Bellissimo Fortuna (Beautiful Fortune) (24 page)

“Oh, I need to listen to you, but for seven months I’ve begged you to hear me out. Nope, not happening. You’ve succeeded in what you set out to do. I. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck. You win, Bronson. You win. Our past is just that . . . a past.”

“Wait, Callie. You don’t know everything.”

“Neither did you, but that didn’t stop you from judging me. Insulting me. Hurting me. Telling that girl about our past. You sunk to a low I never expected. I had to sit there and listen to her hurl my past and mistakes and abuses at me and to know it was the one person I loved the most that betrayed me in that way killed me. So, I’m done.”

I push past him, intent on getting my son and getting the hell out of here. The pain shoots up my stomach into my ribs and sternum and makes me trip, but I regain my balance and keep going.

“We have a child. You can’t just be done.”

“Yes, I can. We have an arrangement. It works.”

“You aren’t being fair.”

“Oh, and you should get an award in that? Give me a break. Now leave me alone.”

“You’re pissing me off, Callie.”

“Good, how does it feel?”

“We can take custody to the courts. Get a damn good lawyer.”

“If you think you are going to take my son away from me then you are underestimating me.”

“Like father, like daughter with the threats.” Okay, enough. That one hurt, and I’m done. I can’t engage anymore.

I bend to pick Angelo up, calming my breathing so he can’t pick up on what’s going on, and as I stand I feel the worse pain. I feel like I’m being ripped in half and dizzy. I can’t grab onto anything because I have Angelo in my arms, and I am going down. Before I lose consciousness, I hear the scream of my son. I am helpless.

Chapter 29

Bronson

Seeing both of them falling backwards towards the floor scared me. I couldn’t get there fast enough and was only able to grab the back of Angelo’s romper before he crashed face first through the glass table. Now, he is screaming and blood is pouring from his head, and Callie is lying motionless on the floor. My mom, Bianca, and Dakota rush in and jump into action.

“What happened?” my mom takes Angelo from me. “Bianca go get me a towel.” Dakota is on his knees assessing Callie and I’m just standing there realizing everything I had ever wanted, ever needed was right in front of me and I destroyed it.

“Bronson, what the fuck happened?”

“I don’t know. We were arguing, she picked up the baby and collapsed.” Oh God, is she breathing? I look to Angelo and he has calmed down and my mom has a towel pressed to his head stopping the blood.

“Call for an ambulance. Her breathing is labored and she isn’t responsive.” I see Bianca calling and I watch it all happen around me, feeling helpless, like I’m not in my body but watching as a bystander. I can’t hear what they are saying, can’t respond to their demands.

“Figlio,” I hear my mom whisper and for a moment, I can hear my dad calling me that. Suddenly I feel him, almost as he is standing next to me, willing me to man up. Stand up and do what I need. I fall to my knees next to Dakota and grab a pillow from the couch putting it under her head feeling for any wounds. A knot has formed on the back of her head, but I don’t think that’s the cause of her being out. “Stay next to her,” I tell Dakota.

I go to my mom and take Angelo from her and he snuggles into my neck, whimpering. I sit down and gently remove the towel soaked through with blood. “This looks like it may need a few stitches,” I look into his eyes, make sure he is responding. I hand him back to my mom and I hear the ambulance outside. “Go open the door, Bianca.”

They make fast work loading Callie up, and after taking a history they have her hooked up to fluids and an oxygen mask. The other team is checking Angelo out, and I feel torn in two. The bleeding has stopped and they agree a few stitches are in order. I don’t want to traumatize him with an ambulance ride so I opt to take him in. “Bianca, stay with Callie. I’ll be right there.”

I second guess my decision to leave her, but I know what she would have done, what my own mother would have done, and in that moment I need to be what she needs, not what I selfishly want. I don’t care what happened in the past, all that matters is the future, and I want that future more than I’ve ever wanted anything.

I’m holding Angelo while they put the stitches in his head, and Bianca walks in her eyes red-rimmed and a worried expression on her face. “Where is Callie?”

