Beneath This Man (57 page)

‘Crazy mad, Ava.’

I turn and find him stalking towards me with a face like thunder. I back up slightly, and then mentally curse myself for not standing my ground. He stops in front of me, his chest puffing, breathing his minty breath all over me. ‘Kiss me.’

What?

     ‘No!’ I cry incredulously. The bloody man is deluded! He gives me a royal ticking off for disobeying him, and then starts making more unreasonable demands. I’m not kissing him.

His eyes darken and narrow. ‘Three.’

He must be joking. ‘Are you mad?’

‘Crazy fucking mad, Ava. Two.’

He is completely serious. Oh my God!

‘One.’ he whispers. I scan the doorway past him and disregard that option completely. I’m not getting past him, that’s for sure. ‘Zero.’

Fuck!

I bolt across the room and over the bed. It’s no surprise that I’m captured and pinned under him before I make any significant distance. I’m on my back with my arms pinned above my head with one of his. His jean clad leg rest over my thighs, restraining me. I’m completely immobile and exhausted from trying to break free. You would think I would have learnt by now. I pant in his face as he breathes down on me, tracing the line of my stomach with his finger, and then up the centre of my body to my mouth. He rests the tip on my bottom lip before letting it travel back down my body. The bastard is unleashing that craving for him again. It will never go away.

     I run my eyes down the length of his bare torso and to his spare hand tracing light, feathery circles in the hollow void above my hip. ‘I’m putting your resistance down to the drugs.’ he says quietly and critically. ‘I’m giving you another three seconds to make the right decision.’ He lowers his lips so that they hover over mine, as close as possible without touching. ‘Three.’ he breathes over my mouth.

I wriggle and try to fight myself free, as well as fighting the traitorous response my body is having to him. I am incredibly weak and desperate. I open my eyes and find unmoved, puddles of green desire, fanned with his glorious lashes.

‘Two.’ he whispers and moves his gaze to my lips.

He gets no further. I lift my head and capture his mouth, my craving for him just way too powerful to fight back. He pushes his mouth down, forcing me to rest my head back on the bed as his glides his hands over my stomach.

‘Please don’t have a drink.’ I plead into his mouth. I would never forgive myself if he put his body through that again because of me.

     ‘I’m not going to have a drink, Ava.’ His voice is flat and unconvincing. It makes me uncomfortable. He pushes himself up to his knees before pulling me up to straddle his lap. He brushes my hair out of my face and clasps my cheeks with his hands. ‘Last night in the hospital when you wouldn’t come round, I felt my heart getting slower by the minute. You will never know how much I love you. If you were ever taken away from me, I wouldn’t survive it, Ava. I want to rip my own head off for giving you room to defy me.’

My eyes widen at his confession. His face is deadly serious and that’s troubling. He is, in effect, saying he would kill himself, isn’t he? Well, that is just crazy talk, but I don’t think I would do well to point that out. ‘I’m okay.’ I say in a futile attempt to lighten him up. He looks distressed.

‘But what if you weren’t? What if I didn’t come when I did?’ He clenches his eyes shut. ‘I just came to the bar to check you were okay, and then I was going to leave. Can you imagine how it felt to see you collapse like that?’ His eyes open and they’re glazed and haunted. I know now, for sure, I may as well handcuff myself to the bed. This is not healthy… for him or for me.

‘It was a freak incident, someone playing stupid games. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, that’s all.’ I take his hands from my face and rest them between our bodies. ‘You will put yourself in a stress induced coma at this rate, and then what will I do?’ I ask quietly. I’m not ignorant to the fact that I couldn’t be without him either, but you don’t see me spiraling into breakdown and controlling him.

He shakes his head and then starts chewing his lip. What’s he thinking? ‘You looked relieved when the Doctor said you weren’t pregnant.’ He fixes me with an enquiring eye.

Oh no!

Oh no no no!
I could be pregnant. I could be fucking pregnant. Yes, it was negative, but it’s only been a week since I finished my period and it’s way too early to detect if I am. Fucking hell, we’ve been having sex like rabbits and with no protection.

I look anywhere but at him. ‘I missed a pill.’ I feel his hand shift and close around mine and I look up cautiously, finding his accusing eyes and an arched brow. ‘I missed a few, I lost them again.’ I confess.

‘You’ve not replaced them?’

‘I forgot.’ I shrug, like the feeble loser that I am.

