Behind Closed Doors (7 page)

“Let’s take a break and we’ll try it again in five,” Jayce grabbed his phone and seemed preoccupied by something on the screen.

I took the opportunity to escape to the bathroom. Standing in the cold cubicle, I dabbed toilet paper at the stubborn tears that threatened to fall. I breathed deeply trying desperately to calm myself.

I didn’t know why I was so emotional. At first, I thought it was because of Brody’s deception being thrust back to the forefront of my mind, but it was more than that. I was upset with myself, the last thing I wanted to do was let Jayce down.

I quickly touched up my makeup, removing the black smudges underneath my eyes and then re-entered the rehearsal room. The camera crew had left, which added some relief to what had been a somewhat stressful rehearsal. I knew what I needed to do. I needed to connect with the song and feel each and every word. I could do it.

We ran through the song one more time and I allowed myself to really feel what I was singing. Closing my eyes, I let the words escape without worrying about the competition. I was singing to heal, I was singing for me.

“Wow. That was amazing, Kyla!” Jayce stood and walked toward me.  He was smiling widely, but then his smile turned into a look of something else. 
Panic? Concern?
 I couldn’t tell.

“Hey guys, why don’t you give us a minute?” Jayce gestured for the band to leave the room. I heard them shuffle out the door, but I didn’t look in their direction.

“Come sit with me,” Jayce patted the seat next to him on the couch.

I hadn’t realized at first, but I was crying. Only a few tears escaped, but it was enough for Jayce to notice.

“What’s up?”

Another tear fell, but words escaped me. He wanted it to be believable? Well, there I was sitting before him, a true brokenhearted girl.

“I mean it, Kyla, it was amazing,” he said softly as he rubbed his hand up and down my back. Initially his touch caused me to tense, but as he continued rubbing, I allowed myself to relax.

“I’m sorry,” I sniffled. “I guess I really am broken.”

“Why do you say that?” His hand left my back and he grabbed a box of tissues from a nearby table. He handed them to me and I thanked him.

“You can talk to me, you know. I may have this reputation as a bad boy rocker, but really I’m just a big softie.”

I laughed at his confession and he smiled in turn.

“You told me to feel the song, to make it believable.” I paused, trying to figure out if I was going to go through with it, if I was really going to tell someone about my cheating ex. “The week before the auditions, I found my boyfriend... he was cheating on me.”

Fresh tears fell down my cheeks at having uttered the words. I hadn’t talked about the incident in over two weeks and I was paying the price for repressing those painful memories.

“Hey,” Jayce ran his thumb over my cheek, wiping away my tears. The intimate gesture took me by surprise.

“You’re not broken, far from it.” His hand fell away from my face and rested on my shoulder. “You’re amazing and that guy is an absolute dick for cheating on you. You deserve so much more.”

A few stray tears fell in response to Jayce’s kindhearted words. He moved his hand back to my face and brushed the tears away with his thumb.

“You’re not broken,” he whispered again.

He was sitting close to me. Our legs were touching, his face was just inches from my own. He was close, far too close. I looked up and found him studying me. His eyes were no longer that sparkling emerald green color. They were darker and far more intense. My eyes fell to his mouth. His lips were parted slightly. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip and I fought back the impulse to lick my own.

I knew I should move, stand up and leave the room, but I couldn’t. My body was stuck, as if pinned under his penetrating gaze. I felt his breath hit my neck as he dipped his head. Gently lifting my chin with his forefinger, he looked into my eyes before pressing his lips against mine. I felt his tongue trace my bottom lip as if asking for permission. I parted my lips, inviting him in. His hand cupped the side of my face as he deepened the kiss, his tongue slipping inside my mouth, massaging my tongue with his own. His hand fell to my lower back, gently brushing his thumb against the bare flesh that peeked out above the band of my jeans. Caught up in the moment, I wrapped my hands around his neck, drawing him in closer, pressing our bodies together.

He grabbed at my wrists and tore his lips away from mine. His breathing was shallow, each exhale hitting my collarbone and making me want so much more than just one kiss. He rested his forehead against mine as he stroked my cheek with his thumb.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered as he pulled away and quickly walked toward the chair he had been sitting on during rehearsals. He grabbed his phone and pretended to busy himself with whatever he saw on the screen.