“Surgery,” she wails.

Holy fuck. “When?”

“As soon as they took her I came to find y’all.” My mom is right next to me, and Dakota is in the waiting room.

“What happened?”

“The doctor said the ulcer had eaten through the lining into a blood vessel or multiple vessels. There was a lot of bleeding, and he said it had been happening for a while.” She probably ignored the signs, and I hadn’t been paying attention. I was too focused on my own pride and hurt. Then I remember the last words I said to her. I hand Angelo to my mom as soon as the last stitch is in and head towards the main hospital.

I’m shaking, trying to be strong, what if scenarios playing in my mind and wondering how I’ll ever forgive myself or move on from her. I find myself in front of the chapel and go inside. I light a candle for my father, for Luis, and one for Callie. I don’t even go to the pew falling on my knees right in front of the altar. I don’t know how I remember it but I recite Psalm 38, one I learned as a child.

O Lord, in your
anger
punish me not; in your wrath chastise me not. For your arrows have sunk deep in me; your hand has come down upon me. There is no health in my flesh because of your indignation; there is no wholeness in my bones because of my sin. For my iniquities have overwhelmed me; they are like a heavy burden, beyond my strength. Noisome and festering are my sores, because of my folly. I am stooped and bowed down profoundly; all the day I go in mourning. For my loins are filled with burning pains; there is no health in my flesh. I am numbed and severely crushed; I roar with anguish of heart. O Lord, all my desire is before you; from you my groaning is not hid. My heart throbs, my strength forsakes me; the very light of my eyes has failed me. For I am very near to falling; and my grief is with me always. Indeed, I acknowledge my guilt; I grieve over my sins. Forsake me not, O Lord; my God be not far from me! Make haste to help me, O Lord, my salvation. Let me know, O Lord, my end and what is the number of my days, that I may learn how frail I am. A short span you have made my days, and my life is as naught before you; only a breath is any human existence. Hear my prayer, O Lord, to my cry give ear; to my weeping be not deaf! For I am but a wayfarer before you, a pilgrim like all my fathers. Turn you gaze from me that I may find respite, ere I depart and be no more.

I admit my weakness, my sins, and my hopes and still pray over and over. After I’m finished, I wipe my face and try to find Callie and get whatever information I can. Bianca and Dakota are sitting inside the waiting room I was directed to. “Mom took Angelo home. He’s perfectly fine but was hungry and tired.” I nod and take a seat.

“This was just an accident, man. Don’t blame yourself,” Dakota clasps my shoulder.

“Really? How do you figure it isn’t my fault? For months you’ve done nothing but tell me what an ass I was and that one day it may be too late. Maybe today is that day, and you know what? You were right, both of you. I was an ass. I was every name you could call me and she kept trying. Just like when we were kids, no matter what I did I had her love. I haven’t even given her the courtesy of hearing her reasons for the choices she made, and who knows, they may be damn good choices. I was blinded by my own pain, not even considering she had her own. So, yeah, man, this is on me.”

It is silent, and when the doctor comes in and lets us know she is stable, and we can visit one at a time, I don’t even give them the option of going in. She will be here at least three days and all of those days I will be a presence at her side, I just hope she wants that. After our words today, I’m not so sure.

Looking at her, I don’t know how I missed all the signs staring at me. She is frail, her bones showing through her skin and the slight purple under her eyes is now almost black. Her hair doesn’t shine like it used to and her color isn’t creamy or pale, it is sickly and almost translucent. I hate myself more right now than I ever hated anyone, including her father.

Even though the surgery was emergency, the procedure wasn’t too invasive so she begins waking up. As soon as she sees me she flinches. “Angelo?”

“He’s fine,” I walk closer to her and brush her cheek with my fingertips. She immediately turns away from me. “Four stitches, he was a champ.”

“Oh, God.” Her despair mixed with her tears about does me in.

“I promise it’s fine. Callie, he’s a kid, he won’t even remember.”

