Behind the Eight Ball (13 page)

Lawson

I FOUGHT
to keep the horror off my face. I’d never seen a gunshot victim, but I could imagine the amount of blood Heller must have waded through.

“Yeah. The truly horrifying thing was she’d shifted. I’m guessing her wounds were bad enough she
had
to shift to heal. But shifting meant she spontaneously aborted the baby.”

“Oh dear God.”

“Yeah, what a choice—her life or the life of a child that probably wasn’t going to survive anyhow. I’m not sure if he shot her while she was human and she shifted to heal, or if she shifted then he shot her. In the end, it didn’t matter. I found a cat in the kitchen, not a human body. She was dead, there was blood everywhere, and I found his ass in the living room… still alive.”

“Oh Jesus,” I whispered, a chill racing up my spine. I wanted to pull Heller off the couch and onto my lap, but I didn’t.

“Before she shifted she must have stabbed him with a butcher knife in the upper part of his chest. It was still sticking out of him. At least she’d gotten the fucker a few times before burying the knife in his chest—he was bleeding from the gut too. He was losing a lot of blood, but he probably
could
have lived if he’d received medical treatment.”

I shuddered. Heller told the story by rote, lost in his own head as he relived the memories. A human had killed Heller’s sister, his pregnant sister—a pregnancy that sounded like it was doomed from the get-go on top of everything else. Then there was the abuse. Fuck, this wasn’t going to end well, I just knew.

“I’m a beta. I can kill to protect my Alpha or his mate. I will give my life to protect Dolf or his mates too. I… I never thought I could kill to meet my own needs.”

God, I was right. Hearing Heller say it surprised me, but then again, it didn’t. Heller’s hatred of humans had to have a damn good reason, and this was it. Murder was a serious motivating factor for loathing a species, as far as I was concerned.

“You don’t have to finish this. I get it.”

Heller suddenly looked at me. “But I do. I sat there and let him bleed out while he begged me to help him, begged to live. I knew he was hurting, and I was
glad
. The more he begged, the more I laughed at him. If I saw some of the cuts on him were bleeding less, I made sure to reopen the wounds. I might not have been the one to deliver the killing blow, but I sure helped death along. Do you understand what I’m telling you?”

“I do.”

“Do you? I didn’t snap or lose my mind. I knew what I was doing the entire time. I might have been able to save him, and I didn’t. I didn’t
want
to.”

“I do understand. Did you know the Vetala would’ve said you earned that right? And I agree with them.”

“When he tried to crawl away from me, I dragged him back to the middle of the living area, back to the pool of blood he was lying in. He deserved to die wallowing in his own blood. She had. Do you know why he killed her?” Heller asked, almost as if I hadn’t spoken. “Because she was going to leave him—she let it slip she wanted out. That’s it.
That’s
why he killed her, the fucker.”

“He was an abusive, jealous nutcase. Obsession has no basis in fact. That’s why there’s such a thing as restraining orders. You can’t apply logic to folks like that because their twisted thinking isn’t
based
on logic. It doesn’t make me think less of you. The guy got what he deserved.”

“Maybe.” Heller closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and then opened them. “And maybe not, but you have the right to know what I am.”

I cupped Heller’s face. “I already know who you are and what you are.”

“I’m a murderer,” Heller whispered.

“According to human law, maybe. While I may be human, I’ve lived with paranormals for ten years. The Vetala can be pretty… deadly. My way of thinking is more in line with the supernatural. I don’t know about your species, but according to the Vetala, a family member of a murdered mate can claim the right to demand payment. It often comes in the form of the killer’s life. Do you see? That’s what you did.”

“But—”

“Nope, no buts. He had to know what he was getting into by being with a paranormal. Your rules are not like human rules or laws. He was a controlling asshole, and yeah, those aren’t just restricted to the human race. He took her life, and you took his. I’m good with that.”

Heller shook his head, shock written on his face. “You surprise me.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Oh no.” Heller grinned slightly. “That’s very good.” Then the grin slid away. “I thought you’d judge me.”

“I’m not into judging folks. Had too much of that done to me throughout the years.” I shrugged. “So what happened after Bruce died?”

