Beyond Famous (Famous #3) (17 page)

Shit.

I felt like a complete wanker, but the reason my shirt was askew was so worth it. 

I smiled as I hurried into the bathroom and rushed to correct the problem.  My face was flushed, but I needed to get back out there because Brook was nominated for Best Actress and our movie for Best Film.  I didn't want to miss either one.

Brook was nervous about the Best Actress nod.  She didn't feel comfortable in situations with huge crowds any more than I did, and this was her first nomination.  I mean, look how I screwed my acceptance speech for Best Actor.  Literally.

Watching her stumble around with her words, I couldn't help feeling a little trepidation for her.  At least she remembered to thank the fans and the cast.  She was dealing with her sprained ankle and she accidentally dropped her popcorn award.  I couldn't help but laugh out loud at the way she tried to go after it but then came back to the podium to tell everyone that she was awkward as everyone was expecting.  She was so adorable but I knew she was embarrassed as hell.

I had a camera in my face the entire time she was onstage, and I knew I was doing a poor job of keeping the love from showing, but I was beyond caring.

Brook's face was flushed when she came back to join me, and the rest of the cast in our seats to wait for the Best Picture nomination.  She rolled her eyes at me and grinned.

"I broke my fucking popcorn." My eyes met hers and I laughed with her. 

"Mine will probably go in the dustbin unless you want it?" I asked under my breath.

"Are you kidding? Could they make an uglier award?  We
have
to keep them, Cade.  Maybe you can ship yours to Lillian?"

"I'm sending it with Denise.  I don't care what she bloody does with it."

Toward the end of the evening, the entire cast went up on stage to accept the award for Best Film, including Martin Deering.  We were all content to let him make the acceptance speech before going backstage for one last interview with
E!News
.

 I barely spoke during it, Brook said even less than I did.  We let Gavin, Jennifer and Noah take it. We were just happy when it ended so we could leave.  I hugged everyone goodbye.  Brook would still see most of them in L.A., but I had no idea when I'd be back.

Brook nestled on my lap in the back of the limo as we raced through West Hollywood to the restaurant I'd made reservations at for dinner. 

This time, we were both content to hold each other, soaking each other in, every touch reverent and lasting.  I rubbed her back and she'd place an occasional kiss on my neck as we sat in silence, our fingers laced together.  I kissed her forehead as I leaned my head against hers, willing myself not to get emotional.

I knew her well enough to know that her mind and heart were racing as much as mine were.  We were struggling but trying to be strong for the other.

Both of us were looking forward to the rest of the night and ready to savor each moment, but dreading the morning to come; dreading the next three bloody months.

I closed my eyes at the thought.

I KNEW BROOK WOULD
want me to play a song for her tonight. 

It would be difficult, but it was something she loved, and I'd give her anything she wanted; especially tonight.  Anything that would ease the pain or create a moment of happiness was what I hoped for.

We were in a secluded u-shaped booth at a new Italian restaurant that was among a few that my manager had recommended, sitting as close as we dared and clung to each other's hands under the white table cloth that hung long enough to cover our laps. I decided that since I was leaving the next day, I wanted to take her out, not hide in a hotel room all night.  My hand felt clammy, and I didn't know if it was because I was worried about getting caught or because of the agitated state of my emotions.  I wondered if she noticed. 

Of course, she noticed.  She knows everything... even when I don’t speak.

I picked Ciccone's because we had some beautiful memories from our time in Italy the past few days and I wanted the mood to continue.  And then there was a restaurant in Vancouver we used to like and go to quite often, starting with pre-production on the first movie
.
We'd come so far since then; when I was already hopelessly in love with her, and she was still running from her feelings.

Denise made the reservations and took care of everything I wanted for later in the evening; the flowers, the champagne, the hotel suite with the hot tub, and the other basket of necessities for pulling an all-nighter with Brook. 

I hadn't taken my guitar to Italy, and so she'd had the hotel ship it to her L.A. office.  She asked Peter to deliver it to the hotel during the MTV Movie awards before it was time to come back to pick Brook and I up.

The restaurant was new and trendy, with shiny black and white tile in a diagonal design on the floor, open walls made of some sort of metal mesh and crystal chandeliers. The lights were dimmed and candles flickered on all of the tables. It was soft and romantic and that was perfect.

I couldn't order wine because Brook wasn't old enough, but drinking wasn't on my agenda for the evening anyway.  I wanted a clear mind so I’d remember every moment of the next twelve hours.  My eyes roamed over Brook's face, her blue eyes looking into mine as she bit her lip, then her eyes dropped and she squeezed my hand.

"You look gorgeous," I said softly, longing to lift her hand so I could kiss the inside of her wrist or lean in and pull her closer to my body.  Her scent enveloped me and was one I knew well; one I’d miss every day that I was gone. My chest tightened over my lungs and it made it difficult to breathe.

