BEHIND THE CURTAIN BEHIND THE CURTAIN BEHIND THE CURTAIN (7 page)

We never really knew what would happen when Terry Bradshaw was a guest. He and Jay were constantly one-upping each other. Terry once sat through an entire segment with his fly down, which Jay was only too happy to point out since Terry would then have the embarrassing task of zipping it up in front of millions. On Terry’s fiftieth appearance in 2012 Jay presented him with a big cake. Terry thanked Jay and then smeared frosting all over his face. It soon escalated into a major food fight, as Jay sacked the four-time Super Bowl-winning quarterback, sending the two of them to the floor covered head-to-toe with frosting.

In 1997, the lights went out in Studio 3 after a power outage as the show was being taped. As luck would have it, Robin Williams and Billy Crystal were the guests. Without missing a beat, Robin got up from his seat, saying, “It’s the mothership, Jay,” as the band played the theme from the television show
Star Trek
. Billy and Robin’s antics that day would qualify as one of the best shows, except viewers at home never saw it. Without power, it wasn’t recorded.

In 2003, German supermodel Heidi Klum
had a wardrobe malfunction while wearing an eight million dollar, diamond-studded Victoria’s Secret bra. She was planning to remove her blouse to reveal the multi-million-dollar undergarment. In the middle of her interview, she abruptly announced: “I think my bra is broken.” Both Jay and Heidi
’s fellow guest Martin Short
valiantly but unsuccessfully tried to help her reconnect the bra while holding up their jackets to cover the model. The faulty bra was finally fixed with sticky tape during the commercial break, allowing Heidi
to do her striptease as planned.

In 1992, Mary Tyler Moore became the first guest to trip while making an entrance. It wasn’t just a minor stumble. She almost fell down, and was very embarrassed, so Jay asked her to re-tape her entrance. The band struck up the music again, and Jay re-read the introduction as though nothing ever happened. For many years it looked like Mary would have the distinction of being the only guest to muff an entrance. Then in 2009 we launched
The Jay Leno Show
in Studio 11, which featured a set with a guest entrance requiring guests to walk down two steps. Not a good idea in the age of six-inch spike heels. Several made very awkward entrances. And one, teenage actress Joey King, actually fell. Luckily, she popped right back up.

The late Phyllis Diller was not only known for her rapier wit but also for her wacky hairstyles and huge collection of wigs. She once appeared on the show while it was taping in Las Vegas, wearing a wig. During rehearsal, a bird swooped down, lifting up her hairpiece. Phyllis was so surprised, she didn’t even have a comeback.

Stage fright was a common occurrence, even for celebrities. Jesse Jackson
had the worst case of it. I never would have guessed this prominent civil rights activist and one-time presidential candidate would be a nervous Nellie. One time he was shaking so hard backstage, he had to hold onto me for support.

In 2001, the show set up a mobile bar, primarily to help jittery guests loosen up a bit. The Jay Bar, as it came to be known (because it was Jay’s idea), consisted of a cart on wheels stocked with wine and beer and operated by a bartender. If guests wanted a mixed drink, they just had to ask and it was provided to them. It was a throwback to the days of Johnny Carson. Even then, there was no actual bar or bartender. If a guest wanted a drink, he or she used to ask the guy in props. It was run like a speakeasy; you had to know somebody. But occasionally, the Jay Bar caused more problems than it solved. Some people just didn’t know when to quit. In 2003, filmmaker Quentin Tarantino was slurring his words and was occasionally incoherent during his interview. Jay asked him, “Have you been drinking?” Quentin reminded Jay about the backstage bar, saying, “I’m bringing a little bit of old Johnny Carson onto the show when Oliver Reed was a little drunk.” But that was a different time, when the guests got drunk responsibly!

Celebrities are known for being spoiled and demanding, but I think they often get a bad rap. Most made no demands beyond what the show routinely provided: hotel accommodations, car service, and sometimes airline flights. They were offered the services of the show’s hair, makeup, and wardrobe departments. Their dressing rooms had showers and were supplied with an array of snacks and drinks.

