Behind the Mask (45 page)

“Just tired,” Abbi always replied, but they didn’t seem willing to accept it.

“What’s wrong, Abbi?” Georg asked. His voice startled her while she was sitting on the lawn, staring up toward the mountain. The little bench had become a favorite spot of hers lately.

“I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

“Elsa tells me you’re not yourself. You’ve hardly ridden at all lately. That’s not like you.” Georg sat on the ground and leaned back on his hands, looking up at her with concern.

“I suppose I just got out of the habit when I . . .” she looked upward sadly, “when I was on the mountain.”

“I see,” he said thoughtfully, moving his gaze the same direction. “Is there something else?”

Abbi looked at Georg, wanting so badly to ask him a thousand questions, to tell him everything she felt for Cameron. But the time just didn’t feel right. She settled for simply asking, “Have you heard from him, Georg? Is he well?”

Georg watched her closely, mildly suspicious. “Yes, he’s well, Abbi. Terribly impatient, but fine.”

Abbi smiled, attempting to comprehend his impatience. At least she had other people to keep her company. At least she could come and go freely and do as she pleased.

“But
you’re
not fine,” he said, “are you.”

“I am, really,” she insisted.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Perhaps a ride would do me good.” She smiled, trying to divert his attention from her sorrow. “Would you go with me?”

“Now that’s something we’ve not done in a long time.” He forced a smile, still seeming concerned as he stood and offered his hand.

Abbi enjoyed her ride with Georg, but when they returned she became unexpectedly lightheaded. She was dismayed when Georg noticed her teetering as she dismounted. He was beside her immediately, holding her steady. “Good heavens, Abbi, what’s the matter?” he asked as she leaned heavily against him.

“Just a little dizzy,” she said. “I’m fine, of course.” With her feet on the ground, Abbi quickly regained her equilibrium. “Really I am,” she said in response to his worried stare. “It’s just a little dizzy spell.”

“All right, but what caused this little dizzy spell?”

“I haven’t been sleeping well,” she said with conviction. “I’m certain I’m just tired. It will pass.” Georg said nothing more, but he followed her into the house and made certain she lay down to rest before he would leave her. She heard him whispering to Elsa just outside the bedroom door and wished they wouldn’t fuss so much over a trivial incident.

Later, Abbi went down to dinner and found that Lance had joined them as he did a few times a week. She’d become accustomed to his company and didn’t find being with him altogether distasteful—which made the task of distracting him a pleasant pastime. Unusually tired once again, Abbi excused herself early. Coming to her feet, she noticed the worried expressions of everyone at the table.

“Perhaps you should see a doctor,” Ramona said. “Perhaps you should.”

Abbi argued until Lance said sternly, “I think it’s a good idea, Abbi. You just don’t seem like yourself.”

“You’re all getting upset over nothing,” Abbi insisted and went up to her room. How could she possibly explain to these people that her only malady was simply a longing for the man she loved? And there was only one remedy for that.

Abbi woke feeling ill for the third day in a row. Seeing her pale complexion and sallow eyes in the mirror, she wondered if missing a lover could affect a person physically. With no warning, her stomach lurched and she hurried to the basin. Elsa came in the room while Abbi was consumed with dry heaves.

“Good heavens!” she muttered, rushing to Abbi’s side. “Are you all right?”

“I’m not sure. Perhaps I
am
coming down with something.”

Elsa helped her back to the bed and handed her a glass of water. “You don’t feel fevered,” she said, setting a hand to Abbi’s face.

“I’ll be fine,” Abbi said. “Maybe something to eat will help.”

Elsa brought breakfast to Abbi’s room, which she ate heartily and felt better. She forced herself to go out and ride, if only to keep everyone from insisting that she needed to see a doctor.

The following morning, Elsa had barely come into the room when Abbi rushed to the basin, just as she’d done before.

“Good heavens!” Elsa said again, helping her back to the bed. “You
must
be coming down with something. You’re acting just the way I did when I first found out I was pregnant.”

Abbi took a labored breath, grateful Elsa’s back was turned as astonishment overtook her.
Of course
. It all made perfect sense now. She put a hand over her mouth to keep her emotions from bubbling out as Elsa rambled on while she bustled around the room, doing her usual straightening. “It happened much sooner than we expected. Honeymoon baby, Marta calls it. But it’s hard to tell who is more thrilled, Marta or Georg. Anyway, I was sick every morning. Tired all the time. Dizzy now and then. Most of that’s passed now, but then . . . that has nothing to do with you. Still, I think we
should
send for the doctor and . . .”

Abbi looked up to investigate Elsa’s sudden silence. “What?” she demanded when the maid just stared at her.

“Miss Abbi,” she drawled and barely made it to a chair. “Is such a thing . . .
possible?
”

While Abbi was attempting to absorb the reality of what she’d just discovered, she had to consider what to tell Elsa. She couldn’t very well hide something like this from Elsa when she was involved in Abbi’s every personal need.

“Yes, Elsa,” she said, “it’s highly possible.”

