Beneath the Burn (39 page)

The emotion rolling off him was stifling. He lifted her hand to his lips, kissed her wrist, and his other hand clenched her waist. “Maybe Roy saw something in you. Something a sadist cannot resist possessing. And if I were honest, Charlee, I have an overwhelming need to possess you, too. What’s that make me?”

“Someone who will hold me so close Roy will never be able to wrench me away.”

He squeezed her to him. “Damn straight.”

“Good. We’ll figure out the rest, okay?” Her stomach growled. “We should eat.” She sagged against him, finally giving into the weariness of the long day. “Then I’m going to face plant somewhere.”

He kissed her nose, chuckling as he hoisted her to her feet. She noticed his hands remained on her hips, supporting her, making sure she wouldn’t fall. She had a feeling he’d never let her fall.

50

Jay carried a sleeping Charlee through the spacious living room and toward his wing of the band’s Los Feliz home. They had both fallen asleep on the jet after dinner, and she conked out again on the way from the airport. The fact that she didn’t wake when he lifted her from the car was a testament to how long the day had been.

And what a fucking day. He woke that morning with the same ache he always had, Charlee’s death at the forefront of his mind. Then there was his drug-induced meltdown after discovering her alive but in bed with another man. And the shooting. The dead man. The fans and paparazzi. And Roy. Concluding with the most intimate moment of his life while flying across the country. Through it all, he’d only used blow twice. Hadn’t even crossed his mind in hours. Why would it? Everything he wanted was alive and in his arms.

“Night, lover boy.” Laz’s teasing voice ricocheted through the twenty foot ceilings, followed by the squeak of leather as Rio and Wil threw themselves onto the couch.

Jay didn’t slow his strides through room. Neither did Nathan’s footfalls trailing behind him.

Laz flicked the controls that sent the exterior glass doors whirring into action. The panels glided in their tracks, vanishing the wall of the
U
-shaped estate and extending the indoor space to the aqua blue of the pool, the lounging deck, and the twinkling lights of their L.A. view.

The yawning vista usually invigorated Jay with a sense of autonomy. But holding Charlee in his arms, the panorama came with susceptibility. Could someone see in from the surrounding hillsides? Were the perimeter walls high enough? Should they keep the patio doors closed and reinforce the one-way glass? “Tony, give me a security update.”

She slowed her clipped pace ahead of him until he caught up. “I doubled the exterior patrol. Two men at the gates. Four more positioned throughout the property. I also contracted a third party—a company I’ve vetted and used before—to monitor the cameras while Colson and I sleep. The rest of the team will arrive from New York tomorrow, mid-morning.”

Nathan kept the pace at his back but hadn’t said a word since they entered the property. Jay knew that in his stoicism, he was scoping and analyzing.

They stopped at the double doors to Jay’s suite of rooms. Tony swiped her card key and the lock clicked. As was the protocol, she walked through first, leaving him at the threshold while she swept his sitting area, bedroom, bathroom, and closets.

Jay didn’t think the sweep was necessary, but since his were the only rooms that didn’t have surveillance, Tony argued for the additional security search. A debate he’d given up on a long time ago.

Thank God he’d been so adamant about maintaining his privacy. After Charlee’s experience with round-the-clock videoing, he doubted she’d appreciate it in their bedroom.

Their
bedroom. A lazy sigh of contentment stretched through him. He turned to Nathan, who expectedly chose to stay with Charlee rather than follow Tony through her sweep.

Jay shifted her tiny frame higher up his torso. “I’ll have Tony go through the employment paperwork with you tomorrow…assuming you’ve agreed to join our team.”

Hands in his pockets, Nathan made a show of scanning the rare Macassar Ebony floors, the diagonal lines of the soaring ceilings, and the expansive open-air rooms behind him. “Depends on the pay.”

“You’re so full of shit. You’ll guard her whether I pay you or not.”

The grin Nathan flashed fell away as soon as it appeared. “To avoid a conflict of interest, you understand part of my job is protecting her from my employer.”

The sweet aroma of her hair infused Jay’s deep breath. “Understood.” And expected.

He hugged her close. They hadn’t severed physical contact since their liaison in the airplane lavatory. It wasn’t her body he was clinging to as much as it was the energy orbiting her. Their attraction, their bond, was an electromagnetic force. If it lost its charge, if she turned away even for a moment, would they lose the progress they’d made? Fuck, he knew it was all in his head, this idea that some magical force field they created warded off his triggers. But something was holding him together, and the way her hand curled around the back of his neck proved, even in sleep, she clung to it, too.

The door opened and Tony emerged. “Clear.” She nodded at Charlee. “Everything she needs is already put away in your closet and bathroom. You should give Faye a raise for her quick turnaround on this assignment.”

While Tony managed the security team, Faye managed the band, the household, and everything else. “I’m giving you both raises. I’ll fund it personally if the guys complain.”

She shifted her weight from foot to foot, her face otherwise blank.

“Thank you, Tony. For today. For everything. I mean it.”

The corners of her mouth lifted up. “My pleasure.” Holding the door, she pulled out her phone and tapped the screen. “I reserved a private shooting lesson at the gun range tomorrow. Seven in the morning was the only time I could rent the range exclusively.”

He cringed. That was only hours away. But he’d rather do early and empty than later and crowded. He nodded.

She followed him and Nathan through the door and positioned her back at the wall near the entrance. “Nathan, your things are set up in the guest room. I’ll show you the way when you’re done here.”

