Better Than Good (13 page)

“Aaron. Fuck, baby. Please. Stop.”

He leaned away from my dick, back on his knees, and I rose up quickly to meet him and kiss him breathless. I rolled him sideways, pushing him on his back before lunging on top of him. I was trying not to overwhelm him with my desire, but my control was worn thin. I leaned back, supporting myself on one arm as I looked at the beautiful naked body beneath me. I ran my hand over his abs and pinched his nipples. He whimpered and arched into my touch. I explored lower still, running fingers along his hip and cupping underneath his ass. I purposefully ignored his cock, though I knew he had to be aching the same way I was. Leaning back, I took my right hand and licked a swath of spit across it before finally wrapping my hand around his pulsing, swollen member. He gasped and writhed in pleasure when I moved over him, bracing myself on my left arm while I grabbed my own cock, then rubbed them together and created a mind-blowing, blissful friction. I was trying my hardest not to be the first to come.

“Open your eyes.” I did as he asked and felt my balls tighten and rise. I couldn’t wait any longer. I came so hard and so long, my body shook with the effort to stay upright and ride out the aftershocks.

“Baby, come for me.” I felt him fall apart under me, his cum coating my fingers as he moaned through his release.

“Fuck.”

I fell over to his side, struggling to catch my breath. That had been earth-shattering and we hadn’t even fucked. God only knew if I’d survive it.

I looked over at Aaron, noticing he’d gone quiet, and wondered if that was cause for alarm. He had a peaceful look on his face, but it gave way to a Cheshire-cat grin when he felt my gaze on him.

“You look awfully pleased with yourself,” I commented.

“Hmm. Yeah, maybe so.”

We turned toward one another, lying on our sides. No words were said. I didn’t want to break the spell. I didn’t want the night to end. I had no idea what the rules were from here on out. Of course, I couldn’t leave well enough alone.

“I want more than friends, Aaron.”
Shit. Why did I say that? He’ll freak
.

Aaron turned onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He didn’t answer for long minutes, and I was just starting to think maybe that was my answer.

“I guess it’s stupid to pretend I’m not interested, Matty. The problem is that you may not be that guy that I swore I was done with at New Year’s, but you really fit the mold on paper, and I just don’t know if I can deal with it.” He turned to look at me, and although I wanted to plead my case, I kept quiet while he finished his thoughts. “Can we go slow? Just… I don’t know, just slow?”

“Yeah. Slow is good.” I knew all the joy I was feeling at that moment was written all over my face. I wanted more, and I wanted it fast, but I would go slow for Aaron.

We held each other and explored one another through another round of orgasms, but this time the pace was slow. In deference to our new agreement, I thought. Whatever it was, I knew I would be waking up with a smile on my face. Reluctantly, I crawled out of his bed, kissing him before I headed out.

6

I
MADE
it through the next day on a caffeine high. I had one class at nine and a three-hour stint at the law firm before I was free for the weekend. Scratch that. Before I was free to study and catch up on my assignments. I had four months of law school left. I couldn’t afford to fuck it up. There wasn’t anything pressing going on other than an almost physical urge to spend time with Aaron. But I promised myself I would give him space and time.

I called him on my way home from the city. I couldn’t take it. I needed to hear his voice.

“Hey there.” He sounded happy to hear from me. Good sign, right?

“Hi. I just wanted to hear your voice.”
Fuck, I shouldn’t tell him the truth
.

“Oh… Matty, you are sweet. I like hearing your voice too. We never got around to talking about it, but what are you doing this weekend?”

“Honestly, I have a ton of school work to get through. I’m devoting my weekend to it. I can’t afford to get any more behind than I am.”

“That would be bad. Well, if you can get away from your books for a teensy while… would you like to join me and a couple of friends for brunch on Sunday?”

“Sure!” was my immediate response.

Aaron laughed at my timing and then explained that he tried to get together with Jay and Peter at least a couple of Sundays a month for a mimosa-infused brunch. He claimed not to be a fan of a threesome with a naughty chuckle, and was hoping I’d join them this weekend. I agreed to be their fourth.

