Beyond 4/20 (30 page)

Earlier that morning as they were eating donuts, she said she needed to get to church early to do something. She was rather non-specific, which at the time didn’t seem like a big deal, but now, he was wondering. Was she suddenly avoiding him? Things had ended well with them when he left. Maybe she was feeling sad or guilty. Maybe she was regretting taking a step in a new direction. Whatever it was, he sensed something big was happening and felt rather simple for missing it up until then.

Before long, as his mind was filled with conflicting thoughts over where they stood at the moment, he saw Chelsea walk out onto the stage and toward the piano. He was stunned. She hadn’t played since John became sick, at least not at church.

Chelsea was tickled by the stunned expression on Tuck’s face, convinced she had surprised him as she hoped. Early that morning, she had cornered the worship leader and begged him to allow her to play a song. It didn’t take much and he readily agreed. Now, here she was, and Tuck sat looking at her with his mouth gaping open.

When she began, even at the first note, Tuck recognized the song as the one she said was her journey back to God, and immediately, he understood her message to him. It was her way of telling him that she had given herself back to God, which made her ready to give herself back to him. As the song progressed, from brokenness to emptiness to loneliness to the point of God becoming her everything, Tuck began to weep. Just as he had in the truck on the way home that night, he wept aloud. Finally, filled to overflowing with such deep and crushing emotion he stood, and on unsteady legs he made his way down to the altar. Dropping to his knees, sobbing loudly, he began to pour out his heart to God.

Every word of the song had been the progression of his own journey with God over the past years. What happened with Lindsey, not just the loss of Chelsea but his fall from what he truly believed to be his call toward missions, had broken him. Every ounce of young man’s pride was stripped away from him. He had been broken and humbled to the point he could never look at the sin of another and judge. As for living in a state of emptiness, other than Lucy, he had experienced just that for more than a decade. Because of his sin, he lost the one God had always planned to use to make his life on earth complete. Instead, he was left with a heart filled with love for Chelsea but empty arms. Loneliness was the word that best portrayed his life every moment he lived without her, but even through the emptiness and loneliness of his life, God filled him with a supernatural sense of hope, a hope of not only having Chelsea someday, but a certainty that no matter what the future held, God held his future.

Chelsea was expressing her gratitude toward God for taking her through that exact set of experiences. What happened between them when they were younger broke her. He was responsible for that, but God used it somehow and made her this incredibly strong woman. Her loss of John brought her once again to a place of brokenness, then emptiness, then loneliness, all in order to bring her to Him. They both shared a similar journey though differing circumstances. Now they were finally at the same place at the same time, a place where they had each acknowledged God as their everything. Only then could they be what He intended them to be together.

At the sound of Tuck’s weeping, Chelsea found herself rushing through the remainder of the song. Hardly finishing the final notes, she went to be with him. Quietly, she knelt there at the altar and placed her hand on his back. Never had she anticipated Tuck would react in such a way; if so, she wouldn’t have played the song publicly, but for him alone. By this point, she too was crying.

When he turned to her, tears still pouring down his cheeks, she leaned in and whispered, “I can finally be what you need me to be. Please don’t doubt that.”

He took her face in his hands, admitting, “I don’t doubt you, and I don’t want to date you. I want to marry you. I want to be yours and you be mine.”

Laughing through her tears, she asked, “Are you asking?”

“I’m asking. Chelsea, please marry me.”

He began digging for the ring, and as he fished around in his pocket, he found it difficult to grasp the small ring with his large, clumsy fingers. Finally, pulling the ring out, he slipped it on her finger. The diamonds were tiny, seeming even more so when he actually saw the ring resting on her finger.

Chelsea stared for a moment at the ring, unable to even take a breath. Hardly believing she was seeing the sparkling little ring, she finally whispered, “Is this my granny’s ring?”

“It is. I thought you would like it.”

Chelsea threw her arms around him and shouted, “Nothing would make me happier. Yes, I’ll marry you.”

At that, applause rang out throughout the auditorium, but neither was aware of much else other than the fact that they were engaged.

