Between Dreams (12 page)

I kept up my pace as the car crept alongside of me. Trying to hide my embarrassment, I played along with his game. “Was she everything you’d hoped for?” I asked, unable to contain my grin.

“More,” he concluded.

I stopped dead in my tracks. The car stopped too, its loud engine rumbling like stomach pains from a large beast.

What was it was about this guy? How could he make me forget all of my problems and replace them with this airy sensation of happiness?

“I thought maybe you could give me a tour of that old cemetery in the daylight. I might have missed a few sights last night in the dark.”

“Don’t you have a girlfriend?” I blurted out, unable to deal with yet another cheater. Ray was enough, I couldn’t handle two.

Adrian looked down at the floor of his car before responding, “I don’t remember telling you anything about a girlfriend, but I guess I could ask you the same question.”

I opened the heavy door and got into the car. The seat sat really low to the ground so I had to be careful with my dress as I settled in. Adrian gave the car a little gas and my head flew back, hitting the headrest.

As we headed down the winding, narrow road towards the cemetery, he looked at me as I explained, “I guess I just assumed you had a girlfriend because you said that you were here for someone. Then you mentioned knowing a girl with a similar necklace like mine and well, I guess I just assumed…” I let my voice fade out.

“So, what’s your theme song today?” he asked, changing the subject to a lighter tone. “Has it changed within the last twelve hours that we’ve been apart?”

I smiled at the fact he knew exactly how long it had been since we’d last seen each other. It was kind of romantic to have a guy count down the minutes since our goodnight.

“Yes.” I smiled. “There’s a new song playing in my head, but I’d rather not say.” I was too shy to reveal the new song that now related to my life was sung as a duet by Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift. The lyrics revealed that since eighteen hours ago, all she sees is green eyes and blah, blah, blah. That’s exactly how I was feeling. Ever since I met Adrian last night, he was all I could think about. I just wasn’t ready to state this revelation yet, or ever.

“So, it’s no longer about your boyfriend then?” he prompted, bringing the conversation right back to awkward central.

I smiled and shook my head. “No. It’s not about him.” I looked up at Adrian, meeting his gaze, hoping if I stared at him long enough he could read my thoughts and it could save me the embarrassment of telling him that all I’ve thought about since last night was him. No such luck.

“Maybe I’ll tell you another time. Right now, let’s talk about something else,” I suggested.

“Where were you coming from dressed like that?”

I inhaled a deep breath and slowly exhaled.

Boy, was it hot in this car!

I didn’t know how he could stand it. I was really missing the inside of the church at this point and the cool blow of their air conditioner.

“Church,” I responded, wiping the perspiration off my forehead. I could see out of the corner of my eyes he was looking at me with that look of indiscretion on his face.

“What?” I asked, unable to contain myself any longer. “Is it so hard for you to believe that someone like me could attend church on a Sunday?”

He smiled and shook his head. “No, it’s not. It just kind of struck me as odd, you being religious and all,” he answered, moving his eyes back to the road.

“Well, Mr. McAllister, your perspective of me seems to be right on the money, but my other half deeply believes in attending God’s good service once a week,” I responded with a tinge of resentment.

“So you go, even though he’s not here with you?” he asked, showing his distaste for the influence Ray had on me.

“Let’s just say that last night didn’t end after we parted ways,” I explained. “Ray came home.”

Adrian didn’t look very happy about my revelation.

“So you’re not buying that whole religion crap, then,” he prompted, completely ignoring the fact that my boyfriend had come home last night.

“No,” I began my rant, “church is a complete load of crap. Have you ever heard that saying ‘If you’re scared go to church’? I always think about that quote when I have to sit through Mass. I think that all of the people in there are giving themselves over to some higher, invisible power because they’re scared. Church is for the weak-minded. Especially Ray. He thinks he can spend Monday through Saturday treating me like crap, breaking all sorts of cardinal sins in the process, and then be forgiven on Sunday. Well, that’s ludicrous because Saturday is when confession takes place and well, since he doesn’t go on Saturday, then he doesn’t receive forgiveness and he shouldn’t be receiving communion on Sunday, but he takes it anyway. It’s just so hypocritical. Plus, I don’t buy into those silly, little bible stories. They don’t make any sense to me.”

