old to be escaping chores--too old to grieve, according to the head wife, especially when she had so many other mothers to respect and obey. "It happened a lot. Getting a doctor or meds might mean not being able to afford the tithe, so if you got sick or hurt..."

"She was important to you."

Tears stung her eyes again, but it was safe to let them slip away with the water as Bren massaged her scalp. "I barely remember her. I don't even know if my memories are real, or if they're daydreams. Almost everything that happened to me before Three is like that. Another life."

He rinsed her hair in silence, then turned her to face him. "It's like rain, sweetness. It can wash some stuff away, but not everything."

Six tracked a drop of water as it rolled over his collarbone. When it strayed toward his nipple, she leaned in and caught it with her tongue. "Help me forget the rest."

His hardening cock nudged her hip. "When I'm done. Soap."

"Bossy," she muttered, but she was smiling as she reached past him for the rough bar. "Remember, you only get to do this when we're naked."

"So you say now." He grinned as he worked the bar between his hands. "But once I have you up against the hood of a car with my hand in your pants, you'll change your mind."

He rubbed one soapy hand across his chest, and her retort died on her tongue. As many times as she'd seen his bare torso, it had never been this close, this intimate. She followed the path of his hands with her gaze before drifting up to his shoulders and back to his flexing arms, trying to look everywhere at once.

He pressed the soap into her hand. "Tease me a little, Six. Show me what I was missing tonight."

This was the part that always felt awkward. Flirtation. Foreplay. It was easy when it was all about groping hands and stroking what you could reach on your frantic path to getting in each other's pants, but this was deliberate, thoughtful, utterly focused on getting someone to crave more of you. She'd spent too much time learning to send out the opposite vibe--
touch me and I'll kill you
.

Of course, that vibe hadn't derailed Bren. Maybe she'd been trying too hard to be someone
else
, sultry Lex or sweet, bratty Noelle. It was about survival, a hard-learned defense mechanism. Imitate the people around you, and you became less of a target.

It felt strange to stop trying altogether as she smoothed the soap up his arm. "I borrowed those leather pants from Lex, the ones that lace up the legs."

"That doesn't seem very sturdy."

"They show skin, Donnelly." She soaped her hand and stroked it lower, over the tense muscles of his abdomen. "But only a little."

He sucked in a harsh breath. "Skin's good."

"Only a little," she repeated. The backs of her fingers almost brushed his shaft before she changed direction and smoothed back up. "That's how I'd dress up. A little skin and big knives, so anyone who wants to see more knows I'll probably cut their fingers off."

"Anyone else." Bren lifted her suddenly, backing her beyond the spray so that it beat down on him, rinsing him clean. "You'd cut anyone else. But not me."

His hands on her skin stole her breath. "I might. But only 'cause you'd like it."

"Try me," he urged. "Try it now. You don't need a knife."

Her nails were longer than they'd ever been before, and still glittery with what was left of Nessa's last attempt at girl bonding. She raked them down his chest, leaving thin white lines the water seemed to follow, but that was too tame. Too easy.

So she turned her face to his throat and closed her teeth over his pulse hard enough to bruise.

Bren pressed her against the tile with a groan, then spun her around by the shower door. "Towels are on the shelf," he rasped as he shut off the water.

She groped for a towel, but her hands shook as she tried to dry off. Bren took over, sliding the soft but rough fabric over her skin as he edged her toward the sink.

He draped the towel over it, locked an arm around her waist, and lifted her onto the porcelain. "Here?"

It was hard to take a full breath as he wedged himself between her thighs, pushing them wide. Panic gripped her, an inexplicable certainty that she'd built this up in her mind so much that nothing could live up to her fantasy. She countered it by scratching another set of welts down both his arms. "Damn it, Donnelly, I thought you were in charge. Go on and fuck me already."

He splayed one hand across her lower back, just above her ass, and held her still as he nudged the head of his cock between her pussy lips. She had only a moment more to choke on panic before the sensation caught up to her, a shivery pleasure that made her clench in anticipation.

That tiny touch shouldn't have been so good. She tried to blame it on the piercings, but that wasn't why she felt like her nerves had multiplied, and each one was laid bare.

This must be what it felt like to want someone.

She was wet, so wet that he slid all the way into her in one hard stroke, and she really couldn't breathe now. She tangled her arms and legs around him and moaned as the movement shifted him inside her, made her
feel
how thick he was. His fingers had been an intense stretch, but this was more, better, because he was so, so deep...

Bren groaned and flexed his hips. "That's right, baby. Squeeze my cock."

"Arrogant ass," she rasped, but it sounded like a whimper and was muffled against his shoulder anyway. She let her head fall back and closed her eyes as her body melted and reformed, hungry and eager. "Do you want to know how you feel?"

"I know how I feel." His hand hit the wall behind her, and he leaned in until the only thing balancing her on the edge of the sink was him. "My neck aches like a son of a bitch. So does my dick. And I like it."

She could still see the imprint of her teeth on his throat. Tomorrow there'd be a bruise, a claim as undeniable as any of those women wearing their men's ink, and it heightened her satisfaction as he somehow pushed deeper.

They'd both feel each other in the morning.

Bren drew back, but only a little. Then he slammed home again, harder this time, driving a choked noise from her lips. His hand was steel at the small of her back, anchoring her hips in place even when her shoulders thumped back against the wall.

There was no escape. He had her pinned, penned, his body stretched over hers, one hand braced above her head. Everything was
him
, around her and inside her, and oh God, her tilted hips had him rubbing against some greedy spot that hollowed her out worse and worse with every touch.

She couldn't get enough.

What if she
never
got enough?

"Bren--" Her voice broke with his next advance. She clutched at him, completely adrift in the twisting, aching hunger he'd created with a few lazy thrusts. If he could do this to her when he'd barely gotten inside her, she wouldn't survive. "I can't-- I need, I
need
--"

"You need," he growled. Then he was fucking her.

Fucking her
, hard and intense, every bit of him wholly focused on being inside her. Maybe if he'd pulled all the way out, she could have gathered her wits, but his cock kept working that same spot until her skin felt so tight she thought she'd scream.

Orgasm didn't slam into her. It built in slow motion, the promise of it hanging sweet in the air as she clenched in anticipation. Then Bren groaned, and she knew she was squeezing him again, but she needed more than the slick sound of him plunging into her and their panting breaths. She needed that voice, stripped of its bland control, growling obscenities about the things he'd do to her.

She dug her nails into his back until the skin broke and begged him, the words tumbling end over end in a confused jumble as she began to shake. "Say something, please. Tell me what you want. What to do."

"Open up. Feel it." He punctuated each command with another hard thrust. "You can come all over my dick, but I'm not gonna stop. Not this time."

It should have been impossible to feel
more
, but his words shattered the building pressure. Her entire body seized for one dizzy moment of bliss, and then she was falling, writhing through impossible spasms. She wanted to laugh, to cry, to
scream
because it felt so good, so fucking good--

Bren gripped her chin and growled. "Don't stop. Not yet."

"I can't," she moaned, even as her hips lifted greedily, her body shameless in its need to be filled.

She tried to twist away from the intensity in his gaze, but he forced her back, forced her to stare up at him as he rode her until she couldn't tell if she was still coming or strung out on the edge of another orgasm.