Bent not Broken (21 page)

“Really?”

“Yes. Her name was Jessica. I thought she was the love of my life.”

“What happened?”

“Real life happened,” Arsen shrugs, taking a swig of his beer.

“What do you mean?” I ask as I play with the cool plastic in my hands.

“She died.” A shadow crosses his eyes, and for a moment he looks lost and sad. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like that.

“I’m so sorry…”

“It’s cool. Let’s not talk about it anymore, okay?” he asks dismissively.

“Okay.”

“So, tell me, what was that back at the office? You seriously threw some crazy mixed signals. One moment you were laughing and talking about the baby, and the next you turned into this cold person. Not my Dimples.”

I want to say that I’m not his Dimples, but I let it go.

“It’s just…the first trimester is almost over, and that’s when bad things happen.” I open the bottle and take a small sip of water. “It’s just too much. Sometimes I get these panic attacks. That’s what you saw today.”

“Jesus.” Arsen puts the beer bottle on his coffee table and sits next to me. “Listen, Dimples…I’ve been through hell and back. I know what it’s like to lose what you love the most, but life goes on, and you must not lose hope, you know? Without hope, living can become a fucking nightmare. So, be positive that this pregnancy will work out. And if it doesn’t, well, maybe it wasn’t supposed to be.”

“What are you trying to say? That I’m not meant to be a mother?” I ask hurt.

“Fuck, no. You deserve the same kind of happiness as every woman. But what I’m trying to say is that life has a way to sort itself out. Just have faith.”

Sighing, I rest my head on his shoulder. Suddenly I’m so tired. “It’s more easily said than done, Arsen. It’s just so hard. And…I’m not—”

“Yes?” Arsen prompts me.

“I’m not sure my marriage can handle anything going wrong. It’s been very tough on us. I can’t talk to Ben about it because he just dismisses it and,” I pause when I feel his arm wrap around my own shoulders, “sometimes it’s just hard.”

Arsen leans down and rests his head on top of mine. I want to move away, but I’m too tired and I like his warmth. It’s comforting.

“Go on. I’m listening.”

I sigh. “It’s been better between us, don’t get me wrong, but I’m just worried about the baby. It’s overwhelming not being able to be at peace. To be constantly worrying.” I rub my hands on my skirt. “I have nightmares that I lose the baby and I wake up crying in the middle of the night.”

“Ben doesn’t wake up?” Arsen sounds angry.

“No. I mean, he could, but I usually just go to the bathroom and shut myself inside until I’ve calmed down.”

“Fuck, Catherine, that’s bullshit. You should tell Ben. You shouldn’t suffer in silence like that. It can’t be good for the baby or you.”

“No, it’s okay. And I would rather not bother Ben. I’ve tried talking to him before, but he thinks I’m being too negative, so I just don’t talk to him about it anymore.”

“That’s fucking stupid.”

“Hey, don’t be angry. I’m seriously okay. Besides, it’s my fault if Ben doesn’t know what’s going on with me. I don’t tell him anything. I’ve learned to hide it.”

“I don’t give a shit about that.
I’m just your co-worker, your friend, and I knew something was up. He’s your husband. He should be able to tell.”

“No. Please, stop that. Ben is perfect, he’s the best husband a woman could ask for.”

Arsen laughs bitterly. “If he’s so fucking perfect, how come you’re talking to me and not him?”

I don’t like where this is going. Arsen shouldn’t blame Ben about my issues at all. They are mine. Ben has no fault in this mess.

“I-I think I should go.” I begin to move away from him, but Arsen stops me, grabbing me by the elbow.

“Hey…sorry. Don’t go. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry if I got carried away.”

We stare at each other for a moment.

“Stay.” He lets go of my elbow and grabs my hand, intertwining our fingers. “I promise I won’t say anything about your perfect husband anymore.”

I’m still debating when Arsen lifts our hands and plants a kiss on mine. “Please, I’ll behave. No more Ben bashing.” A smirk appears on his lips.

“Okay. But please don’t talk about Ben like that. I don’t like it. He’s not to blame at all.”

“Boy Scout promise. I’m here for you, Dimples,” he says as he caresses my cheek softly with his free hand.

I can’t help laughing. “Are you sure of that? We’re already fighting, and this is our first heart to heart.”

“Nah. I like feisty. And your eyes look like nothing I’ve ever seen when you’re angry. They are so beautiful.”

