Between Dreams (13 page)

“Of course they are, Adrian. There are plenty of people who are happy. I was once happy and I’m sure that one day I’ll be happy again.”

“You see, that’s just it,” he snapped, pointing his perfect finger in my face. “You
were
once happy. That’s all anyone gets in this life. This tiny little crumb of happiness before it breaks into a million pieces, leaving you chasing after that feeling you experienced for a fraction of your life. You come into this world alone, you seek it, searching for someone to make you feel everything that you’re lacking, and if you’re lucky you might find it, but then something always happens to split you up and spoil that happiness.
Your
God always takes it away. Then you spend however many years wasting your life searching for that false sense of happiness again, when in actuality it’s exactly what I said; a false sense.”

I looked at him skeptically. “So you don’t believe that anyone here on this earth is happy?”

“No. They’re not. They think they are and maybe for a minute they are, but something
always
happens that will change it. It could be a mother losing her only child in a horrific accident, a husband learning that his wife has been sleeping with his best friend, or a family losing their lifesavings due to an unforeseen medical illness that ended up bankrupting them. Something always gets in the way of people’s happiness here. So I don’t understand why people are so resistant to letting it all go. There can’t be anything worse out there than this.
This
is hell,” he concluded.

Obviously I understood why he felt this way; it was his grief. The guy just lost both of his parents in a car accident not even a year ago. I placed my hand in his and squeezed. “I’m so sorry about your parents, Adrian. I can’t even imagine what it must feel like to have parents that loved you as much as yours go before their time.” I shook my head at the irony of it all.

Here he had two great parents wanting nothing but the best for him that ended up dying way too soon. Then there are
my
parents that couldn’t give two shits about me. Gosh, this world does work in mysterious ways. Maybe Adrian had a point after all.

I pulled out my phone and glanced at the time.

3:50 p.m.

I didn’t know how I was going to explain to Ray where I had been for the past five hours, still in my dress and heels. It was obvious that I didn’t go on a run.

Adrian summarized, “Well, it’s been fun but I guess we should be heading back up to earth now.”

He stood up and took my hand, leading me back up the steep dark steps. Outside of the mausoleum, I waited while he locked it back up.

“Thank you for a very interesting day.” I said, turning around to head for home.

“Sidney?”

I turned around and met his green eyes.

“Do you need a ride home?”

I shook my head and placed my hand on my hip and in my sassy way I said, “I told you, Adrian McAllister, I’m not supposed to be hanging out with the likes of you.”

I waited as he walked down the cement steps to catch up with me. “Oh yeah, boyfriend’s orders.”

I smiled and just shook my head. “Something like that.”

We walked down the cemetery path together, past the two giant oak trees and through the wrought iron gates that led out to the lonely road. Once outside of the graveyard, I stopped and faced Adrian. I had to tell him I was leaving soon and I wasn’t sure if I would get another opportunity.

I blurted out, “I’m going back to L.A. this Friday with Ray.”

If Adrian cared, he didn’t show it. He just stood there looking at me, a blank expression on his face.

I continued, “My granny’s nurse agreed to care for her fulltime so I can work on my relationship. I know from what I’ve told you about Ray he may not seem worth fighting for. But I refuse to believe that. I love him and I have to try to make it work.”

Adrian pulled out another cigarette from his pocket and placed it in his mouth, “I guess this is goodbye then.”

“It has to be,” I whispered, barely comprehending why this was so hard for me to do.

“Goodbye, Sidney. I hope you find everything you’re looking for in L.A.”

He crossed the street and headed towards the only car on the road. I watched as he opened the door and climbed in. The car roared to life, the engine loud and strong.

As he began to drive away, I could hear Bush playing on the radio. It was the song that said something about not wanting to come down from a cloud.

That seemed pretty appropriate at the moment to describe how I was feeling. Adrian spun the car around, away from the decaying road, and headed back into town.

I suddenly felt a chill of remorse. He was gone.

Chapter Twelve

Downfall

By the time I got home, my feet were aching to get out of my heels. I really wished that I had accepted the ride home from Adrian but I didn’t want to risk the possibility of Ray seeing him and the uncomfortable situation it would bring. Ray asked that I not see him anymore, so by me telling Adrian goodbye, I pretty much took care of that aspect on my boyfriend’s wish list.

I opened the front door and my senses were immediately drowned in the sensational aromas of Nouri’s cooking. Stepping out of the pink heels, I walked barefoot into the kitchen. Nouri was standing on a stepping stool using a wooden spoon to stir the mixture inside a large pot. She looked like a small child invading the cookie jar. I walked briskly to her and gently took the spoon from her hand, “Here, Nouri, let me help with that.”

“
Oh thank you so much, Sidney.” Nouri answered as she stepped off the stool and quickly placed it back into the pantry.

“It smells like heaven in here. What are you cooking?”

“It called Machado, it’s a delicious beef stew.”

“I can’t wait to try it. Uh, is Ray home yet?”

Nouri shook her head. “I had him put all of his stuff in the back bedroom upstairs so it out of your way. He say he no like meat so he go out to eat. Be back by seven.”

