Betrayals in Spring (3 page)

“I get it, Althea. Nothing is the same. Not you, not me. Certainly not us.” His gaze flicks to Pax again, almost as though he can’t help it.

My body almost rips in two, half wanting to shake sense into Lucas and the other part dying to step into his arms and beg him to see that we can still figure this out—that just because things have changed doesn’t have to mean they’re
gone
.

While the halves of me struggle to come to terms with the fact I can do neither, I close my eyes and count to ten. When I open them, the sorrow in Lucas’s eyes almost makes me soften.

I push it aside and point at Pax. “He’s lying here fighting for his life, Lucas. He’s one of us, and we need him. More than that, he’s my friend. He saved my life, and I saved his, and together we survived.”

Lucas says nothing, but uncrosses his arms. His shoulders slump. “He came to get me, too.”

“Yes. And right now there’s a chance the Others could get information from Pax while he’s unconscious. I’m going to explain it to you, but I need to you trust me, okay?” I want to ask if he remembers how. A few months ago the second part of that statement would have been unnecessary.

Pained realization flickers and he nods. The temperature in the room lowers a noticeable amount, leaving me to wonder what emotion attacks him so forcefully. It hurts all over again that it’s not written on his face.

I take a deep breath and plunge in. “Remember how Cadi told us about the hive, and the tunnels? How the Others are connected all the time, and the Prime controls their minds?” I give him the short version of how Fire found my alcove and would push through my natural defenses to communicate with me, and an even shorter account of what happened last winter when Zakej found me, too. “But since Pax has no defenses now, if they find his mind alcove—his sinum—they’ll be able to just
know everything
.”

For some reason, none of this information seems to shock Lucas, who sits listening to my crazy tale of brain tunnels and mental alcoves that feel like real places. It’s not going to help his understanding to tell him about the torture sessions Zakej subjected me to in the hive mind, so I leave it out, figuring this is enough to deal with at once. Maybe he’s still processing, or simply doesn’t believe me. “Lucas, I know it sounds wild, but I swear—”

“I believe you.” He says this with a slight smile, not big enough to show me his dimple.

It leaves me a little breathless anyway, though that could also be the desperate explanation I just wheezed out. “You do?”

“Sure. I’ve been to my own sinum several times. With my father.”

CHAPTER 3.

It’s like Lucas suddenly speaks a strange, incomprehensible language. If he knows about the sinums, and his father has been meeting him in the tunnels, then…

“Lucas, you can’t do that anymore. It’s how the Others found me. They followed Fire.”

My voice catches on her name, a reaction from my poor heart that still doesn’t know for sure if my mother betrayed me on purpose or simply didn’t take enough precautions. Our Element parents, with the exception of Earth—Deshi’s father—helped us escape Portland. It should count in their favor, but they’re still Others, still the enemy, even if I can maybe believe they’re the lesser of two bad things. If what happened with Fire proves anything, it’s that we can’t let our guard down.

“I know. My dad told me what Zakej did to you.” Storm clouds gather behind his eyes and lightning flashes, shaking my limbs with the cold air that follows. “If he had told me in time I wouldn’t have let them hurt you like that.”

His gaze, rough and contemptuous, flicks to Pax again. Maybe part of Lucas’s anger stems from the idea that Pax didn’t take good enough care of me, not that he’s jealous of our relationship. The sentiment warms and prickles at the same time. I love the way Lucas’s protective nature makes me feel safe, but I don’t need to be shielded from everything. Pax understands I can take care of myself, and he’s never babied me. It made me believe I’m as strong as either of them.

Memories of the Observatory Pod, of watching Kendaja kiss Ko until his brain slid onto the floor, work a shudder through me.

Maybe I’m stronger than the boys are.

“Lucas, nothing that happened to me was Pax’s fault. He did what he had to do, and so did I.”

“He should have done a better job.”

Pain and impotence vibrate from Lucas, and telling him not to care about the agony I’ve endured seems like a silly thing. No matter how angry he feels right now, how hurt or betrayed, my life means a great deal to him.

