Beyond 4/20 (29 page)

“I am.”

For a quiet moment, they simply stood looking at each other, both knowing that life was back on track and all was once again right with the world.

Finally, Tuck took both plates and went to the table. “I’ve been trying to decide all day if I want to sit across from you so I can look into your eyes or if I want to sit next to you so I can feel you near.”

There went that little flutter in her stomach again. It happened first when he raised her fingers to his lips earlier. Who would have ever suspected a farmer could be so romantic?

“Which did you decide?”

“Still working on that.” He sat down and waited to see where she would sit.

Chelsea sat across from him and smiled. “I want to see you.”

“Decision made.”

He reached across and took hold of her hand. Bowing his head, he said, “Father God, I thank You for this food and how You provide what we need each day. I thank You for this moment, that I’m sitting here with the love of my life.” He choked up a little and hesitated before going on. “I can hardly imagine You would allow it, so I thank You for grace. I thank You for love, and I thank You for Jesus. In His name I pray. Amen”

Though Tuck dug in without hesitation, Chelsea found she could hardly eat. Butterflies in her tummy would hardly allow it. His prayer was similar to how he normally prayed, but this time, when he called her the love of his life and choked up, it caused her to nearly cry. He had the sweetest heart, one that she was so blessed to own. Without question, she did: his heart belonged to her, always had.

She was staring at him, lost in thought, something he found pretty often lately. He could see she was happy, thinking good thoughts, so he didn’t interrupt them. She wasn’t eating, but he could hardly blame her. If he hadn’t skipped lunch while planning for the date, he would surely be too nervous to eat. As it was, he couldn’t eat fast enough.

Finally, beginning to pick at her food, Chelsea found she was hungrier than she realized. After several bites, though, she slowed her pace a bit. She was too caught up in watching Tuck. He was devouring his food and once had even moved his fork toward her potato as if he might steal it. Blocking his fork, she said, “Eat your own, pal.”

He grinned and kept chewing. She was always so easy to be with. In all the years he had known her, except for that brief visit in L.A., she was just her. Never once did he see her trying to be what she wasn’t, and he loved that about her.

“You know what I have always loved about you?”

“What?” she asked.

“You were always one of the guys.”

She laughed, nearly choking on her bite of steak. “One of the guys?”

“Yeah. I could always be me with you. You’ve always just been you. I admire that. I love that.”

Arching her eyebrows, she asked, “Wanna know the truth?”

He looked at her suspiciously. “What?”

“I hated baiting my own hook. I hated catching tadpoles, and I thought skipping rocks on the pond was about the most boring thing in the world.” She paused a moment and then added, “But that’s where you were. Even then, as a really little girl, I just wanted to be where you were. I think I knew that far back that I belonged where you are.”

Tuck had dropped his fork mid-admission, knowing he wouldn’t be able to eat another bite. He didn’t care about all the things she hated, but he did care that she knew for that long. In some way, that totally changed their history.

He stood and moved around to her side of the table. Sliding in next to her, he said, “I’ve always regretted not telling you something. I guess as a young man, I feared you would think this was kind of creepy, but now, looking back, I see things so differently. I see the sweetness of
the promise
.”

He was close, so close in fact that Chelsea was determined to kiss him. As much as she wanted to hear what he had to say, she found herself unable to focus on his words.

“Let me kiss you first,” she whispered.

“That’s exactly what this is about.”

Tuck leaned in and pressed his lips against Chelsea’s. When he felt her shiver a little, since it was terribly warm out, he knew she wasn’t cold. He may have shivered a bit too. Since he had returned to tell Chelsea that Lindsey was pregnant, he hadn’t kissed her. He was just eighteen years old then, which seemed like an entire lifetime ago. Gently, he slid his hand beneath her hair and to the back of her neck. Holding her tightly, he kissed her for a long while.

It wasn’t at all what he expected. In contemplating their “first” kiss, he had foreseen fireworks erupting. Since it had been a very long time since he was with a woman, he feared he might become overly worked up or too passionate. Instead, this kiss felt just as pure and tender as their first kiss at this very place. Where he placed the picnic table earlier in the day was nearly the exact spot of their first kiss when they were teenagers. This night, as they kissed, she was still that innocent, young girl and he was still that young man full of promise and without a history of shame.

Finally, when he lifted his head, he whispered, “I am so in love with you.”

Chelsea loved him. She did. She always had. But there was that word
in
, and it taunted her a bit. It wasn’t a word she dared echo. “Tuck, I have always and I will always love you.”

“I know it’s not what you felt for…”

“Stop. Don’t do that, please.”

