Betrayals in Spring (11 page)

And weaknesses.

I think of the Native Americans and wonder what they would think of now, if they could have seen into the future. Certain humans had been bad enough to commit those crimes we learned about traveling west, but surely after all of these years people had learned from their mistakes.

We shove the books and Johnny Cash out of the way to make room for the first map. It’s been folded in perfect creases, and takes up over half of the coffee table with its width. The one we found before showed the Sanctioned Cities—along with several more places that had been foreign to us—but this one is more confusing. There are seven land masses interrupted by vast expanses of blue. These are not lakes or rivers. The blue stretches forever, and I know they are oceans like the one near Portland. I never imagined that water could stretch so far.

We try to make sense of the thing for a while, to find a place to get our bearings and start from, but soon frustration curls my fingernails into my palms. I rummage through Pax’s bag until I find the previous map, and smooth it out next to the new one to see if anything looks familiar.

I’m starting to believe they can’t both depict Earth when I spot a long, extended shape that matches on the maps. On the one we took from the Cell, it’s marked as
Florida
. On this new one, it’s not marked at all but appears to be part of a place called the
United States of America
, in an even bigger area titled
North America
.

I stab my finger at the word
America
; it triggers a memory. “Cadi said when the Others first came they sent the Elements to four corners, and that my mother came here, to America. I bet it’s where my dad was from.”

So much time has passed since that night in the woods, months, and Cadi dumped so much information into my brain I can’t recall all of the details. At the time I thought we’d have another chance to talk to her, another opportunity to ask questions and let it all sink in, but we didn’t.

And when Lucas ran in to the Observatory Pod with Pax a few weeks ago, I believed he and I would never have to be apart again.

I’m starting to realize that nothing is ever for sure, that a tomorrow will arrive or that it will look the way I expect it to. It’s best to live the current day for all it’s worth. In that regard, I regret not letting Lucas kiss me until my lips fell off the other evening no matter how unsure he seems or how scared the potential of no future makes me.

A glance Pax’s way finds him staring at me, an indecipherable expression hanging on his olive complexion. I clear my throat, trailing my finger across the strange names and plucking bits of memories from my mind. “This is where Cadi said Lucas’s father met his mom—France. I can’t remember what she said about Deshi.”

“What about my mom? Do you remember what Cadi said about where she met Vant?” Pax asks, fingers curling around the edges of the coffee table.

I frown, squinting at the map. More of Cadi’s explanation returns from the recesses of my mind and helps me narrow down my search. If the Others sent the Elements to four quadrants, Deshi and Pax’s parents must be from opposite sides, far away from America and France.

A moment later, the word
Brazil
sticks out and I poke my finger onto the paper. “There. Brazil, that’s what she said.”

My heart climbs into my throat as I watch him stare at the place where his mother lived, where he might have grown up if things were different. The map tells us nothing about those separate places we might have grown up—what they smell like, if they’re hot or cold, whether mountains or endless plains stretch across the landscape. Cadi said people only live in America now. I wonder what’s left of all those other places, or if they’re simply untouched and abandoned.

If we fail, no one will ever see them again. I want Pax to see Brazil, but for now, that I made him smile with that bit of knowledge will have to do.

He looks up and sees me watching him, and what I’ve come to recognize as desire floods his bright eyes. Instead of immediately shoving it away, Pax’s way of dealing with it last winter, it wells up and overflows, drowning me in its strength. I can’t breathe; Pax’s chest rises and falls too rapidly in the quiet room. My feelings for Lucas don’t make me immune to a handsome boy staring at me like that.

I jerk my gaze away. “I’m, um, going to see if I can find any more maps that might tell us where we are now.”

Pax tugs on his hair with one hand and rubs Wolf’s belly, a quiet resignation falling around him that hurts my heart. “Okay. Too bad every map doesn’t come with a magic ‘You Are Here’ button, huh?”

The humor falls flat, smothered by the unreleased tension crowding the space between us, and I escape as far as possible. In the back of the cabin is the den-type room Pax explored before, but he did too good of a job and I find nothing else. In a spare bedroom, though, I find a contraption on the desk that pulls my attention. It’s black and smooth, with buttons on the top and either end of the front covered with mesh. The back has a spot for batteries, but it’s empty.

I push the buttons to see if anything will happen, and a door pops up on the top. Inside is a flat, silver disc with little lines, just like the one in Lucas’s note holder and like the one with
Johnny Cash
on the cover that Pax found earlier.

“Cool!” I grab the thing by its handle and drag it back into the living room, where Pax is still poring over the wrinkled maps on the coffee table.

He looks up when I pad into the room, my step quicker than when I left. Relief cools my heated cheeks and settles my stomach when nothing flickers in his eyes except interest at the item in my hand. “What’s that?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it makes the silver discs work.” I set the contraption down on the end table by the couch and head to the kitchen, where the cabin’s previous owner kept an entire drawer filled with batteries. I grab the ones that look like the right size, then return to the living room and fill the empty compartment.

A light comes on next to the buttons, signaling that the thing still works. Pax abandons the maps and scoots next to me, watching as I press a couple of buttons to see what happens.

When I push down the third one, which has a triangle on it, sound emerges and pumps through the room. It’s so loud I can’t hear myself think. Wolf looks up with alarm.

“Turn it off,” Pax yells loudly enough to be heard over the din.

“I don’t know how!”

I push more buttons with my left hand, and my right on lands on a knob that swivels to the left, immediately softening the noise. “There.”

“Much better.” Pax cocks his head to the side, looking like Wolf for a moment. “What is it?”