Some guests had requests that seemed to be a little much, such as the time Eddie Murphy turned in an entire page of necessities for the forty-five minutes he spent in the dressing room prior to his appearance:

Drinks
(4 of everything)

Snapple Fruit Punch

Snapple Orange Aid

Snapple Grape Aid

Coke in glass bottles

Dr. Brown’s Crème Soda

Dr. Brown’s Root Beer

Fruit

Bananas

Cherries

Evian Bottled Water

Juicy Fruit Gum

Candy

Snickers

Milky Way

Peppermints

York Peppermint Patties

Writing Pad/Pencils/Pens

Regular-Sized Towels

Wash Cloths/Small

This list has fascinated me for years, simply because it was so inexpensive and ordinary. Eddie could have asked for a full body massage with a salt scrub, a night at L’Ermitage Beverly Hills hotel, and a stretch limousine and he would have gotten them. By
Tonight Show
standards, Eddie was actually low-maintenance.

Ironically, the guests who most deserved special treatment rarely asked for it. Former president Jimmy Carter asked for very little, usually just dinner in his dressing room. We would have ordered him the most expensive meal from Wolfgang Puck’s in Beverly Hills, but he was happy with chicken from the commissary. However, he expected to get what he requested promptly and efficiently. And if he didn’t, I would get a disapproving scowl, which I tried to avoid at all costs.

He once came on to promote one of his favorite charities—Habitat for Humanity, a nonprofit Christian ministry that uses volunteers to build simple, affordable housing for needy families. He planned to work at a nearby Habitat site and then come directly to the studio with two volunteers. His dressing room request that day listed only a bottle of red wine and three glasses for his two guests and himself. He didn’t even specify the type of red he wanted. As usual, I checked and double-checked to make sure everything was right. When I greeted Jimmy and his guests, I was shocked to see them holding half-full glasses of white wine. I immediately apologized for the mistake and promised a bottle of red right away. But Jimmy assured me with a toothy grin the white wine was fine. I was so upset that it took me a moment to notice that the two volunteers were beautiful, young women—and that Jimmy was sitting between them. They were laughing and exchanging worksite stories. It was all very innocent, but I couldn’t help thinking:
Could there be a little lust in the heart going on here?

Some guests were just plain quirky. A prominent political commentator insisted I brief him about the show with the door to his dressing-room bathroom open while he was urinating. I told him I could wait, but he was adamant.

A few female entertainers were not very modest backstage. One actress had a “wardrobe malfunction” when Jay and I walked into her dressing room after knocking. She was wrapped only in a towel, which just happened to fall off as we entered. Jay had a great comeback: “How could any towel withstand that kind of pressure?” Accidents do take place, but this one occurred again on her next visit. Even Jay was tongue-tied the second time.

Another actress wanted to prove to a producer her breasts were real, asking him to feel her up as evidence. He declined, but she persisted, so he checked out her claim and was able to confirm it. Trust, but verify, I always say. No, it wasn’t me.

A female singer was found naked and wandering aimlessly in the corridor outside her dressing room. She was known to have drug problems, so I don’t think she was trying to make a bizarre, artistic statement. She eventually returned to her room, closed the door and got dressed for the show.

Many actresses and female singers use and pay for their own hair and makeup people, spending several thousand dollars. In some cases the show picked up the cost, if it was reasonable. Once, Jessica Simpson said she would appear only if the show covered the $18,000 tab. We passed.

Some female performers were flirtatious with Jay, but most of the time it was just an act. After all, it was a late-night show. Many wore sexy and provocative dresses, and slightly cheeky behavior was actually appropriate under the circumstances. They all knew Jay was happily married to Mavis.

A few of our female guests had had relationships with Jay before he was married. He never discussed them, but we all knew who they were. Hollywood is a small town, and word gets around. The women continued to be friends with Jay, and nothing was ever amiss. For most of the show’s twenty-two years, none of them ever publicly discussed their personal history with Jay. However in September 2013, Sharon Osbourne decided to go public. Why would the long-time wife of rocker Ozzy Osbourne spill the beans about a romantic fling with Jay Leno thirty-five years earlier? Ratings, of course. She just happened to “dish” about Jay and herself on the season debut of
The Talk,
a daytime television show she co-hosts. The theme of the show’s premiere week was to have the hosts reveal secrets about themselves. Sharon said she had just moved from England to America when she met Jay at a comedy club. They were both single. Eventually he came to her house and they had a “flingy-wingy.” It was short lived because it “was more fling for me and not fling enough for him . . . a couple of months into it, he brought around the real love of his life [Mavis, his future wife] for me to meet, and she was lovely and they took me to Fatburger and they showed me around town. . . .”