He was either going to say it was not the love she felt for him when they were younger or not the love she felt for John. Either way, comparisons weren’t fair. She moved in and kissed him again. Softly, she kissed along his cheek. “There’s no looking back. Promise?”

“I want to promise that. I want to believe you’re ready for this.”

“You can believe it.”

She moved in again and began to kiss him.

Tuck could hardly catch his breath. At the moment, she was kissing just below his ear, and her warm lips on his skin caused him to tremble. What he feared of becoming overly worked up was exactly what was happening. Grasping her by the shoulders, he moved her away.

“Chelsea, you’re killing me.”

She laughed softly. “I’ve thought about this way too often – kissing you, I mean, not killing you.”

Holding her back so that she couldn’t kiss his him again as she was leaning in to do, he said, “I need to tell you something. I need you to listen for a minute.” Pausing for just a second, he said, “After Lindsey, I was determined to wait for you.” He arched his eyebrows. “I mean really wait. I suppose I thought if I waited it would somehow make up for what I did to you.” He sighed. “I didn’t wait, though. There was someone else.”

Chelsea sat back and couldn’t help but wonder, so she asked, “Was it Hailey?”

As much as that was probably none of her business, it sure felt like her business.

“No, not Hailey. It doesn’t matter who.”

He had no intentions of telling her the rest, but the heaviness of conviction caused him to admit, “What matters is that when I was with her, I imagined it was you the whole time, and that wasn’t right. I’m sorry I did that. It was when you were with John, so it was disrespectful to you both.”

Chelsea looked away. It was Miss Stewart. That was why she was so hurt by Tuck and the reason her friend treated Lucy as she did. He had slept with her and then dumped her.

When she didn’t respond, he reached for her hand, pleading, “Say something. Say you forgive me.”

“I do forgive you.”

“Tell me what you’re thinking then.”

“I don’t know. I just wish the conversation had gone another way. This isn’t first date material you’re pulling out.”

“I know, but I’ve always needed to apologize and ask for your forgiveness. This has bothered me more than you can imagine, and I wanted to begin with a clean slate.”

“How ‘bout you tell me the creepy thing. That’s got to be better than this.”

Grinning, he said, “That’s a much better story.”

He stood and began moving dishes off of the table cloth. As he did so, he began to roll the table cloth up, suggesting, “Let’s go sit over there.”

Tuck took the table cloth and spread it out near the shovel and small mound of dirt. He smiled, understanding the meaning of the location he was leading her to.

When she sat near him, he said, “I was your first kiss.”

Looking at him sadly, she tilted her head. “Nope. Not you.”

“Yep, it was me.”

“My first kiss was Brandon Waters, and it was your fault I let him kiss me in the first place.”

“My fault? How was the fact that you let him kiss you right inside the science lab doorway my fault?”

For some reason, she wasn’t at all surprised that he knew such a detail.

“You had started seeing Allie Cooper. Everyone was talking about it. I was so mad and jealous that I let Brandon kiss me. He was gross, but it was my only way of getting even. I knew you would find out. I hoped you would find out.” She smiled at that memory.

Tuck laughed. “I found out all right, and I was furious. I was the one who got Bobby all stirred up that night he threatened Brandon. I didn’t like the idea of you being with Brandon, but that’s beside the point. By then, I had already beaten Brandon to the punch, with the first kiss, I mean.”

“How’s that?”

“When you were in the hospital after stepping on that nail, our moms were out in the waiting room talking. I was in with you alone while you were sleeping.” Tuck leaned in and kissed her just on the corner of her lips. “I kissed you just like that.”

While his face was still near, she reached for him and ran her hand along his cheek, saying, “I thought I dreamed that?”

It was then that her crush on him began to take over her every waking thought.

“No, that was me.” He sat there, looking at her for a minute before admitting, “That’s when it began, the waiting. I’ve been waiting for you since then, more than half my lifetime.”

“I’m sorry it’s taken so long.”

“Don’t you ever be sorry. I know how we got here.”

“No looking back, remember?”

“I have to look back. God gave me a promise that night. He said I would take care of you and love you unconditionally. He was right. Here I am, still loving you after all these years.”

“Thank you for waiting for me.”

“I’m still waiting.” He took her hand. “Chelsea, we both know where this is going. It only makes sense, but for now, until I know your heart can really be mine, let’s just date a while. Let me woo you.”

“I like being wooed.”

“I promise to do my best.”

