Bent Not Broken (A Cedar Creek #1) (7 page)

I was looking forward to spending time with Mace and Larry and their kids. I felt like I hadn’t seen them or spent quality time with them in a while and I needed to make up for that. Being in their house always gave me a sense of family and contentment. At one time in my life, I had hoped to have that for myself some day, but that dream had died almost ten years ago. Now, these little glimpses of the perfect family life I got when I was with them were something I treasured.

Focusing on the meal and quality time with my friends kept me sane for the rest of the afternoon, until I could close down for the day. It kept my thoughts busy when I wasn’t otherwise occupied.

From the store, I went straight to Macy’s house with a short stop at the liquor store. I stocked up on beer for Larry and me, as well as some liquid courage in the form of Tequila. None of those sweet sissy shots for me that Macy undoubtedly had bought. Straight up Tequila. Most of the times, I wouldn’t even bother with salt or lime. That fact always garnered approving and impressed looks from men when I happened to be at a bar and did shots probably because I had a vagina and most men assumed that vaginas made us like sugary shots and drinks in pink or purple with ridiculous names. Very sexist, if you asked me.

Now that I was getting closer to their house and closer to the time when I had to lay bare my soul, I was getting nervous. My hands started sweating on the steering wheel, and my heartbeat was picking up speed. I hadn’t told anyone what had really happened other than the police. When I was at the hospital, the doctors had alerted the police, who had come in and taken pictures of my injuries and asked questions. One of the officers was female, and she had looked at me with a fierceness in her eyes that had surprised me. I had expected to see pity there, but far from it. She was the one who had talked me into pressing charges against Kyle, to make sure he paid for what he did and would get locked up for a long time. It was scary, but she had been right. He needed to pay. So I had told her everything that had happened.

But since then, seeing as I didn’t have any family, had lost all my friends, and my nana had passed away the year before, I hadn’t talked to anyone about it. I had tried to bury it, to lock it away and start fresh in a new town, where my memories couldn’t haunt me, where nobody knew me. To start fresh with a new set of rules that would protect me from ever making the same mistakes again. I was determined to learn my lesson and move on. But somewhere along the way I was now realizing, I had lost myself. I had closed myself off, had closed my emotions off, and by doing that had deliberately hidden a part of me, even from myself. Betty had made that clear to me. I was living my life and I thought I was content with what I had built for myself, but I was slowly admitting to myself that I wanted more. Even if I couldn’t ever go there again with a man, I needed to learn how to trust people again, especially people who I cared about and who cared about me.

Having arrived at my destination, I parked in front of Macy and Larry’s 70’s craftsman style bungalow, took a few deep breaths to calm my nerves, then grabbed the booze from the passenger seat, exited the truck, and headed towards the walkway that lead up to their front door. As said front door opened, I looked up to see three children sprint towards me—Lucy being successful, while Conner and Noah took a little longer, seeing as they tripped and fell a few times—, then slamming into my lower body and holding on tight.

“Auntie Ivey! You’re here!” Lucy exclaimed as she grinned up at me.

“Veevee here!” both Conner and Noah shouted.

“Hey, babies, it’s great to see you!”

“Come on guys, give Ivey some room to maneuver inside and then you can tackle her,” I heard Larry boom from the front door.

I was released, then followed the group up to the house to be hugged and greeted by both Larry and Macy. Larry relieved me of the booze, and not a second too early, seeing as soon as my hands were empty, I got tackled. Literally. Seemed like the kids took their dad by his word.

I had to brace myself to not topple over, then leaned down to hand out squeezes and smooches and tickles. Lucy and Conner squealed with laughter, while Noah held on to my leg tightly and grinned up at me.

“All right everyone. Dinner is ready. Go wash your hands and sit down at the table,” Macy clapped her hands, which made her children let go of me and run towards the washroom.

I followed my best friend into the kitchen, where Larry had already opened a cold one for me, which I accepted gratefully. I took a long swig, then looked at my friends. They were both quiet.

Too quiet.

While Macy was finishing up the final dinner preparations, which I delightedly noticed were her home made biscuits, Larry was studying me with a worried look in his eyes. Macy had told him what to expect tonight, and he was assessing the situation.

“It’s okay, Larry,” I tried to reassure him.

“Nothing okay with a person I care about looking freaked out and apprehensive,” he grunted.

“I’m sorry. I know you worry about Macy and how this will affect her. I can’t promise that what I have to tell her won’t make her sad, but it’s important she knows. She is my best friend and she deserves to know everything about me. She deserves my trust.”

“Ivey, I was talking about you. I know that Macy will be okay, ‘cause she’s got me to look after her and I will make it okay. You look freaked out and nervous, and I don’t like it. You are part of this family and I worry about you. We want to take care of you in any way we can, and I hope you will let us.”

That went straight through me. I got a warm feeling in my stomach that spread out through my whole body and brought tears to my eyes.

“Thank you, Larry, that means a lot to me,” I whispered.

Larry came towards me and gave me a gentle hug, then kissed the top of my head before he walked towards the table when the kids came running in to help them get seated. I had to take a deep breath to control my emotions and suck back my tears before I looked at Macy, who was watching me from across the kitchen island.

“Love you guys,” I whispered.

“We love you too,” Macy whispered back.

Then we both got our shit together for the second time that day and took a seat at the kitchen table to enjoy a beef roast with potatoes and green beans and biscuits with gravy.

It was after dinner. The dishes were done, the kitchen cleaned up, the kids tucked into and passed out in bed.

During dinner, Lucy had told me all about school. She had started her first year of formal education just a few weeks ago and seemed to enjoy it a lot. Lucy was a riot. She said the funniest things. At one point during dinner, she had her mother and I in tears, we were laughing so hard. Larry on the other hand was not amused at all and was giving both his daughter and us scary looks.

