Between Hope & the Highway (41 page)

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s better if—”

“Tell me you don’t care for me.”

“That’s the problem. I care way too much.”

I reached down to twine fingers. “Then stay with me, Lizzie. Let me earn your trust…and love. Help me be a better man.”

Her brown eyes almost glowed as she sniffed. “Okay.”

Though her whispered reply hardly registered, it seeped deep into my soul, bringing unspeakable relief and hope.

Chapter 69

Liz

Cuddling next to Rawson, I closed my eyes and wished he would at least stroke my arm. Since his birthday fiasco last month when I laid down the law, he’d become gun-shy about even holding my hand. I’d given him signals that I was okay with more. Whenever he showed up, I took his hand and gave him a welcoming smile. I cuddled when we watched movies. I’d even initiated a few kisses, hoping he would reciprocate. But only once had he bitten.

Last Saturday when Ben had fallen asleep during
Star Wars
, I nibbled Rawson’s neck and ignited a spark of his old desire. The passion he unleashed had felt heavenly, but he’d stopped too soon. The abrupt manner in which he pulled away and excused himself made me feel as if I had a contagious disease.

Tonight he acted aloof again. The new guy had taken over the herd last week, so Rawson was free, at least as free as a rancher who works twelve to fourteen hour days can be. Yet, besides sitting by me at meals and squeezing my knee occasionally, he hadn’t made any effort to spend more time with me. We watched movies in the basement with Benny once or twice a week; but I’d hoped for more. Dinner and a movie in town on the weekend so I didn’t appear to be only his ranch fling.

A whiff of cologne made my inner dog start to pant. If I’d been braver, I would’ve grabbed his neck and pulled him close enough to eat. But being a chicken-livered coward, I didn’t dare instigate a kiss that might meet with his gentle, yet obvious, rebuff. A woman could only take so much rejection, and Rawson had demonstrated several times how he felt about me pressing him. He didn’t welcome my advances. I didn’t move a muscle, hoping his finger massage might turn into more. Neck nibbling, perhaps. How I missed that. Or a kiss. I really missed his amazing, world-changing kisses. Just thinking about them made me all hot and bothered.

“You look lovely tonight.” His deep voice next to my ear sent pleasurable shock waves through me. I gulped as his fingers traced lines down my neck.

“So do you.” I blushed when he chuckled. “Not lovely. You’re not. I mean you are, but in a manly way. Oh, you know what I mean.”

He cupped my chin and let his teasing gaze dance across my beet red face. “Maybe if I kissed you, I’d understand.”

“H-hh-uh-yeah,” I stammered.

His lips claimed mine, and I eagerly did my best to claim his. Fair’s fair, right? Orcs battled on screen, but we gave them no heed. I prayed Ben did though. Normally, I didn’t do PDA, but it’d been so long since Rawson kissed me that I didn’t dare stop him. I needed proof he hadn’t tired of me.

The gory orc battle ended before Rawson pulled away. When he did, he gave me a dreamy smile as I swallowed and tried to settle back down to earth. A peek at the other couch showed a blushing Benny. Poor kid.

Rawson draped an arm over me and pulled me against his shoulder. Resting my head on him, I smiled.
Lord of the Rings
wasn’t my favorite. In fact, I found it tedious with all the orc battles. However, tonight’s kissing session had changed my mind. Maybe another fight scene would start and Rawson would minister to my mouth again.

Lifting my right hand, I settled it on the middle of his chest. As I traced hearts into his shirt, I heard a deep bass hum of contentment. Gaining confidence, I explored his chest and shoulders. When I let my hand drop to his leg, he jumped up, making me fall into the cushions where he’d been sitting.

“I need to use the little boy’s room.” He almost ran from the room.

As Benny’s gaze met mine, he shrugged. “When you gotta go, you gotta go.”

I forced a laugh, although I failed to see the humor. Rawson had done it again. I’d tried to make him feel good, and he ran from me.

He didn’t return until the orcs were at it again…or maybe they were warlocks. The ugly things all looked alike to me. I wondered if Rawson might instigate another kiss, but he only yawned.

“I might have to call it a night, babe. I’m beat.”

There’d been a time when he wouldn’t have cared what time it was or how tired he felt, he wouldn’t have cut our time short. But lately, he seemed anxious to escape my company.

Before he could bolt, I leaned over and touched his arm. “Next Friday there’s a dance in town…at the church.” He didn’t say anything, which didn’t give me much hope he wanted to go; but being a masochist, I continued. “I’m on the committee and have to go early to set up. Um…could you come with me…as my date?” I held my breath.

“How early do you need to leave?”

“Probably around five.”

“Hmmm.”

I couldn’t help but frown.

He tipped my chin. “Don’t worry. I’ll figure out how to make it.” He rested his lips against my forehead. “But would you mind too terribly if I left you right now so I can get some shut eye?”

I caressed his jaw. “That’s fine. I’ve seen enough orcs to last me a lifetime. I think I’ll go to bed too.”

He helped me to my feet. We waved goodnight to Ben and wandered to Rawson’s bedroom. I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him before heading upstairs. I only meant to peck him, but he surprised me by pulling me close and kissing me deeply for several glorious minutes. His hands spread fire through my body as he rubbed my back. Once, his hands even swept dangerously low, but he raised them and never ventured down again. Still, my mind grabbed hold of some rather wicked thoughts.

Rawson pulled back and acted as if his whole world hadn’t been set off kilter by that kiss as mine had. “Night, love.” He gave me one of his sexy half-smiles. “See you in the morning.”

I made my way upstairs, feeling woozy. Every single one of his passionate kisses knocked me off balance and made me know it could never be topped; yet he easily put it to shame the next time, before saying “Night” and moseying into his bedroom like nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

Well, his kisses might be par for course for him, but they rocked my world. As I climbed into bed, I couldn’t help smiling. He’d agreed to come to the dance. A very public event. I couldn’t wait to tell Garret and prove to him and every other hand that I wasn’t Rawson’s temporary plaything.

