Beyond Famous (Famous #3) (20 page)

He sighed.  "Brook.  It's...
brilliant
!  Perfect. Thank you for thinking of it, my love."

My phone went off again and this time I had to answer it.  He didn't want to let go of my hand, and my fingers fell from his as I crossed the room to get it.

 "Yeah?"

"Hi, honey.   Is Cade about ready to go?  I’m waiting down by your car. We need to go soon Brook, or Cade will miss his flight."

Tears filled my eyes again and my voice trembled.  "Um... yeah.  We'll be down shortly, Mom.  Thanks for being here."

"Are you two okay?" she asked hesitantly.

"Um, no... .but, as good as can be expected."

"Okay, honey.  See you in a minute."

I turned around to find Cade right behind me and he gathered me close, lifting me up and holding me tight.  I rested my forehead on my shoulder and fought back the sobs.

"Would it be easier for you if I go down alone, then you can come after I've gone?"

I shook my head as the sobs finally broke from my chest.  "Don't be crazy, Cade.  I'm spending every minute I can with you."

He kissed me long and hard before setting me on the floor and gathering up his things and I shoved my feet into my sneakers.  He picked up his guitar and offered to take my bag for me with his over his other shoulder.  He threw his head back and took a deep breath to steady himself before reaching for my hand, and we left the room without talking all the way down to the parking lot.

My mother and Denise's assistant, Zoey, were waiting to rush us behind the open door and tinted windows of my mom's Suburban.

Zoey started talking.  "Are we ready to do this?  Cade, I'll go to the airport with you and make sure security is on hand when we arrive."

Cade nodded and turned his back on her to hold me close.  We clung to each other for five minutes without talking, both of us tearing up behind our sunglasses.  My hands splayed out on his back and he bent his head to mine.

"I love you so much...” he whispered against my hair. 

My arms tightened and I nodded.  "Yeah.  Me, too."  I knew that if I didn't make a break for it, I would lose it and there were probably paparazzi lurking somewhere, trying to get pictures of everything.  "Cade, I gotta get to my car.  Will you call me tonight?"

His fingers brushed my chin and he lifted my face so he could give me a small, gentle kiss. "Every night, love."  I nodded as my fingers closed around his for the last time and I brought his hand to my mouth one last time before I made a dash to my car.

Once I got inside, I flung my arms around the steering wheel and struggled not to let the sobs that threatened overtake me while I waited for my mom to join me.  I tried to concentrate on breathing in and out, in and out.

It seemed to take hours, and the tears slipped silently from my eyes as my chest burned me alive.  I felt like my fucking heart was ripped out of my body. I heard a knocking on the window and I pulled my head up to see Cade trying to get my attention.

He motioned for me to roll down the window so that he could talk to me.

"Are you okay?" His face held a worried expression and I knew he couldn't say all he wanted.  I found it hard to speak, so I just wiped at my eyes and nodded. "I'll call you when I get to New York."  Again I could only nod.   "Love you."  He mouthed at me, and then extended his hand toward the window one last time before hesitating and walking away.

I watched through blurry eyes as he got into the SUV and Jean climbed in the driver's side to take him to the airport. My mother finally got into the car with me, looked at me with sad eyes and placed a hand on my back.

"I'm sorry, honey.  One thing is certain.  He loves you, Brook."

I nodded, my head was still buried in my arms as a sob finally broke from my chest.  "Mom, can you drive?  I can't see.  I… I ca… can't even breathe."

I FELT EMPTY.
  MY
heart lay cold and lifeless in my chest, as I sat in the first class cabin waiting for the bloody plane to take off and transport me to the empty wasteland that would consist of the next few months.  I usually loved the energy of New York City, and when Denise lined up the audition for this new movie a year ago, I was excited for the opportunity to work with this director. But now, neither held the same appeal. The engines roared to life and the plane finally lifted off the runway.  The waiting was the worst.  At least once I arrived in New York I'd be one step closer to getting back to Brook. 

It was a good script with several subplots that gave it quite a lot of depth, and the director was young enough that maybe he'd be open to interpretative discussion.  If it weren't for my aching heart, I would have embraced this opportunity with relish.

The walk through the airport had been worse than I'd ever experienced before.  For the first time I resented the fans; I hated them as they yelled and asked for autographs and pictures.  I felt intruded upon and utterly violated as they all tried to peer into my life and invade my personal space.

The paparazzi ran after me like lunatics, asking me point blank if I was bloody shagging Brook.  It made my head explode.  Literally asking me if I'd fucked her.  It was all I could do not to turn around and pound them.  What was worse, I knew Brook would face similar situations during the next few weeks as we tried to navigate through life without each other.  I felt furious that I couldn't protect her from all of that. I felt completely helpless.

For Christ's sake! 
They were such ruthless bastards.

The air rushed from my lungs as I pressed the heels of both hands against my eyes.

Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to stay together at the hotel in light of the fact everyone seemed to know about it. Social media was exploding in the span of an hour and a half since I'd left her crying in her car.  My eyes burned behind my closed lids. 

