Beneath the Burn (43 page)

Disappointment rolled over Charlee when she woke the next morning. Alone in bed. A glance around confirmed an empty room. Nathan didn’t often leave her to wake alone, but when it happened, dread was always the initial reaction. Not this strange dejection.

Sunlight illuminated the stark sheets and the sheen of white paint coating the walls. The white marble floors accentuated the ethereal glow. So dang bright. She raised a hand over her eyes to shade from the glare.

Not that she minded the monochromy. It was just unexpected. So was Jay.

Her gaze lingered on the wall where he had leaned in the half-light of predawn, watching her while he pleasured himself. The erotic display would forever leave a warm imprint on her desire. He confused her thoughts about what she needed in bed and evoked a reckless hope for healing at his hands.

She didn’t know how to categorize him within the spectrum of her sexual history. Noah, her gentle, benevolent lover, had shown her devotion in patient touching. If her inability to orgasm had vexed him, he never expressed it.

On the other end, the violent blows from Roy had torn her down to such a weakened state, she couldn’t prevent him from taking. He stole orgasm after orgasm until her broken husk was wrung unconscious.

The half dozen Doms she had contractually approved intercourse with were simply therapeutic exercises—training for the possibility of someday having a real physical and emotional relationship.

Jay was a wild and unpredictable variable on the spectrum. He swung from tender to frustrated to caring to desperate. No matter how passionate his reactions—negative or positive—his concern for her remained steadfast.

Succumbing to the lull of sleep while sheltered in his arms had been one of the most gratifying experiences in memory. And this, right after he’d seen how terribly flawed she was. How gut-wrenching he blamed himself for not bringing her to orgasm when the truth was her perversity put them in the fucked up situation.

It proved he valued her. Maybe even loved her. Her response to that was immediate rejection, but her heart tripped over itself in wanting. What if she loved him? She thought about how she felt, bound beneath his solid body, absorbing his deep thrusts, his muscles contracting around her, his fingers bruising her ass. She’d found pleasure in the way he moved, the fire behind his kisses, the feel of him inside her. What if that was enough? Could she let go of her need and conditioning for pain?

A woman with low pain tolerance and a heart tied to another would never survive Roy. Regardless of how safe Jay made her feel, she couldn’t let herself forget she was one misstep away from recapture.

She flexed her sore muscles and rolled over to check the bedside clock. Just after ten. She’d only slept a few hours. Why the hell was Jay up already?

Sitting up, her hand brushed a scrap of white panties that were folded and placed on his pillow. One of the stringed sides tied around a piece of paper, which was rolled like a cigarette. Amusement tickled through her as she slipped it out and uncurled it.

Charlee,

Ain’t gonna lie. You look like a wet dream stretched out in my bed. Our bed. Leaving you this morning fucking sucks. But my errands couldn’t wait.

Your clothes are in the closet. Bathroom’s stocked. So is the kitchen. Explore your new home. If you need something and can’t find it, hunt down Faye.

*6 on the intercom system will connect you to my cell phone. Back around 11:00.

All yours,

J

She traced the closing words.
All yours.
It was crazy, the ache that sentiment stirred in her. Until that moment, she had never let herself want the kind of commitment he was offering.

He had his pick of the world’s female population. Just thinking about him with another woman forced her nails into her palms. If she weren’t careful, he’d soon have her heart. Shit. He might’ve already stolen it. A susceptibility that could bring far more devastation than Roy could’ve ever inflicted.

55

Charlee showered and readied for the day using more girly stuff than she’d seen since she was sixteen. Warming body wash. Hair products with names she couldn’t pronounce. A fancy razor that looked nothing like the disposable kind she shared with Nathan.

As for all the items she didn’t know what to do with—makeup, bronzers, hair clips, multi-step skin care products, curling irons in various shapes and sizes—she left those in their tidy little drawers.

The closet was even more overwhelming. Not the first time a wardrobe had been selected for her, but Roy had given her gowns and pant suits and dressy things she wasn’t even allowed to look at in her second captivity.

Jay’s closet was crammed with jeans, t-shirts, multi-pocket pants and big leather belts. Casual and sportive. If she had a style and preference, his shopper nailed it. The labels, though, implied price tags she would’ve never been able to afford.

She chose a faded pair of low rise jeans, a white
Placebo
t-shirt, the white panties he’d left on his pillow, and a matching bra. Anxious to explore, she opted to let her hair air dry and padded barefoot down the hall. Past the sitting room and through the double doors, she paused in the diamond-shaped foyer. The door to the room next to Jay’s suites opened.

Nathan stepped out, head down, phone at his ear. “We need to let this sit, Crane. He’s our only eyes right now…Yeah…Yeah, she’s good, but fuck, man, this news is going to kill her…No way. I don’t keep shit from her, but with everything going on, I haven’t had a chance to tell her about the spotter…Yeah, all right. Keep me updated.”

News? Spotter? She bit her cheek. He’d tell her when he was ready.

Shutting the door, his gaze snapped up and his lips twitched. “Morning, sweetheart.”

Something was different about him. He still had that stiff Marine posture going on, but he was lighter on his feet. His shoulders were looser, his eyes bluer, brighter.

“You’re chipper this morning.” She bumped her arm into his as they walked. “Sleep well?”

He glanced back toward the room he’d just departed and fiddled with his phone. “Uh huh.” A smile fluttered through pinched lips as if he were trying to keep it from fully emerging. And why was he looking anywhere but at her?

