Behind Our Walls (6 page)

"I had to go to the bathroom."

Sophie looked at him, confused by the declaration as his voice sounded like it was about to break.

"When it happened. We pulled off the road, so I could jog down to the trees to have a piss. The girls claimed that they didn't have to go. I almost insisted that they come along but I figured, what's the worst that could happen?"

She didn't like where this was heading.

"There was a truck that had pulled off onto the shoulder, trying to pass the traffic that was backed up. Maybe someone got pissed at them for trying to cut ahead, I don't know. But whatever happened, the truck was on fire. The entire cab was just fire coming out of every window, bombing on down the road. I don't know how it even managed to make it around the bend." He paused again and Sophie kept her gaze fixed on the ground, not wanting to press him. "Anyway, it came flying down, right where I had left the car parked. It hit and...I don't think they ever had a...he hit the car and..." He was crying now and Sophie saw that he had produced a photograph, staring at it in clutched fingers.

Sophie's eyes welled up with her own sudden, hot tears. She swiped the back of one hand across her face and looked up to see him staring at her.

"I don't know what to say," she said. "I'm so sorry. I wish...I don't even know what I wish. I'm sorry, it sounds stupid."

Rowen only shook his head, dismissing her statement as he tucked the picture back into his breast pocket. She took hold of his hand and squeezed it. He returned the grip, but kept his gaze fixed on the horizon.

"So you really think it's over?" she asked. "This is it for us?"

He finally looked back at her and there might have been a half of a smile on his lips. "I just meant things the way they used to be. I don't think there's no hope. Things are going to be shit for a while, maybe a long time. But eventually things have to re-shuffle and level out."

She wanted to believe him.

"We might never see it," he said. "Eventually though, people have to find their routines again. And maybe in the long run, it'll be for the best. Maybe equalizing the gap between people, and taking money out of the equation is what we needed to show us what really has value."

She tried to think of a response but before she could, Rowen lay down and closed his eyes. She resumed scanning the trees, looking for Corrine but seeing nothing. Knowing her sister though, she was probably just sitting off behind a tree somewhere. As night ascended above them, she sat witness over her family. She would wait until Rowen woke up to keep a watch himself, and then she would try to sleep.

-13-

"Where the hell is she?" Sophie glared into the woods, raising her voice even louder on the off chance that Corrine could hear her and was just being difficult.

"Just try and relax," Rowen said. "I'm sure she's fine. If something had happened, we probably would have heard it."

She shook her head and stood up, striding towards the woods and glancing up at the sky. Rowen turned to try and figure out what she was looking at and eventually seemed to read her thoughts.

"It's way too dark for you to wander around looking for her," he said.

"We've got flashlights, we might as well use them."

"Right, so you can attract attention from anyone walking within a—"

"I don't care! Don't you think she deserves our help if she needs it? What if she was—"

They both looked up at the sudden sound of footsteps from the woods. Sophie started jogging towards her sister, but stopped as she noticed the man walking behind her. His attempts to put them at ease were obvious, but for some reason the smile and hand raised in greeting put her more on edge.

"Who the hell are you?" she called out. She braced herself for whatever demand this guy was about to make in order to get Corrine back. She could sense Rowen tensing for any opportunity that might present itself.

"Take it easy folks," he slowly put his hands up to try and pacify them. He looked to be about Rowen's age, short but lean, with close cropped black hair. He looked vaguely Middle Eastern in his complexion."I'm not any kind of a threat to you. Your sister sort of stumbled across our camp, and I offered to help get her back to you all."

"Who are you?" Rowen asked.

"Name's Lot, pleasure meeting you."

"Uh-huh," Rowen said. Sophie glanced at him and saw that he was looking past Lot, into the trees for anyone else out there lurking in the darkness.

Lot smiled and nodded. "It's okay. I understand. I'd probably feel the same way so I'll tell you what. You can find our group about a mile down the road, that way." He pointed off in the direction they had come from. "I'd suggest sticking to the forest though. Make your way along the edge of the trees and you'll be harder to spot."

"Thanks for the tip." Rowen's voice took on an icy tone, clearly not appreciating what he already considered obvious.

Lot kept his hands up and began backing away."No problem. If you want to join up with us, you're more than welcome. You're clearly able to handle yourselves, if you've gotten by for this long. But if you want to have some more people around watching your back, we'll be down there for probably another day or two."

They watched him move off towards the woods until he vanished into the darkness.

Sophie whirled on Corrine. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Would you just—"

"No, I will not let it go, or whatever bullshit you're about to spout off at me. You have no business wandering alone out there. What would have happened if that had been a bunch of rovers you tripped over?"

"Well, they weren't," Corrine said, crossing her arms in front of her as she did so.

"Corrine, do you want to get killed? Is that it? Do you
want
to die?"

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"I think I do. Why can't you just tell us? Admit that it's what you want and—"

"Of course it's what she wants." The sound of James' voice turned all of their heads. He had risen to his feet and looked more lucid than Sophie had seen in him in months. She opened her mouth to respond but found that she actually had no idea what she could say or what he had even meant. James shouldered his way between Sophie and Rowen and walked to his youngest daughter.

"She lost her fiancé. Do you have any idea what that feels like? To have every reason for your being ripped away from you?"

"Daddy," Sophie began to say.

