Beyond Complicated (2 page)

In fact, that whole adoption thing nearly tripled the amount of support I was paying. After Sabrina cried prettily for the judge after I chalenged the demand for more support. I was in colege, busting my ass 24/7, and living at home with my parents because I was always broke. Always broke. Colege and some crazy woman I'd let in my pants once owned my walet. My sister was colege age now, and the financial strain on our parents had become visible.

I knew I couldn't go on this way. Back to the Sabrina drama. She was pregnant again and Kenny couldn't find a job. He could find the beer though.

Sabrina couldn't handle standing on her feet at the beauty salon anymore. And Kelton needed. He needed everything. I was working and I had a decent scholarship. My parents were wel off. Sort of. They were teachers. They had two incomes with a mortgage and two kids in school and wel, that was al the judge needed to hear. I was working. I had a scholarship.

And my parents stil provided me with partial support. I could afford to pay more each month to put a roof over my son's head.

For a moment, the crazy idea to sue for sole custody rippled through my head. He was a great kid, I loved him, but I was a twenty-one year old colege student who worked more hours than I should and I'd never had a real relationship in my life. Hel, by then I think my only real sexual relationship had been Sabrina and I was drunk then and didn't remember most of that.

So I paid. And I paid and I worked more and I paid. Then I did something realy stupid. But at the time, it saved me.

I stopped thinking about that and tuned back in tothe screen sitting patiently in my lap. Not many minutes had passed but the box below Kelton's new relationship status had gone balistic.

Dude? Seriously? WTF?

Kel, that is so great. Who's the lucky girl?

You mean dude, doncha, Stace? Kel likes
dudes.

Since when?

Since like forever, HELLO smell the
fabulous.

Come on, guys, cut it out. My dad's gonna
be pissed if he sees this.

Why yo dad on yo page man dinn't he throw
yo ass out?

Not that dad, fuck no, that dad isn't on here,
I mean my real dad.

You have more than one dad? Man, why
didn't we know this?

Because he… it's complicated. I don't want
him to… guess it's too late for that. Sorry, Liam.

Your dad is named Liam. Like the actor?

COOL

And he's HAWT look at his friends list dude
that guy can't be your dad.

Shut up ya'll come on. He might see this.

So why would he be pissed? Don't he know
you like dick I mean everyone knows that?

Sort of I guess we never really talked about
it.

So what's the problem?

The guy. I mean my boyfriend is the
problem. Liam is gonna be pissed.

Why? Dude is your dad a major asswipe or
something?

No. It's just that I'm sort of dating a porn
star.

Fuuhhkk

Fuckin A man

Kel, OMG you're kidding right that is so not
good

Shut up Stace and go find someone else to
get your girl cooties on, Kel is a stallion
I closed my computer. What could I do? A sick knot of pain twisted in my stomach. Dread and fear arrived late to the party. It was al there. My twenty-one year old son had hooked up with a porn star. Shit.

Fuck.

There was only one way he could have managed that.

The same way I did. By being broke, horny, and wiling to do anything not to be broke or horny.

And gay. Lots of work for a built gay man pretending to be straight. Gay for pay paid the bils. I mean I'd never actualy been with a man. I didn't have time for sex. Or the courage to look around. The guys on the job sites would kick my ass if I came on to one of them. I was pretty sure about that. And school. Wel, I wasn't exactly your traditional colege student, now was I?

How many single colege guys have kids and lived at home? And I was too tired for the party scene.

At first, I did it just for a little extra cash, so I didn't have to quit school or ask my folks for more help.

And then I did it because I liked it. Being on camera.

Naked. Bals deep in some guy I'd never see again. Or if I did, it was even better. I knew what he liked and didn't have to work as hard. I liked seeing myself online. I liked the attention and the men who paid to see me fuck loved me.

I stopped working construction and moved out of my parents' house. I finished my undergraduate degree but continued in the business because I liked the money and I wanted to go to graduate school so why not. But the reality of the business and what I wanted were never on the same page. I mean, I was twenty-eight, too old to keep making colege flicks. I had to find another gig if I wanted to keep on getting paid. I wasn't ready to go to the heavier sex sites. I wasn't interested in being someone's leather daddy. I'd resigned myself to the idea that I was going to retire but what was supposed to be my last colege boy film introduced me to the man I would fal in love with and I ended up changing my whole life around for him.

We moved to California after Seth finished school. We did hardcore videos as a couple. We did everything together for six years before it fel apart. Six years. He was younger than me, by seven years. Just twenty-one when we fucked for the camera the first time. And it was love. Instant, heart pounding love. The cameras caught it. The love, the chemistry whatever the hel it was between us, the cameras loved it. And we loved the attention.

Now my kid, age twenty-one, had found his own porn star. There was only one way that I knew of to hook up with a porn star in Talahassee. Kelton had bared his ass for some colege site.

Shit.

Just shoot me now.

I didn't go online for two weeks after the Facebook incident as I came to think of it. Not even to check my bank balance. I went to work in my little corner office and pushed papers up the line to the next level. I was middle management at an insurance agency.

Not the little affiliate offices but the big bad office where I decided who gets money and who gets screwed. I started out as an adjuster and became a 'pass the buck'

guy.

Yeah, my job sucks, but it pays decent, I don't have to stand on a roof in the broiling Florida sun, and I sure as hel don't have to take my clothes off and bend over for some guy who'd never been with a dude before. I could live with my life now. Sort of. It was insurance and this was Florida, the hurricane capital of the world.

