Being Invisible (14 page)

“Okay. And, Liz? Thanks.”

“I am so relieved that you’re
okay, I would drive to Mexico to get you, Luce.”

“And that’s why I love you.”

Twenty minutes later I am in Liz’s
car, ready to head home. Liz immediately leans over the console to pull me into
a hug. The moment I feel her arms around me I dissolve into tears.

“Do you want to talk about it?”
Liz asks me when my sobs have faded into silent tears.

 
“Yeah. Just give me a few minutes to
decompress.”

“Sure.”

We ride in silence for several
miles, the sound of the car engine lulling me into a sort of calmness that
feels more like a dull ache. I lean back in my seat and enjoy the quiet.

Finally, when Liz can no longer
take it, she breaks the silence. “Can I just say one thing?” Liz waits for my
nod. “When Colin came back to the cabin, he looked terrible. I could tell he
had been crying. I think he’s taking it as hard as you. I don’t know if that
makes you feel any better or not, but I thought you might want to know.”

She glances in my direction and
notices my fresh tears. “I’m sorry. You don’t need that right now. I shouldn’t
have said anything.”

“No. It’s fine. I still love him,
so it makes me sad that he’s sad. But nothing he does can change things
anymore.”

“So this isn’t just a fight? You
guys...you broke up?” She says the last part in almost a whisper.

I shake my head yes, unable to
form the words.

“Lucy, I know I said stuff earlier
about you two, but I was just worried about you. I never thought in a million
years that he would actually break up with you.”

“I know. And he didn’t. I did. I
finally realized that nothing was ever going to change. And I can’t pretend
that I can live with that anymore.”

“Shit, Lucy. What happened
tonight?”

By the time I am done with the
story, we are home, in our pajamas eating cookie dough on the couch.

“Wow, Lucy. That sucks. I don’t
even know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything.
Right now, and until future reference, your job is to bring me cookie dough and
tissues, and either keep all things hero related out of the house, or help me
come up with ways to destroy all hero related paraphernalia that makes it in.”

“I can do that.”

“Good. Now fire up the TV. I’m
sure there’s a
Law and Order
marathon
on somewhere.”

It’s been two weeks. Fourteen
days. Four of which I actually slept through the night. And that’s counting the
past four nights, when I started taking sleeping pills. I kind of thought I
would be over him by now.

As soon as Annie found out about
the break up, she came over and stayed the night with Liz and me at our
apartment. She’s been here pretty much ever since.

She and Liz are worried about me.
The not sleeping much concerned them. The eating very little made them anxious.
But it was the fact that I couldn’t bring myself to make a break-up playlist
that caused them to stage an intervention.

Today, they have decided that it’s
time to take the first steps in the healing process.

“So, today we are taking you out
to get mani-pedis.
 
Then, we are
going to go shopping to pick you out some amazing clothes, fit for a night out.
By then, we're hoping you will be ready for us to ease you into the next part
of our plan.” Annie looks to Liz to continue.

“Lucy, I know you haven’t been up
for much, but I think a night out with the girls could be just what you need.”
The way Liz says it, I think she's afraid I'm going to snap.

“You want to go to the gym?” I
know I should probably get out, but doing stomach crunches and leg presses
sounds about as much fun as eating nails.

“Nope. No gym tonight. We are
going for some real fun. Tonight we’re taking you out for drinks at Ruby's and,
if you’re up for it, a little karaoke.” Annie looks at me, waiting for me to
protest. Knowing my friends, they probably made a list of possible objections I
could give and how to respond to each of them, so I decide to put them out of
their misery.

“I think you guys are right. I
need to get out. I’m not entirely on board with singing, but the rest sounds
like fun. I’m in.”

“Wait. You’re in?”
 
Liz raises her eyebrows at Annie. I
think they were expecting their plan to require duct tape and a trunk.

“Yep. I'm pretty over myself these
days. I need to have a night away from my thoughts. I’m sure they will be here
when I get back.”

The girls scream and hug me while
jumping up and down.

After they pull away, Annie gently
squeezes my arm.
 
“I remember those
thoughts when James and I broke up. Trust me, you won’t miss them.”

I nod my head in understanding
before heading upstairs to get dressed. Maybe tonight will help me put my
thoughts of Colin to rest for good.

It’s eight o’clock, and I am
already three shots in. Over the years, Liz and I have stayed true to our rule
to never drink to the point of being drunk. Tonight, Liz is changing the rule
to “don’t puke in my car.”

