Better Off Friends (3 page)

“W
hat if I got my hair cut?”

It was such a simple question Levi asked, but he had no idea what a what-if question did to me. It was a game I played with myself often. I had been doing it a lot that summer before eighth grade.

What if I hadn’t been the one to show Levi around on his first day of school?

What if I hadn’t seen his
KEEP CALM AND BLIMEY ON
button and opened up a conversation to see what else we had in common?

What if Uncle Adam had never mentioned Wednesday nights to Levi’s mom?

What if his mom wasn’t always around when I needed her?

But that’s the thing with the what-if game — you really can never know the answer to the question. And maybe it’s better that way.

Because underneath the surface what-ifs are much worse ones.

What if you hadn’t forgotten your science book that day?

What if it hadn’t been raining?

What if the other driver hadn’t been texting?

What if Mom had paused for even three seconds before leaving that day?

What if?

“Ah, Macallan?” Levi waved his hand in front of my face. “What do you think?”

Levi removed the elastic from his hair and it fell a few inches down his back. “I feel like I need a new start for eighth grade.”

I shrugged. “Might be nice.”

“Even a few of my buddies back home have finally cut their hair.”

Back home
.

I noticed that even though Levi had been here for nearly a year, and his parents had no plans to move back to California, he kept referring to California as “back home.” Like he hadn’t fully been able to accept that this was now his home.

“So?” Levi asked.

It was then that I realized that he had walked us to the hair salon at the mall.

“Right now?”

He hesitated for a few beats. “Why not?”

Twenty minutes later, he was seated in a chair, his hair back in its familiar ponytail. The stylist grabbed it and then worked her scissors across. And in a few short seconds, the ponytail came loose.

Levi’s hands went directly to the back of his head. “So crazy.” His voice sounded a little distant, like he couldn’t believe it himself.

The stylist then handed me the hair. I studied it, thinking about how long he’d been growing it out. About how Levi had this whole other life before I met him. It hit me then about what it must’ve been like to really start over.

In some ways, I felt like I’d had to start over after the accident. But I still woke up in the same bed, went to the same school, had the same friends. There was something reassuring about waking up and knowing you were home. Hopefully, Levi would get to the point where he would feel like this was home to him.

I watched transfixed as more of Levi’s hair came cascading down around his chair. The stylist didn’t talk much, concentrating on the angles of his hair. When she was done cutting and styling, she turned Levi’s chair around and he faced me. I hardly recognized him. His hair was now only about an inch long at the top and appeared darker, more dirty blond, probably since his “newer” hair hadn’t seen much sun.

“What do you think?” Levi asked, eyes wide.

“I like it.” I really did, even if it was the same haircut most of the guys in school had.

“Really?” He was staring at himself in the mirror. “You really like it?”

“Yes.” I came over and couldn’t help but run my fingers through it. “It’s so short, but it looks nice on you.”

Levi trembled at my touch, probably not used to having anything or anyone be so close to his neck.

He jumped out of the chair. “Let’s go do something.”

“Um, I thought we
were
doing something. We’re at the mall.”

He groaned. “You know that’s not what I meant. Let’s go play mini golf or go to the park or do something.”

I glanced at my watch. “I can’t. I have to get everything ready for tonight.”

His shoulders sank down in defeat. “Okay. But Mom’s really insisting on bringing something. And she only gets annoyed at
me
when I say you don’t need anything.”

“I don’t want her to bring anything. This is my supper for you guys, a thank-you to your family for everything and a celebration for us that school’s starting next week.”

He shook his head. “You’re the only person who gets excited that school’s starting. Haven’t we had an awesome summer?”

It
had
been a great summer. But I still craved the discipline the school year gave me.

I still needed the distractions.

I knew Dad was only trying to help, but I had everything planned down to the minute. I’d taken some cooking classes at the Y over the summer and had been getting better at it. I was making the salad while the lasagna was baking in the oven.

“You sure you don’t need anything?” he asked for the seventh time.

“Seriously, Dad, I’ve got it. Please go do something, anything. Go watch TV with Adam.”

He chuckled. “You sound exactly like your mother.” It was the first time he’d mentioned Mom without getting sad. Instead, he was laughing. Of course, he was laughing
at
me, but I didn’t have time to get upset about it. I had garlic bread to toast.

