Better Than Good (9 page)

I
WENT
home for the Christmas holidays as usual. It was a great visit. The burden of finals was over, and I had two weeks off before I returned to my internship. I told my family about my breakup with Kristin. No one seemed too surprised. My mom least of all.

“Honey, she wasn’t right for you. You knew it. Just as you’ll know when you do meet the right one.” Of course she was right. The New Year suddenly seemed full of possibility.

January isn’t one of my favorite months. It’s cold and gloomy, and this year the weather was wicked. We got serious winters in Pittsburgh. This wasn’t quite that dramatic, but nonetheless, roads were shut down regularly, flights cancelled, trains delayed. The snow seemed to fall every day. Not fun for the average guy trying to trudge to class through the messy white stuff. I was making my way toward campus one morning through the powdery snow that had fallen the night before. The morning was gloomy, but it wasn’t supposed to snow again that day, so I had high hopes we’d actually see the sun.

My usual path was blocked by what looked like a photoshoot near the campus quad. I stopped short when I caught sight of Aaron’s familiar form. My heart started beating a rapid tattoo, and my face was flush with heat in spite of the bracing chill. I hadn’t seen Aaron in over a month. Not since that day I’d seen him jogging with the man who’d kissed him. Our last communication of any kind was text messages sent on Thanksgiving. But I’d thought of him every day. I hadn’t worked up the courage to contact him, even though I was completely free to do so now without guilt. Truthfully, what stopped me was my own coming to terms with my bisexuality and realizing it would take some courage. I couldn’t deny my attraction to Aaron, though. Something about him was magnetic.

Aaron was dressed for the weather in a gorgeous long navy wool coat. He had a gray scarf around his neck and black weatherproof lace-up boots with fur lining. He wasn’t wearing a hat, and his beautiful black hair was a bit longer than the last time I’d seen him. That familiar itch to run my fingers through it sent a tingle of sensation through my hand. He was holding a clipboard and chatting animatedly with a cute curly-haired girl dressed in one of those Michelin Man-like winter coats, with a hat pulled over her head and curls spilling out. She was giggling at something Aaron had said. Neither seemed to be paying much attention to the photographer and what looked, upon closer examination, to be a couple of models. Obviously it was a fashion shoot. There had to be a dozen or so people milling about the roped-off little area in the quad. Maybe Aaron and his friend were taking a break.

I overheard someone in the crew ask for a steamed latte. Aaron turned back toward the speaker, writing something on his clipboard as he turned to walk up the path.

“Aar, you want me to come with? I can help carry.” That was the curly-haired girl.

“You mean you can help spill, klutz. I got it. Be back in a flash.”

Aaron took a note from the clipboard and handed it back to his friend before walking toward the campus coffee shop up the hill.

“Aaron!” I called after him. I was a little flustered. I had no idea what to say now that he was here in front of me.

He looked at me curiously, and my heart sank when I realized he didn’t recognize me.

“Sorry, it’s been a while. Matt. Um, I guess we last texted at Thanksgiving.” Lame. Ugh! My lack of cool around him shouldn’t have surprised me by now, but this was ridiculous.

“Matty. Hi. I just didn’t recognize you right away with all the winter gear.” He flashed me that amazing smile, the one that made his hazel eyes twinkle, and I felt something settle inside me. I took my beanie off, figuring he’d recognize me better without it. “Yes, there you are! How’ve you been? Do you mind telling me about it while I walk to the coffee shop, though? I’m technically working while I get coffee for the crew.”

Class was beginning in ten minutes for me. I’d be late for sure. I shrugged and followed Aaron. There really was no other choice.

“Sure. I’m good. How about you? I mean, how’ve you been? It’s been a while.” There I was again… Mr. Smooth.

“Hmm. Yeah, I remember.” He didn’t sound angry, more like teasing. Aaron was that strange personality we all run into once in a while that is overly familiar in ways that make you feel you’re two steps behind. You want to catch up, but they always seem to know more about you than you do. Was he bringing up our night together two months ago as if it had been as earth-shattering for him as it was for me? More likely, I was reading too much into his friendliness. And Aaron was definitely friendly.

“So you’re working with your favorite photographer?” I nodded back toward the fashion shoot now in the distance.

