Beyond 4/20 (3 page)

Realizing his mother was standing in the doorway, Chelsea jumped back like a scalded cat, embarrassed at being caught.

“Well, I see you’re being well taken care of.” His mother was smiling, nearly as embarrassed as the kids.

Soon the doctor came to begin stitching his shoulder. When Chelsea moved to leave, Tuck grabbed her arm and said, “Stay with me.”

She nodded and moved back to stand near him. Tentatively, she took his hand and at the same time looked up at him with the sweetest expression on her face. As the doctor stitched, he winced in pain but tried to focus only on her and the promise. Leaning his head toward Chelsea’s, Tuck whispered, “I’m gonna marry you someday.”

Grinning, she whispered back, “I know.”

Tuck jumped down from the hood and opened the truck door. Reaching into the glove box, he pulled out his old Bible, the one he used back in high school, and sat with it in the passenger’s seat. Easily, he flipped right to Psalm 27, the thirteenth verse. It was circled, underlined, and in general, marked up. He had made notes with dates. It read:

“I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.”

It was the verse he had held onto since he was a junior. This day, though, as much as he
felt
he should let it go, he couldn’t. Something still stirred within in him when he read the familiar passage. He reminded himself, the heart lies, feelings lie. Everything, every piece of evidence told him to let go, but God’s Word said to hold on. So he would hold on.

Chelsea sat across from John as he was finishing up a phone call. Behind him was a wall of artwork, Lucy’s artwork. Some pictures were of the three of them together, but many were of John and Lucy alone. The ones of Lucy and her were taped along one wall in the kitchen. Lucy was not a very good artist, but she was an enthusiastic one at least, and she brought home at least one each day when school was in. Once school was out, John had a small painting desk brought into the office, so she currently worked on most of her artwork there with him. The desk was situated in the spot he had reserved for a crib someday.

Since they returned from their honeymoon, Lucy had been with them often. Especially once school ended, she spent three to four days at their house each week. Eventually, they made a room just for her, decorating it as she wanted. Lucy was a very girly girl and liked pink and princesses. For John and Chelsea both, it felt as if they were creating a room for their own child. They enjoyed it as much as if Lucy was theirs. John was so fond of Lucy and wanted to do so much that many times Chelsea would have to bring his big visions back down to earth. When he began calling around to find an artist who would paint Lucy’s room to look like the inside of an actual castle, Chelsea vetoed that. She would love for Lucy to have it but was more concerned about Tuck’s feelings. For Lucy to have so much at their house, a castle of her very own nonetheless, and then have to go home to her ordinary room might cause Tuck to feel as if he were not doing enough. Always, Chelsea was careful about such things.

Chelsea was so pleased by John and Lucy’s relationship that she often watched them interact through the eyes of the woman who would someday be the mother of his children. He would be one of the best dads she had ever known. Parenting came naturally to him. He was kind and patient, never too firm, a fault, though, when it came to cookies and ice cream and most areas where Lucy needed to be told no. Because of his age and maturity, he understood what was important and what wasn’t, so he was able to let the little things slide and talked to her respectfully about things that did matter.

Once, Chelsea was in the laundry room as the two of them were making sandwiches in the kitchen. Listening in on their conversation, she heard Lucy say, “I think I’ll get an old boyfriend someday.”

John chuckled, saying, “Not too old, I hope.”

“Not as old as you. I think I’m too young for that.”

The conversation went on for some time with the conclusion being that Lucy had plenty of time to think about boyfriends.

Those were the moments that Chelsea cherished most, just watching John be magnificent and Lucy be precious. They were creating this family together that filled Chelsea totally full. As much as John brought her happiness, Lucy brought her a different kind of fulfillment. For as long as she could remember, Chelsea had wondered what her purpose was. She sang and served in the church, went to business school and did little with her degree beyond the charity work she did through the Keller Foundation, and had become a wife to her dream man, but ultimately, it was Lucy who gave her what she felt was true purpose. She mattered in Lucy’s life. They mattered in Lucy’s life. That thought caused a knot of remorse to bind her stomach. If only she would have been a part of her life all along. Regret over missing out on Lucy’s early years stung more and more as Chelsea loved Lucy more and more.

