Bella #1 (Sagatori Family Saga #1) (18 page)

The hospice nurse arrived and I took that as my opportunity to leave for a few minutes. I wanted to grieve for my Papa in private. Where no one would call me weak because I was a woman. Women are always weak in my world. Well, the
y’
re called weak. Maybe not with words, but with silent comments tha
t’
re only heard with pity. Screw that. I was
n’
t going to be looked at with pity eyes. I was going to be respected. I was going to be feared.
I’
ve been through a lot, but things could get worse. They would only get worse. I knew that. I felt that.

***

Three more days had passed and still no word from Jax. Papa was getting weaker and weaker, only now he is
n’
t opening his eyes or talking to me. The nurses come and go trying to keep him comfortable so that he could die with dignity.

Di
e
…

My Papa was going to die.

My big strong Papa had been consumed with cancer. My nose began to tingle and I knew I was
n’
t going to be able to hold out on the tears for much longer. But I would not cry in front of him. That I swore to myself. That I could control. That I knew for sure would go my way.

I ran out of the master suite and into the hallway, slamming against a rock hard chest. Tears were bursting, snot ran from my nose. I was hysterical and I did
n’
t care that I was in the arms of someone. I knew in my heart who it was, I knew he was seeing me break down into the weak woman his kind pitied, but I did
n’
t care. I stopped caring in that moment. Nothing mattered. I would soon be a parentless child with nothing to care about anymore. Cancer was about to take another parent and I just did
n’
t care about anything any longer. I broke down in the hallway in the warm arms of the only man that made me angrier than I wanted to be. The only man that looked at me with eyes I could
n’
t read. I wanted to read those eyes I wanted to be lost in them. I wanted everything in those eyes. Dark dangerous eyes with no emotion.

I gasped for a breath when I felt the strong arms lift me up into a cradle position, holding me tighter than anyone had ever held me. I was broken. I was lost and scared, and I needed his strength. Lord knows I did
n’
t want it but I needed it.

So I succumbed to the pity I knew h
e’
d give. I became its prisoner. I welcomed it, just this once.

My body gently pressed onto the bed while I wept mindlessly, completely oblivious to anything around me. The tears poured from my eyes. My stomach tightened and pain shot through me. Snot ran down my nose. My heart raced in my chest, pounding away at the ribs that protected it. I was sure
I’
d never recover from the torment this was all causing. Pure fucking torment.

An arm crossed my body pulling me into a heated chest. I was naked now. So was he. H
e’
d removed my clothes without me even realizing it. I shifted so that I faced flush with his chest and cried. I gripped his arms and chest and hair and cried until I had no more tears left to give. He held me tight against his chest while I grieved for my Papa that was down the hall fighting for his life. A life that would be taken away too soon.

***

My eyes opened to the sound of voices in the hallway. My staff talking just outside my bedroom door. Light shown in from a crack left in the door way. I heard hushed voices and crying.

Papa!

I ran jumped from the bed
I’
d obviously fallen asleep on remembering wh
o’
d put me here. I was naked. I grabbed my cotton bath robe sliding into it and swinging the door open. Everyone gasped when they saw me.

“
What
?
” I demanded
.“
Wha
t’
s happened
?
”

“
Bella
?
” Rosemarie approached me from the side. Our senior housekeeper for twenty years. I trusted her with my life. She squeezed me in a tight embrace
.“
Wha
t’
s the matter
?
”

I looked into her eyes with confusion. I scanned her face but nothing seemed wrong
.“
Everyone was whispering, I thought. Was Papa
?
” I could
n’
t ask that question. The question that no child wants to ask let alone wants the answer too.

“
No Bella, h
e’
s fine. Go see
.
” She hurried me off towards Pap
a’
s room at the end of the large hallway.

My feet slowly headed into the direction I really did
n’
t want to go in. I wanted to run away. Far away. Pretend Papa was on business or with his Gumbas. Not this. Never this. I took a deep breath filling my lungs with air that smelled of cinnamon. Always cinnamon, Pap
a’
s favorite.