“Cool. Plus, I want you to meet them. I have to run. I’m still at work, and I have a feeling I’ll be here another few hours.”

I had just stepped up to my front door and was loath to end the connection without at least acknowledging the night before.

“Okay, I’ll let you go, but I just… I wanted to tell you….”

“Yeah, me too.”

“It was amazing, Aaron. That’s all I’ll say… promise. See you Sunday, okay?”

We hung up, and I fumbled to get my key out of my pocket just as another hand reached out to unlock the door. Curt. Shit. He gave me the look. The one that let me know it was time to start explaining. I knew I didn’t owe anyone an explanation, but somehow I realized this could be a good way to start the coming-out process. “Coming out” sounded ominous, but if anyone could give advice I might be willing to listen to, it would be Curt.

“So… how much did you hear?”

“Enough. Are you with him, like
with
him? It is Aaron, right? What’s going on with you, Matt?” Curt was flustered, and I have to admit his concern made me feel guilty, like I’d kept something from him that was vital. I didn’t want to ruin my high with guilt, but I decided I would answer what I could.

“I like him, Curt. Like him a lot… like him.” I was smiling, so I was sure he could read between the lines of my junior high-school explanation.

“But what’s the deal? Are you gay? Bi? Gay for him? I don’t understand. I mean, in my world, gay is gay, and you, my friend, have never exhibited any signs of being remotely interested in dick.”

I busied myself looking at a stack of mail piled on our entry table, keeping my eyes averted while I spoke.

“Look, I’m bi. I guess. If we have to label it, that’s what it is, I suppose. I was with a guy once before, a long time ago, but he wasn’t important to me and I chalked it down to an experience. This is different, Curt.”

I turned to face him. I wanted him to know I was being sincere.

“How? Maybe it’s an every-five-year thing? No offense, dude, but there is nothing worse than a straight guy who likes dick once in a while in secret, of course, and then pretends he wouldn’t stick his pole anywhere near another dude if they were the last two horny, able-bodied people left on the planet.”

“Fuck you, Curt. I am not like that. You know me.”

“I do. I think I do. I know you’re a good guy and you’re my friend. I’m just trying to understand.”

“I can’t explain. I met him at that dance club last year. Remember? Dave and Jase and I went with you.”

“Yeah, I remember. And I remember meeting him again at that bar a couple weeks later. I know who he is.”

“What the fuck does that mean? What do you mean you know who he is?”

“Down, boy. I’m just saying this is a small gay community, relatively speaking, and Aaron isn’t exactly a wallflower. I’m not suggesting he’s not a great guy, but I do wonder what the fuck you expect from him. Ideas? Do you want a boyfriend?”

“A boyfriend? Geez, man. I don’t know. I don’t know how to categorize or say what I want, because honestly, I don’t know.” There went the last of my high. Crash, burn, bam. Damn Curt. It was a good question. Aaron asked the same thing in his own way. He didn’t say it in so many words, but I understood that he questioned my motivation. What about me? I knew I wanted Aaron. I wanted to talk to him, be with him, listen to his stories, kiss him, touch him, and yeah, I really wanted to fuck him. What then? Did I want a boyfriend? I’d never considered it before now.

“Never mind. I do know. Yes. I want him. I want everything with him. No hesitation. Right now I’ll take what I can get. He wants to go slow, so I’ll go slow, but the truth…. The real truth, Curt, is that I want whatever label makes it so that I get to be the guy he calls first for any and every thing. I want to be someone to him. Does that make any sense at all?”

“You’re serious? Are you in love with him or something?”

“Why do you go straight to the L-word? It’s too soon to say shit like that. And I sure as fuck don’t want to scare him away. But man, Curt. I can’t breathe around him sometimes. I just want to stare at him. He’s so fucking beautiful. And he’s funny and sweet. I love his laugh and yeah, I love being with him. That’s all I got right now.”