I rambled on, unleashing all of this anger I didn’t even realize I had. I guess in my subconscious I had always felt this way and that’s why I couldn’t go forward with the baptism. There was something about Adrian that made it easier for me to let out my true feelings. I didn’t know him that well, but I felt like I could say anything when he was around.

“So yeah, to answer your question, Adrian; I don’t buy into religion. I think it’s a load of crap because it teaches you to be satisfied by not understanding the world. For example, if a kid asks their mom how they were created, the mom proceeds to tell them the story of Adam and Eve.”

I still had that damn story on my mind from that crazy dream I had the night before. Adrian flinched and put his hand to his head, closing his eyes briefly.

“Hey, are you okay?” I asked.

He shook his head, as if attempting to shake his jumbled thoughts from his mind. He looked at me and gave me a reassuring smile, “Yeah, I’m fine. Too much whiskey last night, I suppose.”

He smirked, as if he was revealing our secret rendezvous of the night before. “So you were saying?”

I continued my blathering. “The story just doesn’t make sense. God created the world in seven days and then made Adam from some dirt and Eve from his rib bone. You can’t just make people from crap like that. It doesn’t make sense. But as a child, we just accept it and keep these foolish stories in the back of our mind because our mommies told us they were true. They’re nothing more than made up stories.”

He pulled onto the shoulder of the road, parking in the dirt. The old cemetery didn’t have a parking lot. He turned off the car but left the windows rolled down.

“So then how do you suppose we were created?” he challenged.

I smiled and carefully thought about the best way to answer his question. Once again, thinking of Ray’s variety of religion, I answered, “Maybe we weren’t. Maybe this life is like what the Buddhists believe; this world is nothing more than an illusion. There is no birth and there is no death. We have manifested into this world because the conditions just happened to be sufficient at the time. When the conditions are no longer sufficient, we will cease to exist.”

I sat still and feebly attempted to backtrack on my erratic thoughts, “That’s a little too deep. We obviously came from somewhere. I’m just not so quick to give all of the credit to one man that no one’s ever met.”

Adrian flashed me his perfect smile and said, “Good answer. I like a strong woman who doesn’t give in to everyone else’s way of life.” He leaned over so his face was inches from mine. I think he did this to cause my heart to begin sputtering out of control. I wondered if he could hear it as it pounded against my chest.

“By the way,” he whispered, “did I tell you how much I like your dress?”

Take that, Ray!

He scooted back into his seat just as fast as he had brought his face to mine. I was beginning to see he enjoyed being unpredictable and unreadable. I sat back in the leather seat, crossed my arms, and concentrated on catching my breath.

I blurted out, “Did I tell you that I’m not supposed to see you anymore?”

He looked at me, his face full of amusement. “Me…what did I do?”

“You kept me out too late,” I said matter-of-factly. “It’s not proper to keep a girl out all night long, you know. I told you I shouldn’t have gone back to your house.”

He shrugged.” It was your choice.”

“Yeah, now I guess I have to pay the price.”

A sneaky smile spread across his face. “So what are you doing with me right now then?”

I matched his smile, my eyes glistening with mischief. “You know how it is. When someone forbids you to do something it makes that object a hundred times more desirable.”

He looked straight ahead at the road. “Lucky me.”

Truth be told, I didn’t know what I was doing sitting in this car with Adrian on top of a secluded hill hidden away by the tall eucalyptus trees. I was in unfamiliar territory here lying to Ray and running off with a stranger.

I thought back to my first meeting with Adrian at the grocery store. I was so overcome by his attractiveness that I could hardly utter a single word to him. Now after spending one night with him I couldn’t refrain from voicing all of my tasteless thoughts.

Adrian turned and smiled at me. “So you’re not going to obey, are you?”

“Obey?” I snorted. “What, like I’m a dog and he barked a command at me? Give me a break.”

“Did you tell him no, then?”

I shrugged. “I didn’t say anything at all.”

“So he assumes you agreed to his request.”

“I don’t know what Ray assumes. You know what they say about people who assume. It makes an ass out of u and me.”

He laughed. “Hopefully he doesn’t have any of his minions watching you and reporting back.”

“I don’t care if he does. We’re just friends and he’s not the boss of me.”