“I didn’t know the guest room was so close.” Had he heard her moaning from Jay’s room?

He stopped and dropped his phone into his breast pocket. Staring at the wood floor, he rubbed his jaw and propped his hands on his hips. Uh-oh. His defensive stance.

He shifted his weight. “That isn’t a guest room.”

A laugh burst out of her. “You move fast, playboy.” She punched him in the shoulder.

“I’d take offense to that if I hadn’t heard you screaming at the wee hours of the morning.”

Jesus. She shouldn’t have been embarrassed, considering he’d seen and heard her at her absolute worst, but she couldn’t stop her cheeks from burning. “You heard?”

He grinned. “No, and thank God for that.”

“Fucker.” She aimed to punch him again, but he was expecting it that time and bounced out of the way.

She crossed her arms over her chest. “That’s a terrible thing to joke about…considering.”

A swell of sympathy curved his eyebrow and rounded his eyes. Thankfully, it wasn’t pity, but he’d never been one to pity her.

He gripped her shoulders and bent his knees to meet her eyes. “If we tiptoe around our thoughts, Roy wins.”

A sigh pushed past her lips. “You’re right.” The easiness between them was owed to their openness with one another. “You’re always right.”

It was so good to see his charming smile instead of the usual vigilance that tightened his expression and twisted her gut. “Look at us. We could’ve had our own rooms, slept diagonal in our beds and hogged the covers. Since we didn’t take advantage of that, does it make us dependent creatures?”

His eyes softened. “No, it makes us lonely.”

They stared at one another for a long silent moment. She knew he didn’t mean it as a dig against her as a companion. He referred to the isolation that came with the lack of intimacy. She’d felt it, too, and her thoughts skipped through their years together. The constant moving. The dead ends with Roy. The persistent fear. All the sacrifices Nathan made to keep her safe.

She lifted on tiptoes and wrapped her arms around him. Apologies and gratitude weren’t necessary. A place in her life was all he wanted from her. She would never be able to express to him what that meant.

He returned her embrace, his thumb stroking the spine of her back.

“Relaxed is a good look on you.” She leaned back. “As are the new threads.” Black button-up, crisp black pants, black leather shoes. His blond hair was longish but neatly combed away from his forehead. His familiar features, especially the grin he was donning, brought to mind another handsome face. One so like his her chest squeezed every time she looked at him. She shoved that away and lowered her voice. “Will there be any flak from fraternizing with the staff?”

“Actually, she’s my boss now.” His smile glowed against his flushed complexion. “We’ll work it out.”

“Oh.” Her forehead wrinkled. Knowing he would be compensated for protecting her eased her guilt a little. “Is that what you want? To work for someone?” Since the Marine Corps, he’d been self-employed. She couldn’t envision him reporting through a chain of command.

“My priority is keeping you safe. As a member of this team, I’ll be able to do that more efficiently. And I happen to like my new boss.”

“What about your employer? Do you like him?”

“No, but you do. That’s enough.”

She started walking along the wide corridor toward the main room, feeling Jay’s absence like an incessant tug. “What’s the plan today?”

“I’m going to get you a cell phone and meet with the security team. You are going to stay on the property until I get back.”

The hall emptied into a gaping, sunlit room and with it came the aroma of sizzling bacon. The open-space kitchen on the right connected to the entertainment room on the left, which flowed seamlessly into the backyard. The
U
-shaped estate curved around the veranda and pool area, where a smattering of voices carried on the warm breeze.

The walls that would’ve formed the dish of the
U
were nonexistent. They rolled back somehow, but she couldn’t make out where they fit into the high ceilings. And the ceilings went on forever, magnifying the vastness of the space. The leather seating, electronics and gadgets, artistic light fixtures, and a see-through fireplace at the center gave the room a lived-in feel. Even though she’d lived in luxury under Roy’s roof, she’d never been able to appreciate it. After all, she’d been more a part of the furnishings than an inhabitant.

A tall, leggy blonde sashayed beyond the edge of the in-ground jacuzzi wearing only bikini bottoms, which were held precariously in place by tiny bows on her curvy hips.

Nathan’s hand on her back nudged her forward past the view of sun-bronzed boobs. “Faye’s in the kitchen. Go introduce yourself. I’ll be back. Then we have some things to talk about.” He flicked a finger over his shoulder and exited through the front door beyond the edge of the kitchen.

Who was Faye? Jay’s note had mentioned her—

“You must be Charlee.”

Charlee turned toward the soft voice and was met with a bright smile of a woman in her sixties. Her hair, clipped close all the way around her head, spiked in random tuffs of gray. Huge round hoops of silver adorned her ears and matched the glittering color of her eyes. She slapped a kitchen towel over her slim shoulder and held out her hand. “I’m Faye.”

Charlee grasped it, surprised by the strength of her grip, given the woman’s small stature. “Charlee. Nice to meet you.”

Faye spun toward the long island, which separated the kitchen from the entertainment room. An eye-catching wine glass rack hung over the counter like a chandelier, tinkling as Faye glided past it.

She stopped at the stove, her Boho skirt licking at her ankles in a kaleidoscope of colors. “Are you hungry? I was just scrambling up some eggs for the pigs outside.”

By pigs, did she mean Jay’s bandmates? Charlee leaned against the island. “Are you the—”