“Thank you,” I say as we smile at each other. I can feel heat radiating my face.Arsen gazes at me quietly. “I fucking love that I can do this to you.” He softly touches the crest of my right cheek, “Ben is so damn lucky.”

“I—”

The timer of his stove goes off alerting us that whatever he’s preparing is done cooking, and breaking the intensity and intimate moment we’re sharing. I can’t say that I’m not glad.

Without letting go of my face, Arsen shakes his head and smiles ruefully at me. “Guess it’s time to eat. Ready to be blown away by my culinary skills?”

“I’m starving. At this point, cardboard sounds pretty appetizing,” I say, grinning.

Arsen grins back. “Nah, I can do better than that.”

And just like that, Arsen is back to his usual self.

After he lets go of my hand, he makes his way to the kitchen.

“I hope you’re not allergic to Nutella,” he says, opening and shutting drawers and shelves.

“Nope. I’m not allergic to anything,” I answer as I make my way to the counter that serves as a table and sit down on a high stool.

Arsen places a handmade flat pizza covered in Nutella and slices of banana. It looks and smells delicious. “My specialty.”

“Oh my God. Arsen, this smells so good!” I inhale the sweet aroma of baked bananas and hazelnut.

When I’m finished eating three slices of the delicious pizza, I notice that Arsen hasn’t touched his. “What’s the matter? You haven’t touched your food.”

He’s staring at me with that funny look of his that raises the small hair on my back. “I’m just watching you eat.”

“Um, sorry. I’m starving, and it tastes so good.”

Arsen smiles playfully. “Not as good as you do, I’m sure.”

He pushes his plate to the side, moves forward, and lightly strokes my cheek.

Maybe I should try,” he states simply.

Suddenly, none of this seems friendly. Being alone with him, the flirty banter, his touch...it feels like we’re hanging on by a very thin thread of what’s allowed and innocent, and what’s not.

With an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, I move away from him and stand. “Um, this has been great, but I’ve got to go home.” I make my way to his living room where my coat and handbag are. “Thank you so much for having me over and listening to me. You have no idea how good it has made me feel.”

“Dimples...” He puts his arms on my shoulders, turning me to face him. “I was just teasing. Don’t be scared of me.”

“Um…I-I’m not.”

I lie because what just happened there freaked the hell out of me.

“Cool. So I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at work,” he says as he lets go of my shoulders.

After saying goodbye to Arsen, I make my way home. Taking my cellphone out, I notice it’s almost six in the evening. I can’t believe I was in his apartment for almost five hours and didn’t think once to check the time. Ben hasn’t called which means he’s probably still busy with work.

As I ride the train home, I decide not to tell Ben about my day if he doesn’t ask me for specifics. I don’t want to lie to him again, yet somehow, for the first time since I’ve met Arsen, I feel like I’ve done something wrong.

But how can that be?

We’re just friends, right?

Chapter 14

Walking towards the exit of the building, I give Ben a call to let him know that I’m on my way to the bar to meet Arsen for drinks, even though I won’t be drinking any alcohol. I stayed behind because I needed to get in touch with Beth, Mr. Radcliff’s personal assistant in England.

“I can wait for you. I have to make some phone calls myself. Melissa left me a voicemail telling me she needs me to fly to Paris next weekend with her. Apparently it’s her movie premiere, and she needs me there holding her fucking hand like a kid while she ignores me for the photogs.” He throws his body on the couch, laying flat on his back. His white shirt is now partly unbuttoned, revealing a glimpse of his muscular chest and the outline of his butterfly tattoo.

“That’s incredible! I can’t believe you didn’t know. Her movie has been all over magazines and gossip blogs. You know this is a really big deal, right? People would kill to be there.”

“Well, I’m so damn over her. I don’t know what I was thinking when I got involved with an actress. They are full of shit and drama. The sex is fucking amazing, and she is hot as hell, but I can get that anywhere else. Now, a model may be—”

“Stop! Stop, Arsen,” I laugh. “Too much information. Just last week you said you were trying.”

“Fuck, I did. Didn’t I?” he says, groaning.

“Yep.”

“It isn’t working anymore.”

I grab a pencil and twirl it in my fingers. “Well, whatever you do about Melissa, please don’t do it here. I really need to get in touch with Beth. Why don’t you head over to the bar without me? You can talk to her on your way there.”