I rolled my eyes as I remembered Ray deciding to go vegan a while back. It seemed to be the fashionable thing to do in Hollywood. It baffled my mind.

Was it something in the water down there?

I plucked a chunk of beef out of the stew and popped it in my mouth, simply doing it to spite Ray and his silly beliefs.

After dinner, I visited with Granny a bit before deciding to go upstairs and hit the hay. Between staying out with Adrian, fighting with Ray, and those meaningless dreams, I was exhausted.

As I said goodnight to Nouri, she asked me if I had planned to take a shower.

“Why do you ask? I took one this morning.”

Nouri scrunched her nose up and frowned, “Because you stink, Sidney. You smell like smoke.”

Remembering my afternoon with my smoking friend, I thanked Nouri for the reminder and ran upstairs to shower away any traces of Adrian before Ray came home and discovered my secret. After my shower, I wrapped myself up tightly in my bathrobe and collapsed on my soft bed. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

***

This dream was different from all the others. I was being pulled down the same dark steps that Adrian had led me down hours before. But this time, I could not see who my escort was. I moving so fast, and despite my struggle against the invisible force, I couldn’t break free from the grip. In a flash I was thrown to my knees on the brick floor of the McAllister Mausoleum. I searched the empty room but the perpetrator had already vanished.

My attention was brought to the muffled cries from the corner of the dark mausoleum.

“H-hello?” I stammered.

Making my way towards the cries, I set my sights on a woman seated underneath a sconce. She was very distraught as she cradled her knees and rocked back and forth.

“Are you all right?”

The woman’s sobbing halted but she didn’t turn to look at me.

“You can you hear me?” I asked in surprise.

“You never should have found that necklace.” The unidentified woman spoke, still facing the wall.

“Who are you? What do you know about my necklace?”

“I assume the dreams have already begun? You don’t have much time. You need to get away from here, Sidney. Your life is in danger.”

I took a bold step closer to the woman. “How do you know my name? Turn to face me.”

“Samael’s coming for you, Sidney. Don’t let the dreams or his charm fool you. It’s all lies.” She finally turned to face me, but I was looking at nothing more than a reflection of myself. Frustrated with the riddles of this madness, I charged the mirror and put my fist through it.

The glass shattered and in its place, the figure of a woman that I had only seen in pictures stood.

“Mom?” I gasped.

She didn’t answer, instead she puckered her lips together, leaned forward, and blew. A cold wind swirled from the ground, growing into a small tremble. The earth began to shake and the coffins in the wall began to fall. When the shaking stopped, there was only one coffin remaining. There was a tiny brass nameplate on the pine box. I took a step closer to read the name. Just before I reached it, a gust of wind blew out the sconces and all was black.

“Run, Sidney,” the eerie voice howled with the wind.

When I opened my eyes the house was dark and silent. Breathlessly, I gripped my necklace and thought about my dream. I had seen my mother. She had spoken to me. More important, she had warned me against this necklace and against the man from my dreams. How did she know about him? And what did she mean he was coming for me? This made no sense at all.

I looked over and found that Ray was sleeping peacefully next to me. I had no idea what time he had gotten in but I could smell the liquor seeping out of his pores and I surmised that he hadn’t been asleep very long. More than likely he had met up with some old friends and stayed out all night getting wasted after eating his health conscious dinner. I quietly got out of bed and tip-toed to the bathroom.

Upon my return, I realized anew just how exhausted I was. I hadn’t been sleeping very well with my mind running these “movies” through my brain all night. My mother seemed to know about my struggle. Could they really be linked to the necklace I had found? Gripping the pendant, I contemplated removing the jewelry from my neck but couldn’t bring myself to do it. In my entire life, I had never dreamt about my mother and now I have. If this necklace is going to allow me to see her beautiful face again, there’s no way that I will ever remove it.

Ignoring her warnings, I kept the necklace around my neck and crawled into the bed, scooting next to Ray for some warmth. The silent house felt like an icebox. My teeth chattered violently together and I wasn’t sure if it was from the cold or shock from my dream. I inched my foot in between Ray’s legs and he gasped, instantly being shaken from his slumber.

“Sid, your foot’s freezing! Stop it!” he scolded, with his back toward me.

“I had a bad dream.”

“What are you, two years old? You need me to go downstairs and heat you up some warm milk and tell you a bedtime story? Go back to sleep, Sidney.”

I rolled my eyes and turned on my side. Sometimes he could be so insensitive. I shook the unnerving thoughts from my head and closed my eyes. I hoped my mind would allow me to sleep in peace the remainder of the night.

I woke up the next morning well relaxed and feeling refreshed. The curtains were open and blinds were pulled up. It was a beautiful morning. The sun was shining brightly into the room, and the birds were chirping outside. It seemed as if the coldness of last night had been passed over and replaced with its rightful season—Spring. I inhaled the fresh air and sat up.