He lets me pick up his hand and squeeze. “I’m okay. Truly.”

He swallows hard, swiping a thumb over my knuckles. “I know I’ve said this before, but I’m relieved to see it with my own eyes.”

The room flickers and dims, disappearing around us as Lucas stares at me with that smile, those hungry eyes, as though he wants to touch me to make sure I’m real. A familiar but still thrilling realization dawns then—he’s going to kiss me. As much as the butterflies flapping in my stomach and my heart shout
yes
, a small but insistent voice in my ear warns against it.

He knew Zakej had you in the hive and did nothing
, it hisses.
And still he thinks the Others aren’t so bad
.

I drop his hand and move back, biting my lip at the injured surprise in his eyes.

“So, how did Apa know what happened? And why did he continue to put you in danger like that if he knew what happened to Fire and me?” The questions tumble out, more of an attempt to distract us both from the almost-kiss than anything.

“After that happened to you, he realized we don’t know how to protect our minds while we’re not focused, and he showed me. Together we made a pretty much indestructible barrier to my alcove.” Pride and something else—determination, maybe—steels Lucas’s eyes.

The never-ending worry that we can’t trust our parents kicks my gut over and over, but instinct says that with whatever happened between Lucas and his father last season, he won’t be open to listening to disparaging remarks. Not yet.

And I’m not convinced Water didn’t know what was happening with me until it was too late to help. Part of me wonders if he wants to keep Lucas to himself.

Still, his statement intrigues me, whether it stems from days spent with Apa or not. “How did you do it? Protect your sinum?”

“It’s like how I borrowed your power in Portland. It flowed between my father and me and created this perfect barrier of ice at least ten feet thick. What’s really cool is that it allows the two of us to pass through, so he could still meet me to talk.”

“What did you talk about?”

He pauses so long that it gives the distinct impression that he doesn’t want to tell me. “There’s a lot he can’t tell us because of the thing where the Others can’t reveal the secrets to their survival. But he did share our Elemental legacy, more than what the Others teach us, and some of what the Elements do on Earth to control the climate.”

Fear blossoms, darkening the edges of my vision for a moment, but I blink it away. Maybe Lucas’s visits with his father have confused him. That’s likely what Apa intended. But does it mean I can’t trust Lucas? Not in the sense that he would betray me to the Others, but in the sense that he may no longer be willing to fight for humanity.

My mind clenches around the idea, trying to force it loose. I can’t know for sure, and as much as it hurts, the problems between us are going to have to wait.

Focus returns, grabbing on to the one thing that matters more than anything else. “We have to go into the hive. You can show me how to make the barrier and we can make sure they can’t get at Pax, if they find him.”

“Okay.”

The quick acquiescence takes me aback, although it shouldn’t. He might blame Pax for keeping me away last winter, and he might be confused about our parents, but our immediate safety trumps those things.

I take a deep breath and pat the floor next to me. “Come here.”

The fresh coolness of him calms my overheated nerves. Lucas gives me a sideways smile, raising an eyebrow. “How do we go together? I’ve never done that.”

“Pax and I went once. We hold hands and share a little bit of energy, focus on where we want to go. That’s all.” I haven’t considered how we’ll get where we intend. I’ve never had more than one choice. “We should try to land in your sinum, not mine. The Others have been working at getting through my wall.”

Lucas’s hand tightens on mine almost painfully. “We’ll figure out how to fix it. I promise.”

“Yeah, but not today. I can still protect myself well enough. Pax is defenseless.” He meets my eyes and we agree in silence. “Close your eyes, focus on your sinum. I’m just going to try to follow you.”

Wolf cocks his head at us, his clear eyes asking a question. “We’ll be back, Wolf. You keep an eye on Pax, okay?”

He chuffs like he’s agreeing with me, which makes me smile through the nerves splintering my confidence. I focus on the bitter, steady flow of energy from Lucas’s hand around mine. A picture of the hive steadies in my mind—packed dirt walls, shallow alcoves, endless twists and branches—and then we’re there.