“Remind me again why you were in church today?” he countered, knowing full well that I only went there to appease Ray.

“A relationship is a two-way street, you know. Remember that? We both do things we may not agree with but we do it to make one another happy.”

He looked into my eyes. “So what does he do for you?”

“He came home looking for me last night, didn’t he?”

“That was only to satisfy his selfish mind. He thought you were cheating on him. He came home to rein you in. He’ll leave again when he feels he’s regained control.”

I was beginning to believe I was right in my assumption about people from New Jersey. “I hope you didn’t cancel your flight back home yet.”

“Why do you deal with it all?”

I took my seatbelt off and just sat there quietly. Adrian never took his eyes off of me as he waited for an answer.

“I don’t know. The whole thing is crazy, right? To love someone who hurts you so much,” I wistfully responded.

He reached over and placed his palm on top of mine. It was actually the first time that he’d touched me since our first handshake. I looked up and met his burning gaze. He wrapped his fingers in between mine and brought my hand up to his chin, where he rested it as if in deep thought.

“No,” he answered insightfully, “it’s crazier to think that someone who hurts you so bad actually loves you.”

His words stung like a slap to my face. I knew he was just trying to be a friend and help me see clearly but it still angered me. We’d only known each other for about twelve hours and it was his belief he could just come into my life and make judgments about Ray and me? That had not gone over well.

Chrissy didn’t even talk to me like that and she’s known me since kindergarten. I looked back at him in disbelief, waiting for an apology, but he never offered one. I pulled my hand away from his and opened the car door.

“Maybe we can check the cemetery out another time. I really don’t feel up to it anymore,” I angrily shouted back as I headed down the road in the direction of home. As I stormed off, feeling the heat of the midday sun, I wished I had worn better walking shoes.

Chapter Eleven

Cemetery Drive

Instead of heading home, I decided to enter the cemetery and cool off a bit. I pulled my headphones out of my purse and plugged them into my phone. Placing the buds in my ears, I turned up the volume as high as it would go and listened to Static X play loudly out of the speakers.

I glanced down at the temperature on my phone. It read 90 degrees and it was only mid-morning.
This kind of weather was bizarre even for California. Here we were in the middle of April and it felt like an Indian summer as the hot sun blazed down on me. The newsman had warned us all winter long about the upcoming drought. We’d hit some kind of record, making this year the driest winter since 1800, or thereabouts. Distancing myself from Adrian’s car, I stepped out onto the street.

I used to come to this cemetery every day. I had worked it into my running routine, making two stops to rest; the cemetery and the old rickety train trestle located on the other side of town.

Both places reminded me of my mother.

I crossed the street and headed toward the black iron gates of the entrance, ignoring the large
No Trespassing
sign posted on the gate. Now that I was out of Adrian’s sight, I removed the headphones from my ears and threw them back into my purse. I’d rather listen to the sounds of nature than Wayne Static’s Scooby-doo voice pummeling my eardrums.
The birds were chirping somewhere in the pine trees and I heard a crow caw in the distance. The cemetery was quite a hike, being built on a steep, unforgiving hill. It was daunting to even the fittest person around. I hiked to the top, taking the decrepit wooden steps that stared up at me with an age that told me they had been built 100 years before.

Just as I reached the top, I jumped at the sound of a screech. I felt my heart leap out of my chest. Whirling my head around, I was relieved to see that it was the unbridled cacophony of a small boy hiking with his mother on the opposite side of the chain-linked fence. I frowned at both of them for the startling intrusion. I began breathing again.

The cemetery was located next to a park, and the park had various hiking trails that led throughout the foothills of the Sierra Nevada. It was nothing out of the ordinary to see a family out here hiking, even with a child that badly needed a muzzle.

Finally making it to the peak of the hill, I took a seat on top of a nearby headstone and gazed down at the distasteful view of yellow weeds and thirsty trees. Their bare branches looked like arms stretching to the skies as they pleaded for rain.

I gasped at the lack of oxygen pumping from my exhausted lungs, it seemed an unfair reward for the amount of work I had put in to get there. Didn’t someone once say life isn’t fair?
They must have traversed this ungodly hill too.