Jay strode through his sitting room and weaved through the clutter of guitars, amps, and mic stands with Nathan on his heels. He used the room as his personal studio, writing music, mixing samples, composing songs about Charlee. Their real studio was twenty feet below and stretched the length of their ranch-style estate.

At the hallway, he stopped and looked over his shoulder. “I’ve got her from here.”

Nathan’s eyebrows dipped over his narrowed glare. “I need to see where she’s sleeping.”

And Jay needed to clear the room of smoke, dope, blow and whatever else he had stashed, including the gear he was sure he’d left on the bathroom counter. Nathan knew about the drug use, but he didn’t need to be reminded of it his first night away from Charlee. “Tony swept the room. And you know where she’s sleeping. In my bed.” He verbalized the last part to set boundaries and roles, and to test the reaction.

As expected, Nathan’s back snapped straight and his hands balled at his sides. He wasn’t ready to leave her side.

“Just let him see.” Her sleepy mumble drifted over his neck and sent a tingle down his spine. “He won’t sleep well if he doesn’t check it out himself.”

Jay looked down into her half-lidded eyes and his heart thumped. He hated that she knew another man so well, but he reminded himself that their closeness kept her alive. “Good morning.”

She squirmed to get down even as her fingers combed through the hair at his nape. “It’s morning?”

He let her feet touch the floor, but didn’t release her. “It’s around two or three.”

In the circle of his arms, she shuffled backward, pulling him along by his belt loop. “Let’s see your room.”

“Our room.” He tried to skirt around her, his guilt over wanting to hide his drug cache squashed by his embarrassment for having it in the first place. “Hang on a second.”

Ignoring him, she spun out of his arms, moving a few feet beyond his reach, beyond the circle they had spent hours joined in. A chill invaded his empty arms. Her eyes widened, locked on his. Did she feel it too?

She probably wasn’t aware of her shoulders curling forward as she rubbed her biceps and scuffed her boots over the white marble floors into the bedroom. Eyes sweeping the white walls, she zigzagged around the white leather couch, the white pine furniture, and the sheet of one-way windows overlooking the pool and grounds. At the foot of the bed, she leaned against one of the massive posts and stared at the expanse of white linen.

Nathan prowled the perimeter of the room and disappeared into the bathroom. Fuck. Jay braced for the impending lecture.

“What do you have against color?” She looked around the room and eyed his black t-shirt, black pants, black Chucks.

He shrugged. “Purple leather pants are out of fashion.”

A laugh rolled past her curved lips, and she collapsed on the bed. Long tresses spread out around her angelic face and blazed rivulets of fire over the white bedding. Her flawless complexion glowed under the angled lighting as she stretched. The arch of her torso, the ripple in the hollow of her belly, and the languid blink of her eyes seeped sensuality. She was so beautiful, and so unaware of it. His muscles strained with the effort to keep himself from falling over her and ravishing her like an animal.

“Oh God, this is heaven. I mean, seriously, if I were to imagine the light at the end of the tunnel, it would be as bright as this room.” She twisted a finger around a lock of hair. “Pick a color. Tell me your favorite.”

“Red.”

She released the fiery coil around her finger like it singed her.

“Second to blue.” He stared into the depths of his favorite shade and she blinked, coughed.

“Then what’s up with the all-white decor?”

He turned toward the black sky beyond the windows and his reflection glowered back. The reason was simple. And haunting. “I don’t like the dark.”

“The shed was dark.”

Hearing his toxic shit whispered in her sweet voice built a pressure behind his breastbone.

“Jay. A word?” Nathan’s shout tumbled from the bathroom.

“Here we go.” He flashed her a guilty look before he could stop himself. Shit. He strode across the room and through the archway to the master bath, loosening his limbs to absorb the confrontation.

Fists on his hips, Nathan scowled at the waste basket between his boots. He’d emptied the cabinets of every pill, pipe, and baggie, filling the can mid-way. “Am I missing anything?”

Yeah, he was missing the bulk of it, hidden throughout his bedroom. Jay would deal with that later when he wasn’t under the watch of stabbing eyes. He shook his head.

“How problematic is this going to be?”

Jay snapped his head up. “It’s not.” He straightened to his full height. “Do your job. Protect Charlee. You don’t need to protect her from this. I’m done with it.”

Nathan glanced over Jay’s shoulder, and the stiffness fell from his expression. With a sigh, Jay turned to face her.

She stared at the waste bin, chewing a nail. “Drugs are one thing I’ve never been exposed to. Don’t have a clue what the side effects are or how hard it is to quit.” Her gaze floated up and captured his. “It’s not my place to tell you what to do, Jay. I’m just going to have to trust you.” She inhaled deeply, and her eyes spilled over with conviction. “I do trust you.” She looked at Nathan. “So drop it.”

Her confidence in him scared the piss out of him, but it also got him moving. He picked up the basket and walked through the bedroom, collecting the remainder of the stash. The sock drawer, the closet shelf, under the couch cushion, the mattress, behind the painting of the Canadian Boundary Waters. “That’s it.” He pushed the overflowing trash can into Nathan’s arms. “Boy scout’s honor.”

That earned him a distrusting glare. So be it. As soon as Nathan discarded his bounty, the estate would be drug-free, barring the random joint his bandmates kept.

Charlee reached around the trash can and hugged Nathan’s rigid body.

Jay’s pulse jumped, his jealousy rising to the surface. What did he have to offer her that Nathan wasn’t already providing? He tried to scrape up some understanding, fully aware it was the first night in three years they would be sleeping apart. Yet, she clung to him like he wasn’t going to be under the same fucking roof. Jay jerked toward her before he could stop himself.