Before standing, Tuck leaned in and assured her, “Even if it’s not your whole heart yet, I’ll wait as long as it takes.”

She only looked at him. Unwilling to lie to him there at the altar of God, she smiled and assured him, “I’m giving you everything I have to give. I promise you that.”

Resting his forehead on hers, he whispered back, “I know, and for now that’s enough.”

The moment was eerily reminiscent of her engagement to John. Instead of sitting at her mother’s kitchen table making plans, though, they were sitting around her mother’s dining room table. Gail, Macy, and Caitlin were all giving suggestions for the perfect wedding. Tuck was there, looking just as shell-shocked as Chelsea felt. The current idea up for consideration was that they get married in a barn, preferably Tuck’s barn since his farm was where they would live after the wedding, or at least once their house was built. Cleaning and sanitizing was being discussed. Already they had decided that Chelsea would arrive in a horse drawn carriage and they could decorate everything to make it seem like a fairy-tale wedding. Lucy and Sara Beth chimed in, Sara Beth saying that her mommy would look like a princess in a carriage.

Chelsea watched Tuck’s face. He wasn’t overwhelmed; he seemed upset. The more the discussion grew animated, the more he seemed to withdraw. Early on, he seemed excited to be part of planning the wedding, but not at this stage. Reaching for his hand, she asked, “Tuck, what do you think about all this?”

He stood, hardly able to keep himself under control any longer.

“What do I think?” Reaching up, he rubbed the back of his neck, trying his best to keep his cool. Not so successfully, he let out with, “I have no desire to make you a princess. I plan to make you my wife. I want to get married
this
weekend at our church with our preacher. I want our girls there in the middle of it. I want cake and punch and nuts and mints in Fellowship Hall like God intended.”

When he scanned the table and found the Whittaker women’s eyes wide in surprise, he added, “But what do I know? Plan whatever you like. I’ll marry you anywhere, anytime.”

He kissed Chelsea and quietly left the room.

When he was gone, they all remained silent for some time. No one had ever heard Tuck speak so sternly, so they really didn’t know how to react.

Finally, Chelsea stood, saying, “I’ll be back.”

She caught up with him at his truck, and asked, “What happened in there?”

Grabbing her, pulling her into his arms, he apologized, “I am so sorry about that. I just…”

Unsure of how to explain what he was feeling, he simply buried his face in her hair and sighed. He would never intentionally take away something that mattered to her. If she wanted a big wedding, he would be quiet and go along with it.

Pushing him back so that she could see his face, she demanded, “Talk to me. Tell me what upset you.”

As they were discussing the details and things grew bigger and more elaborate, Tuck could see things were getting out of hand. Instead of getting married right away, Caitlin insisted that in order to do things properly, they would have to move it out until at least August. Then the princess comment came. It was all too much for him. “I can’t give you the moon, Chelsea.”

“I don’t want the moon.”

“When Lucy came home from your wedding before, she kept saying, ‘He made her a princess.’ How can I follow that?”

She thought on that for a moment and then finally said, “You don’t have to. That’s not at all what I want, and you should know me better than that.”

“I want to give you the wedding you deserve, but I don’t have what it takes to make this some fairy-tale wedding. Even if I could, I wouldn’t try. I don’t want to throw a party. I want to stand with you before God and our friends and family. I want to commit my life to you. I just don’t want it to become something it’s not. It’s not a show. This is our marriage.”

The expression on her face was soft and sweet, and he sensed she understood.

Cupping her face in his hands, he whispered, “And I’m warning you, if I have to wait for months, I may just die. I’ve waited a lifetime for you already. Please don’t make me wait anymore.”

Leaning into him, she rested her head on his broad chest and sighed heavily. This big ol’ man had the most incredibly tender heart, and she would do nothing to break it, never intentionally. “I want what you want. Let’s do it this weekend if we can schedule the pastor and the church.”

“Are you angry with me?”

Laughing softly, she admitted, “No, relieved. With them it’s like boarding the crazy train, and I don’t know how to get off.” Leaning back, she looked at him. “Thank you for standing up the way you did. I really do want this to be just us and those who matter most.”