When he set the phone on his desk, John grinned, asking, “Where’ve you been?” Holding out his hand, indicating that she come around the desk to sit with him, he added, “I thought you were working this morning.”

“I had to send out a few emails, but I used my tablet.”

Climbing into his lap, she nestled in and rested her head on his shoulder, asking, “How much longer do you have?”

“I have a conference call soon. I’m done after that.”

Chelsea noticed a new picture. It was John and Lucy working side by side, her at her paint desk and him at his big desk. When she leaned in to inspect it more closely, she informed him, “I think she has a mini-crush on you.”

Chuckling, he asked, “You think?”

John was crazy about that girl. He couldn’t count the number of times he was on a call when she came in his office, and without thinking twice about it and no matter the importance of the call, he would tell whoever it was he had to go. She giggled a lot, which he liked and would do most anything to get her going. For the first time in his life, he understood what it felt like to be a dad. Hopefully they would have one of their own someday – they had sure been trying – but until then, Lucy was as close as he had come. Without a doubt, he knew that when one of their own did come, he would be just as fond of Lucy as he would be that child. Sometimes, he feared, maybe even more so.

She pointed to the new picture. “When did she do that?”

“Yesterday.”

John sighed. “I love my art wall. You know, the other day Mark noticed it in the background of a video call and burst out laughing since he thinks me as a dad.” John paused, pondering, “A step-dad, or whatever I am, is hysterical. He thinks my life is hysterical.”

“What do you think?”

Truthfully, she was still pretty amazed by how he had changed. Other than church, she hadn’t even seen him in a suit since they married. Soon, they would be traveling to L.A. and he would likely suit up then in his businessman costume, but she liked this new, casual John. He seemed at peace.

“I woke up this morning thinking about that exact thing. When we were on the way to Malibu, I had all these big plans in my head. I realized you didn’t have school and I didn’t have the same work load, so we could travel more. Now, here we are, parents in a way, with this little girl who has me wrapped around her little finger.”

Pointing at his latest picture, he said, “I have a Lucy instead of a Monet. I eat at home every night and hang out with my father-in-law. Life is totally different than I anticipated.”

Chelsea thought about that, realizing that because of her relationship with Lucy, John’s plans were so altered.

“I’m sorry this isn’t what you hoped.”

“What I hoped? Not at all. It’s better, much better. I wouldn’t take all the money in the world for this life. The only thing I can even think of that could make it any better will be when we have another one, one who lives here full-time. I miss Lucy when she’s not here. I really do.”

His words were like the sweetest song that warmed her heart. She had thought he was happy, at least he acted tremendously happy, and his feelings for Lucy were never pretense. Often, it was he who would suggest they get her an extra day. They had walked for ice cream together so often that Chelsea finally had to ban ice cream until the weekend. John and Lucy’s relationship was just as impossible to believe or explain as hers with Lucy. None of it made any sense. The fact that Tuck allowed it at all made even less sense. No matter how often Lucy wanted to come to their house or how often Chelsea called to ask if they could pick her up last minute, Tuck always said yes. He truly only wanted what Lucy wanted, and more often than not, she wanted to be with them. That made Chelsea sad for Tuck since he was a wonderful dad.

“I was thinking,” he said tentatively.

John didn’t know how Chelsea would react to this one. She was still protective of Tuck, so much so that it often caused a bit of ridiculous jealousy to rise up within him.

“Since her birthday will be after school begins, what if we take her on a little trip before she starts back?”

Already hesitant, Chelsea said, “Hmm, I don’t know. School is next week.”

More than anything, she dreaded asking Tuck. She figured he would say yes, but it was more the fact that he couldn’t do things like that for Lucy that made her uncertain. He would give her a normal birthday gift, and they would take her out of town. Chelsea knew first-hand what a trip with John consisted of. It would be something amazing, something to cause Lucy to go on and on about it in front of Tuck. The thought of how that would hurt him caused her to more than hesitate. It simply wasn’t a good idea.

