Being Celeste (18 page)

“Fine! You go to America and leave me here
all alone. And for the record, I’m not picking at nothing. I have two really
hot boys, trying to get my attention. Really soon I’ll be slim and on my way to
making a success of my life.”

Kate laughed! “Oh, is that all? Two boys
and weight loss? Celeste, grow up!”

“Well, at least I have people who actually
like me. When was the last time you got any action, Mrs Accidental Kiss?”

“Yeah well, at least
I’ve
been
kissed!” said Kate, with an evil smile on her face.

Who was she? What had the city done to her?
I started packing my things. That last comment of hers really pierced through
my heart.

“Kate, I never want to hear from you again.
I thought you were my best friend, but you’re such a bitch!”

“I thought you were my
sister
, but
instead
you’re
the bitch. Good ridings!”

I huffed and I puffed and I fled to the
comfort of my house. I felt so hurt and confused. As soon as I arrived home and
into my bedroom, I began crying. What had just happened?

I don’t think I’ve
ever had a fight with Kate, well at least one that huge. It is madness, what
the world is coming to these days. I never thought that Kate of all people
could betray me like that. I’ve heard of true colours, but I thought I knew
Kate, in and out. I never knew that new clothes and eyeliner could change a
person. Make them all mean and conniving. I don’t think that Kate fully
understands how she’s hurt me. I missed her, and now I take it back. I mean, we
had a plan.
I
could have easily diverted and went my own way as well,
being all independent from this friendship. But no, every time I do something,
I consider Kate, whether she would be excluded from my plans or not. Then she
has the audacity to call me selfish and self centred and controlling! Another
thing, we’ve never cussed each other out. I never knew that Kate could call me
a bitch! I know I started it, but I was so furious and anything could have
happened. I wonder if she’s hurting as much as
I
am. Then again, I don’t
think she cares as much, her being the next supermodel and all. All this time
she’s been using me, until she found something and left. I was never her
friend.

I decided against going to the gym this
morning because I was utterly depressed. I think my mother saw that in me. I
wasn’t as chirpy and polite as I always am. All she could do was to make us
breakfast; me and dad. And I’m talking about a real breakfast, with meat and
eggs and bread and whatever else you can think of. I was not a vegetarian
anymore, so I soared through the food like a competitive eater. I think at that
moment, it was time to admit to myself that I was an emotional eater. I
couldn’t tell any of my parents what had happened yesterday, as they wouldn’t
understand. But the day will come when one of them asks me about Kate.

“Your sister is coming tomorrow, dear,”
said mum, dishing dad his second helping.

“Oh?” oh great!
more
drama, I
thought to myself. She was probably going to confess her little secret.

“So tomorrow you should close up early. She
says she has got news for the whole family.”

What does she need me here for? I already
know the news. This is the time in my life where I need to vent and be alone.
I’m in the land of the betrayed and I feel so alone in this world. It’s so
cold, the place I’m in. It’s like wearing a warm blanket on a cold, cold day
and having someone thrust it off your body exposing you to the chilly air.

As for my boy troubles, I thought about it
long and hard last night. My life is moving at incredible speed now. I have a
lot going for me. I counselled myself. I can’t be hung up on Kate forever. I
have to move on and find new friends and grab any opportunity that comes my
way. Now that I’m thinking for one, and Kate’s out of the equation, I can take
on anything I want. It’s this feeling of freedom that gets me thinking about a
whole lot of new things that I’ve been brushing off because of Kate. I like
Thabang, a lot. I think he should be the one that takes me out for lunch or
something. So what I’ll do, to prevent Taboka’s feelings from getting hurt, is
to go out with them both. There are two ways that I have to choose when dealing
with Taboka. I’ll say yes to his offer (well, I already have, but you know what
I mean), meet up with him and either give him the worst date that he’s ever
been on, or just tell him that I have no feelings for him (I feel like a
heartbreaker. The feeling is a good one though. I want to dedicate it to all
those who never thought they were good enough to ever be asked out by a cute
boy, even Kate.). I’ll have to choose one impulsively, or else I’m going to
panic and fail to go through with either of them. Knowing me, I’ll probably
rehearse what I’m going to do on the lunch date and then completely ruin
everything. On Thabang’s date, I’ll tell him all about Taboka and the fact that
he asked me out to lunch, this way our love can begin on complete honesty. It’s
a perfectly good idea. I wonder why I was stressing so much before. I’d see the
boys tomorrow at the gym.

I want to forget about the deal with me and
Kate, but it’s so hard. I don’t understand why I can’t stop crying. Every time
I even try to think about something else, I’m reminded that it’s because of
her.
And I don’t mean like loud wailing, just soft tears that collect and collect
and expose me. I don’t want to cry but it hurts. I can feel the spikes at the
nasal part of my face, the ones you feel when about to cry, then my face heats
up and I just go for it. It hurts, I hope she realises that it hurts. I want
this to stop. I need to think positive, think about my future boyfriend and my
future friends. But why does she want to leave me?

“Are you okay?” said a customer.

I was looking into the parking lot of the
complex, very distant, with tears in my eyes. I don’t think it was intentional,
but I found myself thinking about Monday Madness, the time when Kate was
normal. You know what, I don’t care! (Stop crying, silly!).

“Why are you crying?” said the concerned
customer again.

I turned and faced her, wiping away
frantically at my face, and sniffing everything back to where it came from.

“It’s nothing, I’m fine,” I reassured, with
a feint smile on my face. The eye area of my face was just on fire, burning
from all the crying.

“So how much for the leather jackets?” said
the customer once more.

