Best Sex Writing 2012: The State of Today's Sexual Culture (25 page)

CAMILLE DODERO
is a staff writer at the
Village Voice
.

TIM ELHAJJ
’s work has appeared in the
New York Times, Brevity, Guernica
, and other publications. He edits the online journal
Junk: a literary fix
. Tim’s first book,
Dopefiend: A Father’s Journey from Addiction to Redemption,
is forthcoming from Central Recovery Press in October 2011.

ELLEN FRIEDRICHS
is a health and sexuality educator (and mom) based in New York City, where she teaches high school and college classes and runs
About.com
’s GLBT Teens website. Ellen has contributed to previous editions of
Best Sex Writing
, and has written for
Alternet.org
.
Nerve.com
,
Babble.com
, gURL. com, the
Jewish Daily Forward
, and
Nature Medicine
. Find her at
www.sexEdvice.com
.

ROXANE GAY
’s writing appears or is forthcoming in
Best New Stories from the Midwest 2011, NOON, Cream City Review, Black Warrior Review, Brevity, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency,
The Rumpus, and many others. She is an
HTMLGIANT
contributor, co-edits
PANK
, and her first collection,
Ayiti
, will be released in 2011. She has a website.

LYNN HARRIS
(
www.lynnharris.net
) is an award-winning journalist, author, and novelist, as well as co-creator of the award-winning website
BreakupGirl.net
. She is now the communications specialist for Breakthrough, a transnational organization that creates pop culture to promote human rights.

DR. MARTY KLEIN
is a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist. He is the author of six books about sexuality, including the award-winning
America’s War on Sex
and the forthcoming
Sexual Intelligence: What We
Really
Want from Sex, and How to Get It
. He blogs at
www.MartyKlein.com
.

AMANDA MARCOTTE
is a writer, prominent citizen of the Internet, and feminist gadfly. She has written for Slate,
The American Prospect, Bitch, The Nation
, and Salon, among other publications.

JOAN PRICE
(
www.joanprice.com
) is the author of
Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty
and
Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex
, both from Seal Press. Visit her award-winning blog about sex and aging:
www.NakedAtOurAge.com
.

TRACY QUAN
’s latest novel is
Diary of a Jetsetting Call Girl
. Her debut,
Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl
, is an international best seller. A frequent contributor to The Daily Beast and other publications, she offers advice about love at
ExpertInsight.com
. Her website is
www.TracyQuan.net
.

THOMAS ROCHE
’s first novel,
The Panama Laugh
, is a noir-themed zombie apocalypse. Sadly, his political commentary strays far too often into the same territory. He is a member of the training staff at San Francisco Sex Information. His recent writing can be found at
TinyNibbles.com
,
Techyum.com
, Wri-teSex. Net,
Night-Bazaar.com
, and
Thomasroche.com
.

KEVIN SAMPSELL
is the author of a memoir,
A Common Pornography
(Harper Perennial) and the story collections
Creamy Bullets
(Chiasmus Press) and
Beautiful Blemish
(Word Riot). He lives in Portland, Oregon, and runs the micropress Future Tense Books.

HUGO SCHWYZER
teaches gender studies and history at Pasadena City College. His writing has appeared in the
Guardian
, Jezebel, Alternet, the
Los Angeles Times
, The Frisky, and at the Good Men Project. He is co-author, with Carre Otis, of
Beauty, Disrupted: A Memoir
. He blogs at
www.hugoschwyzer.net
.

KATHERINE SPILLAR
is a founder and executive vice president of the Feminist Majority Foundation. Under her leadership as executive editor of
Ms
. (
www.msmagazine.com
, published by the Feminist Majority Foundation),
Ms.
increased its investigative reporting, winning the prestigious Maggie Award for its investigation into the network of antiabortion extremists connected to the murderer of Dr. George Tiller.

CHRIS SWEENEY
is a freelance journalist who has written for the print and digital versions of
Playboy, Wired, Popular Mechanics,
and
DVM Newsmagazine
, among others. He was awarded a 2011 U.N. Foundation Global Health Journalism Fellowship, and holds a master’s degree in journalism from Northwestern University.

ABBY TALLMER
is a freelance writer from New York’s West Village. “Losing the Meatpacking District: A Queer History of Leather Culture” is dedicated to the memory of Abby’s good friend Saul Rubio, to the many others lost in their prime to AIDS during the first terrible decade of that disease, and to the memory of a New York City that artists could afford to live in.

RACHEL RABBIT WHITE
is a New York City–based journalist writing in the beat of sex and gender. Follow her at
http://rachel-rabbitwhite.com
.

LIDIA YUKNAVITCH
is the author of three books of short stories and a memoir,
The Chronology of Water
(Hawthorne Books, April 2011), as well as the forthcoming novel
Dora: A Head Case
. She has written for The Rumpus,
PANK
, The Nervous Breakdown, as well as regional and national literary journals and anthologies.

About the Editors

SUSIE BRIGHT
(
www.susiebright.com
) is one of the world’s most respected voices on sexual politics, as well as an award-winning and best-selling writer who has edited hundreds of the finest authors working in American literature and progressive activism today. She was a screenwriting consultant on
Bound
,
Erotique
, and
The Celluloid Closet
, and hosts the show “In Bed with Susie Bright” on
Audible.com
. Her most recent book is
Big Sex Little Death: A Memoir
.