Another few feet and
I’
d be there. But Rosemarie said he was fine and I trusted her. She would never lie to me. I reached for the door handle, twisting the gold knob tightly into my palms. When the door clicked, Papa was there, standing in his favorite black suit, only the best for my Papa. His suits were hand stitched from Italy, only the best.

“
Papa? Yo
u’
re okay? Yo
u’
re not sick
?
” I stared into his eyes. The room was so bright around us. He smiled back at me and lifted his hands cupping my cheeks.

“
Princess, I love you so much. You were the best daughter I coul
d’
ve asked for. Always taking care of your Papa
.
”

“I’
m so glad yo
u’
re okay
.
” I gasped feeling the warm sensation of his hands on my face. I breathed him in. His spicy cologne that I loved so much.

“I’
m better than okay. Now
I’
m free
.
” My eyes rose with question.

“
But, why are you out of bed
?
” I looked around seeing that the nurses were gone. His bed was made with the silk Duve covering the bed for the first time since he was said to die there.

“
I love you Isabella. I will always love you
.
” His voice drew further away.

***

I think it was my heart that woke me. The sudden pounding. My eyes flew open. It was dark and quiet. I was alone and scared. I grabbed my bathrobe just as I had in my dream and draped it over my naked body, but this time I ran to the door and then ran down the hall to Pap
a’
s room.

Before I got the door open, I knew he was gone. Knowing that h
e’
d said goodbye in my dream. Knowing that I was left alone. I saw his lifeless body before I ran to him. Jax grabbed me into his arms, but I fought him. I wanted to wrap myself into Pap
a’
s hug I wanted him to open his eyes and hug me tell me that I was his beautiful princess. But h
e’
d never do that again. He was gone and I knew it. I knew that he left me. Momma left and now him.

“
Bella, i
t’
s okay. I
t’
s all going to be okay
.
”

Tears exploded once more from my already tired eyes but my cries were silent now. I could feel the pain on the inside but everything on the outside was numb and non-existent.

Jax watched me with a careful expression, I had him worried. Big strong Jax, The boss of the Chicago outfit was worried for someone other than himself. He worried for me.

“
When
?
” I asked knowing it had
n’
t been long.

“
A few minutes before you came in
.
” His eyes were careful his tone gently soothing
.“
The nurse woke me. He opened his eyes
.
”

My eyes were as wide as they could be
.“
Why did
n’
t you wake me
?
” I said in a shrill screech.

He shrugged
.“
I did
n’
t know what was going on and you were exhausted. I did
n’
t want to wake you before I knew there was a reason too
.
” His knuckles rans across my tear stained face.

“
What happened
?
”

“
We spoke for a moment, right before
.
” He paused.

“
And
!
” I demanded to know what happened, what h
e’
d allowed me to miss in my fathe
r’
s last moments.

“
Bell
a
…” He passed again taking a deep breath
.“
He asked that I take care of you. He asked me to love and protect his princess and then he took his last breath and just like that he was gone
.
”

My mouth gapped. My eyes wide. I could
n’
t believe what I was hearing. His death bed request was for Jax to protect and love me. To protect his princess. I was his very last word. Princess. The very last word he would ever speak. The last word anyone would ever hear him say.

The breath left my lungs. My chest felt tight, my heart pounded so quickly against my ribs I thought I was having a heart attack. Literally right here in front of Papa and Jax. A full blown heart attack. I could
n’
t breathe. I gasped for air. I begged for it. My breaths were short and fast. Jax stood screaming for help. His voice echoed in my ears but I could
n’
t make out the words. Everything became blurred and just like that darkness took over.

I’
d let it win now.

I was Isabella Sagatori. I was the daughter of Anthony Sagatori.
I’
d always find a way.

There are so many people that I would like to thank for everything they have done in helping with the release of Bella #1. I would first and foremost like to say that without each one of you, readers, family, friends, and bloggers, there would not be a Sagatori family saga. I absolutely cannot do this without you.
I’
m touched by the love and encouragement that I receive every day from all of you. I appreciate each of you more than you will ever know, but only because I do
n’
t know how to fully explain it.