Chelsea walked back into the dining room and as soon as she was seated stated without room for questions, “We want our wedding at the church. Let’s keep it simple.”

Everyone nodded silently.

Monday after lunch, Tuck arrived to pick Chelsea up. They were going to the courthouse to get their marriage license. Once they found out the church was available for the following Saturday, everything kind of went into hyper-drive. The wedding plans were well underway, and since they really were keeping things simple, there would be no problem having the cake and food ready by the weekend. So many women in the church had come together to make the food, they wouldn’t even have to have anything catered in. The only problem they were facing was where to live once they married. Tuck wouldn’t even entertain the idea of staying at Chelsea’s place, and to stay at the farmhouse wasn’t exactly what either of them wanted. They had looked for a rental house to lease while they built the new house, but so far, no luck. Already, as she expected it would be, money was an issue and Tuck was set on paying for wherever they lived. That limited their choices.

Chelsea’s mind was filled with to-do lists and decisions to make. There was one that weighed most heavily on her, something she had been considering but had yet to discuss with Tuck. Sara Beth was staying with Caitlin and the kids for the afternoon, so it was a rare moment alone together. If there was ever a time to talk, it was then. After trying to begin several times, Chelsea finally blurted out, “So, I’ve been thinking.”

Gripping her hand tighter, still amazed that the whole wedding thing was real, he asked, “’Bout what?”

“For Sara Beth’s sake, I think I should hyphenate.”

She had thought about it ever since Tuck officially proposed. Actually, even before that it had come to mind, knowing deep in her heart that they would marry someday.

“I don’t want her to feel left out if our names are all the same and hers is different.”

Tuck didn’t respond. He wasn’t exactly sure what to say. He could see her point, from Sara Beth’s perspective anyway, but he had to wonder if that was her only motivation. Without meaning to, he was doing exactly what she feared, wondering about her commitment to him. How could he not, though? How could she even consider keeping John’s name while married to him?

They drove for a while in silence and Tuck could hardly focus on the road. Once, he had nearly missed a stop sign and had to slam on the brakes, sending them both lurching forward. The thought of hearing Chelsea introduce herself and sign her name as Chelsea Keller-Bradshaw was actually quite infuriating. Finally, wheeling into a gas station, he pulled around the side of the building and slammed the gear shift into park. He sat for a moment, trying to choose his words carefully. After his outburst the day before, he would take care not to be so abrupt again, but he was direct.

“I’m not okay with that. As for Sara Beth, when I adopt her,” he lifted his eyebrows indicating it was a matter already settled, “and I will adopt her, we will hyphenate her name, or add a second middle name or something. We can honor John that way. It’s one thing to bring her dad into our family, but there’s no way I’m going to allow you to bring your dead husband into our marriage.”

Tuck studied Chelsea’s face. She was surprised but processing.

“Chelsea, I’m gonna fight with everything I have in me to make you completely mine. I’ll never stop fighting for you.”

She started to speak, but he held his hand up.

“I know what you had with him was some fairy-tale romance, but fairy-tales aren’t real. Ours, yours and mine, ours is an epic love story, the kind that should be written down for future generations, for our kids and grandkids.” Tuck motioned back and forth between them. “John just happened to be a plot twist in
our
story. He stepped in, but I’m the main character in this love story. This isn’t me stepping into his tragic end.”

Chelsea remained speechless for a moment more. She considered what Tuck said about theirs being an epic love story. It was. It had been all along. Unbuckling her seat belt, she climbed over the center console and into Tuck’s lap. Burying her face in his neck, she nestled in close as he wrapped her up tightly in his arms.

“Thank you for fighting for me. Thank you for always fighting for
us
.”

Tuck was a bit embarrassed and couldn’t help himself, but at her words, he began to cry. The wait had been so long and most of that wait, things seemed more than hopeless. He had held on to hope when all seemed lost. Then when all was really lost, he held on some more. Now, she was in his arms crying with him.