She smiled softly at me when she lifted her gaze again.  The waiter came to get our drink order and left the menus with us.  I was reluctant to let go of her hand, so I flipped one menu open between us so that we could share it, each of us holding one side.

She laughed softly, perusing the offerings. "Mmmm... What are you having?"

"Well... what are
you
having?"  I asked with a smirk.  She always ordered better than I did and I always ended up sampling from her plate.  It was easier to share behind the closed doors of our hotel rooms, but I could sneak a bite or two if no one were looking when we were out. It had become a game between us.

"You could always order the same thing.  That would be the safe thing, wouldn't it?" Her hair hung in a chestnut curtain around her face as she bent over the menu.  She was cutting her glorious hair off for her role in the Runaways in a couple of days.  I knew she was nervous about it.  I was nervous about it too, but I'd never admit that to her.  My hand itched to reach out and brush it back from her face.

"What fun would there be in that?  Or... if I dislike mine, we can simply trade."  I smiled at her and she shook her head at me and smiled wide, her eyes sparkling.

"Yeah, we can do that." My heart warmed at how easily she'd give up her choice for me.

"Look, they have broccoli ravioli," I wrinkled my nose and she laughed at me.  "I find the prospect of it
quite
revolting."

"No broccoli for you, that's for sure. Meat and dessert, coming right up," she said as her elbow nudged my side.  It brought me so much pleasure that she knew my habits so well. 

We ended up with meat lasagna for me and grilled swordfish for Brook, undoubtedly to be followed by Tiramisu. It was one of my favorites and I'd managed to get her to share with me in the past.

When the meal came, Brook picked up her fork and held a bite of her swordfish out for me and I leaned over to take it. 

"Do you want to talk about the movie?  I mean; I know that we've been sad, but I don't want to discount what a great thing this is for you, Cade.  Are you looking forward to it?"

"What part exactly?  Leaving you or not seeing you for three months?"  I said sardonically, as I forked up a bite of the lasagna and held it out for her to take.

She cocked her head to one side and shook her head.  "No, but I mean... we haven't talked about it very much, and I don't want you to think that I'm not happy for you.  I'll miss you so much, but I'm proud of you, too. I know you'll be wonderful in it."

I sighed.  It was obvious she was trying to be strong and make it easier for me and I loved her for it.  I was making the same effort for her, and it was bloody difficult.

"I'm not that excited about it."  I paused and watched her face.  "I thought you sensed that. Davina has a reputation for being difficult to work with."

She shrugged.  "Not exactly... I just figured you thought talking about it would hurt me, but I want to know.  If you want to tell me," she said in a low tone.

"Nothing really to tell, love.  I'll be counting the hours until it’s finished," I said cryptically and then tried to change the subject.  "You have that magazine shoot coming up, right?  I can't wait to see those pictures.  I'll Google it the minute you're finished with the shoot.  Surely someone will leak them." The corners of my lips lifted at the prospect.

"Yeah."  She played with her fork.  "The last hoorah before my hair gets chopped and dyed."

"Don't worry about it, Brook.  It's hair.  It grows back," I reassured her.

She looked at me steadily for a moment and then took another bite of her meal.  "I know... it's just...” her words fell off.

"What is it?"

"You said in France that the thing about me that you liked best was my hair."

I laughed.  "Yes, and I recall you said you liked my nose best.  Of all things... my nose!”

She had the grace to blush and I reached out and brushed my knuckles across her cheekbone.  “I was afraid my feelings would show if I said the wrong thing,” she explained with a small laugh. “I was flustered!”

"Brook, I love you no matter what your hair looks like, okay?"  I only had to say that.  Imagine the ruckus if I'd have told the truth?  I adore absolutely
everything about her
.

"The Allure shoot isn't the only one I have while you're in New York, and you have a couple, too, don't you?"

I nodded, "Yeah."

"So... every time I'm looking at the camera, I'll be thinking about you," she said softly.

My heart thumped in my chest and I squeezed her hand.  Leave it to her to say the perfect thing.

"Brook.” I paused and met her eyes with mine. “Me, too. I'm thinking about you all the time, anyhow," I said and forgot about the rest of the people in the restaurant as I finally allowed myself to bring her hand up from beneath the table and kiss it. 

We finished dinner and shared the dessert, but we barely ate, picking at the meal for over an hour.

"I'm sorry I didn't eat very much.  I guess I wasn't that hungry."

Me either.

My hand still held hers beneath the table and I wasn't planning on letting go of her until I absolutely had to.

 "Are you ready to go?"

"Yes, please," she said as she nodded and leaned into my arm.

I sighed as I tried to dispel the tightening in my chest and struggled to overcome the rush of emotion that threatened to choke me. 

Tonight was going to be both glorious and heartbreaking.  Beautiful and painful, but I wanted to feel it all, to savor each moment, to feel
everything
there was to feel... with Brook.