“I think we’re done for today,” he said without looking up from his cell. “We’ll do the final rehearsal with the band tomorrow, but I know you’ll be fine with the song.”

I attempted to make eye contact with him, but he was obviously trying to ignore what just happened.

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.” I stood and walked toward the door. I could feel his eyes bore into my back as I walked, but I didn’t turn to look at him.  I pulled the door open and let it slam behind me.

I walked in a trance to the car park. I imagined my eyes would be puffy and my cheeks streaked by black mascara, but I didn’t care. In that second, all I could think about was the kiss. My lips were still tingling. The feeling was proof that I hadn’t imagined the whole thing.

When we got back to the house, I headed straight upstairs in desperate need of a shower. Since we left the studio, I could smell Jayce’s scent on me, that familiar sweet scent. I needed the warm water to wash the aroma away and release the tension from my shoulders. I made my way to my chest of drawers, sifting around for something to wear, when I heard sobs coming from behind me. Rosa was sitting on her bed with a box of Kleenex by her side. She didn’t raise her head, but I could tell she was aware someone else was in the room.

“Hey, are you okay?” I asked softly as I sat on the bed next to her.

“I just spoke to my fiancé,” she wiped at the tears on her cheeks with a new Kleenex.

“Has something happened?” I asked.

“No, I’m just acting like a baby.”

I smiled at her and rubbed her back gently.

“Don’t be silly. You are allowed to miss them,” I grabbed the photo of Rosa’s family from her nightstand. “Look how gorgeous she is,” I pointed to the photo, in particular to Lily’s smiling face. “How could you not miss that face?”

Rosa laughed and I was relieved to see a smile grace her lips.

“You are doing the right thing, Rosa. Your daughter will be so very proud of you when she’s old enough to understand.”

“I almost feel like giving up and going home, that’s how much I miss her,” Rosa looked at me shyly from under her thick bangs.

“I understand,” I started. I thought of the right words that would comfort and support her. “Don’t make any rash decisions. Remember you are here for Lily... for your family.”

“I know. I have to keep reminding myself of that.”

“And don’t forget, this isn’t forever.”

Rosa nodded her head as she wiped the last of the tears from her cheeks.

“You’re right, this is a good thing for me,” Rosa smiled at me sweetly before taking me into a warm embrace.

 “I’m going to take a swim before dinner,” Rosa said, grabbing a towel from her bedside table.

“No more tears?” I asked as Rosa made her way to the bathroom to get changed.

“No more tears,” she agreed as she closed the bathroom door.

I sat on Rosa’s bed, looking at the photo in my hands. Rosa stood by her fiancé who was holding their baby girl. They all looked happy. So genuinely happy. It made my heartache as a familiar emptiness surfaced within. I found myself wondering when my happily ever after was coming, if it was coming at all.

Chapter 7

The next day I was dreading seeing Jayce. We had our final rehearsals and although I’d had a lot of time to think about it, I still didn’t know what to think of 
the kiss
. I couldn’t stop thinking about the emptiness I felt when he pulled away from me. I kept replaying the moment when he rested his forehead on mine, closing his eyes while he gently stroked my cheek with his thumb. His touch was intimate, the action heartfelt, I was sure I hadn’t imagined it. Then he’d apologized and walked away. He regretted what had happened, that much was obvious.

Emily came into the room and interrupted my thoughts. “You ready, babe? Everyone is downstairs getting in the cars.”

I spent longer than usual getting ready. I dressed in a strapless coral summer dress together with nude patent leather heels. I straightened my hair and ensured my makeup was applied impeccably. In truth, I wanted to look good for Jayce, but I would never admit that if anyone questioned me.

“Yep, let’s go.” I said, as I took one last look in the mirror.

My stomach was in knots about seeing Jayce and he seemed to be delaying the inevitable. After two hours of waiting, he had spent time with every member of his team. Everyone except me.

When I finally got word that Jayce was ready for me, I headed toward the stage. My heart always skipped a beat when I entered the large arena, but today my heart may have stopped completely. I looked around and couldn’t see the band or cameras anywhere in sight.