He studies me for a while. I feel like I’m under a microscope that identifies useless idiots. ‘Okay. So when did you last take your pill?’

‘Only a few days ago.’ I answer quietly. I’m lying through the skin of my teeth, fighting my hand from delving into my hair. I can’t believe I’ve been nearly a whole week and not replaced them.

‘So you’ll replace them?’

     ‘Tomorrow.’ I confirm. That is one appointment I’m not looking forward to, and damn I’m too late to munch on a morning after pill.

A funny look passes over his face. Regret? Okay, I’ve dismissed the thought before, but that look has just put me on a major high alert. I would say he wouldn’t do such a thing, but I can’t put it past him. I wouldn’t put anything past him.

‘Jesse,’ I pause, not knowing how to piece together what I’m about to imply.

‘What?’ he asks, looking cautious and actually slightly guilty. He knows what I’m thinking, I know he does, and I’m super suspicious now. He can’t have seriously been trying to get me pregnant?  But if he has been hiding them, then he knows damn well I’ve not been taking them for a week. Or did he think I’d replaced them already?

‘Nothing.’ I say, shaking my head. I know he won’t admit it, so I’m playing dumb, but I’ll be searching every square inch of this penthouse at the first opportunity.

‘Your brother rang.’ he says casually, in an obvious attempt to distract me from my drifting thoughts – the thoughts he knows I’m having.

I straighten up. It’s worked. ‘Dan?’

‘Yes.’

‘You spoke to him?’

He gives me a dubious look. ‘Well, I couldn’t leave it ringing constantly, he would have been worried. And why is there a lock on your phone?’

I laugh to myself. I wonder how many combinations he tried to unlock it. ‘It didn’t stop you answering, though, did it? What did you say to my brother?’ My voice is slightly panicked which is fine because I’m panicking. Dan will be straight on the phone to Mum and this on top of everything else is not something I want to be explaining.

‘Well, I didn’t tell him what had happened. I don’t want your family thinking that I can’t look after you. He said you were supposed to be seeing him.’ He looks at me like I’ve committed a serious sin for not telling him of my plans, even though there are no firm plans yet.

‘You told him I’m living with you, didn’t you.’ My lips straighten.

‘Yes.’ He is completely unapologetic.

I could kill him! ‘Jesse, what have you done?’ I drop my head onto his shoulder in hopelessness.

     ‘Hey, look at me.’ He sounds angry again. I drag my head away from its resting place and look at him with all the misery I feel. His frown line has joined the argument. ‘Don’t you think he would’ve been worried if I had left your phone to ring off continuously?’

This is awful – my worst nightmare. Dan had undoubtedly called my parents.

He pulls me down onto his chest and I notice his heart bucking wildly. ‘I’m going for a run. You take a shower. I’ll get something to eat while I’m out.’

He’s going for a run? That’s my fault. ‘Can’t you stay?’ I ask into his chest. I don’t want him to go.

‘No.’ He lifts me and directs me into the bathroom. ‘In the shower.’ He turns it on and leaves me in the bathroom feeling affronted and worried. He never wants to leave me.

Chapter 29

A couple of hours later, I walk into the kitchen and find Jesse still in his running gear with his finger in a jar of peanut butter. I screw my face up in disgust as he glances up and gives me a small smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He looks on edge.

‘Cappuccino extra shot, no chocolate.’ He holds up a Starbucks cup, and I take it gratefully. ‘I got you everything.’ he shrugs. ‘They don’t do salmon.’

‘Thank you.’ I smile and take a seat next to him.

‘I hope you’ve got lace on under all of that baggy shit.’ He nods at my body as he plunges his finger into his mouth.

I look down at my ripped jeans and cropped Jimmy Hendrix t-shirt and smile. ‘I have.’ I pull my t-shirt up to display my cream lace and he nods his approval. ‘I thought you were getting dinner?’ I pull over the nearest paper bag, finding a croissant. I make quick work, sinking my teeth into it.

‘Technically, as you have been asleep all day, it’s breakfast time.’ He thrusts his finger under my nose and I retreat back in my stool, violently shaking my head. He smiles a little and feeds it to himself, ‘What do you want to do this evening?’

‘I get to pick?’ I garble around a mouthful of pastry.

He looks at me and cocks his head to the side. ‘I told you, I have to let you have your way some of the time.’ He reaches up and knocks a flake of pastry from the corner of my mouth. ‘I’m all for give and take.’

