Behind the Mask (60 page)

C
ameron woke to find the room still dark, but he knew dawn wasn’t far off. He could feel Abbi’s warm breath against his face as she slept, and he soaked in her presence with gratitude. After all these months without her, having her in his life felt miraculous. But he wished the days between now and the public wedding were behind them, and he prayed that Abbi’s ignorance of the situation would keep her uninvolved until he could reclaim his freedom.

Light crept subtly into the room, cuing Cameron that it was time to leave. He dressed quietly while he watched Abbi sleep. She glowed with an extra beauty motherhood had given her, and he knew that what he faced was well worth any risk—to have her freely and with a clear conscience. He put his cloak around his shoulders and pressed a soft kiss to Abbi’s lips until she moaned with pleasure.

“Abbi,” he whispered, “I’ve got to leave.”

“Leave?” she said with sleep in her voice. “Why?”

“It’s dawn, and I’ve got to get out of here before the sun comes up.”

“Will I see you tonight?” she asked through a yawn and stood up to embrace him.

“Not tonight, I’m afraid.” He kissed her once more. “But I’ll come tomorrow night. You can count on it.”

Cameron looked over the balcony in all directions before he kicked the rope down and swung his leg over the railing. He looked down and said, “You know, a woman with a clandestine lover should have a rose trellis going up to her balcony, don’t you think?”

“You’ll have to settle for a rope.”

“It’s well worth it,” he said. “I’ll see you tomorrow night. Oh, and love, when I get down, pull this thing back up so it won’t be seen.” Cameron then grabbed the rope with both hands and disappeared over the railing.

Abbi stepped to the edge of the balcony and watched him slide carefully down. When his feet touched the ground he looked up and touched his lips with his hand, then he pulled the hood of his cloak over his head and walked rapidly across the lawn toward the stable. Abbi watched as he went inside, and was surprised to see him reappear on a horse only a moment later. Georg must have had it saddled and waiting. Abbi watched Cameron gallop toward the covered bridge with his cloak flying behind him until he disappeared from sight.

Abbi went back to bed and slept soundly until midmorning, loving the subtle masculine scent Cameron had left behind, which took her mind back to the time they’d shared on the mountain. She wanted to stay in bed all day and indulge in memories, but she had important things to do today. Drawing courage, she forced herself to get up and meet the challenge of carrying out Cameron’s assignment. Attempting to plan it out in her mind, she determined that it wasn’t so easy to accept now that Cameron wasn’t here. He’d been very convincing. But now that he was gone, the thought of consenting to marry Lance felt like committing treason. It was all so deceptive. She had sworn to trust Cameron unquestionably, but she’d never dreamed her trust would be tested to such limits.

After a late breakfast, Abbi walked out to the stable to pass some time. She considered sending a message to let Lance know she needed to talk with him, but she knew he’d show up before the day was over. She had barely walked through the stable door when she looked down to see two familiar dogs lapping at her feet.

“Captain! Duke!” She laughed and squatted down to rub their heads.

“I see you’ve met,” Georg said.

Abbi looked up at him and laughed again as the dogs licked her hands. “Oh, we know each other
very
well. Yes,” she said more to the dogs, “we’re good friends, aren’t we?”

“They’re living here for the time being, so you’ll have plenty of time to get reacquainted.”

“Actually,” Abbi said with a caustic edge as she stood and moved toward him, “I’m going to be
much
too busy. I’ve got a wedding to plan.” She walked around Georg while he stood with his hands on his hips, staring at the ground. “Thank you very much, Georg,” she said with sarcasm. “I can’t tell you how overjoyed I am to think of being betrothed to Captain Dukerk. It’s exactly what I’ve always wanted.”

“Are you finished?” he asked, calm and unruffled.

“What else can I say?”

“You could have said you wouldn’t do it.”

“And then what?”

“I don’t know what, Abbi, but we would have figured something out.”

“Like what? Cameron told me he couldn’t come up with a better plan.”

“I’m not going to force you to do anything.”

Abbi sighed. “You’re much too clever for your own good, Georg. You know very well that I would do anything Cameron asked of me.”