John had already been making arrangements, having his assistant Irene get some surprises in line. “We can spend a long weekend at the New York apartment. She can see some of the sights, and we can take her to see
The Lion King
. She’ll love it.”

John’s excitement caused her to reconsider. “I suppose you mean this weekend?”

“Yes. Ask Tuck and see what he says.”

Chelsea drove out to Tuck’s place feeling a sense of dread and even a touch of a sick stomach. As excited as the thought of taking Lucy to New York made her, she was just as nervous about asking Tuck. She didn’t dread his response; it was more the look on his face when she asked.

Pulling down to the barn rather than the house, she figured she would have a better chance of catching Tuck there and alone. Mostly, she wanted to make sure she talked with him before Lucy got wind of it. If Lucy knew, Tuck would be forced to agree, and Chelsea would never purposely put him in that position.

When she stepped out of her car and moved through the barn gate, he was standing just inside the doorway of the barn wiping his face with a bandana. From the sweltering July heat, he was covered in sweat, his white tank soaked through.

“Hey,” she called out.

Clearly, by the smile on his face he was glad to see her. She felt the same. Since she had been with John, she rarely was able to speak to him. After all the time they had spent together once she returned home, not being with him at all unsettled her. She missed him.

“Hey.”

It was nothing to see Chelsea anymore. She came around so often to pick up Lucy that it didn’t bother him the way it used to. Mostly it was just drop-off and pick-up, but at least he was able to see her. When John came along with her, even that didn’t carry the sting it once did. She was happy, and that made him happy.

“I wanted to talk to you without Lucy around.”

“Okay.”

She was wearing a little yellow sundress and looked so pretty that it caused his hands to tremble, so he quickly tucked them in his pockets. He considered how many times he had heard her dad call her Sunshine over the years. That’s exactly what she looked like with her bright and sunny dress. Just the sight of her caused him to feel warm all over, maybe even a bit expectant, as if maybe something good was about to happen. It was one of those rare days when she wore her hair wavy, and the waves bounced playfully as she moved in his direction. Simply, she made him smile.

“Since Lucy’s birthday is after school starts, what would you think if she went on a little trip before school? Just a long weekend.” She felt terribly uneasy in asking, and already regretted agreeing to do it.

Before the wedding, Tuck had allowed Lucy to go with Chelsea to pick out her dress, but that was just a day trip. Besides that Lucy had spent the night with Chelsea more times than he could count, but never had she been gone for days. That bothered him a little. Unsure why, he rubbed his chin and pondered on it.

“Where are you thinking of going?”

“New York. We would like to take her to see
The Lion King
on Broadway.”

Broadway? His little farm girl going to see a show on Broadway? That was something he would never be able to show her. Heck, he would likely never take her to New York or most anywhere. The farm consumed his days so vacations weren’t possible. Chelsea and John could do all the things for Lucy that he couldn’t. Tuck realized that was what bothered him most. With their kind of time and money, they would always be Lucy’s favorites. Who could blame her? He was just Dad, the one who stuck to bed times and rules about too much candy.

Throwing his arms up in the air, Tuck exclaimed, “Sure! Sounds like a great trip.”

His tone wasn’t at all what she expected. He was upset, so she stammered, “No. Maybe it’s not a good idea after all. I mean, soon school will be back in session.”

As Chelsea began to back-peddle, Tuck recognized how selfish he was being in worrying about favorites. He tried to sound more supportive. “Go. It’s not something I’ll ever be able to show her.”

It was exactly what she had hoped to avoid, making Tuck feel inadequate in any way. Shaking her head, she said, “We can do something different for her birthday. I’m sorry; I’ve overstepped my bounds by asking.”

Her eyes were tender as she spoke, and he knew she would do most anything rather than hurt him. If he knew one thing, it was that she loved him. They had been like family for most of their lives. As far as her feelings for Lucy, how could he not love her even more for how much she loved his little girl?