A burst of laughter flies out and I struggle to keep my half chewed croissant in my mouth as I cough and slap my hand over my mouth. Give and take? This man is crazy.

‘Something funny?’ he asks.

I look up and find a serious face. Oh dear! ‘No, nothing, it went down the wrong way.’ I cough a little more and God love him, he starts patting my back.

I regain control as the intercom starts ringing and Jesse leaves me to answer it. ‘Clive, yes, see him up.’ He hangs up and replaces the phone. ‘Jay.’ he mutters without looking at me.

‘Jay? Who’s Jay?’ I place my croissant back on the paper bag.

‘The doorman. He’s got the CCTV footage from the bar.’ He puts his peanut butter back in the fridge and leaves the kitchen.

Oh fucking hell!

CCTV footage?

CCTV footage that will show me talking to Matt?

I think I’m going to be sick.

I hear the muffled greetings and a few moments later, Jesse walks back into the kitchen with Jay. The doorman gives me a small smirk, one that suggests he may have already watched the footage himself and knows what’s coming. Yeah, I’m definitely going to be sick. I get down from the stool and start to leave the kitchen.

‘Where are you going?’ Jesse asks me.

I don’t look back. My face must display complete panic. ‘Toilet.’ I call, leaving Jesse and Jay in the kitchen. As soon as I’m out of sight, I race up the stairs and shut myself in the bathroom, where I’m safe from the hurricane that I know is coming. I should have known he wouldn’t leave it. I should have known he would be on a mission to hunt down the perpetrator. Oh God, this is so bad. I sit on the toilet seat, get up, walk circles around the bathroom, and then the door handle jiggles.

‘Ava?’

I stand looking at the door. ‘Yes?’ It comes out all squeaky and nervous. I’m so nervous.

‘What’s up, baby. You okay?’

Perhaps I should say no, make out I’m ill so I can stay in the bathroom. ‘Yes, fine. I’ll be down in a minute.’ I call. Saying I’m ill would be stupid. He’d break the door down to tend to me.

‘Why is the door locked?’

‘I didn’t realise I’d locked it. I’m having a wee.’ I cringe. It’s a good job there’s a giant lump of wood between us because my finger is a knotted mess in my hair. I should just jump out of the bathroom window.

‘Okay, don’t be long.’

‘I won’t.’ I hear his long even steps take him out of the bedroom. I’m panicking. Really panicking and I don’t know why. I didn’t arrange to meet Matt. It was a chance encounter, that’s all.

FUCK!

Damn him for being so fucking persistent. Why can’t he just let it go instead of having the doorman lift the CCTV footage? I should go down and stamp on the thing. I yank the door open and stomp out of the bathroom, through the bedroom and out on to the landing. He’s taking this too far. I’m halted mid determined march when the gigantic flat screen television comes into view. It’s like a cinema screen, emphasising everything, making everything seem huge. It’s not, though. It’s quite blurry, the movements are disjointed and the screen keeps jumping. Jay starts fast forwarding the footage, the whizzing of people passing through the bar, the lights flashing here and there, all making it an even more disordered mush of activity. But then I see me settling at the table with the others.

‘Slow it.’ Jesse orders, and Jay puts the film to normal speed. ‘That’s it, leave it playing.’

I lower myself to the top step and watch the television through the glass as my night plays out in front of me. Nothing interesting happens, not for a long while. I watch as Tom dives across the table and seizes my hand. I watch as Victoria leaves us to join her date and then Kate leaves the table, and I know all too well what’s coming. I mentally plead for the television to spontaneously combust, but no. Tom leaves, and then Matt approaches. I stiffen from top to toe and watch as Jesse’s shoulders raise, kissing his earlobes. Matt’s back is to the camera, but there is no mistaking it’s him. I could never fob Jesse off on this.

‘Pause it.’ Jesse instructs shortly, walking over to the television, getting way up close to have a good inspection. His head starts nodding thoughtfully. ‘Keep it going.’

Jay continues the tape, and Jesse takes a few steps back. This is bad. I’m sat glued to the top step, running through the last time Jesse found out I’d seen Matt. I really don’t want a repeat of that. Why didn’t I foresee this? I watch myself jump down from the stool and crouch to gather my scattered possessions with Tom.

‘I need another angle.’ Jesse says.