“He would do the same for you.”

“Yes, I’m certain he would.”

“It’s going to be all right, Abbi,” Georg insisted.

“Yes, well,
all right
is relative. Having Lance take care of me and my child for the rest of my life might be
all right
. But it’s certainly not going to make me happy.”

Georg put his arms around her. “Stop worrying.”

Abbi just grunted, relieved by the distraction of the dogs, who wanted to play.

The day dragged for Abbi. She didn’t want to get involved with any projects in case Lance showed up. She attempted to paint but simply couldn’t concentrate. He finally appeared a short while before supper, but he visited with her aunts until it was time to eat. Throughout the meal, Abbi rehearsed in her mind the things she would tell him. She wanted to be as honest as possible, and she was grateful to find only one point of outright deception. Still, the whole thing made her terribly uneasy and she wanted to have it over.

“Are you all right, Abbi?” he asked while she aimlessly picked at her dessert.

Abbi looked up and forced a smile. Instead of answering the question she pushed her plate away and said, “I was hoping we could talk when you’re finished. I—”

“I
am
finished,” he said, coming to his feet. He graciously kissed the hands of Ramona and Salina, bidding them good evening.

Abbi put her hand over Lance’s arm as they stepped into the summer air.

“It’s been a beautiful day,” he said.

“Yes, the weather’s perfect.”

“You have something to say, I assume,” Lance said as they started out.

“Yes, but . . . I need some time to gather my thoughts. Let’s just walk for a while.”

“My pleasure,” he said, and they moved on in peaceable silence. The sun went down as they walked through the gardens and followed the path around the house, finally coming to the bench where Abbi often sat to paint.

Abbi drew a deep breath of courage as Lance looked into her eyes. “Something is troubling you,” he said.

“Yes,” she admitted and shivered involuntarily.

“Are you cold?”

“A little perhaps,” she said and was startled a moment later to find Lance putting the coat of his uniform around her shoulders. Beneath it he wore a close-fitting white shirt and black braces. Wearing the coat did ward off the chill of the evening breeze, but how could she not recall wearing the coat of Cameron’s uniform?
Good heavens,
she thought,
he was once an officer of the Guard
. The connection became suddenly unsettling, though she’d realized as much back at the lodge. What did that imply in relation to Cameron’s present endeavors?

“Abbi?” Lance startled her from her thoughts once again.

“Forgive me,” she said. “I confess, there is a great deal on my mind.”

“Which brings us back to the fact that you wanted to talk to me about something.”

“That’s right. It’s just . . . difficult to know where to begin.” She took a deep breath and attempted to get right to the point. “I’ve been thinking about your proposal and . . . I would like to accept.”

“Oh, Abbi,” he took her hand into his, displaying more enthusiasm than she’d expected, “that’s wonderful.”

“But,” she drawled, “there are circumstances I must discuss with you. I have developed some complications in my life that . . . well . . . that I hesitate to bring into
your
life.” He looked disheartened as she continued. “I must be honest with you and tell you where my situation stands. And then you can decide if marrying me is still something you’re willing to do.”

The concern in his eyes deepened, but he simply said, “I’d do anything in my power to help you, Abbi.”

Abbi sighed. That was a good sign. She fought back a rush of emotion, but her voice still cracked as she said, “I’m in trouble, Lance.”

“What kind of trouble?” he asked in alarm. “Are you—”

“Please, let me explain, and then I’ll answer any questions you have for me.” She chuckled tensely. “I’ve been trying to memorize what I need to tell you. This is difficult for me. I ask for your patience.”

“Of course,” he said, still holding her hand.

“I told you very little about my experience on the mountain last winter. But now . . . it’s imperative that you know . . . the man who saved my life, who took care of me, is . . . well, we grew to care for each other very much.”

Lance looked startled as it became evident this was not what he’d expected. “Go on,” he said, and Abbi feared that once she got the whole truth out, he would shun her and foil Cameron’s plan. And she couldn’t blame him.

“In fact, we grew to care for each other so much that . . . we exchanged vows.” Abbi allowed him a moment to absorb this.

“Vows?” he repeated, incredulous.