Before long, he had her on the dance floor and they moved slowly to songs that used to mean something to them, songs from when they were kids. Macy made the CD for them. From that point and through the remainder of the night together, not much was said. It didn’t need to be. He had told her many of the things that had been burdening him. He loved her. He had dishonored her. He lived his life based on God’s promise, but the main thing he had wanted to ask he never did. As much as he had intended to ask her to marry him, he knew it wasn’t quite time yet. Until he knew she was at least mostly his, he would hold off. At this point, he was pretty sure she wasn’t.

Tuck scooped a sleeping Sara Beth off of the sofa and walked with her to the door. Passing by Chelsea, he stopped long enough to kiss her lightly on the lips, causing her to grin and blush more than a little. Their last hour together had taken a turn that left them both a bit shaken. As much as he hated to pass blame, he totally blamed Chelsea. Without question, she started the whole thing. While they danced, she moved in closer and closer until there wasn’t an inch of space between them. From there, she proceeded to kiss him. It was a sweet and innocent enough kiss. Then she kissed him again. That time, not so sweet. Then again. Not at all innocent. Soon enough, they were on the tablecloth, rolling around on the ground like teenagers. She was so aggressively and openly passionate that he could hardly keep himself under control.

At one point, he raised up and said, “I don’t know who you are, but I’m sure glad to meet you.”

Chelsea giggled at that and began again. Finally, he had to literally pull her arms from around his neck and insist they go get the kids.

Stooping over, trying to get Sara Beth settled into her booster seat without waking her, he gently pulled the seat belt straps over her shoulders.

“Did you win?” she whispered without opening her eyes.

“Not yet, but I will.” He leaned in and kissed her nose.

“Give me a little time.”

Tuck stood and shut the door quietly. Chelsea was coming out with Lucy. They were whispering, no doubt about the date. Both girls wanted the same thing, to live together as a family. Actually, all three girls did, Chelsea as much as his little girls. Even though he felt that moment of hesitation before, wanting to hold out for more of her heart before they married, he was again struck by his own selfishness. For the good of them all, they needed to be together. He had the rest of his life to win her heart, and if it killed him, he would.

Chapter 16

E
ven before daylight, Tuck was out of bed and working in the barn. He was behind on everything but found he didn’t care so much. The sheep were fed and well cared for, but it was other things that were falling behind: paperwork, orders, and repairs. He had someone coming in the next week to work a few days. That would help him out a bit.

This was Saturday, the day after the best date of his life. Everything the night before was perfect. There was that one moment, that admission, that dampened the mood a little, but he was relieved it was out in the open. Someday, he would tell her about Lindsey too, but last night was the beginning of his confession. What was stuck in his head, the memories and images that continually looped over and over as if watching some romantic movie, were their last moments together. Holding her so close, feeling her pressed against him was exactly as he had always known it would be. It was right. As much as it wasn’t right in the moment to carry it any further than they did, being with her was right. Every ounce of him screamed out the confirmation of it. He was dying to make love to her, and without question, she was just as ready. Tuck smiled at the memory of how she acted. It wasn’t at all what he expected of her. Honestly, he had anticipated hesitation from any form of physical intimacy. If she still felt what he believed she did for John, guilt would come. That was the last thing he wanted to see in her eyes, regret over making love to the wrong man when the time came and they were finally together, but that wasn’t at all the vibe he got from her the night before. Such thoughts as the way she clung to him dominated his morning, allowing the hours to fly by.

After breakfast with the girls, pancake Saturday, Tuck made the excuse that he had some things to tend to. He did. Once again, he had totally changed his mind and wanted to be prepared for when the time was right.

He drove over to the next county to see Chelsea’s Aunt Linda. Although he considered calling first, he decided against it. What he hoped to talk her into was more likely done in person. Maybe if he could give her puppy dog eyes or enough of a sob story, he might talk her out of the wedding ring of Chelsea’s granny.

When Linda stepped out onto the porch, she smiled warmly at Tuck. She had always liked him and had hated how things turned out. Gail had kept her up to date on the latest in their saga. They all knew Tuck and Chelsea would eventually marry. John was certainly a great addition to the family. Every woman in the family enjoyed looking at him. But Tuck, he belonged, always had.

“What in the world brings you out here?” They lived out so remotely, no one ever just stopped by.

“I’m here to ask something pretty big.”

“Must be big to drive so far.” She suspected already, but enjoyed seeing him squirm a little. A man needed to fight for his girl.

“I don’t have much, but I’m willing to make payments. I don’t even know what it’s worth to pay for it, but I really would like to give Chelsea your mama’s ring when I propose. I know it would mean the world to her.”

He waited. Linda was smiling, but still she said nothing. It was a very long thirty seconds.

“I’ll do you one better.”

She turned and went into the house, holding the door open for Tuck to follow her inside.