I went to work, I went to the gym, and I went to dinner. Sometimes with a friend, sometimes with a potential boyfriend. I avoided the temptation of searching for proof that Kelton had folowed his dear old dad over to the dark side. I didn't want to know. I didn't need to know. He was grown. He could make his own decisions. He hadn't asked anything of me since his senior year. I bought him a motorcycle for his eighteenth birthday because he asked and he'd never asked me for a damned thing. And because it pissed his mother off. I lived to piss off Sabrina. That was the extent of our relationship.

I saw Sabrina or Kenny around the city sometimes. She was forty now and not looking so good. Stil blonde, stil artfuly made up but you could tel she was bitter and angry and it showed on her skin.

Kenny, or rather Ken as he preferred to be caled, was seling used cars and making good money but not quite as fast as Sabrina could spend it. They had two more kids, a boy and a girl. Both just as blond as they were.

Just like Kelton. Blond and slim and beautiful. Al three kids were beauties. Kimberly and Kacey. That was their names. Al K names. Sabrina had no originality.

After two weeks of pretending I hadn't read the Facebook status, Kelton caled. I ignored the cal. And the texts. I guess he got tired of the run-around so he caled my office line. I answered in the usual way only to cringe a little when his voice came on the line.

"Are you avoiding me?" His voice was deep, lightly accented like most Floridians and music to my ears.

"Hey, Kel, how's it going? I'm up to my teeth in work. It's been crazy. How's class?" I swiveled in my chair to look out my tiny little window into the parking lot below. It was raining. "Hey, it's storming, damn, I need to get out of this office more."

"Class is good. I'm thinking of changing my major." He sounded funny. As if he wanted to say something or ask me something and I knew it was about the new boyfriend and I didn't want to know.

"Again? Come on, Kel, you have to make a decision and stick to it, otherwise you won't graduate on time." When did I become my father?
Stop fucking
up your life, Liam. Pick something and get a degree
or, hell, drop out and go to trade school, you're
good with your hands, just stop dragging around
and do something
. "Sorry, man, I didn't mean to go al hard ass on you."

Kel made a sound that I couldn't make out but there was a definite pause and an indrawn breath like a patient sigh. "Liam, listen, can you meet me for dinner tonight? Or something. I just want to see you. It's been a long time and we haven't done anything."

"Is everything al right at home? I mean, you sound funny. Are Sabrina and Ken—"

"The 'rents are fine. Crazy as hel like always.

Sabs pitched a fit when I came out so I don't see them much and when I do, it's strained. Kim and Kace spend weekends with me, you know. We get along.

Everything is mostly fine. I… I just want to talk to you about something because you'l understand and because I haven't seen you in a couple of months."

"I know, son, I'm sorry, I just get so busy with work and you're not a kid anymore so I guess I forget that you might need me." I hated lying to him. I hated pretending I wasn't avoiding when I
was
avoiding him.

He's my kid and the apple didn't fal far from the tree so to speak. Logicaly, I was his go-to guy for everything gay. And I'm not exactly comfortable with that. Father-son dating advice shouldn't include which gay club had the best hunting and stuff like that.

"Listen, don't go al daddy on me. I've got two too many of those and I sort of don't realy think of you that way anyway. So can we not use the S word anymore, okay?"

"Okay." I won't pretend that didn't hurt. Sharp stake through the heart hurt that I felt clear to my toes.

"Come on, Liam, don't take that wrong, man. I love you so damned much, but sometimes I just need that cool guy you used to be. The one who took me to bal games and Disney and treated me—Ken, you, three grandfathers. I have too fucking many men in my life when I just need one damned friend."

He sounded so young and lost and confused.

"Okay, you want pizza or Mexican or Thai? I'l buy and we can hang out for a while." I remember being young and lost and confused like it was yesterday. It was yesterday, except for the young part.

"That would be great, how 'bout Los Amigos?

The one near the school. I'm hoofing it while the bike is in the shop." He must have heard the stern growl brewing in my throat because he hastily added… "I know, I know, I'l tel you what happened and I promise never to do stupid stuff again. Honestly, it's not that bad and I paid for the repairs myself so you don't have to go al
dad
on me."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying not to think about how he had the money for repairs. He wasn't exactly working his way through school due to a demanding course load. The scholarships he'd managed to land paid for everything and the 'rents as he caled them certainly weren't helping him out with extra dough.

"Okay, I'l save it for next time."

"Love you, Liam, see you at seven? Is seven good?"

"Seven is good. Gives me time to shake this place and get across town. Love you too, Kel. See ya in a few."

The kid hung up and I sat holding the phone a little too long. Al of my failures and shortcomings slammed me in the chest. My own son, who'd never caled me daddy a day in his life, preferred to think of me as that guy he did things with sometimes. Could be worse, I could be a 'rent. A hated failed 'rent at that, like Sabs and Ken were to him.

"Hey, Liam, meeting in ten." One of the new interns stuck his head in the door and winked. He was adorable. So very young and so very not my type.

"Coming," I said as I placed the phone on the hook and gathered up the files I needed for the meeting.

"I've been wanting to hear you say that particular word, just not here, and without clothes on."

It took me a couple of heartbeats to figure out what he meant and, in those beats, my stomach clenched with dread. He was gorgeous and I should've been flattered.

I couldn't remember his damned name.

"Don't fuck where you eat, man. Hard and fast rule numero uno," I told him as nicely as I could. His disappointment was palpable and, shit, ten years ago I wouldn't have hesitated, for a price. However, this was now and I didn't do casual and I'd done the fantasy boss sex scene so many times, just the idea of it sort of skeeved me out.

"You keep saying that," he said, his bottom lip gone al pouty. God, he was a gorgeous little twink, al pretty and slim and dark. He'd feel so good sitting on my dick.