My throat ached and my chest constricted as I remembered her tear stained face and finally her head buried in her arms, her body shaking with sobs around the steering wheel of her car.  Diane had been so nice, hugging me goodbye and telling me that Brook would be okay.   I'd turned my tortured gaze to her on my way into the SUV, and she brushed my hair back to try and comfort me.  Nothing could bloody do that.

Leaving never got any fucking easier, even knowing how much we loved each other.  Not being with her for so long, and seeing how much she was hurting... I was going to lose it.  I felt myself breaking.

The book in my hands felt hot as I looked down upon it.  The fabric covered journal, embossed with her name and the watermarked image of orchids in shades of gray on the black background had been my lifeline to Brook during those awful months when Wendy had pulled her tirade.  It would be again now.  This and the music that Brook had sent with me would have to be enough to keep her close. 

I closed my eyes as images of us making love all night to those songs ran rampant in my head. 

What a beautiful sentiment.  The iTunes account made for the two of us so we would be able to send each other musical messages when we were unable to talk to each other.  The time difference was going to kill so many opportunities.  I’d be working for several hours before she'd even be out of bed and then sleeping or trying to, during Brook's evening hours.  I smiled when I gave up that illusion.  The hell I wouldn't be up late and on the phone or Skype as often as she would agree.  I knew her production schedule included a lot of nights, so that would be another obstacle.

I sat up in my seat as I realized that while Brook told me the email address for the music account, she neglected to give me the password.  I'd need to text her when I landed in NYC.

Denise was already in New York and would be there the first few days when we went through pre-production.  She wanted to make sure that the PR people weren't doing anything shady and also to negotiate the schedule to see if she could get me at least two or three weekends off.  She was a good friend and I was grateful that she was so adept at her job as my manager.  If anyone could shove it up Pinnacle's ass, it was Denise.  And she had the help of Jeanne and Joel.  I smiled despite myself.

The flight attendant brought me a beer and after I’d downed half of it, I opened the journal, longing for Brook's words.  If I couldn't hear her voice, at least I could read her words.

I set my beer on the tray table and flipped the cover open.  As always, the scent of her perfume assailed my nostrils and made my heart beat faster.  There was a letter in the front that hadn't been there before and I was curious as I unfolded it.  Of course... it was from Brook. She must have slipped it inside last night.  My hands were shaking, slightly, as I slowly unfolded it.

~Cade,

      Last night meant everything to me and I'll cherish every moment we've shared.  Having you with me, so close to me, and knowing how much you love me, has been the greatest gift of my life. 

  I'm so proud of you and know you'll be amazing in this new film,.   I'll miss you and ache for you every single second you're away from me. You have all of my heart, forever. Remember... I love you, so much.

~Yours Always,

      Brook

P.S.  PW = CadeNBrook 

My heart swelled at her words and also the choice of password.  One of the gossip gurus had combined our names for our rumored couple status and while neither Brook nor I were particularly fond of labels, we agreed that this was one we would be able to live with.

CadeNBrook I shook my head and ran my hand through my messy locks.  Bloody perfect.  How could I expect anything less?

I flipped open the cover and rested my hand lovingly on the page, my fingers tracing over the words.  Brook's rough handwriting filled page after page as she poured her emotions out to herself, and to me.  Her love was so precious and had become a tangible part of my existence.  My heart raced as I began to read. 

April 15

   We worked on the coffee shop scene today.  Most of the extras were local, and I could see them all stare at Cade as Martin prepped the scene and the makeup and hair people did a re-touch. The women were so obvious; standing close and never taking their eyes off of him. It was SO annoying, but I hope I didn’t let it show. That would have been embarrassing.

   Cade and I had practiced the lines over and over the night before, even though this was one of the scenes we did at Cade's audition.  Both of us knew the dialogue forward and backwards, but I made the excuse that we should run the lines so that I could be with him last night. Every cell in my body was screaming one thing over and over... STAY.  I feel guilty because of my relationship with David, but I can't begin to help what I'm feeling.

    Cade touches me... without touching me, holds me without holding me.  I can't fucking explain it, but I'm aching for him.  Yearning for his kisses and his touch... I feel him on my skin just from the way he looks at me.  I feel like there are magnets in my chest that pull me to him. God, I wanted the scene to continue, but I could only flub my lines so long before Cade gave me a strange look because of all the rehearsal.

    At the end of the scene when we hugged, I never wanted to let go. I love being close to him. One take and we nailed it, but at the end his eyes dropped to my mouth and the pull was so strong, all I wanted was his mouth on mine.  I thought I would die when the scene was done and we hadn't kissed.

    That beautiful mouth haunts my dreams nightly.  So many nights I lay here listening to music, wondering what he's doing... if he ever thinks about me like this.  This song playing now... God, it's so perfect for how I feel about Cade. The longing I feel consumes me, sometimes more than I can deal with.

The air left my lungs and my eyes closed as her words and emotions took my breath away.  In the margin, Brook had written
Incredible Love by I. Michaelson
.  The song flashed through my head as I tried to remember the lyrics.

 Incredible love... you fill me… spill me… kill me.

Brook was right.  That was so bloody us, I thought.  Right from the moment I'd first laid eyes on her.