“Well, the only body there was his. I mean, who’s going to pay attention to a dead cat, but I couldn’t take that chance. Also her blood was everywhere, and there was no way I could clean it up. The last thing any of us need is for a medical examiner getting ahold of a paranormal blood sample.”

“Yeah, that could cause all kinds of problems.”

“That’s putting it mildly.” Heller shuddered. “I wrapped her body in a towel and put her in the trunk. After it was all over and done with, I took the car to a junkyard a fellow shifter owned and told him to make it disappear.”

“Don’t blame you.”

“Yeah, after Bruce died, I set the house on fire in the hopes the humans wouldn’t be able to get a clear picture of what happened there that night, or get samples of her blood. I hoped the fire would erase any signs of me too.”

“God.”

“So long story short is I drove for another hour to make sure I was in a totally unpopulated area, then I parked and carried her even
farther
into the woods. I buried her using nothing but my claws to dig the hole. I made it so she just… disappeared.”

“Oh, Heller. You didn’t tell anyone in your clowder?”

“No. Dolf and his parents had left to attend a mating at another clowder. The cops contacted me not long after to tell me she was missing, Bruce was dead, and their house had burned to the ground. They told me the autopsy showed he’d been stabbed and wanted to talk to my sister. I went in and answered their questions several times. I told them I had no idea where she was. They classified her as a ‘person of interest.’”

“I see. So nothing happened?”

“It was a small town, and their resources were nil. Plus they couldn’t find her. Kind of hard to ask questions when you can’t
find
the person. They did some serious hinting as to what they thought happened, but without anyone to ask and no witness… they finally let the case go.”

“And you told no one here.”

“I killed a human. We do try to stay on the good side of human laws. I wasn’t sure how Dolf or my Alpha would react. So I never told anyone. If people asked about her, I made out as if she were living happily ever after but didn’t want to interact with the clowder. I’m not close to a lot of people, so no one delved further.”

“So you grieved alone.”

“I….” Heller’s breath hitched. “Well, yeah.”

I laid my head on Heller’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that alone.” I had a feeling Heller often pushed people away. I made up my mind that was going to end right there. This close to Heller, I could feel my mate shivering. Just how much had Heller isolated himself through the years?

“I….” Suddenly Heller lurched forward, his arms going around me as he buried his face against my neck.

I wrapped my arms around Heller and pulled him closer, stunned at the wetness I felt on my neck. Never would I have believed Heller would drop his shields to such an extent. Gently I patted Heller on the back as I rocked him. Hardly a sound came from Heller except for an occasional sob or hitching of breath.

I turned my head and spoke softly into Heller’s hair. “Easy. I’ve got you. It’s okay. I’m so sorry, Heller. So, so sorry you went through that by yourself.”

“I’m so tired of being alone,” Heller whispered, voice broken. “
So
very tired of being on the outside looking in. Please….”

I tightened my arms around him. Could Heller be asking for what I thought? “What, Heller? Please what? What do you want?”

“You,” Heller murmured. “I want you. Please tell me you don’t hate me for what I did. Or how I acted in the beginning. Please give me a chance…
please don’t leave me
.”

Squeezing my eyes closed, I fought not to let the tears escape, my heart threatening to break at the anguish I heard in Heller’s voice.

I quickly opened them. “I’m not leaving. Hear me? I’m not going anywhere. I don’t hate you. I couldn’t. You’re my mate, and I’m not ever going to leave you.”

Heller leaned back. “I’m so, so sorry.”

I gently wiped the tears off Heller’s cheeks. “Let’s clear the air, shall we? You acted like an ass, yes. But now I know why. You hurt me, but I’m over it. I forgive you.”

“You do? But, but—”

“I do. Now I want you to let that go. It’s been dealt with, and it’s over. We’re not going to keep hashing this out. No more tears, or guilt, or whatever else is going on in that head of yours.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that. You got on your knees for me, remember? So yes, it’s done. Okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” A small grin lit Heller’s face as he tilted his head and kissed my fingers. “Thank you.”

My breath caught as passion ripped through me. Heller’s lips were so soft, and they felt so good against my fingers. My heart rate spiked. I wanted… I wanted to taste that insanely sexy mouth of Heller’s. I tapped one finger against Heller’s lips.