The Fatburger reference authenticated the story. Never a fan of fancy restaurants, Jay liked basic food. If he wanted to show Sharon and Mavis they could all get along, he definitely would have chosen the iconic hamburger restaurant over an elegant eatery in Beverly Hills. Sharon insisted the affair was not a “dirty little secret.” She said she couldn’t even remember if they had sex. (Wink! Wink!) But she was grateful it happened. She sent Jay a heart-shaped plant with a message: “Dear Jay, thanks for the memories and for driving me into the arms of the Prince of Darkness.”

In earlier days she and Ozzy were regular guests on
Tonight
and were always entertaining, although it was often hard to understand Ozzy, as the drugs and alcohol had taken their toll. But in 2007, we had a falling out with the Osbournes and they never came back. It had to do with Ozzy’s music. Sharon, who was also Ozzy’s manager, demanded that he play two songs on the show, while our format limited guests to one.

Most guests came to the studio in a limousine, which we paid for, but a few preferred to drive themselves, including golfers Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson (who came up from his home in San Diego). Teri Hatcher always drove her Lexus onto the lot, but one time the guard at the gate wouldn’t let her in even though she identified herself as a guest on the show. The guard didn’t recognize her and assumed she just wanted to come to the show. She didn’t call me because she didn’t have my number and was detained for more than a half hour. Finally, the guard called our office just before show time. We were worried sick and had been trying to reach her. Teri took it all in stride and joked about it with Jay on the air. Fortunately, she was Teri One that day.

Oscar winner Shirley MacLaine, who used to drive to the lot in her old, banged-up station wagon, wasn’t as understanding as Teri when she was denied admittance. She just turned her car around and started to leave. Luckily for us—and the guard, who could have easily lost his job—he relented and let her in. Shirley also discussed the incident with Jay on the air, but unlike Teri, she was not amused. She said she was only a few seconds away from going home and had no intention of returning.

A man claiming to be Jack Nicholson once showed up backstage, as the show was being recorded, saying he wanted to make a surprise appearance. This guy was a dead ringer for Jack, and his impersonation was spot on. Still, how did he get past the guard while Shirley and Teri, who were both given clearance at the gate, didn’t? I knew “Jack” was a fake, but for a split second he had me thinking:
Isn’t this the kind of thing Nicholson would try to pull off?

I had a good working relationship with most of the guests and became friends with many. But one really pushed my buttons. His witty, irascible, public persona made him seem like a lovable comedian, while his actual personality was darker than I care to go into. Even so, he taught me a valuable lesson. During our first phone pre-interview years ago, he sarcastically said he didn’t hear me laughing at his jokes. I assured him they were funny, but I was preoccupied with taking notes to brief Jay. “Your job is to laugh at my jokes,” he insisted. While I was in no mood to laugh after that, I realized he was right. I needed to show guests more positive feedback, despite my feelings. So I developed the ability to laugh on cue, even though I was usually faking it. Hey, it worked for Ed McMahon, Johnny’s sidekick! I’m sure he didn’t think all of Johnny’s jokes were funny.

Actually, when I really think something is laugh-out-loud funny, I emit a single, loud, staccato
HA!
Only my friends know this, which sometimes caused a problem for my guests who also happened to be friends, like Larry the Cable Guy. He once asked me during a pre-interview why I didn’t like his material. I thought his stories were funny and didn’t understand his reaction. Then it hit me: He sensed something was wrong because I hadn’t let out even one
HA!
Instead I was mistakenly doing my genuine fake laugh for him.

I will forever be grateful to the nasty comedian for giving me the best career advice I’ve ever received. My genuine fake laugh served me well with just about everyone but him. His insults never let up, and one day he became abusive to both my assistant and myself. After that, I refused to work with him ever again. HA!