“That’s a lot, man. More than most.”

Curt looked a little shaken by my speech. I noticed neither of us had taken our jackets off since we’d entered the apartment. I slid mine off my shoulder, hung it up, and went to the kitchen to grab a couple beers.

“It’s all the crap that comes along with this that freaks me out, but I’m going to try not to overthink. I feel like I’ve been going through the motions for way too long and I finally
feel
, you know? I’m not giving this up.”

“I wish you the best. You know that, right?” I nodded and thanked him. “Does this mean you’re ‘coming out’?” Yes, he did air quotes.

“I guess. Aaron is out, and I don’t think he ever knew what a closet was, other than a place to store clothes, so yeah, if I want him, I have to be honest and open about it. I’m not going to lie and tell you that doesn’t terrify me a little, actually a lot, but… I think he’s worth it. I just need to go slow too.”

“I’m not suggesting he isn’t worth it, but let me ask the question you don’t want to… what if it doesn’t work out? Still worth it?”

“I think if I just make it about being honest, with myself and the people who care about me, then the answer is yes. If it doesn’t work out, I still need to be able to say I was honest and I went for it. All I can do is try.”

“Well, cool. So, do we get to meet him officially sometime, then?”

“Absolutely. Just let me work on convincing him I’m what he wants before you scare him away.” Curt flipped me off, took a swig of the beer I’d brought him, and finally took his jacket off.

I
HAD
arranged to meet Aaron and his friends on Sunday, at what Aaron claimed to be the very best of the best french toasteries in all of DC. Plus he claimed the mimosas were to die for. I was pretty sure there was no such thing as a french toastery, but I took the hint that it was what he would be ordering and if I had a brain, I would do the same. I’d have to ask him about the exception he was making regarding his carb intake. I remember him insisting on a vegetable-laden egg white omelet last time we ate breakfast together.

Sunday turned out to be a true winter day. The sky was gray when I left Georgetown and seemed to get darker the closer I got to the bistro where I was meeting Aaron. The weatherman called for snow by early afternoon. It seemed like a safe prediction to me. I was dressed in full winter gear, complete with a beanie cap, in preparation for the elements. I was born and raised in a state where a winter storm is something to be taken seriously. DC is technically the South (which I believe every humid summer without fail), and the winters have proven mild while I’d lived here. Somehow I couldn’t shake the habit of preparing for wicked weather, even when I was sure we’d get a couple flurries and that would be that.

I unraveled my thick wool knit scarf, searching the small French-modern interior of the restaurant for Aaron and his friends as I made my way toward the hostess desk. I was chilled and more than a little grateful the bistro was warm. Aaron spotted me and waved me over to a table situated near a corner window. There were two extraordinarily good-looking men sitting with him. Jay and Peter. Geez, he hadn’t mentioned they were hot.

I admit to being a little nervous about meeting these particular friends of Aaron’s. I knew these were people who mattered to him. I couldn’t help feeling self-conscious as I approached the table.

All three stood at once. Aaron gave me one of his glorious smiles in greeting. I felt myself begin to relax when he grabbed my hand and leaned forward to kiss me softly on the lips. God, he tasted sweet. I could taste the champagne on his lips. I smiled down at him and then turned as he began a flurry of introductions, his hands flying in time with his words.

“Matty, this is Jay, my best of all best friends. And Peter, Jay’s partner, lover, boyfriend, whatever you want to call it… also my friend, probably because he’s stuck with me. And guys, this is Matt.”

Funnily enough, it sounded to me as though I wasn’t the only one nervous here. Aaron’s intro was certainly his style, but a little more manic than normal, which made me think he wanted them to like me too. The thought made me smile. He did care. Cool.

I shook hands with both men before taking my seat next to Aaron, who was busily calling the waiter over to order another round of mimosas. Another round? Peter groaned and reminded Aaron he was working that afternoon. He called the waiter back to cancel his second mimosa, ordering coffee instead. I took advantage of the diversion to study him and Jay.