Heller’s eyes widened, and he opened his mouth slightly. I ran my finger across Heller’s lips and then I slipped a finger inside, into heat and wetness. My cock twitched, jerked, and filled much too fast for comfort.

“Suck,” I demanded.

Heller obeyed, closing his mouth and using his tongue to caress my finger. Heller flicked his tongue, doing things that were probably illegal in some states. A small, needy purr escaped Heller as he worked my digit.

Holy hell, where did he learn that?
My dick pressed against my zipper, aching. “That’s a talented tongue you got there. Can’t wait to feel it on my cock.”

Heller’s eyes were hooded. He reached up, wrapped his hand around my wrist, then opened his mouth and showed just how agile his tongue really was.

“Fuck,” I moaned. “I swear, if you don’t want my dick there, stop. I can’t take much more.”

Heller let my wet finger slip out. “If we… I’m not sure I can just play around with you. If we make love, there’s a good chance I’m going to bite you and start the mating process. If you’re not ready for that, then we’d better not do anything.”

I sat back on the couch as I tried to calm my body and wiped my finger on my jeans. “Tell me about the process.”

“Remember me telling you about that recessive gene?” Heller asked. “Well, you have to take some of my blood, and that activates that gene and starts the DNA mutation process. Then we have anal sex, and you have to come in me. It takes both things to finish the process and claim our mates. Then I do you. We have twenty-four hours to finish.”

“Twenty-four hours, huh? What happens if we don’t finish it in the allotted time?”

“Nothing good.” Heller pushed at his cock, trying to find a more comfortable position.

“Need some help with that?” I asked as I ran the finger Heller had been sucking on down the bulge he was trying to reposition.

“Gods,” Heller swore. “Yes. No! I mean, I really, really need to tell you about this first, but if you keep that up, then I’m…. No. I have to tell this first.”

I patted Heller’s cock but sat back. “Then tell me.”

Heller blew out a breath. “Not finishing the mating process, ah… it eventually leads to the death of the shifter. Horrible pain throughout the body is the first sign. Next the shifter stops sleeping and eating. After that come the hallucinations. Finally the shifter spirals into madness. He or she will shift and go feral. They’ll behave like a rabid animal—their humanity gone. It ends with the shifter being put to death.”

I stared at Heller in shock.
Jesus fuck.
“So we better be damn sure. Is that what you’re saying?”

“Yes. That’s what happens to us. Humans suffer too. At first you feel as if you have a bad case of the flu or something. Then you have a low-grade body ache all the time. You’d still be able to function, but it sure as shit wouldn’t be fun. But you
would
survive.”

“But you wouldn’t?”

“Truthfully I’m not sure the shifter doesn’t get the better end of this. You’d live all right, but there’d always be this empty feeling in you… like this hole in your heart. Forget trying to have a relationship with anyone. It’d feel wrong. You wouldn’t even be able to get hard because you wouldn’t feel desire for anyone but me.”

“What a way to ensure faithfulness.”

“There’s more. Since it’s kind of rare to mate humans, I had to get permission from our Alpha first.” Heller shot a look at me. “Which, I… ah, already did.”

I leaned over and tugged Heller’s hair. “That sounds to me like you’d made up your mind about us.”

“I had. I just needed to show
you
I had and hope you’d be willing to ignore what an ass I was at first.”

“No more of that, remember?” I grasped Heller’s chin. “I want you. Don’t think I don’t, so listen to what I’m going to say and don’t jump to conclusions.”

Heller’s face closed off. “You don’t have to take that final step.”

“I don’t want to take that final step right
yet
,” I corrected. “I’m not saying no. That isn’t what this is about. Just the opposite. I want to get to know you. We got off to a rocky start, and I’d like to spend time with you. Go on some dates. Talk. What’s your favorite movie? Color? Food? What side of the bed do you like? I don’t know anything about you outside of you being a shifter.”

“This is important to you?”

“Very. From what you said, there’s no undoing this later. No piece of paper that lets us go our separate ways, even if we wanted to. This may be awfully human of me, but I can’t jump in without knowing
what
I’m jumping into.”