I start to shrug, then recall the memory Cadi walked Lucas and I through, the one that took place the night our Element parents learned of their Partners’ deaths. “Oh. It’s called…balls. Cadi told me, but I can’t remember. Lucas’s father made it once while we were in a memory.”

We listen for a moment, and the sound shifts and changes, from fast and happy to slow and moody, back again. I like it both ways. The fast one makes me want to move around, and slow one draw out my emotions and rub against them until they’re raw. “Oh! Music! That’s what Cadi called it.”

“Music. I like it.” Pax smiles at me, then goes back to reading his maps.

I turn the music lower still, until it’s a steady undercurrent but not distracting, and turn the second map to face me. Pax still pores over the page in front of him.

I get impatient and slide over to peruse it, too, risking getting closer to Pax again, letting his warm, autumn scent fill my lungs. After a moment I spot Rapid City on the map. “There!”

“Wow. We were kind of close to it on our westward hike. I wonder what’s there?”

“Maybe Deshi.” I chew on the tip of my finger, ripping the skin around the nail. “But how are we supposed to figure out where we are now?”

Pax yawns and stretches, and despite all of my mental urgings not to look, I can’t help but sneak a peek to see if his tanned stomach is visible. His eyes sag; he still tires easily and I know his wound isn’t healed all the way, even though he takes care of it himself now and won’t let me near it.

“I’m beat, Summer. Let’s hit the hay and try to puzzle this out in the morning.”

“Yeah. Okay.” The last thing I am is tired, but Pax needs to rest and I know he won’t want to go to sleep if he thinks I want to stay up talking.

Over the next fifteen minutes we take turns in the cleansing room brushing our teeth. I wash my face and untangle my hair while Pax lets Wolf outside for the last time tonight. I’m an expert at the fire by now, and settle it for the night so that it won’t go out but won’t be too big, either.

Pax crawls into the recliner, Lucas’s usual spot, and all of the worry and missing him that I’ve been studiously ignoring for the past several hours crashes around me. Before Pax can see, I roll onto my side on the couch, away from his gaze.

The selfish part of me hopes the Others will show Lucas their true colors, remind him that with me is where he wants to be. His harsh words from earlier scroll through my head. He wants to make his own decisions, and as much as I want to tell him what to do because I believe it’s right, the decision is Lucas’s to make.

It’s the same lesson he needs to learn about me—and I think together we can be an even stronger team if we can find a way to trust one another again. But that small voice in the back of my mind whispers that right now Lucas doesn’t know what’s right. The suggestion breaks my heart, pumping pain through my arteries to my veins and back again in an endless loop.

Pax’s light snores waft over the occasional pop from the fire, and Wolf’s aren’t far behind. An idea snags its fingernails in my mind. Giving in to it would be as dangerous as taking Fire’s advice, but once I start thinking about it, I can’t stop.

I could go to my sinum. It’s safe; the Others can’t get inside. From what Greer said, some of the half-Others like Cadi might be able to get through, but none of the half-breeds have presented a threat in the past. If no one is there, if they’ve given up on trapping me since we built the wall or they’re all too busy dealing with the crisis Apa created, I might be able to sneak around and eavesdrop.

Overhear how things are going with Lucas. Reassure myself he’s okay.

No. It’s too risky. I force my eyes closed, but they pop back open as if they’re on springs. My heart beats faster as I inch toward giving in, just a quick in an out to make myself feel better. It would be smarter to ask Pax to come along, but he’d only remind me how stupid I’m being and then I’d have to agree not to go.

And spend who knows how many days wondering if Lucas is okay.

In the end, I close my eyes and open them to see my alcove before I even realize my decision has been made. The poor battered trunk filled with our greatest secret sits alone in a dusty corner. Nothing else fills the space but silence, and even with an ear pressed to my impressively powerful barrier, no voices or movements meet my ears.

After waiting several minutes to be sure, I take a tentative step into the hallway.

CHAPTER 9.

“What are you doing here?”

The voice nearly kills me with shock and I stumble away from it, slamming back through my barrier and falling on my rear. Balls, that hurt. I will never understand how things can hurt when they happen inside my head.

After a moment, a low chuckle winds its way into my ears. It sounds familiar, and I stomp back outside, ready to give Griffin a piece of my mind. “Why do you insist on being such a tricky little sucker?”

“I can’t help my nature, Althea. Now, what are you doing here?”

“This is
my
sinum. What are
you
doing here?” I retort.

For a second it looks like he might tell me, and my gut says there’s an actual answer that’s probably a great deal more interesting than the shrug he decides on instead.

“Just taking a stroll, that’s all.”

“In your mind?” I put my hands on my hips, block his path. “Come on, Griffin. Aren’t we past all of this game playing?”

He surprises me by reaching out, wrapping one strong arm around my waist, and yanking me against him. His free hand slips into mine, and he starts whirling around the room while my feet stumble to keep up. Without any notice he pushes me a little ways away, then twirls me around with our clasped hands high in the air. It takes a few seconds of struggling, but I finally free myself from his clutches.

“Would you quit? Let me go!”

His eyes sparkle even as he tries for a hurt expression. “What? You’ve been trying to figure out what the word
dance
means for months now. I’m only trying to be helpful.”

There he goes again with his unsettling ability to know what my friends and I have been discussing when we were supposed to be alone. The word
dance
first came up in Lucas’s note holder, but it’s in some of the books we’ve read, too. In spite of my irritation with Griffin, my interest in his knowledge overshadows it. “That was dancing? What’s the point?”