“Hey,” Jayce said as he saw me approach.

He looked different. His usually clear and vibrant eyes were cloudy. A long silence followed as we both waited for the other to talk.

“I just wanted to apologize for what happened yesterday,” he paused. “I was out of line, I don’t know what came over me.”

I felt my eyes brim with tears and I silently pleaded with myself not to cry.

I had gone through this scenario in my head countless times and I planned numerous responses in the event that Jayce apologized. But as I stood in front of him, I couldn’t think of any of those responses. My mind was blank.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” was all I came up with.

He nodded his head and looked at me pensively, like he wanted to say ask me a question.

“Is there anything else?” I asked.

He smiled at me lightly and then his gaze fell to the floor.

“I hate to ask this and I feel like a dick for even doing this to you, but... Did you tell anyone?”

What? That’s all he was worried about, his precious reputation?
 He didn’t care one iota about my feelings. His only concern was that the kiss might hurt his precious career.

“I didn’t say a word,” I answered, my tone flat.

He breathed a sigh of relief, obviously not sensing my hurt.

“Good. That’s good,” he smiled. “Thanks, Kyla.”

I didn’t return his smile. I was too busy concentrating on not crying all over the microphone that was in front of me.

“Let’s get started. I’ll call in the band.”

Jayce’s mood improved substantially after his apology, but I couldn’t mirror his enthusiasm. I wasn’t sure what I’d expected him to say, but pretending the kiss never happened wasn’t on my list of desirable outcomes. I was sure Jayce would send me home at the next show. He made a mistake by kissing me and the only way to fix the mess was to eliminate the problem. The problem being me.

***

I planned on going back to the house and having an early night. I wasn’t in a sociable mood, but Emily didn’t seem to get that memo.

“I was speaking to Marc today.” She sat on my bed picking at her chipped nail polish.

“And?”

“Are you already in a relationship?” she asked boldly.

“No,” I snapped. “I’ve told you I’m not seeing anybody. I just don’t want to get involved with anyone right now.”

“He. Is. Hot!” Emily looked at me seriously.

“Why don’t you go out with him then?”

“First of all, I am totally in love with Noah. Second, Marc is not into me, he is into you. And third, did you know Victoria is still lusting after him?”

“Really? I hadn’t noticed.” I had totally noticed, but I wanted to remain indifferent on the subject of Marc.

“It would crush her if you hooked up with Marc.” Emily had an evil look on her face. Evil didn’t suit her one bit.

“Kyla, I’m going to be honest with you…” I looked up at Emily’s face, concerned about where the conversation was headed. “You seem a little distant, like you’re here, but your mind is somewhere else.”

She didn’t know the half of it.

I forced a smile.

“I’m here, but I feel a little overwhelmed by the competition,” I lied. I was overwhelmed by my coach. “But I am happy. I’m happy I’ve made so many friends, like yourself and Rosa and even Marc.”

“So nothing else is going on in that pretty head of yours?” she asked.

“No. But I will make more of an effort not to be so detached.” I smiled.

“Great,” a huge grin spread across her face. “Now let’s go and get something to eat, I believe Marc is waiting for us.”

And there we were, straight back to square one.

***

It was performance day and I was convinced it would be my last day in the competition.

“Welcome to our show in honor of the broken hearted,” Nadia shouted above the cheers of the crowd. “Please welcome our coaches Dion, Pixie & Jayce.”

My eyes found Jayce on the television screen instantly. He was dressed casually, wearing blue jeans with a white tee and a gray fitted suit jacket over the top. He looked good. Really good. He still hadn’t shaven and the dark hairs that covered his jaw made him look rough and masculine.

I continued to watch as Nadia asked him what he expected from the night. He gave a longwinded answer that I was too preoccupied to listen to. I found that I couldn’t stop staring at his lips. Those plump pink lips that had met mine just days ago.

“Kyla, we need you next.” The backstage coordinators caught my attention and I rushed to the side of stage.

“Please welcome the man with many admirers, Marc.” Nadia announced and Marc squeezed his way past me and made his way on stage.