“Miss Abbi.” Elsa moved to the edge of the bed and took her hand. Abbi appreciated the way Elsa could so naturally slip out of being a maid in order to be her friend when it was needed. “What happened to you while you were away? Did someone hurt you? Were you . . .” She didn’t finish.

“No, Elsa, no one hurt me. What I did was of my own free will.” Abbi swallowed the urge to explain that she had taken private vows, that the father of this child would come back into her life and take responsibility. It was too complicated, and perhaps too risky. She focused intently on Elsa as she said, “You mustn’t tell a soul about this. Do you understand? Not a soul; not even Georg.” She added more softly, “I’ll tell him myself when the time is right.”

“I’ll do whatever you ask me to, but . . . you can’t hide it forever. Why, my belly popped out almost as soon as I knew there was a baby in there.”

“I don’t have to hide it forever,” Abbi said. “Just promise me you’ll not say a word.”

“I swear it,” Elsa said in spite of the doubt in her eyes.

When her stomach lurched again, Abbi asked Elsa to bring her some breakfast right away, since it had helped yesterday. Once alone, Abbi allowed herself to contemplate what this meant. She was with child. Cameron’s child. What better fate could have befallen her? A son with red hair, she thought, recalling her dream. She didn’t feel afraid or ashamed. She was elated. Cameron would be coming soon, and with any luck, the task of proving his innocence would be behind them before anyone besides Elsa ever had to know. And everything would be perfect.

Abbi laughed softly, touching herself tenderly where she knew a part of Cameron was already beginning to grow. She felt happy and sad all at once. She wanted this child and loved it already, but in the same moment she wished desperately for Cameron to be here to share in this joyous discovery. Knowing that he would be as happy as she was in the knowledge of what they had created, she ached for him more than ever.

Abbi felt a new zest for life now that she understood the reason for her ailments. Breakfast eased the sickness smoldering inside her, and she dressed with a new sense of purpose. Brushing through her hair, she felt an urge to wear it up, and asked Elsa to help her. Cameron had told her he preferred it down, but he wasn’t here, and she wanted to save that privilege for him alone. Feeling like a true lady for the first time in her life, Abbi went down to join her aunts for lunch, cheerful for the first time in weeks—but hungry again in spite of her late breakfast. She found their pleasure over her hair amusing.

“Oh, don’t you look nice,” Salina chirped. “Doesn’t she look nice, Ramona?”

“Nice, yes, nice,” Ramona added with approval.

After eating, Abbi felt much better, and she wondered if keeping her stomach full would ease the nausea. Certain a brisk ride would make her feel even better, she went to the stable, where she found Georg busy oiling a saddle.

“Good morning,” he said, raising his brows when he saw her. “How fine you look,” he said, glancing at her hair. “Are you feeling better?”

“Very much, thank you.”

“You’re actually wearing a riding habit. I assume you’re going riding,” he teased.

“You’re very perceptive, Georg. Perhaps it’s time I got some good use out of these clothes Ramona insisted I buy last fall.”

“Perhaps it is,” he said with approval.

While Georg saddled Blaze, Abbi felt a secret thrill in wondering how he might respond to her news. It was tempting to tell him, but for the time being she preferred to keep it to herself. She wanted Cameron to be the first to know, and she certainly didn’t want him hearing such news from some little note tied to a pigeon.

“You be careful now,” he said as she mounted.

“Always.” She smiled down at him and rode out.

For the first time since she’d left the mountain, Abbi could not fight the compelling need to ride to the lower meadow and gaze up at the tree-lined ridge that divided her world from Cameron’s. She galloped Blaze around the meadow several times, marveling at how her life had changed since she’d done this last fall. The haunting aura of this place was still with her, and she wondered if Cameron could possibly be watching her as he’d said he used to. But she convinced herself it was only her imagination making something out of memories. Still, she pulled Blaze to a halt and sat for several minutes just staring upward, wondering what Cameron might be doing right now. She loved him so much.

Cameron had come to the ridge at least a hundred times since Abbi had left, and each time he’d scolded himself for the waste of hope and energy, swearing he’d not return. But what else did he have to do with his time? Boredom and idleness always lured him back. If nothing else it was a pleasant spot to sit and indulge in his memories of the woman who had changed his life. There was nowhere he could go without seeing her clearly in his mind, but the ridge was a tangible representation of the barrier between their lives. Coming here had a way of making him ache for her all the more at the evidence of just how out of reach she was. Still, he found something ironically soothing in the pain of her absence, if only in the reminder that he was alive enough to feel.

Growing weary of the same old musings, Cameron had almost turned for the lodge when he saw Abbi emerging from the forest. The reality made his heart pound and he leaned heavily against a tree, abruptly weak. Like a salve upon his wounds, her distant presence gave him peace. Watching her gallop the meadow several times, he didn’t so much feel the need to touch or hold her, as he felt grateful for just having seen her. Even from a distance he could see that her hair was up and she wore a dark-colored riding habit that flowed over the back of Blaze, giving her an aura of opulence and elegance, enhanced by her natural stately posture.