“You remember. Actually, no, Jean Paul isn’t my favorite. He’s a little unorganized for my taste. But no complaints here. It got me out of the office on a not-as-crappy-as-usual-weather day, and I’ve run into you again!”

I smiled at him. He was charming and full of life. But he was working, and I had to get to class, so as much as I wanted to continue our exchange, it couldn’t be now. I wanted a chance to really talk to him.

“Yeah. Hey, I have to get to class and I know you have to work, but can I see you, Aaron?”

“Sure!” The answer came off too brightly. Maybe he was pissed after all. “Call me.”

“Aaron.” I couldn’t blow this. He had to know I was serious. I really wanted a chance if he’d give me one. “I’m serious. I….”

“Look, Matt.” He spoke in a soft and slow tone, as if trying to be as kind as possible. That sinking feeling was back in full force. “I don’t think this is a good idea. I’ve been doing some thinking, making New Year’s resolutions, etcetera. I can’t get involved with someone who (a) has a girlfriend, wife, boyfriend or anyone other than me, period. Or (b) is buried in a closet. I’m not hiding for anyone. And if I remember correctly, because yes, it has been a while, you are both (a) attached and (b) not in tune with the side of you that kind of digs getting sucked off by a guy. You’re a good guy, Matt. I’m glad we met, but that’s all.”

He looked me in the eye again, sighing heavily. “Bye, Matt. Take care of yourself.” He turned away quickly and set a brisk pace with his head down.

“No, wait, Aaron.” I jogged after him. “I don’t have a girlfriend. I broke up with Kristin last month.”

He stopped walking again and looked at me carefully with his head cocked to one side. I could see he was going to shut me down again, and I felt a desperate need to plead my case, smoothly or not.

“I know I’m a bit of a head case, but I don’t have A and I’m willing to work on B. Just please… will you give me a chance?” Definitely desperate. I wondered if he knew I’d never made a plea like this for a girl. Ever.

“Matt. I can’t. I’m sorry.” I jumped in front of him before he could move away from me and grabbed onto his arm. He looked at my gloved hand on his coat and then at me, as if asking, “What the fuck, psycho?” I couldn’t blame him, but I also couldn’t stop trying.

“Friends. We can just be friends,” I pleaded. And the look I received was nothing short of incredulous.

“Huh?” Good. I’d caught him off guard.

“You can’t have too many friends, right? And friends can ask friends out for coffee or movies or even dinner. True?” Aaron nodded slowly, as if waiting for the punch line. “If that’s all you can do right now, I’m cool with it.”

I had his attention now, so I pressed a bit further.

“Aaron, if I’m totally honest here, there isn’t a day that’s gone by since I first met you at that fucking club that I haven’t thought of you. I’m not totally baggage free, I get that, but I can’t deny that I want you. Or whatever you’ll give me. I just want a chance. And if it’s friends… I would be honored to be your friend.”

He stared at me openmouthed. I tucked my thumb under his chin to close it and gave him a smile I knew was more confident than I was feeling.

“What’s the matter? You have too many friends?”

“Uh… no. Well, maybe.” His composure had slipped, and it was adorable to see him trying to regain his footing. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, we can be friends.”

“So, just to clarify… that means if I wake up on a Saturday morning and want to grab a cup of coffee, I could call… say, my friend Aaron to join me and it wouldn’t be weird? Or if I wanted to see a show I think Aaron would like, I could call him and invite him? Or….”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake! Sure.” His face was a little red, and it might have been from the cold, but I had a feeling I’d made him blush.

“Great! Well, then. I’ll call you, Aaron. I promise.” My smile felt like it was splitting my face in two. I took a chance and leaned in to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. I hurried away from him, intent now on getting to my class, but I couldn’t resist looking back at him. He was still standing in the middle of the path, staring after me. The urge to let out a celebratory yell and throw my fist in the air in triumph was strong, but I held onto my cool, smiling widely all the way to class.

A
COURSE
of action was required here. I had Aaron’s attention, but I didn’t want to screw up by being overly smothering or by playing it too cool and not calling soon enough. Then I would be in danger of him thinking anything I’d said was bullshit. I had to figure out how to be his friend. I’d never pursued a friend before. Those things happened naturally, I’d always assumed. You had a common interest in sports, went to the same school, or even worked together. Aaron and I had none of that. I doubted he liked sports, in fact; trying to picture him watching football with my buddies made me laugh outright. I wasn’t stereotyping. I mean, Curt was into football and baseball, and he loved a game of pickup basketball as much as the rest of my buddies. But Aaron wasn’t anything like Curt. I guess I needed to find out for sure, but I would have bet money I was right about the sports.