He waited while she went into her bedroom. When she returned, she handed him the ring.

“It’s way too small for my sausage fingers anyway.” Grinning, she added, “If Mama would ever want someone to wear this ring, it would be Chelsea.”

Linda had all boys, and she had always hated the thought of giving that ring to one of them to give away. No woman would cherish it the way a daughter would, or in this case, a granddaughter.

“And there’s this. Chelsea always admired it.” Linda held out her mama’s locket, allowing it to swing and shimmer in the light. “This will mean a lot to her too. Plus, you have daughters to pass it along to.”

Tuck was at a loss for words. Chelsea wore a locket, John’s locket. Lucy told him that John bought it for her their first Christmas together. Tuck wasn’t so sure Chelsea would ever stop wearing it, but if anything could entice her to, it would be her granny’s locket.

“You can’t imagine how much this means to me, how much it’ll mean to her.”

He felt silly, but at the sight of the ring and locket, he felt as if he might cry. Of course he wouldn’t in front of Linda, but on the way home he might.

“I know.”

Tuck reached for his wallet and Linda laughed. “Now, Tucker Bradshaw, family doesn’t pay family.” Reaching in, she hugged him. “Make sure I get an invitation. That’ll be payment enough.”

“Yes, ma’am. I will.”

The remainder of the day, Tuck plotted and strategized on how he might propose. His ideas were often outlandish, just as they were when he plotted to win her back when she first came home from L.A. Just as then, though, none of them seemed right. After getting the ring, he tucked it in his pocket, but the locket he hid in the console of his truck. He decided he would keep the ring with him, and eventually the right time would come along. He figured he would know when.

Back at Chelsea’s life was different. Though this Saturday was no different than any other Saturday they had known since he had been part of her life, things between them were distinctly different. There was this sweet intimacy that was obvious. The way she looked at him was nothing like before. In the middle of doing something as simple as cleaning syrup off of the floor beneath the table, she would stop and look at him and grin rather sweetly. It was the best house-cleaning Saturday ever.

Lucy had left for a friend’s before he got back, and Sara Beth was playing in the backyard with a boy from down the street, leaving Tuck and Chelsea alone in the kitchen.

Chelsea watched Tuck as he gazed out the back window. “You don’t trust him?” Sara Beth’s friend was a little boy from two doors down. He was nearly a year older than Sara Beth, who was soon to be four.

“I don’t trust any boys around my girls. I never will.”

She slid her arm around his waist and moved in close, reminding him, “You know how those neighbor boys are.”

Thinking of what she had said the night before, he asked, “Really, you never liked any of those things?”

“No, not at all.”

“You did them just to be with me?”

“Yes.” She looked up at him. “Why does that surprise you so much?”

“I don’t know. I’ve just been looking back at those days and that kind of repaints the memories.”

“Good or bad?”

“Good.” He thought about it a minute and added, “I just never knew you liked me.”

“Girls start thinking about those things long before boys do.”

Looking back out the window, he groaned, “Oh, no.”

Chuckling, she advised him, “That’s not the one you need to worry about. She only has eyes for you.”

“Yeah, she does.” Then her true meaning struck him. “You mean I need to be worried about the other one?”

“Not worried.”

Lucy had liked a boy in her class for the latter half of the school year. Already she was worried about what would happen when school let out the following week. Chelsea had promised not to tell Tuck, and she didn’t plan on it, but she could at least give him enough of a hint that he would start watching for the signs.

He groaned again.

After getting the girls off to bed, Tuck sat with Chelsea on the sofa. Finally, it was quiet in the house. The girls had spatted often over the course of the night. It was a new thing. Sara Beth adored Lucy and wanted to be with her every minute, but Lucy was getting older and didn’t always want to play with Sara Beth. Lucy was mostly kind and gentle with her, but Sara Beth was developing a temper when Lucy told her no. On more than one occasion, tempers flared.

“Why can’t bedtime be all day?” Tuck sighed, worn out by the drama of the evening.

“We could make a new rule.”

“I think we should.”

He was sitting with his arm around Chelsea and she was snuggled in close. Being together was the only right thing. How could he have ever considered waiting to be married? As a matter of fact, the ring, tiny as it was, felt large and overly present in his pocket. So certain was he of marrying her, he would propose at that very moment if it weren’t for the fact that John was staring at him. On more than one occasion, he imagined John’s photo whispering, “Go for it.” He was going crazier by the minute.

“You’re quiet.”