I took an orange out from my purse and began to peel it. I ate half and left the other half for the ghost beneath the grave I was visiting. I had once read one of Ray’s books about Chinese spiritual beliefs. Many held on to rituals of graveyard picnics. They believed their departed loved ones were still here on earth, as ghosts.

This tradition entailed the families having picnics at the gravesite of their departed. They would burn fake money, eat some food, and then leave the remainder of the meal on the grave for their ghost family. This is how the ghost would survive on the other side. If a ghost was not privy to this family tradition, he or she would be left to fend for themselves in the afterlife. Poor, and with no money, they were reduced to the eternal life of a beggar, asking other ghosts to share their graveyard food and fake ghost money. Ever since I read that book, I always had to leave a small amount of food for the rest of the non-Asian ghost community, whose families may not be aware of the rules of the afterlife.

I looked down at the name engraved on the cement stairs; “The Tormey Family.” They seemed like nice people, so I signed the cross of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit while saying a small prayer for them.

That’s when I heard a branch snap behind me. I spun around holding my breath, and was greeted by the face of what dreams are made of.

It was him.

His green eyes sparkled in the sunlight. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

His thin frame was walking towards me. He had a cigarette in his hand and brought it to his lips.

He could seriously become a cigarette model. Like, the GQ version of the Marlboro Man.

Ignoring his beauty and trying hard to hold onto my anger, I answered, “You’re apologizing for sneaking up on me? Not for being a rude twit and overstepping your boundaries?”

My angry demeanor ricocheted harmlessly off of him like darts hitting a tank. Adrian deliberately dragged on his cigarette and smugly replied, “You told me you didn’t believe in religion. Yet I find you here praying.”

I snarled, “This cemetery is private property.”

“Then how were you going to take me on a tour?”

I paused for a moment, not knowing what to say. “I’m visiting my family, and I’m allowed to bring a guest. But then my guest ended up being a complete jerk so I ditched him.”

“Hmmm,” he said, squeezing past me and walking up the cement stairs that led to the crypt on which I was sitting. His black boots stomped over the family name plate. “John Tormey died in 1877? My heavens, you must really miss him.”

Adrian said this in the most serious, heart-felt voice he could muster, belying the corners of his mouth creeping up as he tried to suppress a smile.

“Okay, fine. I don’t have any family buried here. I’m trespassing too,” I admitted.

He countered, “Speak for yourself, young lady. Unlike you, I am actually visiting my family. Would you like to come and see just to ensure I’m not lying?”

He winked as he uttered his invitation, his black hair blowing to the left side of his face and falling into his eyes. He brought his hand up and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear.

“Why’d you ask for a tour of this place if you have family buried here?”

Now who’s the liar?

He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know…so I would have an excuse to hang out with you, I guess.”

That was all it took for my prior feelings of resentment to evaporate and fall under his spell again. He could say whatever he wanted about Ray, as long as he followed it up with something alluring in that charming way of his.

Looking up at him, as he stood over me wearing a faded Guns N Roses T-shirt and black jeans, it was really hard to believe that this guy actually worked in any kind of professional job.

I took a deep breath, inhaling the humid, stagnant air as I stood up and exclaimed, “Why not? Lead the way.”

He turned around and briskly started walking down the hill, cutting across graves as he arrogantly displayed a total lack of respect for the dead. I meekly followed him.

The cemetery was nearly empty save for an old bald man in a maroon sweater and jeans. He was standing in front of one of the newer graves, his hand touching the giant stone as his head was hanging low. It made me feel so sad for him, and I paused to observe his moment of darkness. I would never want to be in his place, standing over a loved one’s grave and weeping for them, knowing that no matter how hard I tried, I could never bring them back.

“People die, Sidney. It’s a part of life,” Adrian breathed in my ear, awakening my senses and breaking my trance as I stared at the stranger mourning his loved one. He took my hand and led me down the hill, away from the saddened patriarch.

As we were descending the dirt hill, I regretted the fact that I wore my pink heels to a graveyard. The hill was steep and the dirt was soft. The last thing I wanted to do was fall on my face in front of this exquisite human being.

After much concentration we made it to the old cement road which was probably used for a horse and buggy long ago. It was nowhere near big enough for a car. My heels echoed on the pavement as we walked side by side.