Which left school or work as possible common ties, and we obviously had neither. I had a feeling music wasn’t something we had in common either. I know he’d enjoyed that night at the bar with live music, but part of me knew he was humoring me. Dance music was his thing. Again, I’d bet on it.

I had to get to know Aaron as a friend with whom I didn’t have anything obvious in common. Well, other than a hot kiss and sizzling blow job. Since those weren’t on the table for now, I’d have to go about this the old-fashioned way. I’d have to ask questions and hope he’d agree to spend time with me. Platonically. Which hopefully would lead to something more. Eventually. I hoped.

I called him the day after I saw him on campus. I waited until early evening, thinking more than twenty-four hours was good. Another day might have been considered too much time. Yes, I realized I was in danger of over thinking. I just didn’t want to fuck this up. I could end up being a lousy friend before I even got the chance to be a lousy boyfriend. Boyfriend. The thought made me smile. I took that as a good sign.

Aaron picked up his cell on the third ring, sounding a little winded.

“Hey.”

“Hi, friend. It’s Matt.”

“Ha. Yes, I know. I still have your name in my phone.” That sounded promising, I thought with a grin.

“How’s it going? You sound out of breath. Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“No, I just finished a run. I’m walking home so now’s a good time. Friend.”

I smiled at his playful tone, but his mention of running made me think of the running partner I’d seen him kiss last month. A friend can ask about those things, right? I just had to be tactful and hope the blazing flash of jealousy I felt at the memory wouldn’t surface and freak him out.

“You don’t run alone, do you? I mean, it gets dark now early. It’s not really safe.”

“Tonight I ran alone. But I don’t always. If I run alone, I stay on well-lit paths. Don’t worry, friend. I’m not as big as you, but I’m still a big boy.”

“I could run with you sometime. That’s a good friend thing to do together, right?”

“Ha! A good friend thing? You did not just say that out loud. You are adorable! I mean that as a friend, of course. Yeah, I guess running together is a great friend activity.”

“Great. When do you want to go?”

“Geez Louise. Um, how about Saturday morning? Early. You’re in Georgetown, yeah? Give me your address and we can run near the campus. I know some decent routes out there. Sound good?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” I gave him my information and was smiling when we hung up a minute later. I wanted to ask what he was doing tonight, what his week had been like, and what his plans were for Friday night. Three more days seemed like such a long time to wait. But I sensed the need to take this slowly if I wanted Aaron in my life. I had to let Aaron set the pace.

Saturday morning couldn’t arrive soon enough. I was really anxious to see him and spend time with him doing something he enjoyed. Running. Who would have thought? I mean, it wouldn’t be my personal first choice, but compromise was probably a good step toward building a solid friendship.

Aaron called my cell when he arrived. I made it downstairs in record time to find him out front, stretching. His smile felt like sunshine on this cold, damp morning.

“Hi there. Ready to go? Did you stretch yet? If not, do it now. We’ll take it slow at first. Let me know how fast or slow you want to go. Okay?”

“Yes, sir,” I teased but began a lunge stretch, mirroring his routine.

“Smartass. I guess I shouldn’t be too preachy, but trust me, we won’t get far if you cramp up.”

“Well, then, I guess we’d have to stop for coffee and breakfast sooner then, right?”

“More like electrolytes and an ice pack. Did you want to grab breakfast after? You didn’t say so before.”

I looked at him more closely. He’d sounded a little vulnerable somehow when he asked about breakfast. His hair was in his eyes again, though, so I couldn’t get a good read on him. I did notice Aaron’s attire, though.

It was strange to find myself noticing what he wore and how he carried himself. I’d never paid attention to details like that on other people. Sure, I noticed if someone looked nice, and I would compliment in turn. But Aaron was different. Today he wore those tight black running pants with a bright royal-blue pullover, and again, matching running shoes. The bright blue was a nice contrast to his olive skin and hazel eyes. God, his eyes were beautiful. I noticed his thighs and calves were well-defined. He was muscular but lean. My own running pants felt a little tight suddenly. I had to stop staring at him. What was he talking about? Breakfast? Right.