And I’m alone.

Tunnels stretch in every direction. In front of me a milky, opaque wall reaches top to bottom, left to right, covering this particular sinum. The substance nearly freezes to my palm. It’s ice, which means this is Lucas’s alcove, but he’s not here.

Panic races through my blood like fire, but before it turns my insides to ashes, Lucas steps through the wall. As though it’s not even there.

“How did you do that?”

“Don’t know. It’s like walking through a waterfall. You mean you can’t get in?”

I put a hand against the ice for a split second, demonstrating its solidity.

“Huh. Must be because it’s mine? And Apa and I built it, so he can get in and out too.” He smiles. “Nice to know it works on everyone.”

The fact that he doesn’t refer to Water as “Dad” relaxes me a little, at least on the inside. Outside, every muscle winds into a tight ball. We’re here. The problem is, how are we going to find Pax? The Others have undoubtedly been searching for weeks—maybe longer—without success. And then the answer dawns on me. “We have to go back to the cabin.”

“What? We just got here!” His eyes ask if I’ve lost my mind.

Maybe I have, but we’re not going to get anywhere but caught wandering around in here alone. “We’ll never find him like this. If we go back, try to follow Pax from the start, it might work.”

Instead of arguing, Lucas reaches out a hand, takes mine, and the two of us close our eyes. I picture the cabin, Wolf in front of the fire, Pax stretched out on the sofa.

When the real world spins into focus, Lucas has already picked up Pax’s free hand, holding it loosely. At least we agree on not wasting any time.

“How do we do this with him asleep?”

I chew on the inside of my cheek, thinking. We have no idea what we’re doing, really, and it’s a miracle we’ve figured out this much. Can we follow an unconscious Pax? Is it enough to imagine the words
Pax’s sinum
and not be able to picture it?

There’s no way to know, but ever since the autumn, when a few shouted words in my head led to the Wardens disposing of Mrs. Morgan, I’ve learned not to underestimate the power of the brain. Particularly ours, formed by the combination of two species who never should have met.

“I don’t know. How about we both think about wanting to get to Pax’s alcove?”

“We can try pulling and pushing some power through our hands, too. It might make us more connected, and since he’s not aware, his consciousness is probably in the hive.”

As many times as I’ve entered the strange tunnels that connect the minds of all Others, the concept as a whole eludes me. Part of us lives there, like the way pieces of our brains that tell us to breathe or to smile when we’re happy. When we’re sleeping, the part of my mind that’s still aware curls up in that sinum. But how we’re able to force our minds to kind of collapse, to fold in on reality enough to find our way there on purpose—
that
makes no sense.

So grabbing hands, pushing and pulling energy, and focusing on silent words seems to be as good a plan as any. If it doesn’t work, maybe I can try to pick up his scent or something. Like Wolf can do with a rabbit.

The idea stretches my mouth into a grin, which makes Lucas tip his head like Wolf does while trying to puzzle out my words, and the whole thing gives me a fit of giggles. I shake my head, calming down and refusing to explain such a ridiculous train of thought. “It’s nothing. I’m nervous, I think. Let’s give it a try.”

On one side, Lucas’s familiar touch chills my palm, reaching into the soft spaces between my fingers. Pax’s hand lies limp, a cooler temperature than mine but not as noticeable, and I squeeze it tight as though holding on to his body will somehow drag his mind along for the ride.

I blow out a breath, focusing on Pax as best as I can, letting the heat in my middle climb upward, drip down my arms, and enter my hands. I open up, imagining my body as the string between Lucas’s and my cup phones last autumn, and feel his power slide in beneath my fingernails, swirl through me until the scent of pine wriggles into my nose and there’s a strange hot-cold combination flowing through my blood. The smell of sweet jasmine tinges the back of my tongue, but I’m not sure we’re doing something right until a faint hint of apples and cinnamon flickers, like kindling trying to catch in a brand new fire. Shock wants to force open my eyes but I resist, keeping my concentration. It’s enough that Pax is in there, that he feels us somehow.