Chelsea had been concerned about Tuck most of the day. The things her dad said about how much time he devoted to them instead of the farm was constantly on her mind. Then when he left for so long to go work or do whatever, she had considered calling him and telling him to go home and get some rest rather than come back for the night. It wasn’t fair to him. Earlier that morning, he admitted he had been up since three thirty. Since he didn’t get home until at least eleven, that gave him little more than four hours of sleep. He must be exhausted.

“I don’t mean to be quiet. I’m just pondering things.”

“Most likely pondering the backs of your eyelids. You must be tired after getting up so early.”

“I’m okay. There’s no place I would rather be, especially not in bed.” He kind of laughed, realizing what he had just said. “Well, maybe if you were with me.”

Chelsea moved in. “Dating isn’t so easy, is it?”

Circling both arms around her, he admitted, “No, not easy at all.”

Before he knew it, she was in his lap acting like the crazy person he encountered the night before. She was all lips and hands and arms. Finally, just as he had done the night before, he gently moved her out of his lap. “You’ve gotta stop. I can’t stand much more of this.”

“I’m sorry.” She wasn’t at all sorry. Kissing him was all she had on her mind most of the day. “I’ll be good.” But soon enough, she was right back in his lap kissing him.

Wrapping one arm around her waist and sliding one arm under her legs, Tuck stood with Chelsea in his arms. Turning back to the sofa, he plopped her down on the cushion. “You’re enough to cause a good man to sin.”

He backed away, saying, “You stay right there. I’m getting out of here while I still can.”

She sat smiling at him, confident she would wear him down. Soon enough, they would be married and happily making love every night.

When she stood, she held out her hands, promising, “I’m not making a move. I’m just seeing you to the door.”

Tuck pulled her out onto the porch. “I hope I’m safe here.”

“You are. My neighbors are nosey.”

“And all too old to be awake at this hour. You’re not fooling me.”

Chelsea rested her head on Tuck’s chest. “You are so beautiful.”

Chuckling softly, he said, “Men aren’t supposed to be beautiful.”

“You are.” Standing on tip-toes, kissing him very innocently on the cheek, she said, “I want more of you.”

He sensed she had become serious. “You have all of me.” He stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. “I want all of you.”

She understood his meaning. “You know what I fear?”

“What?”

“That no matter how I feel, you’ll never believe me. I’m afraid you’ll always question me and wonder. Tuck, you can believe me when I say I’m yours. I’m willing to give you everything.”

He believed she meant it. He believed she believed it, but he knew better. There was a part of her she held in reserve for John, and as foolish as he felt for wanting that piece of her too, he did.

“Chelsea, I believe you are willing to give me all you have, and I’ll take it.”

They stood together quietly. Chelsea truly meant what she said; she was ready to be with him. She never questioned that anymore. All that mattered to her was being a family with Tuck and their girls.

“I need to ask you for something, something difficult.”

She looked up at him, asking, “What?”

“You can keep it if you want, but I need you to take that sign off the refrigerator. I don’t want to ever see it again.”

Opposite of the sign on her refrigerator in L.A., which served as a reminder of their contractual end date, in her current kitchen a sign was posted,
John and Chelsea, no expiration date
. For as long as he had been coming around to help out, long before any relationship between Chelsea and him was considered, he had to endure seeing that sign. It constantly served as his reminder that Chelsea’s heart would always belong to John. Now, if he was going to fight for her heart, he would begin by removing the reminders.

“I’ll take care of it.”

How could she not have thought of it before then? How painful that must have been for him all along. Just as the sign in her L.A. kitchen had eventually become, that sign too became part of the periphery of her daily life.

“Tuck, please believe I’m yours.”

He tilted her head up to look at him. Lowering his, he kissed her softly and then pulled away. Sighing, half-heartedly, he said, “I believe you’re mine.”

After a minute more, feeling a little sad, Tuck finally left her standing there. If it weren’t for the fact that they were standing on the porch of the house John bought her, he would have dropped to one knee and proposed. Most often, they were there at her house. Earlier in the night, they had gone for ice cream, but he sure wasn’t going to propose there. In the past years, ice cream from that particular place always tasted quite bitter to him, but the girls pled to go on occasion.

He would think of something. The right time and place would present itself.

Tuck was sitting in his usual pew watching for Chelsea. Lucy was sitting with her friends over in another section, and Sara Beth was in kids’ church. Tuck had seen nothing of Chelsea since he got out of Sunday school. He had sat in on one of the youth boys’ classes since their teacher was out. Over the past year with the exception of the months he had stopped waiting, Tuck and Chelsea had been going to the same class together. It was a mixed ages and stages class, the only one they felt as if they could go to together and belong. Just before going to his boys’ class that morning, he had stopped by that classroom to say hi to her, but she wasn’t in there.