My husband, Chad, and children have to be the most patient people I have ever met. They deal with everything that comes from having a mommy and wife attempting to make her writing dreams come true. I love you to the moon for that support, but
I’
d love you anyway *wink*.

To Misty Simmons- without you in my life it would all fall apart. Misty you are my best friend and the best PA a girl could have! You are one of the sweetest people I have ever met and
I’
m so grateful for the opportunity to not only work with you every single da
y
— yes, you are very dedicated!- but
I’
m thankful that we have become such amazing friends along the way.

To my friend April Newman- Thank you so much for always being there and ready to help! You have no idea how much your friendship has meant to me. Thank you so much for editing Bella #1!

My managers and friends, Misty, April, Courtney, and Victoria. You are the kind of girls everyone should have in their life! They work alongside Misty and myself in assuring every day to day detail is taken care of and are amazing in everything that they do and you are all such wonderful friends. I hope that you know how special you all are and how each of your friendships mean the absolute world to me.

To the blogs that go out of their way to help the indie author community, you are amazing. I am so thankful for you and your dedication. I would like to also say that your kindness is heartwarming. You are all a pleasure to work with every day.  

I would like to say thank you to the following blog for their continued support of The Angel Trilogy and of myself as a writer:

I would like to thank the following blogs for always sharing and reviewing my books. Your support is extremely appreciated. Abby and Lis
a’
s Book Blog, Three Southern Chick Book Blog, Revenge of the Feels, Books All things Paranormal, Assassi
n’
s Reading Review Group, New Chicks On The Blog, Mafia Book Chicks, FMR, Book Grind, Amazeballs Book Addiction, Beautiful Book Blog, Who Picked This, Be
x‘n
’ Books, Sarah & Kirst
y’
s Book Blog, Beautiful Book Blog, Bell
e’
s Book Belfry, Dympn
a’
s Book Blog, EscapeNBooks, Cheekypee reads and Reviews, J&J Book Blogger, Archaeolibrarian- I dig good books, Soul of The Single Lady Book Club, A Risq
u
é Affair, Cecil
y’
s Book Review, Till The Last Page Book Blog, Butterflies and Angels Book Obsession, Twin Sisters Rocki
n
’ Book Reviews, Indi Author Books, Book Nook Nuts, Pixies Book Review Blog, Smutty Book Friends, Little shop of Readers, Cheeky Chicks Book Hangover, One Book Boyfriend At A Time, Isalovesbooks, Read Review Repeat, The Jazzy world of
E’
s Bookshelf, Rust
y’
s Reading, Pimp & Whore your Book/Blog/Page/Group/Author/Writer, Alic
e’
s Book Wonderland, Beauties With Brains Book Blog, Two Sassy Chicks, Drama Queens Book Blog, A Dirty Book Affair, Author Groupies, Spreading the Word, and Bookalicious Babes Blog, Once upon an Alpha, Thecathydotson, Another Indie Book Promo Blog, Ly
n’
s Love of Books, Read relax repeat, Lin
a’
s Reviews, Outrageous Her
o’
s of Romance, Sis
i’
s Book Whore, Whatever floats your boat, Ramblings from beneath the sheets, Souls Readers, Night and day book blog, Reading in Sar
a’
s Corner, Word forward, Saucy books, I feel the need, the need to read, A pair of okies, Sassy southern book affair, Jennife
r’
s blog, 3 crazy book chicks, Our book stars, Six chicks an their love of books, Fictional fantasies,

I am going to take a moment to say thank you to my Mom, Dad, and friends that support me every day. Without you I would
n’
t be able to do what I do, I love you. I always dreamt that one day I would write something that someone would want to read and for me to actually have accomplished that is an absolute dream come true. M
y“
da
y
” job is being a hospice nurse and I see how quickly our lives can end. Knowing that and being able to follow my dreams in this life means more than I can possibly explain.

Thank you so much for reading this story!

Kimberly, xoxo