With every clack I felt a new twinge of embarrassment.

Adrian stopped and spun around. Bowing, he pointed to another set of narrow cement steps, this time leading to the entrance of a massive mausoleum.

“And here we are, my lady,” he regally announced with a crooked smile. Taking my hand, he carefully guided me down the steps. He was so attentive I almost felt comfortable walking in these heels. Adrian would never let me fall on my face, I realized.

At the bottom of the staircase was a small cement foundation that had a giant crack running down the middle which separated itself from the actual structure of the mausoleum. Apart from the broken foundation, the crypt was stunningly beautiful with its fancy engraving and curved top.

Above the copper door, which was turning green with oxidation, was the name,
McAllister
. He coyly asked me, “Do you wanna go inside?”

“You’re joking, right?” I said, skeptical of his invitation.

He dangled his keychain in front of me.

“I’ll prove it to you.” He abruptly brushed past me, allowing his hands to linger on my body a little longer than necessary, and stepped in front of the iron gates. He took a single key from the chain and put it in the keyhole. He opened the door and stepped inside.

I stood there completely dumbfounded. In all my life, I’d never seen one of these old things open. I just assumed they were all forgotten, as ancient as they were.

“Are you coming?” his voice shouted out from inside.

I opened the door and poked my head into the black space. Adrian was holding his cell phone out, using the light as a guide.

“You won’t see anything from out there. Come on.” He extended his arm out to me and I took his hand as he pulled me to him. I closed my eyes and inhaled his scent. I would have been happy to stay there for the rest of time, in his arms.

He took out his lighter and flicked it open. Grabbing one of the sconces from the wall, he lit the wick and lit up the entire place. I saw four cement walls and a black shiny marble floor. There was a steep staircase that went down into the earth.

Adrian put both of my hands on his shoulders and led the way down the steps as he warned, “Be careful not to fall, or you’ll send us both tumbling down.”

I exclaimed, “Just don’t let go of my hands.”

When we finally reached the bottom, we went through an archway and entered a massive underground room. There were hundreds of sections for coffins to be inserted into the wall. Some were full, and some were still empty waiting to be filled with more McAllister family members.

“This is amazing.” I said, in awe of my surroundings as I released my hands from the death grip I had on his shoulders.

There was intricate brickwork laid for the ground, some statues, and remains of flowers with vases that visitors had left throughout the years. High above our heads were some drainage covers allowing the sunlight to seep in through the cracks providing enough light to move around freely. Adrian just silently stood still, allowing me to take this all in.

I smiled at him. “I normally don’t follow strange guys back to their house after drinking a bottle of whiskey with them in the middle of the night. And I really don’t follow guys down a hole into the ground at a cemetery. I guess what I mean to say is that I feel really comfortable with you. It’s like we’ve known each other forever or something.”

He tilted his head as if lost in thought and then glanced down at my necklace. “Maybe in another life, huh?” he finally responded.

I smiled at his sentiment. “Yeah, maybe that.”

Then Adrian asked, “Tell me about your parents and your childhood.”

I ended up explaining that I was actually raised by my granny who had recently became ill and how I had chosen to stay here and care for her. That decision, of course, had ultimately become the demise of mine and Ray’s relationship.

Adrian sat on the brick floor listening, absorbing, and processing all of my unfortunate problems. He also told me stories about his life. He grew up in a small, upper class neighborhood in Alpine, New Jersey and attended private Catholic schools his entire academic career. He attended some exorbitant college and graduated with a degree in law, which was pretty impressive by my standards. I guess over on the East Coast, higher education is not only valued but expected of you. Here in this rinky dink town, you’re lucky if you graduate from a junior college. Maybe because we live in the sticks, they just figure we can graduate from girl scouts and become some kind of tour guide up in Tahoe. I can tie a stellar figure eight knot.

I’d never met anyone as smart and educated as Adrian and it was truly inspiring to sit around and listen to his philosophy of life. He didn’t believe in Heaven or Hell, which was hard for me to comprehend since he spent all of his primary education attending a Catholic school. He chalked it up to the fact the beliefs were too far-fetched and he believed there was no place worse than where we were already.

“Think about it, Sidney.” he said, “Is anyone on this earth really truly happy?”