Last night’s dream was just a memory of garbled images. Of course I remembered my mother’s warning but the intensity of it seemed to diminish as I accepted the fact it was nothing more than a silly dream. Besides, my mother suggested that I ‘run away’ and I was doing just that on Friday. Perhaps I would leave the necklace here at Granny’s when I finally made the move.

I looked over at Ray’s side of the bed but he was gone. I could tell it was late morning or maybe the whole house just seemed brighter with the presence of Ray around. It seemed like this old place somehow came to life when he was here. In his absence, it was just a cold and dark shell of a house, old and haunted with centuries of old memories. But when Ray was present, it was
our
home, beautiful and welcoming, inviting us to make a lifetime of our own memories. I desperately wished that this could be our life every day.

I rose from my bed still clothed in my blue terry cloth robe and began searching for Ray.
I found him in the kitchen sitting at the table with his notebook and pen, a cup of coffee in one hand and his iPhone in the other.

He was wearing sweats and a white undershirt, revealing his muscular frame. He caught me gazing at him and smiled as he mouthed, “Morning,” to me.

I smiled in response. I had forgotten how much I loved waking up with Ray in the mornings. My black and white world was now speckled with beautiful drops of color.

“Okay, that sounds great, Rene. Just go ahead and forward me the details. Okay, great. See you later today.” He hung up the phone and tossed it down on the table. Picking up his pen, he resumed writing some lyrics into his book, completely ignoring the fact that I was standing in front of him on the brink of a nervous breakdown.

I furrowed my eyebrows and bit my bottom lip.

See you later today? But he was supposed to be here for at least the next four days. He promised me.

Dark thoughts of self-pity began racing through my brain, flooding my mind with all of those horrible memories. I felt my chest rush in and out as my breathing became labored. Finally, Ray looked up and saw my face. He quickly got out of his chair, rushed over to me, and began to rub my shoulders.

I heard the sound of plates being clattered and turned around to notice Nouri at the stove. She was cooking breakfast. I had been so overcome by the sight of Ray in the morning, that I hadn’t even noticed her or smelled the aromatic wafting of bacon and eggs. Nouri brought two plates over to the table and set them down for Ray and myself to eat. She refilled Ray’s coffee before heading into Granny’s bedroom to check on her. Breakfast turned out to be two slices of bacon, an over easy egg, toast, and some hash browns. Everything looked delicious but I lost my appetite.

There was nothing but knots in my stomach. But Ray was ravenous. He let go of my shoulders and took his place at the table, stuffing his hungry face full of Nouri’s cooking. Granny used to always tell me that the fastest way to a man’s heart was through his stomach.

Perhaps I should take some cooking lessons from Nouri.

I looked at his face, begging him silently not to leave me as I sat down at the breakfast nook and accepted the plate of food. Ray tilted his head to the side and asked, “Why the long face, sugar? What are you thinking?”

“You’re leaving, aren’t you?” I asked, showing no attempt to eat my breakfast. “You’re going back down there?”

Ray brushed his blond hair with his hand and gave me a smile. “You do still love me after all,” he joked. “I told you, I’m not going anywhere until Friday and when I leave you’re coming with me.”

I blinked my eyes in disbelief. “Then what did Rene want?”

Ray took another bite of his toast and washed it down with his coffee. “She got me hooked up with a radio interview in San Francisco today. It’s an important one because once our album’s completed, all of the local radio stations in the major cities will be hosting our record release parties. This interview will pretty much seal the contract between the label and the station, securing airtime for our songs to be played.”

As always, once Ray began talking business and the logistics of it, my mind automatically tuned it out. I loved music, but didn’t really need to hear all of the behind-the-scene details.

He summarized, “So, I’ll head down to the station after breakfast and take care of that. The record’s almost ready to go, the label wants us to redo one of the new songs we’re working on and create three more songs. Then we go back into the studio to record them and that’s it. We’ll be free.”

I rolled my eyes and took a bite of my eggs.

I pointedly remarked, “I’m sure it won’t be that easy. What do you think is going to happen after your album gets released? They’re going to put you on a bus to tour the country and who knows when I’ll see you again.”

“Sid, I’m under contract. I have no other choice. They say jump, I have to jump. You know that.”

“Yes, Ray. I know that. It doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

I knew this day would come. I just thought we would have more time to work through our issues. Ray’s time here had changed a lot of things and while it did help, it wasn’t enough.

Could I really trust him while he was away on tour?

“Don’t be sad, Sid. This is my dream and I’m so close to it right now. I can feel it in my bones,” he said wistfully, wrapping his arms around his white t-shirt like a small boy clutching his stuffed teddy bear.

“I know, I know…I’m here to support you.” I forced the words out of my mouth.

I’ve said those words so many times over the past year and now I wondered if I ever truly meant them. I knew now that I didn’t. I couldn’t support this lifestyle anymore. It was too hard on me. I could never be happy living this way, even if I went back to L.A. with Ray and stayed with him for the next two months. How much would really change? In the end, he would leave to go on tour and I would be left somewhere. I was tired of being left. I knew that it was time to give Ray a deadline to this
dream.