“We were snowed in. It was impossible to go before a man of God, but . . . we exchanged private vows of marriage . . . in January.”

Lance looked as though he wanted to ask a dozen questions, but his silence made it evident that he would allow her to finish her story.

“There are some things in his life that are not in order. In fact, I am ashamed to admit that I know very little about him. I only know how he makes me feel . . . and how I feel about him, but . . . at a later time we made our vows official before a man of God, and—”

“You’re already married, then?” he asked in a voice more calm than she’d expected. But his shock was still evident.

Abbi looked away. “That’s right, but . . .”

“But?” he pressed.

“I have reason to believe I may never see him again. I have known all along that his life was in danger, but . . .” Abbi got emotional again as her honesty struck deeply. “He told me that we would be married publicly one day, and I do not regret what I’ve done, but . . .”

“You think he’s dead?” Lance said gently.

Now the deception deepened. Abbi reminded herself that this was for the sake of Cameron’s safety. She recalled his promise that he would not allow this marriage to take place if he were still alive. So, in a way, she was not deviating too far from the truth. Firmly she nodded.

“Well . . . if he’s dead, then surely you—”

“Hear me out, Lance. There is more.”

He sighed and leaned back.

“If I marry you, Lance, you must understand that my heart is lost, and I don’t know if it will ever recover. I would do my best to be a good wife. I would be loyal to you in word and deed. But I cannot make any promises concerning what would be in my heart. I love this man very much. My feelings for him are unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.”

Abbi’s heart pounded; Lance said nothing. While she was gathering words to give him the remaining information, he said in his usual quiet way, “I care very much for you, Abbi. It would be an honor to care for you. And perhaps . . . with time, you could care for me as well.”

“You’re very kind,” she said. “Your understanding means more to me than I can say, but . . . there is still another factor that you must be aware of.”

“I’m listening.”

“I’m going to have a baby.”

She heard Lance gasp, but he said nothing.

“If you are still willing to marry me, I would gladly make the situation public so as not to subject you to scandal. I have the certificate of marriage to prove that it was legal. The fact is, Lance, if my husband is truly dead, I need a father for my child. I need to know that we will be cared for. But I will not live out my life feeling guilty or condemned by the man I marry. If you are not willing to take me on as I am, and to raise this child as your own, then I will take life on as a widow and make the most of it.”

The words stung Abbi’s mouth. The very idea was more than she could bear. Whether Lance agreed to this or not, the thought of living the remainder of her life without Cameron made her long for death herself. How could she endure it?

Abbi was surprised by Lance’s next question, but grateful that he’d brought it up. “Do you know for certain that he’s dead?”

“No,” she answered without hesitation. “I have no proof at this moment one way or the other.” At least that was true. “I have considered many possibilities. Perhaps he’s been detained somewhere. Maybe he’s hurt and can’t get to me. I don’t know for certain.”

“In other words, if I married you, and he came back, our marriage would be void.”

Abbi felt her hope dwindling. Hearing him say such an undeniable truth made her realize the absurdity of her request. She had to admit honestly, “Yes, I suppose you’re right. I can’t blame you for not wanting to—”

“I didn’t say that,” he interrupted. “Now, listen to me for a minute, Abbi. When I look back over my life, I find it absent of any real meaning or purpose. I have no immediate family remaining, beyond my stepmother—if that even counts. I find some fulfillment in my work for the most part, but it’s just that: work. My life is deeply lacking in any purpose beyond that. If I am in a position to help you now, I will gladly do so.”

Abbi didn’t know what to say. She attempted to clarify. “Are you telling me that you still want to marry me?”

“Yes, I am,” he stated firmly.

“Oh, Lance,” she began to cry at the evidence of his caring on her behalf. “You are so good to me, really. I couldn’t imagine any man agreeing to such a thing.”

Lance put an arm around her and pressed a kiss to her brow. “It would be an honor to be your husband, Abbi, under any circumstances.” Abbi was too overcome with a churning mixture of emotions to respond. “I assume you want to get married as soon as possible,” he said and Abbi was amazed to see her plan proceeding much better than she could have ever hoped.