RACHEL KRAMER BUSSEL
(
www.rachelkramerbussel.com
) is a prolific author, editor, and blogger. She has edited over 40 books of erotica, including
Best Bondage Erotica 2011
;
Gotta Have It
;
Obsessed
;
Women in Lust
;
Her Surrender
;
Orgasmic
;
Bottoms Up: Spanking Good Stories
;
Spanked
;
Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z
1 and 2;
Fast Girls
;
Smooth
;
Passion
;
The Mile High Club
;
Do Not Disturb
;
Tasting Him
;
Tasting Her
;
Please, Sir
;
Please, Ma’am
;
He’s on Top
;
She’s on Top
;
Caught Looking
;
Hide and Seek
;
Crossdressing
, and
Rubber Sex
. She is the series editor of
Best Sex Writing
and winner of six IPPY (Independent Publisher) Awards. Her work has been published in over one hundred anthologies.

Rachel wrote the popular “Lusty Lady” column for the
Village Voice
and is a sex columnist for
SexisMagazine.com
. Rachel has written for
AVN
,
Bust
,
Cleansheets.com
,
Cosmopolitan
,
Curve
, The Daily Beast, Fresh Yarn,
theFrisky.com
, Gothamist,
Huffington Post
, Mediabistro,
Newsday
, the
New York Post
,
Penthouse
,
Playgirl
,
Radar
, the
San Francisco Chronicle
,
Time Out New York
, and
Zink
, among others. She has appeared on
The Martha Stewart Show
,
The Berman and Berman Show
, NY1, and Showtime’s
Family Business
. She hosted the popular In the Flesh Erotic Reading Series (
www.inthefleshreadingseries.com
), and speaks at conferences, does readings, and teaches erotic writing workshops across the country. She blogs at
www.lustylady.blogspot.com
.

Reprint Acknowledgments

A version of “Criminalizing Circumcision: Self-Hatred as Public Policy,” by Marty Klein, was originally published at Sexual Intelligence (sexualintelligence.wordpress. com). “The Worship of Female Pleasure,” by Tracy Clark-Flory, was originally published at Salon (
Salon.com
), May 21, 2011. “Sex, Lies, and Hush Money,” by Katherine Spillar, was originally published in
Ms.
, Summer 2011 issue. “The Dynamics of Sexual Acceleration,” by Chris Sweeney, was originally published in
Playboy
, January 2011 issue. “Atheists Do It Better: Why Leaving Religion Leads to Better Sex,” by Greta Christina, was originally published at Alternet (alternet. org), May 17, 2011. “To All the Butches I Loved between 1995 and 2005: An Open Letter about Selling Sex, Selling Out, and Soldiering On,” by Amber Dawn, was originally published in
Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme
, edited by Ivan E. Coyote and Zena Sharman (Arsenal Pulp Press, 2011). A version of “I Want You to Want Me,” by Hugo Schwyzer, was published at The Good Men Project (
http://goodmenproject.com/
), February 2011. A version of “Grief, Resilience, and My 66th Birthday Gift,” by Joan Price, was originally published in
Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex,
by Joan Price (Seal Press, June 2011). “Latina Glitter,” by Rachel Rabbit White, was originally published at SexIs Magazine (sex-ismagazine. com). “Dating with an STD,” by Lynn Harris, was originally published (as “Life with an STD”) at Salon (
www.Salon.com
), January 17, 2011. “You Can Have Sex with Them; Just Don’t Photograph Them,” by Radley Balko, was originally published in
Reason
, February 28, 2011. “An Unfortunate Discharge Early in My Naval Career,” by Tim Elhajj, was originally published (as “An Unfortunate Discharge”) in
Guernica
, August 2010. “Guys Who Like Fat Chicks,” by Camille Dodero, was originally published in the
Village Voice
, May 4, 2011. “The Careless Language of Sexual Violence,” by Roxane Gay, was originally published at The Rumpus (
www.therumpus.net
), March 10, 2011. “Men Who ‘Buy Sex’ Commit More Crimes:
Newsweek
, Trafficking, and the Lie of Fabricated Sex Studies,” by Thomas Roche, was originally published at
Tiny Nibbles
(
www.tinynibbles.com
), July 20, 2011. “Taking Liberties,” by Tracy Quan, was originally published in
Marie Claire Malaysia
, June 2011. Reprinted with permission from
Marie Claire Malaysia
(
www.marieclaire.com.my/
). “Why Lying about Monogamy Matters,” by Susie Bright, was originally published in
Susie Bright’s Journal
(
susiebright.blogs.com
), March 8, 2011. “Penis Gagging, BDSM, and Rape Fantasy: The Truth about Kinky Sexting,” by Rachel Kramer Bussel, was originally published at SexIs Magazine (
sexismagazine.com
). “Adrian’s Penis: Care and Handling,” by Adrian Colesberry, was originally published in
How to Make Love to Adrian Colesberry
, by Adrian Colesberry (Gotham, 2011). A version of “Love Grenade,” by Lidia Yuknavitch, was originally published in
The Chronology of Water
, by Lidia Yuknavitch (Hawthorne Books, 2011). “Pottymouth,” by Kevin Sampsell, was originally published in
Fanzine
, 2010.

a

Contrary to popular belief, it’s not me. [January 7, 2009]

Copyright © 2012 by Rachel Kramer Bussel.

Foreword copyright © 2012 by Susie Bright.

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television, or online reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published in the United States by Cleis Press Inc.,
2246 Sixth Street, Berkeley CA 94710.

eISBN : 978-1-573-44771-3

Reprint acknowledgments appear on page 209.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

p. cm.

eISBN : 978-1-573-44771-3

1. Sex--United States. I. Bussel, Rachel Kramer. II. Title: Best sex writing.

HQ18.U5B45 2012

306.70973--dc23