Luckily, the doorbell saved me, and Dad went to let Levi and his parents in. I heard a scattering of their greetings.

“Smells amazing!” Mrs. Rodgers greeted me in the kitchen. “I don’t want to be in your way at all; I only wanted you to know that it all smells delicious.”

Dad followed her with a bottle of wine in his hand, most likely a gift from Levi’s parents. Then I saw Levi and almost didn’t recognize him with his new haircut. It took me a second to realize he had flowers in his hand. His dad came behind him and gestured.

“Oh, yeah,” Levi said, taking the cue. “Um, for the chef.” He handed me the flowers, his cheeks ruddy from embarrassment.

“Thanks!” I hastily grabbed them.

Levi’s dad winked at Mrs. Rodgers before giving me a hug. I was especially honored that Dr. Rodgers could make it. He worked such long hours, he usually didn’t make it home in time for supper at his own house.

I shooed them all out of the kitchen so I could finish the meal. I couldn’t help but smile when their voices and laughter drifted into the kitchen. It was nice to have joyful noise fill the house again. Every once in a while, I’d hear Adam groan and knew that Levi was trash-talking about the upcoming football season. You’d think he’d learn to keep his affinity for the Bears on the down low in Packers country.

The timer on the oven dinged just as I put the salad on the dining room table. We hadn’t eaten there since my tenth birthday. There hadn’t been much reason to celebrate or break out the good china in a while.

I looked over the table one last time before calling them in, making sure everything was in place. I felt my chest swell with pride as everybody came in and made a fuss.

Once everybody dug in, quiet fell over the table, except for the occasional compliment on the salad. I then served the lasagna with garlic bread before bringing out the chocolate cake I’d made for dessert.

“Cake, too!” Mrs. Rodgers patted her slim waist. “I’m glad I signed up for back-to-back spin class tomorrow morning!”

“Oh,” I said, “the cake’s only from a box. I haven’t started taking any baking courses yet.”

Her eyes got wide. “Honey, this is all amazing. I now feel like I need to up my game next time you come over for dinner.”

I wanted to get up and hug her. Sitting around the table with everybody together made me realize how much I missed moments like that. I had forgotten what it was like to enjoy a meal together as a family. We’d gotten into the habit of making sandwiches or ordering in. We needed to have the TV on to fill in the silence. Because sometimes silence speaks much louder than words possibly could.

It was then that I knew this would be the first of many family meals we’d have together. I wanted to start a tradition with this new, growing family. Sure, the Rodgerses and I weren’t related, but family doesn’t have to be blood relations only. I think family is more a state of mind.

“You know, that reminds me.” Dad put his finger in the air. “I’ve been meaning to have a conversation about the school year. I’m fine with Macallan being dropped off here on Wednesday, or any day really. She’s been babysitting around the neighborhood and spending a lot of time here by herself during the summer, so she doesn’t have to come over to your house.”

Both Levi and I exchanged a look. I was pretty sure it was the same look, or at least I hoped it was. I liked going to his house and hanging out with him and his mom. I didn’t like coming home to a house that was empty of people, yet full of memories.

Dad continued. “I think I’ve been a little overprotective. Our little girl is almost in high school. I can’t believe it.” Dad’s eye drifted to a spot on the wall right behind me. I didn’t need to turn around. I knew what was there: a photo of my parents’ first dance on their wedding day. Dad had said something funny to my mom, because they were both laughing.

“But we love having Macallan over,” Mrs. Rodgers said. I immediately felt better. “Right, Levi?”

I found myself holding my breath. I knew Levi wanted to make some more guy friends, but I hoped that wouldn’t mean we couldn’t still hang out. We talked about things that I couldn’t with my girl friends. I liked not always obsessing over boys or what we were wearing the next day. Levi and I talked about real things. And he made me laugh more than anybody had been able to do in years.

Levi looked straight at my dad. “It wouldn’t be the same without her, Mr. Dietz.”

I was so relieved to hear his response that my eyes began to burn. I got up and started clearing the table. Levi did the same. Once we set the plates down on the counter in the kitchen, he gave me that crooked smile of his.

“Dude, that was close. Blimey if I’d know what to do without you.”

I felt the exact same way.