Groaning, Arsen gets up from the couch. “Fine. But I would much rather watch you make phone calls than deal with a prima donna. And that’s saying a lot.”

“Go!”

Grudgingly he leaves.

Silly boy.

After the uncomfortable incident in his apartment two days ago, I was worried that things were going to be different between us, but I’m glad they haven’t changed. The next day, Arsen showed up as if nothing happened and continued to be his usual flirty self. It’s great having a friend that you can tell all your secrets without feeling guilty about them. Besides Amy, he’s the only other person who knows how scared I am with the pregnancy.

I stop at the front desk of the building to say good night to Carlos and Frank, the security guards on duty. “Good evening, gentlemen,” I say.

“Good evening, Mrs. Stanwood,” Carlos says in a heavy Spanish accent.

“You look lovely as always, Missus. How is Mr. Stanwood? On your way to meet him for dinner?” Frank asks. Sometimes I find Ben shooting the breeze with Frank down in the lobby when he comes to pick me up. I think they bonded over their love for the New York Mets, or something.

I smile when I see the expectant look in Frank’s eyes. “Not tonight. I’m going to meet Mr. Radcliff’s son for drinks. I’m hoping that Ben will join me there.”

Once I say my goodbyes to the two men, I walk out into the street and immediately get hit with hot and humid air. The kind that makes you break into a sweat without moving a muscle. A typical Manhattan summer night. With my skin feeling clammy with the heat, I decide to take a cab instead of walking to the bar. After getting one and giving the driver the name and address of the bar, I can finally call Ben.

After one ring, I hear my husband’s deep voice on the other line, “Hello wife. I was just about to call you.”

“Hi, babe. I’m sorry to call you so late, but I just left the office. I’m heading to meet Arsen for drinks. Are you working late tonight? I think you should to meet me there so I can finally introduce you to Arsen. We can have a drink and then head over to our favorite Thai place for dinner?”

Ben chuckles. “Babe, anything else?”

I smile into the receiver, tightening my grip on my phone. “I’m doing it again, huh? Sorry. I can’t shut down Bossy Cathy so soon after work.”

“Don’t apologize. I’m teasing you, my sweet darling. I love Bossy Cathy. She and I have a fine relationship. I particularly recall this one morning while the two of us were in the shower and she proceeded to tell me what kind of pressure and speed she liked best in her shower head.”

Oh my God. I do remember that. How could I forget? I can still see Ben’s wet dark form kneeling down on the floor with one of my legs wrapped around his shoulder as he pulled my ass closer to him and…

“I’ll be there around eight. I have one more conference, and then I’ll meet your famous protégé.”

Swallowing hard, I protest. “He’s not my protégé! And that’s perfect. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Yes. I’ve missed you too. How are you feeling?”

“Great, baby. Today was a good day.”

“Perfect. I have some plans of my own for us.”

“Really? May ask what kind of plans, Mr. Stanwood? Will I like them?” I say flirtatiously.

“You really want to know?” he growls back.

“Yes, I’m dying to know. Maybe it’s not that interesting.” I know I’m teasing him, and he loves it. It gets us both hot and bothered.

“I want to throw you on the bed face down, rip your panties off, and fuck you with my fingers until you are begging me to fuck you with my dick. Then I’ll climb on top of you and kiss you from the nape of your neck down your spine, licking away the sweat of your skin until my tongue tastes what’s mine. Only mine,” he says roughly.

“Oh. Is that i-it?” I stutter back. Desire gathers between my legs as my nipples harden.

A satisfied Ben chuckles once more. “Yes. That’s it. Anyway, babe, Kerry just walked in to let me know it’s time for my next conference. Text me the address and name of the bar. Expect me to be there around eight.” His voice is businesslike now.

“O-okay.” I obviously can’t think straight yet.

“Babe?”

“Yes?”

“Tonight,” he growls.

****

Still thinking about Ben, I wait in line to use the bathroom before making my way back to the bar to meet Arsen. Taking my cell phone out, I check for messages to pass the time.

I have two messages. One is from Ben telling me other sorts of naughty things he’d like to do to me tonight, and the second one is from Arsen asking me where I am. I smile and decide not to reply to any of them and put my phone back in my Ferragamo leather bag. Leaning against the wall, I listen to the conversation between the two girls in front of me.