“Mommy, why did you marry daddy?”

“Because I fell in love with him when I was fifteen.”

“Why did you fall in love with him?”

“Because he was the most handsome boy in school and he made me feel special.”

“How did he make you feel special?”

“He was sweet and caring and always made me smile.”

“Did he give you his cookies, so you would kiss him?”

“No, baby.”

“What did he give you?”

“So I would kiss him?“

“Uh huh.”

“Nothing, baby. I kissed him because I loved him.”

“I made Ryder give me his cookies before I kissed him.”

At that revelation, Larry had almost choked on his beer that he had been sipping. Macy and I had looked at Lucy, then at each other, and had burst out laughing, heads thrown back, full on belly laughing. We were laughing so hard that tears were running down our cheeks.

“I have no idea why you two are laughing. This is not funny,” Larry was not amused.

That made us laugh even more.

“Macy,” Larry said warningly.

Macy and I tried to control ourselves. It took us a minute, but we managed.

“My sweet little girl is six years old and selling kisses during recess,” Larry grumbled unbelievingly.

“It wasn’t at recess, daddy, it was at lunch,” Lucy corrected him calmly.

This almost set us off again, but Larry directed seriously unhappy looks in our direction. His face was getting red, and he looked like his head was going to explode.

“Lucy, baby, you’re too young to kiss boys,” Macy tried to explain to her daughter.

“But I kiss Noah and Conner and daddy.”

“They are family. That’s different.”

Lucy tilted her head at her mother, thinking that one over, then nodded understandingly.

“When am I old enough to kiss boys?”

“When you’re thirty,” Larry rumbled. He was completely serious. Lucy looked at him and tilted her head again in thought. Then she asked, “Thirty?”

“Thirty,” Larry repeated firmly.

“When did you start kissing boys, mommy?” Uh oh. Clever little thing had her parents figured out. I was curious to see how Macy would get out of that one. My body was shaking with silent laughter when I looked at my friend.

“Um…” she was giving her husband big eyes.

“That’s not important, Luce.
You
are not allowed to kiss boys until you’re thirty,” Larry told her.

“Why?”

“Because that’s my rule. I’m your daddy and I make the dating and kissing rules.” At that Lucy’s head swung to her mother and she gave her questioning eyes.

“He is right, baby. He makes the dating and kissing rules.”

Lucy obviously wasn’t happy with that, so she crossed her arms across her chest and narrowed her eyes at her daddy. Larry looked at her, then looked at his wife, then he shook his head again.

After everyone had finished dinner, Lucy helped us with the dishes, while Larry got the boys ready for bed. We all got wet toddler kisses and cuddles before he took them up to their bedrooms after their bath. Then the four of us retired to the living room for one episode of
Angelina Ballerina
, which Lucy informed me, was her new favourite show.

Now, Lucy was in bed as well, and it was only us adults left in the living room. While Macy had read Lucy her bedtime story, Larry had opened the Tequila and poured me my first shot, which I had gratefully and quickly downed.

It was time. Time to dredge up the demons from my past.

I was getting anxious again.

My hands were clammy, and I kept trying to dry them on my jeans. My breath came out in puffs, and my heart was beating so hard I thought it would jump out of my chest.

Macy came over to the couch I was sitting on to sit next to me, her body turned towards me, so she was facing me. She reached for one of my hands and took it in both of hers, squeezing tightly.

“It’s okay, Ivey. Take your time,” she was trying to soothe me.

“I don’t know where to start,” my quiet voice sounded frightened and nervous even to my own ears.

“Start wherever you’re comfortable, honey.”

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and started my story.

“Do you remember when I told you about Grant?” I asked Macy.

She had to think for a moment. “Grant? The guy you hooked up with last year?”

“Yeah. That guy. I didn’t just hook up with him then. I’ve been hooking up with him
since
then. Just for sex. Nothing more.” Macy tilted her head, studying me. “Okay, what about him?” She prompted softly when I didn’t go on.

“He wanted more, said he
loved
me, wanted me to give us a chance. But I couldn’t do it. There is no us, there never will be. That’s how I pick them.”

“What do you mean?”

“I pick men to have sex with, not to fall in love with. I pick the ones that I am absolutely certain I won’t fall for. I don’t go out with them, I don’t get to know them, I only call when I want sex, and they do the same. Then I meet them at their place and that’s it. Booty calls, that’s all they are. No strings, no expectations.”

“But why do you do that? You deserve so much more than that. Why won’t you let yourself be happy?”

“Because I know there is no happy for me out there. Not after
him
,” my breath hitched at saying that last word. I closed my eyes in an attempt to keep the demons at bay. My hands were starting to shake. Macy gripped them tighter. Her support gave me the strength to go on. I opened my eyes and looked into her worried ones.

“
Kyle
,” all I could get out was a whisper. Even in that whisper you could hear the pain and absolute terror. Tears were running down my cheeks, and I was gripping Macy’s hands, holding onto her for dear life while I told her and Larry about the demons of my past.

“He destroyed me. He almost killed me. He…he…I let him k-k-kill my baby,” I collapsed into Macy’s arms and sobbed, sobbed and cried so hard, I couldn’t breathe. Macy was trying to soothe me by rubbing my back, while holding me tight to her body.

“Shhh, Ivey, it’s okay. Let it out. I’m here,” she murmured in my ear. She held me for a long while until the sobs had stopped and I could finally breathe again. I gave her one last squeeze, then loosened my hold on her, and moved my face out of her neck. Larry had poured me another shot of Tequila. I took it, sat back, and started from the beginning.