“But I will. I fucked up and put him in jeopardy. You’re all right. I can’t do this, I’m failing.”

“Hey, who said that?” She shoots me a look letting me know I’ve implied it more than once. “I was wrong. You’re a great mom. I was being a dick. I’m sorry.”

“Stop, Bronson. I don’t need you being nice.”

“I’m being honest. For the first time in a long time.” Her eyes lock onto mine, and I try to open up and let her see what I really feel. Love.

She quickly looks away, “How long will I be here?”

“A few days. Why weren’t you taking your medicine?”

“I don’t have insurance. I couldn’t afford it.”

“Fuck.”

“Now you sound like Bianca.” I made a promise to her . . . to myself . . . so many years ago and I let her down. No matter what transpired between us, I failed her. It hurts. She couldn’t afford her damn pills, and I turned a blind eye. Didn’t push harder for her to take my help. Hell, there were so many things I could have done. I could have stocked Angelo up with diapers, food, clothes, anything to lessen her load. I chose to let her burden all those on her own, always taking for granted the fact that he had everything he needed when she sent him to me. My choice about killed her, and I’ve been punishing her for her choices, and I don’t even know why she made them.

“I’m tired,” she tells me.

“So sleep.” I smirk at her.

“You leaving?”

“No.” She rolls her eyes, uncomfortable with my change of heart. “When you wake up we can talk.”

“Goody,” glad to see she hasn’t lost her wit. “Just what every girl wants to hear.” She turns on her side and surprisingly drifts off to sleep. Dakota sneaks Bianca back to the room; she was driving him crazy not being able to see Callie. I send them both home and tell them to come back tomorrow. Maybe we can sneak Angelo in for a few minutes, he will be missing her and vice versa.

I doze waiting for her to wake up, and after an hour, she finally stirs again. “You’re still here?”

“You are observant.”

“Get it over with.”

“What?”

“You said we were going to talk. Our last conversation wasn’t going to stellar so lay it out. Tell me what you are going to fight me for.” I’ve caused her to think the worst in me. I’ve caused her to doubt her abilities and broken the best part of her . . . her heart.

“No. Let’s forget that conversation.”

“I think you are right,” her voice is as tiny as she is.

“About what?”

“He’s better off with you. I can’t do this. I fail at everything I do. I can’t be the reason he gets hurt again.” She is fucking killing me here.

“Stop. Don’t believe that. He is not better off with me. He’s better off with us.”

“Except that ship sailed.”

“You’ve been dying to talk to me for months. Here’s your chance, I’m listening.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“It will always matter. I shouldn’t have made you believe it didn’t. Do you want me to tell you who Amy is?”

“Not a topic I’m keen on discussing. Pass.”

She makes me smile. “Okay, but we will have to talk about it at some time.”

“Once the nausea passes I’ll let you know. That is a vomit worthy story I’m sure.”

“Callie, what am I going to do with you?”

“What do you want to know?”

“Why? Why did you leave?” I hear her suck in a deep breath.

“That morning he summoned me. The envelope wasn’t from FSU; it was from him. I had just found out I was pregnant and couldn’t wait to tell you that night. He had all these pictures of you, alone and vulnerable. He made it very clear he could take you out at any time. I realized too late that I should have just shown them to you and let you handle it. But I didn’t. I went over there. I don’t know what I was going to do. Reason with him? Demand he leave us alone?” She stops pausing, drifting off into space.

“You okay?”

“Give me a minute.” I reach out and take her hand.

“Take all the time you need.”

Minutes pass, and she starts again, “So I get there and he tells me his plan. I was going to break up with you, create enough of a distraction for you so he could get some men in place. I refused. I wasn’t going to let him take anymore from you. He expected that . . . with a flip of the switch he altered my decision. He had your mom’s house wired, and I was watching video of your house. I knew that wouldn’t be the end of it. Even if I agreed, he wouldn’t leave you alone. So I used the one thing I had . . . Angelo.”