After a relaxing day of pampering
and shopping, I am starting to feel like a little bit of weight has lifted from
my heart. I’m not gonna lie, the Atomic Fireballs help.

We are in Liz’s car listening to
the playlist that she and Annie made for me. They named it ‘Invincibility,’ because
they want me to know that I am strong. And powerful. And to remind me that
breaking up with Colin isn’t going to break me.

Is that true? I feel a little broken. Maybe not completely broken. I
guess that's something.

By the time we arrive at Ruby's,
we are singing “Do I Wanna Know” by Arctic Monkeys at the top of our lungs, and
I have only thought of Colin three and half times. I think that's a sign that
it's going to be a pretty good night.

As we walk into the bar, Annie
assures me that they don’t want me to feel any pressure to sing. But she also
casually mentions that they picked Ruby’s because it’s small, so I shouldn’t
feel embarrassed to go onstage. She also says that I should pick out a song
“just in case”, since having a few drinks in me might loosen me up a bit.

I’m not sure why, but for some
reason I get the feeling they might really want me to sing.

But sure, no pressure.

Liz brings over drinks for Annie
and me. Since she is the designated driver, she also put herself in charge of
making all alcohol related decisions. That way we won’t drink to the point of
oblivion, or mix drinks that will cause us to “disrespect Minnie by puking on,
in or near her.” Minnie being her VW Bug that she paid for with babysitting
money she has been saving since she was twelve. At least that’s the story we
hear every time someone even thinks about eating in her car.

We are sitting in the back corner
of the bar, listening to Annie sing “Need You Tonight” by INXS when I see Ruth
walk in, along with Robin and Jane, two of our friends from college.

Liz leans over and whispers in my
ear. “We wanted to make sure you have all the girl power you need.”

I look at Liz, then at Annie who
is smiling at me from the stage. I mouth “thank you” to her before extending my
thanks to Liz. “You guys are so awesome.”

‘I know.” Liz bumps my shoulder
with hers. My friends all lean in for hugs, before heading to the bar for
drinks.

I take a moment to look around.
Like my friends said, the place is pretty small. On one side, a bar takes up
half the length of the room. On the side opposite the bar there are two pool
tables, where a few guys are deep into an intense game. My mind briefly drifts
to playing pool with Colin at the old house, but before my memories take total
control of me, I force myself back to the present.

As soon as the girls come back to
the table, everyone starts discussing their song picks. Liz starts the night
with a really corny version of “Desperado” while Ruth spends the next three songs
trying to decide which Taylor Swift song she wants to croon. And even though I
don’t feel like singing yet, I am enjoying watching everyone else and cheering them
on.

By the end of Robin and Jane’s
duet of Bohemian Rhapsody, the drinks I have been nursing are starting to catch
up with me. My head has become fuzzy, and my lips are slightly numb. It takes
the sting from the breakup away, but my mind still wanders to Colin.

How is he doing? Is he happier now? Has he found another girl who
doesn’t mind the fact that she will never see him?

My thoughts are interrupted when I
hear Ruth’s voice.

“Hey, you in there, Lucy?”

I turn to her in question; afraid
I might have missed something she said. “What?”

“It’s just that you were kinda
zoning out there for a minute. I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“Oh yeah, fine. Just enjoying the
music.”

Ruth looks confused. I’m not sure
why until I realize that a middle-aged man that looks like Santa and a slightly
older Asian man are doing a duet of “Summer Nights.”

“Well maybe not enjoying it…”

“It’s okay,” Ruth laughs. “Just
want to make sure you’re having fun.”

“Oh, I am, ” I assure her.

It doesn’t take much longer before
the alcohol really hits me. Ruth is telling me about how she has gotten some
insight into the mind of Vapor, and that she thinks she will be able to get
close to him soon, which I find hilarious. Partly because who wants insight
into the mind of The Vapor? He’s just a stupid boy, who does stupid boy things.
And also partly because everything is really funny right now. Seriously, how
have I not noticed how hilarious my friends are?

Suddenly, it strikes me. I’m gonna
do it.

“I am totally going to sing.” I
make my announcement right in the middle of their discussion about how to make
the best margarita, so they all stop and look at me.

“Get the book Liz, the girl’s
gonna sing.”

While I am flipping through the
book, I hear the chime on Liz’s phone indicating she has a text. As soon as she
looks at it, her eyes get wide and she shows the text to Annie, who yells out
“oh shit,” followed by, “sorry bumped my knee” when everyone at the table looks
at her.