I was his girl.

Chapter 70

Rawson

Sweat trickled down my back in the June heat as I rode ahead of my brother.

“Hey, hold up,” Benny called.

I pulled on Bayder’s reins and looked back. Seeing him struggling to escape his light jacket, I almost spurred my horse over to help. But knowing he wouldn’t appreciate that, I waited until he accomplished the feat on his own.

“All right, I’m good.” He brought Han up beside me. “So you and Liz are going dancing tonight?”

“That’s the plan. But knowing her, she’ll probably end up working the kitchen all night because she can’t say no.”

As though she’d read my thoughts, my phone rang. “It’s her,” I told him before answering. “Hey, beautiful.”

“Hey, yourself. My cookie person just fell through so I need to get to town a little earlier to stop by the store. Can you be ready to leave at four instead of five?”

I grimaced. “That’ll be tricky. Abe needs me to pick up some new foals from the Johnsons’ this afternoon.”

“Oh.” How could one simple word hold so much dejection in it?

“Can I meet you there later?”

“Yeah, sure.” She didn’t sound very enthusiastic. “If you don’t want to go, you can just—”

“Hey, I want to go, but I can’t get away early. But I’ll be there before the dance starts. Promise. Wear lots of Chapstick.”

That made her laugh.

After we hung up, I felt bad for letting her down. Maybe I’d bring her flowers to make it up to her.

As my brother and I headed back to the ranch, I considered my relationship with Liz. I loved her. Of that, I had no doubt. But behaving physically was killing me. I wanted nothing else but to kiss and touch her, but every time I did, my body went into auto-pilot, wanting to arrive at
the
destination—sex. That’s all I’d ever known. I kissed and aroused with the sole intention of getting women’s clothes off and bedding them. Now that I knew I couldn’t do that without upsetting Liz, I didn’t know how to act. The few times I’d kissed her like I wanted, I’d become so thoroughly aroused that it’d taken every ounce of willpower I possessed to stop and not drag her into my room. My groin ached from wanting her to the point where I practically hobbled in her presence. And in her innocence, she had no idea how much pain she caused when she tempted me with her butterfly kisses or leg stroking. She might as well douse me with gasoline and tell me not to erupt in flames when she lit a match.

I now understood why so many of these church folk married younger than their counterparts. Not being able to have sex had me consumed with wedding vows as well. But I refused to broach the subject until I earned Dad’s trust. I wanted to be fully independent and out from under his thumb before I took a wife. Until then, I’d have to stick with my plan. Keep some distance; not kiss too much; and survive on cold showers and long, lonely rides on Bayder to contain my desire.

Chapter 71

Liz

The earthy scent of leather wrapped around me as I pocketed my phone. Rawson’s parting Chapstick comment made my body sizzle like a sparkler.

“You look as happy as a tick on a fat dog.” Garret’s voice from the doorway startled me.

“Oh, it’s just you.”

He emptied his load onto the saw horse. “Just me?” he teased. “Now that slams my ego.”

“Okay, how about, ‘Oh, it’s you! I’m so glad you’re here.’”

He winked as he hung his tack. “That’s better. Is everything ready for your big dance tonight?”

I frowned, wishing I’d never agreed to head the dance committee. “I just found out the person over refreshments is sick, so I need to go into town early to buy cookies and drinks. But this storm looks nasty. I hate driving in weather.”

“Why isn’t your
boyfriend
driving you?”

I pursed my lips. “He can’t get away early. He’ll meet me there.”

“That man always has some slick excuse, doesn’t he?”

I grabbed a bridle and hung it on a peg. “You two are impossible. If you’d stop acting all pitbull, you’d probably become best buds.”

“I doubt it. That man thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.”

Leaning against the door, I smiled. Garret never ran out of amusing metaphors.

He threw a blanket onto the rack and folded his arms. “If Rawson really cared, he’d never leave his woman in a bind. He knows how important this dance is to you.”

“It’s not his fault. Abe needs him to pick up two foals from the Johnsons’. It can’t wait. Jeb leaves town in the morning.”

“You play the perfect mistress, darlin’.” Garret’s accusation cut through me like barbed wire.

“What does that mean?”

He threw his hands in the air. “We’re off the clock, right? You’re not my boss right now, you’re my friend?”

I rolled my eyes.

“I want what’s best for you, and that’s for sure not that primping peacock who monopolizes your time whenever he gets the urge to see you. He’s totally using you.”

I scowled and started to speak, but he put a finger to my lips.

“I know you’ll defend him and say he’s picking up foals, working cattle, or whatever else excuse he offers. You turn a blind eye to his shenanigans and believe all the lies he feeds you. But I saw him with my own two eyes at the bar with that slutty home-wrecker. So did most of the other hands.”

I shoved him away and stormed out of the tack room.

“Wait, Liz.” He grabbed my wrist.

“I don’t want to hear anymore.”

“Ah, darlin’, surely you can see that your relationship isn’t normal. Rawson never takes you out in public. He hides you away like he’s ashamed.”

I gulped hard as his words pierced a major artery. “He doesn’t hide me away.”

“How can you say that? I rarely see you two together. He squirrels you out of sight in the house or takes you riding alone. Why doesn’t he wine and dine you like a normal beau? Chance says Rawson loves to dance and socialize, but he hasn’t even treated you to a single ice cream. Why is that, darlin’?”

Pulling his hand off my arm, I said, “He’s coming to the dance.”

His expression filled with pity. “I hope for your sake, he does, darlin’. Do you want me to drive you and help setup since your
boyfriend
is as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand?”