"Because if you're planning on telling us you do understand...well then at least we know that the problem is that you're a fucking liar."

"Daddy!" It wasn't his words that cut through her as much as his tone, nonchalant and matter-of-fact, as if he was explaining to his class about the implications of H.P. Lovecraft's emphasis of descriptive language over dialog.

"She lost
everything
. So excuse us if we have a harder time getting with your schedule."

Corrine glared at Sophie from over their father's shoulder, the cool resentment taking flight and easily finding its target in her. Sophie wanted to reach out and strangle the both of them.

In the end, it was Rowen's hand on her shoulder that slowed her anger. She felt her teeth unclench just enough to be able to speak rationally.

"So what do you want to do then? Do you want to join up with this group?"

"Mostly, we just want you to stop leading us around, acting like we should be grateful for the fact that you're just gracing us with your presence."

"So I'm asking you." She said. "What do you want to do?"

"I think we would be safer around more people." It was the first time Corrine had spoken since James joined the argument, and he immediately nodded his agreement. Sophie heard Corrine's message clearly in her tone, that really this was about them wanting to be around
different
people. Nodding in silent acceptance, Sophie looked at Rowen again and shrugged.

In the end, it was the only gesture from her they would accept anyway.

-14-

Sophie scanned the faces in the group as they stood to greet them. Two rough looking RV's were parked off near the trees, and she wondered how they managed to fit everyone inside, let alone how they kept them fueled.

"We don't go very far at a time." Lot stood at the center of the group, and had taken note of Sophie's curious stare. "And if you're worried about tight quarters in there, I won't lie. But it was even worse in the passenger vans we started in."

Laughter tittered through the crowd, but Sophie's attention was drawn to one person in particular. A woman, thin and blond, looking to be only a few years older than Corrine. She leaned against one of the RV's, arms crossed and staring off into the distance. Sophie tried to make eye contact with her, but all she found were signs of empty, disinterested hostility. It stood to reason that with a group this size, not everyone would be a part of the warm, welcoming committee.

"So you're free to join up with the rest of us, if you want," Lot said, "All we ask is that you pitch in and contribute however you can."

"Are you going anywhere in particular?" Rowen asked.

"Not really. We try to keep from staying in one place for too long. There hasn't been too much trouble, but there have been some dust-ups here and there. For the most part, people steer clear when they see such a large group."

"So why go anywhere?" Rowen asked. "Why not settle down somewhere?"

Lot nodded. "We'd like that, but we haven't found the right place."

Sophie resisted the urge to nod, even though she agreed with the sentiment. There was movement out of the corner of her eye, and she turned to see Corrine and James walking off towards the campfire, shaking hands with various people as they took a seat amongst them. There was no backwards look or acknowledgment, and she couldn't help but notice how smoothly the two of them seemed to transition into their new company. Sophie looked up again at the girl by the RV but she was gone.

"Well, I guess we're pretty much irrelevant now," Sophie muttered.

Rowen snorted and rested a hand on her shoulder. "Try not to let it bother you."

"Yeah, because that's so much easier."

"Sophie—"

She shook off his hand. "You don't understand. They have never been like this before. We used to be able to
talk
to each other. There were fights, every family has them, but I never thought that the two of them would just turn on me like this."

"They both lost someone. They're just—"

"She was my mother too!"

Lot approached them, glancing back at the rest of his people who were already flocking around Corrine and James. Someone walked up to James, and was offering him a fresh shirt to replace his.

"Look, I just want to make sure you're are all right with this," Lot said. "I know that it's hard to trust new people, so I want to make sure you don't have any hesitations."

Sophie stared him down for several seconds, wrestling with the resentment she felt, and knew wasn't fair. She hated seeing strangers getting so close and friendly with her family, while she was shunned as the outsider, the one to blame for everything.

"Look..." She struggled with trying to decide what to say and he nodded patiently, waiting for her to speak. "Look, don't take it personally. We've lost some people. People that..." She trailed off again as she felt her voice hitching in her throat. She bit her lower lip and turned away from them. Rowen put his hand on her shoulder and tried to take over the conversation.

"We've had a pretty rough go at it," he said. "I'm sure you can imagine how hard it is for us to meet so many people at one time like this and not see potential danger."

"Sure," Lot said. "And I won't be offended if the two of you, or the four of you decide to leave. But it wouldn't have been very Christian of me to not at least offer you a place here with us. I like to think that I have a good sense of people and you all seem pretty trustworthy. You're all welcome here." He nodded at the both of them before returning to the crowd.

"So what do we do?" Rowen asked. Sophie shook her head.

"I think they've pretty much made our minds up for us."

"Yeah, I suppose so."

"So, we stay. We stay, and I guess we just hope that we don't end up regretting ever meeting these people."

-15-

Sophie winced at the feel of the cool metal of the RV against her back. There was an eruption of laughter again from around the campfire as she rubbed her arms, hoping that she didn't look as awkward as she felt. James finally stood up to walk away from the group and she jogged to catch up with him. She placed a hand on his arm and he jumped at the sensation, glancing back at the others as if afraid of being caught doing something wrong.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"Daddy, I'm just trying to clear the air," Sophie said. Already she could see the annoyance on his face, the flickering of his eyes to the right and left, crossing his arms and shifting away from her slightly, as if he might bolt if she turned away. "We can't keep going on like this, I need things to be okay between all of us."