“We’ll be right back.” Liz says,
then grabs Annie’s hand and pulls her away from the table.

That was weird.

I am trying to decide between two
different Violent Femme songs when Liz and Annie come back to the table looking
worried.

“What’s up?” I ask, taking another
drink of my mojito.

“Luce, I have to tell you
something. I’m not sure how you are going to feel about it.”

“What?” The rum has dulled my
senses some, so I’m not as worried about what they’re going to say as they
look.

“Drew texted me. They’re here.”
Liz looks at me, waiting for how I am going to respond.

“They’re here? Drew and… Colin?” I
don’t think I have said his name since I told Annie that we broke up. It feels
strange on my lips.

“Yes.” Annie answers slowly.

“I never even knew he liked
karaoke.” My anger seems to perplex them, so I continue. “All this time he was
too busy for me, but apparently the world of marketing can be put on hold when
he wants to sing.” I almost said the hero business, but luckily even in my
state of inebriation I rock at keeping secrets. “I would have gone with him to
sing karaoke if I would have known.”

Liz looks at me like I’m insane.
“He’s not here to sing nitwit. He’s here because Drew told Colin where we were
going, and he wants to see you.”

“Ohh, okay.” I nod in
understanding. “Wait...what the hell? It’s
ladies’
night, not insensitive asshead night. If it was, I would have called and
invited him in the first place.”

“Say the word, and we will kick
them out. I only mentioned it because Drew told me he couldn’t take his sorry
ass moping anymore.” Liz looks ready to use physical force if necessary, which
I love about her.

“He’s moping? Huh. Well, that
makes me feel a little better.”

 
In my head I can imagine how this might
go. Me, drunk, angry and singing karaoke. Him, mopey and brooding.

 
What
could go wrong?

 
Secretly, the thought of seeing Colin
fills me with a warmth that the alcohol hasn’t. After being with him as much as
possible and talking to him most everyday, it’s been really difficult not
seeing him at all. I know it’s masochistic, but knowing that I might see him
any minute now is making me a little happier than it should. Not that I would
tell my friends that.

“You know what? I don’t care. If
he wants to hang out here listening to that biker dude sing Barry Manilow
hits,” I point to the stage where said biker is singing his heart out, “then
far be it for me to stop him.”

“Are you sure?” Liz doesn’t look
convinced.

“Yeah. It’s fine. You’re dating
Drew, and Colin is his best friend. At some point I am going to have to run
into him. Might as well be tonight.”

Liz looks at Annie, who shrugs.
“Well, okay then. If you’re sure.”

“Sure. Whatever.” I’m sure I sound
totally chill about the whole thing given that I am slightly freaking out, and
maybe more than a little intoxicated.

Liz leaves, then comes back with
Drew and Colin. When I see him, my stupid heart skips a beat.

I put on my best “no big deal’
face, which probably looks more like my “focus on anything but my ex” look. But
it’s the best I can do under the circumstances. Drew nods at me and smiles,
then turns to Liz.

“She had a few?”

Damn. I thought I played that cool.

“I don’t know what you’re talking
about.” Liz looks at him innocently.

Curiosity gets the better of me,
and I glance Colin’s way.

“Hey.” He says.

Damn. He looks really
good.

 
He’s wearing the Ramones t-shirt I bought
him for his birthday over a long white tee. He looks like he’s recently gotten
a haircut, which makes it easier to see his big blue eyes.

“Hey.” I give him a half smile. Or
at least what I think is a half smile. I can’t quite seem to get my facial
expressions to match up with how I am pretending to feel.

“I really want to play darts.
Anybody else want to play darts?” Annie asks in the most obvious way possible.

Wow. By the way our friends
scatter, everyone who was just at this table must really want to play darts.

So much for girls’ night.

Colin sits across from me, and looks
around the bar like he wants it to give him inspiration on how to speak. I
notice that his leg is bouncing up and down, and he’s tapping his fingers
against his bottle of beer. Right now I am feeling both really bad for how
anguished he seems to be, and kinda relieved I’m not the only one suffering.
It’s a complicated mix of emotions for someone who probably couldn’t stand
without assistance.

“How have you been?” He finally
looks right at me, and at that moment I want to jump into his arms and tell him
I miss him.

“Fine. You?”

He laughs, in a way that tells me
that nothing he feels is funny. “Truth? I’ve been better. Drew has had to keep
me from calling you about a hundred times. I can’t sleep. I can’t concentrate.
I’m… not great.”