I should close the shop and go home. I
don’t want to be seen out today. I virtually told Kate that I never wanted to
see her again. That means she’s dead to me. I have to mourn my loss while
preparing for the gym tomorrow; the day I make arrangements with the boys. They
have to find me fresh faced and normal, not on the brink of tears every time I
try to utter a single word. All of a sudden, Taboka walked into the boutique,
looking all handsome and manly. My eyes grew wide from shock, and my gloomy
mood disappeared. It had to disappear, as I had to be a professional.

“Hello Celeste,” he said, with a smile on
his face.

By then the shop was empty, and it was just
me and my thoughts. The leather jacket customer left a moment before Taboka
showed up. I didn’t know what to say to him. My head was in a million places at
once. I wanted to say something back, but I was too busy analysing things in my
head. So the best I could do was to just smile at him. He was wearing a pink
golf t-shirt. It instantly reminded me of Kate and her outfit for Mondays. I
felt another piercing sensation in my nose, but I begged it to go away so that
I wouldn’t cry. I was wasting my tears.

I think Taboka wanted me to say something
to him back, but instead he got a smile from me.

“So how are you?” he asked with his
gorgeous voice.

“Good.” I couldn’t stop smiling, I was
forcing it.

“You didn’t come to gym today so I presumed
that you might be sick or something.”

Oh, that’s very thoughtful of him, worrying
about me. I ought to tell him that indeed I wasn’t feeling well, in fact I
still wasn’t. He couldn’t notice that I looked like crap from all the crying. I
guess being a babe entails being fresh faced all the time.

“Yeah, I wasn’t feeling all too well. I’m
still really down.”

“Oh.” He looked disappointed. “I came here
to ask you about that lunch date from the other day. We actually hadn’t
finalised anything, so.”

I gave him another fake smile. Taboka was
really boring to me, and not as catchy as before. I’ve emphasised it plenty of
times, but it just pains me that now I have to pretend like I’m actually
interested in going out with him.

“How about lunch tomorrow?” I said,
remembering my plan.

“Cool.”

“One o’clock?”

“Sure. Um, how about I meet you at
Eat
and Drink
?”

“Sure.”

Then he left, leaving me in the shop all
plain and dry. Just like that. It was very cold and snappy, kind of like I had
made a business meeting plan with him. I wasn’t sure if he noticed that there
were no sparks between us whatsoever, that’s what was so confusing about
everything. He didn’t even offer to pick me up so that we could go together.
Maybe this was a pity date. No, it’s not a pity date, it doesn’t apply. I
should be really grateful however for having a date tomorrow. I should be
jumping up and down. I’m going to get the first one out of the way, finally! I
wonder what I’m going to wear. It shouldn’t matter because I’m not interested
in Taboka. But I’m a babe now, I should be presentable.

I decided to browse around the shop for
clothes to wear. I’d deduct whatever I chose, from my salary. Working in your
own shop has its own perks, you know. I wonder if purple works well with my
figure because there’s a blouse that has my name on it. But wait a minute,
maybe I should keep it casual. It’s just lunch, not a ball. Besides, the
location doesn’t exactly scream
five star restaurant
, so there’s nothing
to worry about. Okay, a pair of jeans and the blouse. There’s no way I’m
leaving the blouse behind. I’m going to look just smashing in it! It’s coming
along. Shoes...shoes...shoes. I’ll just wear sandals. I have plenty of those.
If Kate was here, she would give me her opinion on my clothes. I had always
imagined that she’d be there to help me pick out my first outfit for my first
date. Blame me for going on a first date at twenty-one, I’m too late.

I think I’ve lost some weight because the
blouse I picked out is a little too big. Success! It’s always a good feeling,
being fat and all, when you discover that your normal size is big on you. In
fact, you become so happy, you want to get one in every colour. I think that’s
how I get my favourite clothes. I’m so excited, and it’s a good thing. Take
that
Kate! I wonder when she’s leaving for a new continent. But then again, I
couldn’t care less.

******************

I feel lighter and not moody. I want to
float and have everyone see that I am floating. This is the day I embark on my
first date, ever! The joy in my heart makes me giggle. I’m getting chills just
from my excitement. I’ve forgotten about certain backstabbers in my past and
I’m moving on to better and brighter things. I’m becoming a woman, a real
woman, with a man. Except on this certain day it’s the wrong man, but I don’t
care. I’ve waited for this day all my life...well, ever since I thought boys
weren’t totally gross. I never imagined that the guy, who saves me from
spinsterhood, would be one of the hottest guys I’ve ever seen. Taboka is not
that horrible looking, so I can endure a meal with him. This reminds me, I have
to behave myself around the menu. I should order something light, like a salad.
But I read somewhere that some guys don’t like girls who eat salads. I don’t
think it should apply to me. I’m still fat, so me eating a salad will not be
much of a contradiction. I’m going to order a salad though, really? The fact
that I’m going on my first date should render some sort of celebration. And I
never eat out. I should get something I can’t make at home, something that’s
not a salad, something delicious.

I geared up for the gym and began my boring
routine on the less than friendly machines. Ten minutes on the treadmill, my
knees hurt. I think it’s because of the treadmill. I don’t really care that
much though because I feel lighter than usual. I hope I get an overdose of that
happy hormone people get after exercising. I’m really going to need it.

I saw Thabang enter the gym. I looked the
other way and pretended like I hadn’t noticed him. He looks really hot today. I
think it’s because I’m totally into him. He looks all mannerly and down to
earth. He looks like the perfect candidate for my first boyfriend. I increased
the speed of the treadmill so that I could pretend I was really into my
workout. I haven’t started running yet, ever since I started with my gym
membership, perhaps this is the day. After a few seconds I was back to walking
again. I don’t think I’m there yet, the running phase. I even want to get off.
I’m beyond tired and out of breath, and my knees really hurt, the joints. It’s
like I’m out of the lubricant that goes at the joints. But that’s not normal,
is it? I always thought it was an old age problem.